Breaking up and moving on.
What’s the best way to get over someone?
You can’t force yourself to numb your feelings or unlearn certain routines you shared with your ex.
You can’t control how long it will be before you no longer attach certain songs, foods, smells, and places to your ex.
You can’t control how long it takes your brain to re adjust to life without a past security blanket that was consistently there.
You can’t go against your body’s natural course of processing life without the mental, physical and spiritual bond you formed with your ex.
You can’t compare how long it will take you to get over your ex versus how long it will take your ex to get over you. Or compare your break-up to your friends break up experiences, or what you see on TV/movies.
The best thing you can do for yourself after breaking up is YOU.
Emphasize on focusing on yourself. Think about what your last relationship has taught you in many aspects, such as what you want from a relationship, what you don’t want, what you’re like as a partner, what you can improve on, what you’ve learned or gained about yourself, and whether you see the world differently than how you did before. You will go through many emotions after a break-up, some may include anger, resentment, sadness, loneliness, etc. All of this is healthy and normal. In fact, it is much better to come to terms with all the varieties of emotions you will feel instead of bottling it all up. You cannot hide from yourself an unpleasant experience and hope to wake up one morning feeling completely recovered and rejuvenated. It is all a process. Give yourself as much time as you need. Try getting a journal or find a peaceful time during the day to take just to take a couple of minutes and reflect upon everything that you’re feeling. Writing this down may help clear and organize your thoughts even better. Think about what specifically caused you to feel certain emotions, and why it is affecting you as much as it is. Think about what you could have done differently in the situations which you are reflecting upon. If it was a situation that was out of your control, take a DEEP breath, forgive yourself and just know you tried to do everything you could have given the circumstances, and let it go. Take as many days, weeks, or months to keep reflecting on which situations are still bothering you. They can be specific situations or more general situations. You can even focus on how you would handle a similar situation in the future, or what you’ve learnt as a whole coming out of that relationship.
For feelings of loneliness or hopelessness please try and remember that at the end of a day you are a valued INDIVIDUAL. A significant other should be a part of your life to complement you, NOT complete you. You might feel broken, or like a part of you is missing or that life is incomplete. These feelings will pass and you will realize that you are capable of happiness with or without a significant other.
Try and pick up a new hobby or revisit an old one. Try new activities such as painting, paint-balling, cooking, photography, or even martial arts! You’ll never know what new passions you may stumble upon. View this process as a journey. Give yourself credit for all of your past and current accomplishments. Be proud of all of the good characteristics you possess. Re-establish yourself to the world as the individual that you are. You are capable of self-growth and moving on. After you feel like you have picked up the last few pieces of what may be the emotional mess you were left with is when you should go out ready to experiment again. See this way, it will be a much healthier approach. You will have already dealt with your unfinished emotions and won’t be throwing any leftover emotions or issues onto your next partner. Wether you are comfortable with casual dating, a new relationship or even a one night stand, you will be able to present yourself as a rejuvenated single person ready to meet new people. Sure past feelings, memories, or emotions may resurface from time to time but it is important for you to be sure of your priorities and recognize how far along you have come. Believe in your journey, and yourself.
- with lots of love to all my friends and anyone else struggling after a break-up xo
