naviculariis : an independent, semi-selective, headcanon & canon based multimuse account, set upon portraying muses from Oda Eiichiro's manga series, ONE PIECE. OC, AU friendly. NSFW & DARK THEMES AHEAD ; Writer does not shy away from elements of DEAD DOVE*. 20+ only; minors will be forced to walk the plank into chum filled waters. DASH PREFERRED. Low activity. Penned by KANON [ they/ them, 27; CST. ]
PERSONAL / NON-RP ACCOUNTS: DNI. You will be blocked.
Temp Hiatus: 10/15/24-??
A STUDY OF : ใ คโ How to save a life, survivorโs guilt, depression, post traumatic stress, learning how to love, found family, doing whatever it takes to survive, morbid humor, self sacrifice
I have a new blog that I am. *slowly*. Getting active. Sort of tiptoeing back into the rp space. Major dump below the cut if anyone's curious.
Also: @gloria-et-sanguis is where you can find me.
Its been a busy few months for me. I had two major trips over the summer- one to go see Def Leppard in memorial for my mother, and the other was to go see Ghost with my partner. First time we've been able to swing 2 trips in a year, & they're about to be up here in a month for a historic 3rd trip. It'll serve as our 6 year anniversary trip c:
Work is good. Very busy. Possibly uncertain about my boss continuing to be my boss next year bc he may be running for a higher position in the county.
Goal is now to move back down to the Coast next fall. I can't continue to tether my life to some place that I only feel disdain for & trapped in. But in the meantime, I got gifted a table ill be repainting soon. Repainting my bathroom, too. Maybe the hallway. Upgrades, people.
The garden did not make it this year. Its like when my mom died, so did the garden. I don't have the same touch nor time to tend to it like she did. Which is sad but... its okay.
Planning on doing Two-Face for Halloween. Gonna start making the suit soon.
Admittedly haven't done... a whole lot of wriring with anyone but my partner, but I plan on changing that. I need to... Not be a social recluse. Yeah. I also... I miss y'all. I miss my friends.
I'm sorry I went ghost.
Okay.
New account may possible see a few OP muses, too. Contemplating bringing Croc & Robin & ofc, Suma over.
This is not the update I was ever dreaming of having to write.
I'm so sorry.
My mother passed away yesterday suddenly. Sometime after 4:40 in the afternoon. I got home at 5:30 and found her. Despite the best efforts of the paramedics, they couldn't get her heart back. She was gone. Her heart had simply stopped.
None of this feels real. I don't even feel real right now. I don't really know what to do from here. I have family coming in. I don't even know why I'm updating over here, really. I just.
Im lost.
& i think this will be my final post on this account.
This will .ore than likely be the last update I post for a while. I'm putting this under a cut due to the content.
My mom is basically in end stage congestive heart failure.
Mom had a cardiology appointment yesterday, where we learned that we were told wrong after her heart attack & stint. Her ejection fracture rate ( how good your heart is pumping ) did not get better.
It got worse. The heart attack did pretty major damage. A normal, healthy EJF is 50-75%.
Her's is 25%.
She is on the line of end stage Congestive Heart Failure.
We're trying to figure out a game plan- whether that means a life vest defibrillator, a pace maker, medications. We don't know yet. But.
Yeah.
I'm uh. I'm not really sure how I feel, really. I joke that this year is 2015 all over again but now it really does feel like that, because I watched my grandfather die from CHF in 2015, and now my mother is going through the same horrible thing, and it's. It has dredged up a LOT of feelings I burried.
I've also been in one of the worst depressive episodes i have been in *since 2015*. I can't seem to pull myself out of this one, which is what has me a little weary and worried, and my anxiety piqued last week in an ugly way. My lip is torn to shreds from it currently.
My new insurance kicks in on Feb 1sr, and i do intend to find a therapist afterwards because I love my friends, I love my partner, but I cannot keep just piling my venting on them or just shoving everything aside and not talking about anything.
Due to this, my niece possibly having to have a Major surgery at some point this year, and other littler things- I'll probably just. Take a step back entirely from roleplay as a whole, at least on here, for a *while*. I still write fics, I'm still working on my book, but I just.
My bandwidth is shot currently. I work 40 hours a week now & am still my mom's caregiver.
I don't know what to do, really. I'm sort of numb. Really, really numb. 2015 was the year I lost everyone & everything & attempted in November of '15, and this year is. It's scary how it feels like a repeat.
If you want my discord to keep in contact, don't hesitate to reach out. I'm also over on twt & bsky! Those are where I'm mostly active these days.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa. I hope y'all had a good one.
I am officially full-time status now, which is cool. And then my grandma's car got stolen Thursday morning & the dude took it on a joyride, parked it in the back of a field, took off on foot, broke into a house, tried to steal shit, took off into another field, and then got tackled by police. And last night, my mother had a heart attack at 10:30, I didn't get home until 2 am from the hospital & then maybe slept two hours, then got back up, got ready to back to the hospital, she had a blockage between two stints that they cleared, and is now resting at the hospital, and we have a possible ice and/or snow storm hitting our area starting tonight & until Monday.
Merry Christmas / Happy Hanukkah / Happy almost Kwanzaa <3
Hiatus is continuing. I'm officially going full time at my job next week ( which is a VERY GOOD THING, my stress level will go down & ill get full benefits & pto. )
Christmas was very good. I cried a few times. I made people cry with their gifts. I ate too much. Got a ps5 which I yelled at my mother for doing bc that's too much fucking money to spend but she wouldn't hear it so hell yeah, Dragon Age: Veilgaurd time.
Also, tรธp obsession continues, and was fed by both my mother & my partner, and this super fucking cool custom make Taylor Swift print. And a drum pad from Warner which I'm so excited to use and start teaching myself again.
Had almost all the family up, which was nice. I've had this week off work, too, which has also been nice. Now I'm gonna go eat even more food and get my ass kicked at uno.
Much love, I miss y'all, happy holidays, photo dump time.
Steps in just to drop this & say that I am still alive. I got strep throat last week & was in the trenches with it. I've started making edits which is fun. Work is good but slow due to the holidays. I have family visiting & am having an early turkey day tonight. I made 45 deviled eggs last night. Still love OP, just not actively writing atm. <3 I hope everyone is doing well.
Law sweater for work + the edit I'm most proud of rn.
Tumblr gets the full edit before anywhere else. Good morning, Skeleton Clique.
The songs, in order, are: Mulberry Street ending, Lane Boy beginning, transition into Trees, the ending of Navigating, and My Blood. Which sounds like a really weird combination, but trust me on this one, okay?
Dumping an update because I genuinely cannot believe what has happened. TW: pet hospitalization, parental trauma, work... so much.
My partner's dog ( and mine, she's my baby, too ) is currently in the vet bc her kidneys are fucked and we had a moment of pure panic in which we thought she was about to die and I got home on Tuesday to my partner crying and then I was crying and Tuesday was also a super long day bc I had to bring my mother to an appointment to get a new foot brace.
Woke up Wednesday to the Worst News Possible with the fucking presidential race and went to work where many coworkers were celebrating, so I had to just dissociate almost all day bc whaaaat the fuck.
Missouri did overturn their Abortion Ban which was good, at least.
Wednesday was also Warner & I's five year anniversary.
My mother revealed that her chronic heart failure is in the moderate stage & she'll be lucky to see 10 more years, let alone 5. So I've been grappling with that.
But in good things: I started decorating my office for Christmas bc fuck it. I love Christmas decorations so much.
I was able to get SIGNED drumsticks from Josh Dun that were just delivered to my house.
My blanket is going well.
I got a bead kit to start making friendship bracelets for future concerts.
I got my Clancy stole in.
I've been working on making this Carrd for the lore for Twenty One Pilots, too, which has been a test with my abilities. It's been fun.
I am just... I have too many emotions and no emotions and I am just so very tired. I don't know how to feel or what to do at this point because too much is happening at once and I just want to. Not.
I'm sorry. My activity is probably just gonna be spotty from now until after Christmas, I think. One, it has officially entered Trauma Season for me; two, I'm gonna be busy with family visiting off & on over the next 2 months; three, my writing muse has shifted more to focus on my OCs rather than any canon muses, and even then- it's my *book* that my muse has focused on, so thats fun but also leaves little room for outside things which is annoying. There are also other things that I don't feel comfortable talking about on here that had happened & it's just been a rough while.
I apologize to those who I have threads with- I don't have a time frame on when I'll get to them. If you want to drop any of our threads, it's *okay* to do so. I understand.
Green Day will forever make me think of the Hearts for some reason. Esp the American Idiot + 21st Century Breakdown albums, and Still Breathing. Heavy on Law, Pen, and Shach with Still Breathing.
We had 111 kids last night stop by the house to trick or treat. I also handed out candy to 110 kindergarteners yesterday morning at work. I had kids yell BEETLEJUICE all day at me. And I made some drive thru workers' day by showing up in full Beetle. So. Yesterday was definitely a good Halloween.
