Since I dont come on here much and i’m pretty sure at this point no one sees anything on here I’m gonna use this post as a vent. My grandmother passed back in September, and the 20th of this month will mark 6 months since.. I can’t believe it’s already been half a year. Overall it was a lot of anticipatory grief before she passed.. because we knew it was coming especially through august going into September. We got the first warning that it could be time on August 31.
I had just left work and was going over to my coworkers house to help her clean her car out and pack for a trip we were taking the next day. I got a call from my mom saying that everyone was there and that things weren’t looking good at the time.
I bawled. I absolutely lost my mind to the point where my coteacher had to remind me to breathe. When i did finally calm down we went to her moms house so we could pick up her baby who was napping there while we had been cleaning our classroom. We picked her up and I called my bf to tell him what was going on, and i also had another call from mom to fill me in. We hung out the rest of the evening and I was reassured that I should go on the day trip, and distract myself as it would be good for me and my mental health. (Which I did go, we went to Hersheypark and it was soooo worth it!!)
The rest of the month was a bit of a battle with myself while i figured out how to tell my employer that I may need to unexpectedly leave early and take a few days off afterword.. it took me like two weeks to do it. I finally told her, and she was very understanding.
What sucks is I got the call the next day. I had come back from my break and we were hanging out with the kids when someone came in and told me the phone was for me.
I answered it, it was my mom with the news. Work immediately sent someone in so i could go home, and I left for the day, numb. It was a Friday, a gorgeous one at that. I can’t remember much other than opening a package i had received when i got home, and just wandering around my house, unsure of what to do.
That whole week of being out afterward was just really weird. The services were all on the same day, the Thursday following her passing. It was just an absolute whirlwind of a day. My partner came to support me, my cousin and her son came up from out of town, i saw family that i haven’t seen in years, and I fear it may be years before i see them again.
My cousins set up gorgeous photos of her, tons and tons of them… some I was in that I had never even seen before. I cried the whole time almost. The one thing I refused to do was look at her body in the casket.. i peeked before we left and, to be honest, it looked like they didn’t even try. And the funeral directors were almost whining that things weren’t running on time. They were almost heartless. Like i get it’s their job and everything, but we’re a grieving family!!!
It was also a little bazaar, as one of my dads relatives is married to someone who if you are into older country music, you could consider him a celebrity. He walked right by me and my dad was like, do you know who that was? And I was like no, and then i thought about it and was like, absolutely honored that they cane to my grandmothers services.
The entire time we were at the services how i was thinking that in spirit, she was walking around and greeting everyone with a big smile and a cup of coffee or water for everyone. My cousin who did a long speech also said something similar.
I’m about to go back into work so thats all I have time to write about for now. Will write more later <3
