Pairing: boyfriend!hoseok x female!reader
Rating: M (sex, nipple play, fingering, oral, porn?, uh, etc)
A/N: Inspired by an essay I read in a book about female orgasms. And my own struggles with it. ✌🏼Also, hey, my first smut is Hobi smut. Sounds about right.
Summary: You don’t think you’ve ever come before. You’re not entirely sure what an orgasm is supposed to feel like. Hoseok learns this.
You might have gotten really, really close once or twice.
It might have been when you were 13 and you had just discovered that when midnight hits, a fashion channel on TV showed half-naked models swaying to silky electronica and wearing translucent lingerie down the catwalk. Watching them and realizing that your sexual awakening was happening, you discovered your nipples first (pinching them felt good) and then your clit (holy shit).
It might have been that one time in the back of your car with your college boyfriend. You were seated on his lap, back to his chest, while he rubbed your clit with an eagerness that was new to you. The rough pads of his fingers made the experience painfully pleasurable, and you remember gripping the seat hard and throwing your head back on his shoulder in bliss. With every stroke, you felt the pressure rush to your core and build and build and build there. You remember the heat, amplified by a feeling of near-bursting.
Then your mind draws a blank when you try to remember what followed after that. It was likely that he stopped touching you and flipped you over so you could grind against him. You didn’t come, though, that’s for sure.
The first time you had sex was memorable only because it was the first time, but it was far from great. It happened at the same place (back of aforementioned car) with the same ex-boyfriend, and it just wasn’t how you expected it to go down. You didn’t feel a whole lot of pleasure, too focused on wondering if sex was supposed to feel like that and swatting away any doubts brought about by your Catholic upbringing. In the end he came, but you didn’t. Again.
At that time, it was okay. You liked him a lot (said the bigger “L word” even), but for all the hype around losing one’s virginity to a special person, you felt a little let down. Eventually you got better at sex (still with the same dude, you’ve only had one other boyfriend), but still no orgasm. You’ve also faked it a number of times for the good of your relationship, but you learned how unhealthy this is on so many levels, so you vowed never to do it again.
Porn was fun to watch and fairly educational in the beginning, but you suspected soon enough that it wasn’t a reliable, accurate picture of real life. If you didn’t squirt, does that mean you didn’t come? So many female porn stars yell out they were coming just from having a man’s dick inside them, but that has never happened to you before, not even close. All of that was just acting? Is something wrong with you? Could your vagina be broken?
But no matter. You enjoyed down time flicking your bean and chasing the high, even if you never went over the edge. You still felt pleasure even though you didn’t understand all the explosion metaphors you’ve heard about from other women. This really existed as a non-issue in your life until you met Hoseok.
From the first moment you played a volley of bread-related puns, you just clicked. He was funny, incredibly kind, and sometimes when he looks at you from across the room, finger resting on his lips, a dozen people moving around, it’s as if he’s undressing you. You mention this to him once, and he confirms it’s exactly what he’s doing – every time.
Sex with him was thrilling and intimate. He likes to kiss you for a long time before his hands start moving anywhere and always asks for permission before he tries anything new. You had never seen anyone move as fluidly as he did in bed. You love making him come even when you don’t. Just thinking about what he tastes like has you pausing whatever you’re working on and pressing your legs together for a little relief. You had been having sex for two weeks when he gently asked if you were having orgasms.
His question caught you by surprise. You realized then that the music had stopped playing and that he had turned around from his monitors to face you, elbows on his knees, his fingers laced together. He looked nervous.
You put your book down and sat up on the couch. You couldn’t believe he noticed. “I don’t know,” you told him softly. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever had one before. I try, but it’s always been…” How do you explain this to him? “Difficult.”
He looked stunned for a second until he nodded, his gaze falling to the floor. Is he angry? Does he feel insulted? Should you apologize?
Before you had a chance to decide, he stood up from his chair and walked towards you. You were reminded of how much taller he is, and at that moment, you just wanted him to wrap himself around you.
He crouched in front of you instead, placing his hands on your knees then stroked up your thighs tenderly, resting them on your hips. His face wore a new expression, but you’ve seen that look before – when he fights for songs he really believes in, when he powers through an injury to perform, when he tells you how much you really mean to him.
“Mostly likely you haven’t then,” he says. “With me.” The last part came out as a whisper, more to himself.
You were able to tell from the tone of his voice he was disheartened. You were about to launch yourself at him, tell him it wasn’t his fault, when his hand reached up to cup your cheek. “Next time?” he asked simply, and you understood.
Leaning into his touch, you smiled, allowing yourself to hope. “Okay.”
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