A Guide to Trying to Parent by an Immature Dork

widower and single parent to two. graphic designer. sunshine dork.

[luvclaire]

A Shoulder to Cry On

[luvclaire]

Taking the tissues he’d offered, Claire did her best to mop up her face, at least so the makeup wasn’t running anymore, and blew her nose once. Tonight was going to be a sad music and ice cream night, once she left the concert. The trick was that she had to survive first, and that seemed like it was becoming unlikely. Especially since she and…and her ex-husband had agreed to remain friends so the kids would always have that. If she so much as sat two seats away from him, the kids might notice and that would ruin everything. The perfect ex-relationship she’d spent years building, the easy way they did handoffs and agreed on who took the kids which weekend, all of it would be ruined.

So she had to bring it together. For Sara and Zachary. That was enough to get her to wipe her eyes again, taking another tissue to wipe her eyes one more time. “Sorry,” she told Nat, actually turning her attention back to him again. He’d waited so patiently, the man deserved a medal of some kind. “It’s–you know, it’s dumb, and it’s not important, and I don’t even know why I’m crying.” The words were another lie and, as if her body was punishing her for it, tears welled up for a third time in only a few minutes.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, this time the words muffled by a sob. “I don’t w-want you to think I’m dumb.” Squeezing the tissue in her hands, Claire did her best to smile at Nat. “I mean, I’m doing such a good job seeming normal, right?” Joking, even while crying, wasn’t abnormal for her. She did it all the time, maybe too often. “But I saw T-Tommy flirting with that trampy Tiffany and I just–no.” She stopped herself, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t blame her. But he was flirting with her and…and I knew he was dating again but he never di-did it in front of me and…” She choked again, covering her eyes in case the stupid tears did come again.

[nathan-zelenko]

Why people said anything that had upset them was dumb was beyond Nat. If something was problem enough to make you cry, it could hardly be unimportant. Some things might be more upsetting than others, more serious, but that didn’t mean whatever was bothering you at this time was ‘dumb’. If his children were upset he would always ask why, he’d want to help, and he’d tell them it was ok - so why would he act like an adult’s emotions were less important? He didn’t explain this to her right now though, but waited. In Nat’s experience, sometimes keeping quiet was the best way - if he kept asking her what the problem was, she’d keep apologising. If he was quiet it was bound to spill out. 

Breakups were not really his forte. He had dated before Marina, but he’d never loved anyone before her - there had never been anyone seriously, anyone he really cared about. So he’d never had to deal with facing seeing somebody you had once loved with somebody new - or still did love? He wasn’t sure where Claire was in her feelings for Tommy. He barely knew her after all, he was only able to figure out Tommy was an ex from the context. 

He wasn’t sure what advice to give. But he rubbed her back gently and listened. He had no doubt it was hard to see - but then, you could hardly set rules, could you? He presumed you couldn’t set rules that stopped an ex-partner flirting with someone else. Certainly, if you could he’d have set up a no-flirting zone in his vicinity. So unfrotunately, he didn’t think it was a problem that could be fixed exactly. 

“Well...it is quite insensitive for him to do that in front of you” he agreed. “I mean...how long ago did you guys break up?” He was presuming, although she hadn’t said, that Tommy would be the twins father - he was here after all. Although Nat supposed Tommy could be a father of other children she had been involved with. More important right now was the fact she was feeling upset, then exactly how the two had been involved. 

[luvclaire]

A Shoulder to Cry On

[luvclaire]

For a moment, Claire considered wiping up her face as best she could, giving a last sniffle, and pretending that she wasn’t quietly sobbing in the hallway of the elementary school like the most pathetic character on one of those high school TV dramas. She really did think that it might be a good plan, actually. But then she looked up and saw Nat’s face, actually concerned for her wellbeing and not mad that she was kind of making a small scene–even if no one else was around to see it–and dropped her head back into her hands, letting out a choked little sound.

“I’m–I’ll be ok. I just…” Taking a deep breath, she willed herself to stop crying enough to look up at him. In all likelihood, she was already a mess: teary mascara streaks around her eyes from that mascara that says it’s waterproof but can’t seem to stand up to crying, red-nosed, the works. If she weren’t upset, and he were another person, she might actually feel embarrassed about that. But Nat had seemed like the kind of person who’d understand that sometimes your face is a mess, and that’s okay. He was laid back. She pulled a tissue out of her purse and wiped her eye before continuing.

“I needed a moment,” she said, sniffling one more time. “It’s fine, though. I cry at everything. Movies, books, stories online about dogs…” She chuckled. It was true, too. Not actually the reason she was crying, but true. “You could ask T–” Another little sound cut off the rest of the name, and she felt the tears rise up. “I’m sorry,” she muttered, pressing her lips together as hard as she could to keep the tears in, at least until he left. She might be a bit of a mess, but she didn’t think of herself as the sort of mess who poured her heart out with a near-stranger. Not since college and tequila night, anyway.

[nathan-zelenko]

Nobody looks attractive while crying. Nate knew he was not an attractive man when in tears. He knew that, when Marina had died...he had looked like a mess. Not even just in tears, but all the time - he hadn’t been able to sleep and had been red-rimmed eyes and black bags beneath for weeks. Months. He was hardly about to judge her for the slightly smudged mascara and red cheeks. The truth was as well, he wasn’t looking at her as a woman and judging her looks. He was looking at her as a person who was unhappy and Nat wanted to help. So the only thing that concerned him was that she was unhappy.

Digging into his coat pocket he pulled out a packet of tissues. As a father with young children he had to be prepared. So he was always carrying things and had bulging coat pockets. Mothers at least could carry handbags stuffed with these essentials, but Nat hadn’t embraced that metrosexual look - sometimes he had no choice but to get a rucksack but most of the time he relied on his coat pockets, with Alex sometimes referred to as ‘magic’ for the supply of tissues, bandages, spare socks and pens he managed to cram in. 

“Here” he said gently, handing her the tissues. “If you cry so much you should be prepared” he told her, teasing very slightly. Pressing the half-used packet into her hand, he moved his hand to her back and rubbed gently along the line of her spine. 

Some people do cry easily, he knew that. But something still triggered it, even if whatever started it wouldn’t have made others cry. 

“Parents are meant to cry during the concern not before. So c’mon. What’s up?” he asked, the tone kind but insistent. He wasn’t asking just to be polite, he was asking to see if he could help. Even if the only way he could help was as a shoulder to lean on while she spilled out what was bothering her. 

[luvclaire]

A Shoulder to Cry On

The thing was, Claire was over her ex-husband. Yes, the first few months had been hard. Lots of Ben & Jerry’s and Katherine Zeta-Jones movies, and late nights where she had to assure the twins between bouts of crying that that was just a sad movie Mommy was watching. It had taken her well over a year to get to the point that she could be casual when she saw him, but the thing was, she’d gotten to that point. They exchanged pleasantries. The both went to the kids’ last birthday. She was over him. Over him enough to sit by him at the twins’ recital, and over him enough not to awkwardly avoid him.

Certain she was over him, it took Claire a moment to realize why her heart was in her throat as she watched him charming Tiffany Pewter. Mrs. Pewter was still married, of course, but everyone knew her marriage was on the rocks, and that both of them were seeing other people. Which was, by itself fine, except that suddenly Claire wanted to vomit at the thought of her seeing Tommy. That, for whatever reason, was where she drew the line. Tommy cracked a mediocre joke, his eyes that gleaming honey-color, that adorably devilish smile curling up his lips, and Claire didn’t even blame Tiffany for her blush while she laughed. Heck, she’d been on the receiving end of his charms; she knew they were pretty irresistible when you were with him.

On the outside, however, it was like torture, and she didn’t want to put herself through it any longer. Excusing herself from the pair, she hurried out as gracefully as she could manage, letting the door slam shut behind her in a decidedly ungraceful motion. Outside of the auditorium, she slumped against the wall, sliding into the chair with her head in her hands. She was over him. Done sobbing into her ice cream about him. So why was she crying?

[nathan-zelenko]

Alek might only have one surviving parent - but that didn’t mean he was poorly supported during school concerts and the little plays the teachers were so fond of putting on. Nat always attended, and he brought Kitty, Nat’s parents and his mother-in-law were committed to attending, and sometimes his siblings and Alek’s cousins would be there as well. This was actually a ‘small’ Zelenko family gathering, just Nat, Kitty and the grandparents. Nat was always grateful for his family’s presence - not to sound antisocial, but it kept the other parents at bay. Mothers who flirted and fawned over him when he was alone at the school gates didn’t dare approach when he was flanked by two elderly ladies, and he was glad for that. 

But, sat with Kitty perched on his knee, he did notice one parent who wouldn’t have minded speaking to - and saw her flee the room suddenly. A frown of concern crossed his face. The usual reason any parent disappeared suddenly was a child related emergency - but she hadn’t headed for backstage, where he presumed Sara and Zach were - and he wondered if she was OK. Some people might have wondered and then turned away and continued with their lives, but Nat wasn’t like that. And whilst he didn’t know Claire, he had liked her. 

“Maty” he said, using the Ukrainian form of the word which was one of the few words of the language he had known before he met Marina, “Could you take Kitty for a moment? I just need to go check something” he said, passing the toddler over to his mother and getting to his feet rapidly. To avoid questions he moved quickly, exiting the auditorium at a brisk walk - and stopped short.

“Claire?” he said, although of course he knew it was her. Sitting beside her, not entirely sure if she’d want company, he leaned forward, all the more worried as it became clear she was upset. “What’s wrong?”

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

“You’re probably right. I guess I’m still not used to it,” she admitted, resting her head on the heel of her palm. “It seems wrong though, right? If you want your little Annabelle or whatever to get along with all the other girls and be beloved and whatnot, wouldn’t you teach her to be nice and sweet and everything?” She took a final sip of her coffee and groaned. “Unless they have it right and I’m raising my kids to be wussies. God, who knew parenting would be hard?”

As if on cue, she heard a yell from down the hall. Her head shot up as she tried to distinguish the words. “Mommy’s here!” It was Zach. He was going through a mama’s boy stage, a fact which Claire not-so-secretly reveled in. Not that she was petty, but him crying when Tommy came to pick them up did boost her ego just a little. “Mommy!” The last syllable was dragged out for what seemed like an eternity, growing louder as her little boy ran into the room, crashing hard into the legs of the chair she was sitting at.

“Oof. Hey, Zach-o. How’s my little speed demon?” she asked, cupping his chin with her hand.

“Good.” He paused, and an older kid might as how she was doing in reply, but he was not there yet. “Alek has a trampoline.” Her little boy was articulate enough, but he still couldn’t say his ‘l’ sound quite right, so it came out like “Awek.” Claire smiled at the little quirk, nodding. “Can we have a trampoline?”

“Not at Mommy’s house. Mommy’s yard is too small,” She responded, scooping him up and giving him a big kiss on the cheek. He wiped it off with a ‘yuck,’ but he wasn’t really mad, she could tell. “Where’s your sister?”

“SARA!” he yelled in response, directly into Claire’s ear, she turned to Nat and made a face, like she was apologizing for him pretty much yelling in his direction as well.

A rumble of footsteps later, and her daughter was there as well, hair sticking up in all directions, paint covering a few strands. “Mommy Mommy Mommy did you know I can use my hair as a paintbrush? It’s not so long though. Can I grow my hair long so I can paint more?”

Claire blinked, not registering the question properly, and then put Zach down to pick Sara up instead. “Ask your Dad,” she said, not bothering to try and straighten her little girl’s appearance out. “You kids ready to go?” Their responses were to talk over one another, one of them about having chicken nuggets for dinner, and the other to ask about watching a movie before bathtime. Laughing, she decided to take that as a yes. “Did you say thank you to Alek and Kitty’s dad?”

“Thank you,” the twins chorused, already running off to get their shoes and say goodbye to their friends.

“Thank you,” Claire echoed, picking up her mug along with his and taking them to the sink. She’d have a second to wash them while the kids got themselves ready to go. “I really, really appreciate it.”

[nathan-zelenko]

Nat shrugged with a wry smile, normally what she means. People had been raising children for thousands of years - you think by now there would be a formula. But everyone had different ideas, and in a world that kept changing, it was impossible to know if you were doing things right. Nat suspected things were actually harder for them now then they had been in the past, because society was so much more focused on children, but he didn’t have time to voice this feeling before a human cannonball arrived. 

He grinned down at Zach, and at the boy’s summoning of his sister he had to laugh. The noise levels didn’t bother him - not while Kitty was awake at any rate. They were just children full of enthusiasm. Trying to quash that out wasn’t a good idea. 

“You’re welcome” he assured them with a smile at their thanks, allowing Claire to take his mug as he stepped to the kitchen door and peeped through to check on Kitty, who was yawning tiredly even as she carefully crayoned Cinderella’s dress blue - some children got creative and gave their own spin to their favourite characters. Not his daughter. In two strides he had picked her up in his arms, where she pillowed a flushed cheek against his shoulder as he stepped back into the kitchen.

“Oh you don’t have to wash though - honestly, it’s fine. And you’re welcome. They were a pleasure. We’ll have to figure out something else for the kids” he said, a genuine smile on his face. It’d be nice to have Alex play with children whose mother he could actually be friends with. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

Whenever anyone praised her kids, for anything, Claire beamed. They were her pride and joy, cheesy as that was. She was a proud of all of their accomplishments, big and small, but hearing other parents, especially parents she liked, praise her kids was something else all together. “Thanks. From what I’ve heard and seen, Alek and Kitty are pretty good in that department as well.” Certainly, her kids thought so, and wasn’t that what mattered? As long as the parents were nice enough, and her kids liked the other kids, Claire tried to be flexible. 

His mock-horror made Claire laugh all the more. “I’m sure it’s shocking to you. My kids are so neat and tidy, right?” she remarked. Actually, truth be told, Zach wasn’t as bad as either she or Sara. But even he was hardly one of those kids with the nicely pressed shirts, always washing their hands and refusing to touch dirt. No, her kids were little mudballs more often than not, especially in the spring when there were puddles begging to be splashed in. “Oh, god! Sara was in Hunter’s group for some project and–their house is a museum! I was worried about ruining their chairs by sitting on them!”

In another life, Claire probably would have been friends with some of the PTA moms, actually. She’d been pretty social, and usually didn’t let things like snobbery get in the way of her boundlessly outgoing habits. But they were just so mean about her, and always excluding her from things just because she had to work and–ugh, it ruined her good mood just thinking about it. 

“Well that’s–” She cut herself off before she could finish the sentence. She didn’t know why they pitied him or were awkward around him, after all. For her, it was obvious; her divorce from a man Juniper Wallstone, treasurer of the PTA, called ‘delectable’. But, other than his wife not being around, there didn’t seem to be anything out of place in his life. “That’s very typical of them, anyway. You should consider yourself lucky. I just get rude whispers and stares.” Not that it bothered her. She didn’t let it bother her, unless she’d had one too many glasses of red wine.

“Oooh! Sounds like my kind of PTA! Can we still do bake sales, though? I love a good bake sale.” She grinned. Baking adorable rainbow cupcakes with her kids had been the only good thing about this years’ million fundraisers and events she felt like she had to do, even when she didn’t have time.

[nathan-zelenko]

He wasn’t quite sure why she cut herself off then. Did she know why they pitied him? Nat knew of course - the fact he was a widower...it was different to be being divorced. Divorce was common in this day and age, a fact he wasn’t judging but was acknowledging. Losing your wife or husband so long to circumstances outside your control was more unusual, and in most people’s eyes, more tragic. The PTA members had heard and had at one point tried to mother him, but he’d hated the pity in their eyes. Nat didn’t need, or want, pity from strangers. From his family it had been different, but otherwise...just no. 

In truth, by this point, Nat didn’t think of himself as being that unlucky. He wasn’t lucky, certainly. Having your beloved wife die and leaving you when  you were so young (he thought of himself as young, at any rate) isn’t a good thing. But they’d been happy, which was more then he could say about some marriages. Nat’s personal philosophy was that it was better to have had happiness for awhile, then not at all.

Or perhaps she didn’t know, and was trying to avoid having to ask. He supposed one way would have been to just reveal the information, but he didn’t feel like that either. People only had two stock answers - ‘I’m so sorry’ and ‘That must be so difficult’, both of which made further conversation more difficult. So he left it. 

“From what I can tell, they whisper to everyone. You’d think adults would know better. How are you meant to teach your children to be kind and accepting if you’re acting like judgemental bitchy teenagers?” But then maybe teaching ‘kindness’ was less of a priority to other parents - who know. 

“Provided I don’t have to decorate my baked offerings that I’m ok with” he said with a grin. Baking cookies was one thing. Making fancy decorated fairy cakes was quite another. There were only so many parent skills one man could master - and Nat had never been artistic. “But there will be nobody allowed to ask if the cakes are organic. Or gluten free. I can’t stand the health food craze that acts like gluten is this terrible evil thing”. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

He made a good point. Claire had to tip her head to that. “Oh, god, probably. Or something even more creative. She’s got quite the imagination.” Honestly, that was one of the best features her little girl had. Between her and her twin, the kids could create universes far more clever than anything Claire had ever come up with as a kid. They probably got it from Tommy. He was…well. She missed that part of their relationship, for sure. His comment about shoes, however, brought a laugh out of her. “I got lucky. Sara liked to lose the left shoe, and Zach would lose the other. I just started buying them identical pairs of shoes so neither of them would know the difference.” It was a plan that worked perfectly up until they grew into toddler shoes, when suddenly boys’ and girls’ shoes had different patterns, but by then the twins were mostly keeping their shoes on.

As Nat gestured to his house, Claire had to smile. “Oh, our house looks just about the same.” She considered that for a moment, then amended her statement. “Well, maybe a little neater. But the kids were with their father and I had company coming over, so I tried to control the madness.” Tried, and failed. And the company, a guy, was something she tried and failed too. It was starting to feel like finding her The One was going to be hopeless, in this awful world of online dating and app profiles. Claire wanted sweeping-you-off-your-feet and meet-cutes and serendipity; she couldn’t help herself. “I think if the PTA moms saw our living room, they’d blacklist my kids, to be honest,” she whispered conspiratorially.

[nathan-zelenko]

“From this evening, seems like both your twins have an impressive imagination” he said, and it was clear from his smile and his tone he approved. Children who spent all their time being told about the realities of the world were being crushed in his opinion. Let them dream. Her shoe pla got a full laugh from him though. Now that was genius. 

For a moment at her confession her home was almost as bad he feigned shock, one hand on his chest in an admittedly camp, dramatic pose as he gasped. “You mean I’ve been associating with somebody with an untidy home?” he asked, his eyes wide, his tone astonished and horrified, before he dropped his hand, grinned at her as he relaxed his pose and said simply, in the tone of a parent with too much to do same, “Same. Which is why I have done by very best to nip any signs of friendship with Alex and Hunter Daley in the bud - I’m not having the Head of the PTA seeing this place”. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t like the PTA, it was just...OK he didn’t. Not really. In their school they were mostly stay at home Moms, and that he understood because they were more likely to have the time for such a committee, whereas mothers with careers had too much else in their schedule. But they were all so insufferably smug. They were the popular girls from school who had never changed, who still looked down their nose, and thought the label that you wore or the lunch you packed mattered more than the love and time you gave your children. Nat just could not be dealing with that. 

“Luckily, I think they both pity me and feel awkward of me, so they’ve largely left me alone to date. We should start an alternative PTA. For rebellious parents. With messy homes, who believe teachers know what they’re doing, and who don’t want to sew half a dozen complicated costumes for the Nativity play in their precious free time”. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

“I can’t imagine,” Claire said. Well, she could imagine. But in her imagination, it was a bouncy-house. And while she’d considered maybe letting the twins have a trampoline, only deciding against it because the neighbors did not mind sharing theirs, she could not justify buying them a bouncy house. Even if she could afford one. How much did bouncy-houses cost anyway?

It wasn’t important. Claire turned her attention back to the man in front of her. He had a nice laugh, infectious. She laughed too. Most of her time was spent with her kids or with her work, these days. And her kids brought her laughter, but there wasn’t usually someone to laugh with. So his laughing with her felt good.

“Well, you never know. He might grow up a total pencil pusher!” She grinned. “Don’t tell anyone, especially Sara, but I wanted to be a mermaid when I was a little girl. I kept trying to push my feet together and telling my mom that I had to stay in the bath longer so I could become part fish. I don’t want her getting any ideas. I made such a mess of he bathroom.” Not that she minded mess particularly. It was actually one of the fun parts of being with kids. No, she minded cleaning messes. She hadn’t been a clean person before she became a mother and now, she rather struggled to maintain a semblance of order at all.

[nathan-zelenko]

“You don’t think she’s already got mermaid dreams of her own?” he queried. “I thought that was a ‘standard’ little girl dream. Mind you, my wife told me once that her dream growing up was to be Heidi - you know the book with the little mountain girl? - and she used to refuse to wear shoes to be more like her hero. Maybe all little girls just hate their shoes - all little kids even. Alek used to have a talent for getting his sneakers off as a toddler and losing them everywhere”. 

Although actually, even as he said it, he thought about his little Kitty who was a stickler for looking nice, and would never dream of removing her shoes or dirtying her socks - which were invariably lace trimmed or frilly, to suit her girly desires and wishes. Nat had had doubts about painting her room pink when he and Marina found out they were expecting a girl - he had worried it would pigeon hole her, assuming she’d be into Barbies and candy floss colours. But Kitty adored everything stereotypically girly, and showed no signs of turning into a tomboy despite the fact she lived with her Dad and her brother. 

“I think let her dream. And make a mess. But then - I do believe in mess” he said, gesturing towards the rest of his house with the hand not holding his mug. He believed it was healthy for children to be exposed to a few germs and their own chaos - good for the imagination. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

Her parents generosity was probably really impressive sounding to an outsider, but Claire was the only child likely to have any kids on her side. She had a brother–gay, married, and sworn off children–and that was it. So all her parents’ dreams of lots of little grandchildren running around were all put on her shoulders. And with Tommy gone and her dating prospects not exactly ideal, it seemed like Zach and Sara were always going to be it. Which her parents never complained about. They just spoiled her kids rotten. That was, when Tommy wasn’t spoiling them.

Still she chuckled, nodding, putting her hand over her heart. “You have my word. And they’re both good sharers, so when he comes to visit, if he wants a turn, he’s welcome. Although I’m sure Sara would rather go to the neighbor’s house and bounce on the trampoline, and Zach is always trying to build Lego City or something…” She shrugged, waving her hand a little. Her kids, mercifully, had a lot of interests, which made it easy when they had playdates. Well, easy for the kids. Exhausting, running around for her. But she loved it.

Claire was happy enough with what she did. It paid well enough that she could support her kids. It rarely forced her on trips away from them. The only problem was that it didn’t exactly bring her to meet people. In the books she read–all romance novels, though she’d deny it if anyone described them like that–women were always meeting men because of work. They were advertising executives meeting models for shoots, or journalists going on the road with athletes and musicians. In her job, the only people she met were other market research analysts, and the occasional advertising rep. Not exactly romantic stuff. 

His job, on the other hand, sounded zany. Not exactly romantic either, but at least quirky. Artsy, perhaps. And mostly pretty unimaginable. Claire was pretty good with 1′s and 0′s on a computer, and excellent at navigating statistics softwear or any kind, but actually designing on a computer? No way. She would get lost in it, she was sure. “Well. I don’t know about you, but I always said ‘Mommy, I want to work a 9-to-5 with okay benefits and respectable pay,’” she joked, laughing a little. 

[nathan-zelenko]

“That trampoline has made Alek very popular” he admitted with a laugh. “All kids seem to love it. Even the ones used to spending all their time in front of TVs get excited. Not cheap and takes up half my garden but worth it for the enjoyment they get” he said with a grin. Luckily Nathan had never wanted to be a gardener, so that wasn’t a problem to him that he had half the yard taken up by a trampoline and another section containing a playhouse for Kitty that she was too young for really but was waiting for her. There wasn’t space left for flowerbeds, or anything but a lawn he was forced to keep mowed so that Alek and his friends could get to the trampoline. 

Her comment made him laugh again - not a rare thing though. Nat had always been one for finding things funny. That was what had helped him survive losing his wife - the first few weeks had been...awful. It was like when Marina died she took his heart as well as his smile and capacity to joy. But he’d survived, and soon he’d begun to smile at Alek’s antics again. He still missed his wife, but the fact he’d always been a happy person...it seemed to have been what kept him alive. Kept him going.

But these days he found children funnier then grown ups normally. Kids and their odd questions, their abrupt honesty, their dreams. Too many grown ups bored him, all talk of tax bands and housing prices, the economy and immigration. And then other single moms...well the would talk about other things with him but they usually made him uncomfortable. All flirting and innuendo. Nat had put that in his past. Their overt overtures made him embarassed not pleased. 

Meeting somebody funny and easy to talk to in a relaxed fashion was a pleasant change. 

“Now if only Alek were as sensible as you! Mind you he probably takes after me. I was convinced as a child I wouldn’t just be a spaceman but that I would discover aliens and learn their languages. I was going to be an interpreter” he said with a nostalgic smile. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

Aging is so hard. Claire couldn’t even really deal with imagining her babies growing up. Sometimes she felt like she could handle it, but other times the thought made her feel awful. Especially on days where she felt like they were slipping from her fingers, and Tommy didn’t seem to feel like that. “I know the feeling,” she agreed, leaning against the heel of her hand and trying not to feel reminiscent. “I’m not sure I could handle another set of twins, but another baby…” She sighed. Those had been good times. Her marriage was still working and her little family was happy and together and everything was just. Right.

But this wasn’t about her. She looked up, a small shrug ending her thoughts on her own issues. Again, Nathan had a sort of look that had her curious. Like he was ashamed of wanting more kids. But 2 wasn’t exactly 12. It wasn’t like he had a whole baseball team or anything like that. 

The topic of grandparents, on the other hand, had her eyes rolling so hard it almost her. Her parents were brutal when it came to spoiling the twins. Thank god they only had one set. Then again, maybe her parents would lay off a little if they had other grandparents picking up the slack. Knowing her dad, probably not. “Well,” she said with a shrug. “Alex is a bright boy. I’m sure he’ll figure it out.” Not that she had any basis to believe that. It was just a thing parents said to other parents. “Mine are all gifts all the time. No hard-knocks, no tough chores. Just a new iPad mini for each kid. And then they scold me for giving the kids too much screen time.” She rolled her eyes again and sipped her drink.

“I really mean it,” she clarified, giving him a firm nod. She tried to avoid making offers like that for parents whose kids were brats. Or when the parents were brats. Claire wasn’t good at sucking up to other adults or hiding it from other kids, so if she was going to have another person’s kids in her care, she wanted it to be all good. 

His change in subject didn’t bother her. She didn’t like to talk about the divorce. It went against what she believed in–love and true love and being in true love and marrying your true love–but she didn’t mind talking about her work. “Oh! I’m a market research analyst. I take data about how people feel about products and…” She stopped, the sentence dying out. “It’s. Boring. What do you do? What kind of deadlines do you have?”

[nathan-zelenko]

Her look of foolish longing was mirrored on his face. Nat had a theory there were two types of parents - those with sense who stopped early, and those ruled by their heart who would always want another little one to love. Marina would have been the former - he was definitely the latter. But fate had stopped him at two, and two were quite enough to handle - on your own anyway. All the family assistance was appreciated, but it wasn’t the same as their second parent in the same house every day. 

The gifts from her own parents had him whistling out loud, the noise high pitched and an exclamation of surprise. He supposed he was lucky there were a few grandchildren on each side and it would have been a case of buying an iPad for one meant buying them for all - a considerable expense when you have five or six to purchase. For that he was grateful. Nat loved technology - it had shaped his entire career after all - but he wanted his children to have a more traditional upbringing, with outside play and old fashioned games as much as modern television, and he was lucky his family generally concurred. 

“Don’t let them tell Alex that, he’ll be jealous. Very generous of them” he added, diplomatically. He wasn’t about to insult her parents or in-laws. It’s always dangerous to make disparaging remarks about the family of your friends, and bordering on foolish to do it to those who you barely knew. 

Boring was actually how he’d have described her job as well, that sort of thing never interested him - but he also knew his own occupation was no more exciting in the eyes of other people.

“I design websites. All coding and revisions for customers. Also boring” he told her with a wry smile. “Mind you, most adults I know have boring jobs that no kids ever wanted for themselves. Hardly anyone gets to actually be an astronaut after all”. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

A soft smile filled Claire’s face. Of course, she loved her little Big Kids, with their growing personalities that charmed and infuriated her in equal measure, but she missed the days when Sara was young like Kitty. Zach too. There was nothing like the closeness between a parent and a toddler, except maybe the closeness between a parent and an infant. But infants were so passive. Claire enjoyed so much more how her toddlers had been able to shower her with affection in response to hers. Although, she wondered if that was marred in some way by hers and Tommy’s split. Actually, she was always afraid that her split with Tommy had caused problems. “It’ll be fun.”

The short hair. God. She tried not to be annoyed about it. but she couldn’t help it. Mostly, she and Tommy got along pretty well, but that had been quite the fight. “Her father let her cut it short the first time. I was on a business trip, and when I got back, her hair was practically a foot shorter. She’s a cutie, though, so I can’t be too mad.” Sara would always be her baby girl–long hair or short. And the short hair, it turned out was easier to care for. She just wished Tommy had asked beforehand. She would have said no, at the time, but that wasn’t the point. 

She laughed, nodding in understanding. Her family, too, had become quite the village. Her constant assurances that Tommy had partial custody, or that the kids were always cared for, didn’t seem to assuage any of their fears. It turned out that they all wanted to get their hands on the kids’ upbringing. Especially since her divorce. “I know what you mean. I just wish the village were less determined to spoil my kids.” She huffed a little, not actually that mad, but happy to play the part.

“Oh, the usual. I got caught up on work. My real kid-less time is this weekend,” she explained. Then, because she didn’t want him getting the wrong idea, she added, “Not that this wasn’t super helpful. I have to say, I’m very grateful. And if you ever need me to return the favor…” she trailed off, with a small smile. She’d be happy to babysit, especially if she could have both kids.

[nathan-zelenko]

Nathan would have agreed with her - toddlers were so precious. He loved the questions, the constant changes, the continuing discoveries. They were growing so fast and changing all the time, always learning new words, mastering new skills. Mind you, he also loved the age Alex was at. Learning to read, full of stories about school every day, developing properly into a little person. He was excited about the idea of them getting older, the personalities always emerging and developing, growing up - babies were precious but now was when children really felt like people. 

“That’s for sure. It’s one of those things though when you’re - so eager for them to get older, so you can see how they turn out and have the new adventures - but I also miss how they were when they were small. Makes me wish I had one more” he admitted with a rueful, almost embarassed smile. He was so lucky to have two of them, asking for more seemed greedy. Not to mention impossible. 

“Ahh that’s the role of grandparents though!" He pointed out with a slight smile. “Although my in-laws always send them mixed messages, confuses Alex a lot at this age. One moment telling him how lucky he is to have food and a safe house - they left Ukraine during the second World War” he added quickly, in explanation. “The next buying him things he doesn’t need. He’s a little young to figure that out” he said, but there was nothing annoyed in his expression. Nathan was lucky to love his in-laws as much as he did. There had never been any arguments. 

“I’ll bear the offer in mind if I ever have a deadline to meet” he said, and for once meant it. Sometimes he’d fake-accept such offers, sure he didn’t want those parents getting their hands on his kids and rubbing the bad habits their own children had off. But he did like like. And the twins were fine - the sort of usual misbehaving mischief he considered perfectly normal and certainly didn’t mind. 

From her comment he had guessed she was separated from the children’s father, a very different situation to his own. One he wasn’t really sure how to respond to, because he couldn’t imagine what it must be like. 

“What do you do for a living?” He asked, changing the subject slightly as he took another swig of his drink. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

There were a lot of words Claire suspected people would use to describe her, if you asked. Romantic. Loving. Sensitive. Airheaded. Smart was rarely one of them. Quick was about as common as smart. She didn’t think of herself as stupid, per se. Just, not perceptive. It wasn’t something she was ashamed of. It was just a part of her reality. But even for Claire, something was off about the things Nathan was saying. That he had to learn to braid hair. That he was the only parent. And suddenly, it clicked. There was no mom. They were separated, or something. She was almost embarrassed at how long it took her to notice his little phrasings. She should know better, right? As a fellow single parent, she should know better.

“Oh, well, if you ever need help, you can call me. I’ve got plenty of experience from Sara, and even if I didn’t, Sara fancies herself a personal fashion assistant. She picks out all my best clothes.” And by best, Claire meant brightest and most colorful. But she liked those clothes, so obviously Sara was on to something. Tommy’d say he’d inherited her sense of color, and that was it, but Tommy was a party-pooper and there was a reason they were no longer together. So, Claire preferred to think her little girl was a future fashion icon. “And the braids too, although Sara prefers her hair short, so I’m no expert at that.”

She shrugged a little. It wasn’t important. “No, I think two parents is about the same. Or…I dunno. Maybe it’s different when they’re–” she stopped herself there. Together? Actually in love? Happy? There were lots of things that would have made the last couple years different. Better. But Claire tried not to dwell on that. Tommy was a better father than she’d been afraid of. That was what mattered. “Maybe for some families, it’s different, but I suspect no number of parents would make raising a child easy. That’s why they say it takes a village, right?”

[nathan-zelenko]

It was no secret that Nathan was a single parent. He’d never pretended otherwise, although obviously he didn’t wear a t-shirt that advertised the fact. Nathan had told Alex about Marina as much as possible, and he assumed his son had mentioned it before to his friends. There had been a few awkward moments in his time, especially since Alex started school. Single dads were the minority, single mothers were still far more usual and there had been some interest in him. He was never quite sure how to take it. His family had dropped subtle hints he might want to consider dating again three years on, even Marina’s mother had told him it would be fine. It was just...he hadn’t found anyone yet. And he wasn’t going to force the matter, or date somebody just because they were both single parents and had this in common. 

Kitty was the only girl in his life these days.

“I guess I’ll have that to look forward to in a few years” he said, chuckling at the idea Kitty would be critiquing his style. Although he would certainly be less fun to dress than Claire. Guys fashion had always been dull. 

“I can’t bear the idea of Kitty wanting short hair” he admitted. “Sara is so cute, but I love that Kitty’s hair”. Her waves were still baby soft and just touching her shoulders, but she looked so precious. Actually his son had unusually long hair as well, Alex’s hair was down to his shoulders as well, but that was how Alex liked it so he hadn’t bothered to cut it. 

“Yeah, my family seem very keen on the village idea” he admitted chuckling. "Sometimes frustratingly so". Right from the beginning everyone seemed to assume he couldn’t have managed the most basic of things without all their help. That had only really made him want to manage alone to prove he could. 

Taking a sip of her coffee he nodded toward her. “So did you get to do anything exciting with your childfree hours?” he asked curiously. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

Claire followed the pair in. It was charming, the way the father and daughter interacted. Tommy was an okay father, she guessed, but he was never casually affectionate with either of the kids. Then again, they lived with her. She had majority custody. So, that might be why. Still, Nathan seemed like a very loving dad, which was always a good thing. They probably had a lovely family, him and his kids and his wife.

Following him further into the kitchen, Claire wondered whether it would be rude to just start doing dishes, or sweeping, or something. Not that the place was a sty or anything, but it wasn’t perfectly tidy; she knew getting around to that was hard after a full day of working and watching kids; and anyway she wasn’t above rolling her sleeves up and diving in there. “Oh, god, you’re so kind. Uh, a mocha would be awesome.” Claire had always had something of a sweet tooth–something her ex, and both of her kids definitely shared–only drinking coffee out of pure necessity.

“I’m glad to hear that. It would stink if you had to tell me that they were awful, and then I’d have to punish them and…ugh,” she groaned dramatically, as if the whole thing would be a hassle she wouldn’t want to go through with. “She seems like a good girl. And all apologies aside, she’s so cute. I miss Sara being that age. All those little dresses–precious!” She sighed, leaning against the counter casually. “Twins are…well, I guess I don’t know, since I’ve never had just one kid before,” she explained with a small shrug. “But they’re definitely a challenge. Still, they’ve always got a playmate. Or they would, if they’d ever even agree on sharing an activity.” Her kids didn’t fight as much as other kids she’d seen, but they didn’t exactly get along either. “Still, I don’t have to juggle two kids at different stages. That’s gotta be just as hard, right?”

[nathan-zelenko]

Nodding at her order he began to gather the required implements - the pretty floral mug he pulled out the cupboard for her suggesting that the house hadn’t always been like this. Hadn’t always been scruffy and child-focused, but there had once been a design and a person with taste behind it all. ‘English Country Cottage’ had been the look Marina went for, shabby chic, all wooden furniture painted white and pretty cushions and scented candles. He wondered if her presence would have kept the place looking nicer. Though she was gone, his wife still crossed his mind so often, he spoke to her in the recesses of his brain. Nat supposed he’d never really stop missing her. But it didn’t absorb him, and he was listening to Claire as she spoke, chuckling at her words. 

“Yeah - the dresses thing is the thing I most worry about. I mean, I’m learning what I can - Kitty has one of those doll heads little girls play hairdresser with and when she’s asleep I practice plaits for when she’s ready for kindergarten - but that’s the hardest part as a Dad. Knowing how do do the cute look right. I swear she’s already more stylish than I am”. It was adorable, and yet still somehow difficult to hear - Kitty scolding him because those shoes wouldn’t go with this dress. He didn’t know who she knew this stuff - maybe the afternoon shopping trips with Grandma or maybe it was just built into that second X chromosome - but he always felt scolded when he got it wrong. 

He grinned at the twins, curious about them. Nat had siblings himself, but not a twin - there were no twins on either side of his family actually. He had always believed the idea twins were especially close, almost psychically linked - but that hadn’t seen the case with her two, though they hadn’t really argued. Just bickered. Maybe the close and unique twin bond he’d heard of only worked when they were the same sex. 

“I don’t know - it was harder when Kitty was younger, and before Alex started kindergarten, when I had them both home all day and trying to juggle work. But I don’t know. Maybe looking after kids is always hard, regardless of the combination” he said with a chuckle, handing her a mug and leaning against the counter. “Even with two parents, I don’t think it’s so much easier, judging from the rest of my family”. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

Claire was nothing if not willing to admit she was wrong. It was one of her few really good skills, if you asked her while she was feeling sentimental. Or tipsy. Either way. Putting her hand over her heart, she looked the young girl dead in the eye, refused to let out even the smallest giggle, and said, “Excuse me. I had no idea. I’m terribly sorry,” in the most absolutely solemn voice she could. Claire had never been the best at picking up other kids’ moods, and she hadn’t meant to hurt the little girl. 

Following the man’s gesture, she stepped passed the threshold, into the house. It was nice, homey and exactly the kind of house she wished she could pull off keeping. “It’s nice to meet you, too,” Claire responded, giving him a gracious smile. She was grateful, so grateful, that he had offered to watch her kids, even for a few hours. Knowing his home was pretty was just like icing on the cake. Her kids had a friend–friends–who live in a nice, homey house! That was a relief to her in the chaos that was her recent years. Plus, the last few kids who had invited Sara over had all been either hippies or alternative-livestyle-enthusiasts who don’t believe in eating sugars of any kind, or miltantly strict and scheduled. Zach’s peers’ parents were a little less crazy, but only by a hair. Except for the family who actually collected human hair. They were crazier.

“Really? Oh, god, I’m so relieved to hear that. Sometimes they can be a little…you know…extra when they’re around other kids’ parents,” she explained. Or attempted to explain. Twins seemed to find their way into more trouble than two single children ever could. Or, that was Claire’s experience. She was no expert. “I’m sure they loved it,” she added, grinning. “Zach loves anything involving jumping. And Sara…well, she’s kind of a home-body, but in a sweet way. Or, I think she’s sweet. But I guessed I’m biased. And, anyway, she loves Alek. The only kid she talks about more is Greta, and Greta’s her carpool buddy.” Maybe she was rambling a little, but she so rarely spent time with other parents, she felt like she needed to make up for it somehow.

His offer was touching, especially since she’d definitely missed her last cup because of a meeting. It was exhausting. “Oh, god, I don’t want to put you out any…” she trailed off, not wanting to have to explain himself further. “How’re you doing, though? Can I help you with anything? Cleaning? Last-minute snacks? Something like that?” she looked around, a little jealous of how in-control he seemed to be about everything. Ever since Tommy, she hadn’t felt like she had enough of a handle on things to throw a playdate like this for either of her kids, let alone a playdate with two kids.

[nathan-zelenko]

He couldn’t help but smirk at Claire’s serious response - he liked that she was taking his daughter’s dignity so seriously, but it was still just endearing and amusing. But he hid the smile from Kitty by pressing a kiss to her hair, sharing a look with Claire over the toddler’s head, before pulling away as Kitty nodded seriously. 

“I sept your apology” Kitty told the stranger as Nat waved her into the house and closed the door behind Claire. Better for keeping in the warm that way. He didn’t hurry them through the house though, both arms beneath Kitty to support her weight as he listened to the mother chatter. It was always nice to have an adult conversation. Working from home and being a single parent meant it sometimes felt like a long time between talking to people at least roughly his own age. 

“Come on through - coffee will be no trouble” he assured her. Nathan led the way through his dining room, where he paused for a moment to put Kitty down on a chair and snagged her a colouring book and some crayons from a scruffy drawer in the sideboard. “Kitty, I’m going to make Ms Roth some coffee - you stay here and colour like a good girl” he said, smoothing her blonde hair down before heading into the kitchen. 

Switching on the machine which had been his Christmas parents from his brother - helping him maintain a habit like his old Starbucks addiction from home - he indicated an array of choices. “Latte, espresso, mocha -  what’s your poison? Or I make tea” he added. “No need for you to do anything - cleaning not required. This level of chaos is the normal for my house” he added, chuckling slightly to himself as he began to prepare himself a latte.

Cleaning was never top of his priorities. Partly that had always been more Marina’s forte - she had been the organised one. But also, having lost his wife, he had come to the conclusion that they were more important things. When he looked back on the five years they’d had together - the five happiest years of his life in many ways - he treasured all the time they’d spent together. The dinner dates. The afternoon picnics. The cocktail nights, the breakfasts, the evenings they’d gone dancing, their holidays together - never once did he stop, look back, and think ‘I wish our skirting boards had been cleaner’. So he didn’t worry so much about tidying and focused instead of playing with his children, making them happy - and a little mess never hurt anyone. 

“They were pretty energetic” he admitted, returning to the topic of her children. “Must be tough having two that age. But they’re both good kids - I had fun with them, Alek had a good time. Kitty is a little weary but she’s always been old ahead of her time” he added with a chuckle. 

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

[luvclaire]

Well, she wasn’t late, at least. Claire was a lot of things, and she liked to believe that punctual was at least normally one of them. And today, she wasn’t late. She had that going for her, even if her meeting had gone horribly; she was out of mac ‘n’ cheese–Zachary was going through one of those phases where he only ate mac ‘n’ cheese for the last year and a half; ballet was canceled tomorrow which means Sara would be heartbroken; and Minski the cat was shedding all over everything. But at least Claire wasn’t late. And she was going to hold on to that bright side like her life depended on it.

Buzzing the bell of the strange house, she frowned. It sounded suspiciously quiet. Surely, this was not the right house. Her kids could not be here, if it was so quiet. Her kids were loud, always screaming as they fought or squealing with delight as they played. But this was the address the father had texted her. She’d checked it twice. “Michael will kill me if I lose the kids,” she grumbled to herself aloud, about to elaborate when the door, suddenly, opened.

On the other side was a handsome man with just about the cutest baby Claire had ever seen. Without even thinking abut it, she let out a girlish coo. “Oh my gosh, hello! Aren’t you a beautiful little girl?” she leaned in, holding out a hand to the baby before remembering that she wasn’t supposed to do that to strangers. She straightened out, coughing awkwardly, and addressed the man instead. “Hi, I’m sorry. I’m Claire. Claire Roth. I’m–you have my kids over for a playdate?” She leaned passed him, noting that most of the breakables in the front of his house were still in tact. “Or, this was the address. It doesn’t look like any little bulldozers have gone through here…”

[nathan-zelenko]

He offered a smile at to the woman at the door - which rapidly changed into a wince as she exclaimed over Kitty. Not that she was wrong, his daughter was beautiful, but having had a third birthday just last week, Kitty considered herself to be a ‘big girl’ now. She had submitted to Sara cooing over her all evening and treating her like a newborn, but her patience had worn thing.

“Am not baby! I is free!” Kitty told the woman firmly, the scolding impossible to take seriously not just because of her adorable face which was no less cute scrunched into a frown, but the fact she was still yet to master the illusive ‘th’ sound in speech. 

“Kitty, that’s not how we say hello” he told, gently, because he felt her annoyance. Kitty had quite a lot of dignity for such a small person, and it had been bruised enough without him making it worse. “Nice to meet you Claire - come on in” he said, stepping back so she could cross the threshold and chuckling at her comment.

“Your twins? They’re here. They do have a lot of energy - but we burned off a lot of it outside when we first got home. Alek has a trampoline. Acrobatics with wear most five year olds out”. They were nice kids, in his mind. He’d had worse playdates. That was a tie in his mind - between Atticus who, when presented with apple juice, had had the audacity to ask if it was ‘organic’ and refused cookies because they weren’t gluten free, and Cassie, who had pulled Kitty’s hair and gone out of her way to do everything Nat asked her not to. He liked kids - really he did. Just not the ones who misbehaved purely for the sake of it, and the pretentious ones. Mischief didn’t bother him, neither did curiosity and high spirits. Alek was regularly getting himself into scrapes and trouble through boyish enthusiasm. He liked that about his son - but kids just bent on destruction for it’s own sake, or with all the fun crushed out of him, those he didn’t get. The twins had been fine in his mind. Of course - he had only had to handle them for a couple of hours.

She looked frazzled, poor thing, and he offered a smile. “They’re still busy building a planet in the den - do you want a cup of coffee or anything while they finish up?”

[nathan-zelenko]

Play Date

Several parents had told him in recent years how tiring they found playing with their children. He listened to fellow Dad’s groan about coming home from a long day at work to requests for stories and games when they wanted to just relax with a beer, to Moms talking about how thankful they were for ‘Dora the Explorer’ so they could just get a break from their kids.

Nat always found that kind of strange. Not that he was one of those parents who ban TV in its entirety, he could see the use - when he actually had to get some work done during the day he might leave Kitty with a cartoon, so he could phone a client, but - well, he liked playing with his kids. 

He loved arts and crafts, he loved watching their minds work, he had fun teaching them games and telling them stories. That to him was the fun stuff, surely the point of having children! It was the discipline stuff he found difficult - the things he had expected Marina to handle. 

Which might be why this playdate had turned the den - which more closely resembled a playroom than it did a family room in truth - into a chaos scene. He didn’t mind. The tables was still strewn with pipe cleaners from when they’d gotten home and made entire families of bizarre chicken like creatures before they decamped to the floor. That is where they were now, Alex and Zach surrounded by a sea of lego bricks as they built ‘spaceland’ and discussed the aliens, Nat himself helping by building a sip to take them there and watching Sara mother Kitty - an activity he could recognise Kitty was getting too tired to tolerate. She was her mother all over - he saw Marina every time they looked at their daughter and had no doubt she would grow up to be a firecracker who was utterly certain of her own mind and knew how to wrap him around her little finger. 

Hearing the doorbell ring he stood up, scooping up his daughter from their visitor’s lap. 

“Stay with the astronauts Sara - me and Kitty will go see whose at the door” he told her with a smile, shifting his daughter onto his hip as he went to answer, offering a smile to the woman he stood there. 

[razorcrescent]