“For the longest time I was fascinated with the chemical makeup of love, and during my Intro to Psych class I learned that once you start relying on drugs it fucks up your dopamine pathway and there’s no going back. The things that made you feel happy before will no longer give you that buzzing sensation, and there’s only one solution. Now, love is something that people talk about, read about, hear about, but no one ever tells you about the days you spend in bed try to tell yourself that everything will be okay and that you’ll be happy again. Because the thing is, I mean of course you will be happy again, but nothing will ever amount to that kind of happiness. My psych teacher told us about how her first husband abused her and ruined her from the inside out. She told us how he would threaten to kill her family in a blink of an eye; a complusive liar, a manipulative devil. But she loved him so she stayed. She told me how her son would call her at 2am to tell her that he would burn her house down and that she wouldn’t sleep for days. I asked her why she didn’t call the police and her only justifiable answer was that he was her son, it wasn’t his fault that he got his father’s fucked up genetics, and that she loved him. My mother always tells me the infamous story of the Taj Mahal, every brown girl’s dream love story. We grow up with the idea of jewlery that glimmer in the moonlight and bangles that catch the slightest sunlight. We are told that it will be so epic that we will have our own palace to bathe in rosewater and candles and fresh mustard on glowing skin. She always fails to tell me the part where the king was so in love with his wife that he could not bear to think that another palace could be built like his, so to ensure that his fear could never become true he brutally had the hands of the architect’s cut off and his workers after it was completed. I spent nights as a little girl wondering if I really wanted my own king. How could a love so pure be so evil? I realized that there are two types of people in this world, one’s that give and one’s that take. There are some people that have too much love in this world that once they’ve given all of it out they have nothing left inside of them. For quite a while I refused to believed that in fact; I fell into that category, so I guess this is sort of an epiphany and writing it out makes it realer than it seems. One thing for sure, I never want to ever meet love.”
pixelskylines
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
discoholicmusic
ellievsbear
