NCT's JiHo @nctsjiho - Tumblr Blog

Going Home

cw: strong language, mentions of blood and injury, <10k words || era: December 18, 2022

❀ Sometimes it takes a while to realise who your actual family are, and sometimes you realise it when it's just too late

Chapter I:

“Last night there was a reported hit and run in the outskirts of Seoul in the direction of Incheon. The hit vehicle crashed into two other cars, causing a massive crash. Thankfully only one person was heavily injured, the four other victims: a mother with her daughter and two young males, were only lightly injured.

“The crash that occurred at the beginning of a bridge caused major damage to the infrastructure of the bridge. Police have closed off that bridge and authorities are clearing the scene. The perpetrator who caused the crash has not yet been found.

“All traffic heading towards Incheon Airport has been safely redirected. Those who planned on travelling out via this bridge are hereby warned to head out to the airport earlier to assure a timely arrival.”

“Wow, that’s insane,” Haechan reacted in a breathy tone after hearing the news. “To think those people were probably heading out on holiday and now they have to spend time at the hospital.”

Taeyong nodded with a tight-lipped hum, he patted the youngest on his shoulder before sitting down next to him. “I hope they’re all well.”

It was cold in the practice room. The thermostat had only been turned on when the first of the members arrived for their dance practice session. Something about the air in the room today didn't sit right. Maybe it was the frosty weather outside, the equally uncomfortable temperature inside or the exhaustion the members were feeling with their packed schedule, but the mood really wasn’t feeling right at that moment.

“Where are the others?” The leader looked from Haechan to Taeil, who both shrugged their shoulders, yet before Taeil could vocalise his unknowing, the door of the practice room swung open.

“I’m sorry we’re late!” Mark heaved and stumbled into the room.

Taeil chuckled a bit at the younger man’s frantic exterior. “Don’t tell me you actually ran up here.” It wasn’t even a question, more like a statement out of incredulity which had Taeil hardly suppressing a laugh.

“We were in the car,” Johnny said as he pushed past Mark. Jungwoo and Jaehyun followed him shortly. “Did you hear the news about the hit and run? It’s crazy.”

Haechan mimicked Taeyong’s earlier tight-lipped hum in acknowledgment, “yeah we’ve heard.”

“So we were listening to it and came up here as soon as the report was over.”

Noticing Mark struggling with his bag and belongings, Taeyong stood up to lend him a helping hand. Mark mouthed a quick thank you, mentioning briefly how his morning had already been so hectic and he couldn’t seem to keep it together. Taeyong offered him a comforting pat on the back and told him he should take a few deep breaths. Mark complied and after having collected himself, showed Taeyong a grateful smile.

“That makes us seven out of ten. Any ideas where the rest are?” Taeyong asked the whole group.

The boys all shook their heads bar Jungwoo, who spoke up, “I’m not sure, but I think I remember Doyoung mentioned he had something to attend to before noon. I don’t know about Yuta and JiHo though. Should I call?”

Taeyong shook his head dismissively. “They’ll get here soon enough, let’s start warming up already.”

Practice was in session not long after. The members started warming up and began going over choreography. About 15 minutes in, Doyoung and Yuta joined. They seemed distracted and Taeyong took note of it, but didn’t mention it out loud. The practice wasn’t even halted, they just continued on and the two latecomers joined wordlessly so as to not waste any time.

Once the first break arrived all the members went to their own corners of the room for a water and snack break.

“You two good?” Taeyong checked on Yuta and Doyoung who both nodded. “Did you hear anything from—”

“The mother who got injured during last night’s hit and run in the direction of Incheon was willing to explain the incident.” The voice of the female reporter sounded from Haechan’s tablet.

“We were heading towards the airport, me and my daughter were going to visit family in Europe. It was fairly empty on this road, since people usually go from the main road. I just remember a car to the left of me, and I think also one behind me. Suddenly I heard a loud noise and the car left of me hit my car. I only remember hearing another car speed by and they didn’t have any lights on. The next thing I know, I was checking on my daughter and we tried to exit the car safely. Luckily we were able to get out easily. Me and my daughter only had some bruises and I had a little cut from the glass of my side window that shattered.”

“Mother and daughter are safe and were able to catch another flight to their destination. The two young injured men have been successfully treated for their injuries in the hospital. The last victim is still in the hospital, getting treated for injuries.”

Once the reporter stopped speaking the room began filling with murmurs. Some of the members were discussing the news, while others had conversations about entirely different things in general.

Yuta didn’t realise he was drowning out the other members’ voices, preoccupied with his own thoughts until something caught his attention.

“—JiHo, so I’m not sure.” Doyoung was talking, but Yuta couldn’t connect enough elements to figure out the context. This was noticed by Doyoung, who placed a hand on the older man’s shoulder and with a chuckle—not necessarily one out of amusement—he asked if something was wrong, “are you okay? You seem spaced out.”

“No,” Yuta began. “It’s nothing. Just… I don’t know anything about JiHo either—”

“Guys!” A loud high pitched voice cut Yuta off. All the members present turned to the door where they found a heaving Sihyun.

Another one, Taeyong thought as this had been the fourth person he had seen walking into this room who looked like their whole morning was filled with misfortune.

“What is it?” Johnny asked carefully as Sihyun had a difficult time speaking any words. No one was sure if it was because she had been running and was out of breath, or because of what she wanted to say.

“Have any of you guys seen JiHo?”

Chapter II:

“You don’t have to leave,” Yuta pouted playfully. He had a hard time hiding his smile as, even though he did feel a bit sad about JiHo returning to her apartment, he was happy she was in a better place than a month prior.

“You say that, but I’m pretty sure Doyoung is annoyed with me hogging his bed 24/7,” she deadpanned. However, the second she made eye contact with her fellow Japanese friend, the two broke out in laughter. “I think I’m messing with that homebody’s safe space too much,” she confessed.

“You can sleep here as well.” Yuta patted the bed he was sitting on—his bed.

In response JiHo scoffed, turning back to his desk where she was looking for her phone charger. “You kick me out every time you want to sleep. No thank you.”

“Hey! I don’t do that. It’s just that you hate me hugging you in your sleep and I need my space,” he countered. As he spoke those words though, he started to realise how contradicting they sounded. “Okay, so maybe we’re not great sleeping buddies, but if you go back to your apartment, who’s going to cook for me? And our movie nights? And game nights! Those are fun, although Haechan always hogs your attention and it’s getting annoying. That tiny boy needs to learn his place—”

Mid-ramble Yuta noticed how JiHo wasn’t responding to him. His eyes scanned JiHo’s unusually stiff figure until he realised what she was doing—or rather what she had seen. “JiHo, it’s not like that—”

“Like what?” Her voice had dropped an octave and there was no emotion in it. She turned around and was holding a small stack of envelopes. “What are these doing here?”

Taking a deep breath in, Yuta stood up and took a step closer, but JiHo moved back instantly. “I— Okay, I got them from your biological parents. They tried to visit you in Japan and I didn’t think you wanted them to, so I told them to leave. They gave those to me.”

JiHo took a few moments to let the information settle before she spoke up. “Japan? When exactly? At the beginning of the year?” When Yuta nodded affirmatively, JiHo scoffed even louder. There was a scowl on her face as she eyed him with anger. “Why didn’t you at least give them to me?”

“I was planning to. Believe me,” Yuta pleaded, trying to reach out to hold JiHo’s hand, but she shook him off. “I just didn’t know how you’d react or—”

“Well, now you know,” JiHo said and grabbed her suitcase, rolling it behind her as she walked out of his room.

“JiHo!” Yuta called after her, but she didn’t answer. She didn’t even look back as she closed the front door behind her and left the dorm.

Defeated, Yuta plopped down on his bed, cradling his head between his hands. He felt like an asshole for not letting the younger girl know about the letters, or that JiHo’s biological parents had tried to visit her, but if he was being honest, he knew that he wasn’t even planning on doing so. He lied to her.

Yuta never wanted to tell JiHo about her biological parents. They weren’t good people, they didn’t have good intentions. All he wanted was to protect her from them. Although he knew that that wasn’t his place nor call, he just wanted to be selfish. He and the members had been around JiHo for so long, caring for her, loving her, he didn’t want JiHo to meet those people who would give her an empty promise of doing what they had done for so many years. He wanted JiHo to see the boys as her family, he didn’t want her to reach out to those fake parents.

Too lost in his thoughts, Yuta fell asleep that night without changing out of his clothes. When he woke up that following morning it had already been close to noon. There was a lingering headache that made his every move that much more painful, more than the muscle ache of sleeping in an uncomfortable position for many hours.

As the late morning progressed he had pondered on whether or not to reach out to JiHo. He wanted to know if she reached her apartment safely last night, but the memories of their fight halted him. JiHo probably didn’t want him to call her. He had probably broken her trust and she must’ve been very angry at him—the anger in her eyes that looked at Yuta was still imprinted in his mind. He had to, however. It would’ve made him an even worse person if he didn’t at least check on her.

Just as expected, his call went to voicemail. JiHo didn’t want to talk to him, Yuta was sure of it. However, he hoped that she had at least seen the call attempt and knew that he was putting in an effort, but that thinking process even sounded selfish to himself. Yuta coined all his thoughts and actions towards JiHo as selfish. That’s just how I am, he thought.

Chapter III:

“What do you mean?” Yuta asked with a shaky voice after Sihyun had run into the practice room asking for JiHo. “Is she not at home?”

Sihyun turned to Yuta as he heard his voice and shook her head. “No… She isn’t,” she answered, but sounded confused.

“Did something happen?” Doyoung mimicked her confused look, sensing the weird atmosphere in the room.

Again Sihyun shook her head and took a step further into the room. “Why are you guys looking like that at me? It’s just that I’ve been setting up for JiHo’s birthday surprise and I don’t want it to get ruined.”

It took a second before the boys all sighed with a sense of relief. “God, you scared me, I thought something happened.”

“OH! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you guys, but… Wait. If JiHo isn’t here and she isn’t at home? Did anyone call her?”

Yuta raised his hand hesitantly, “I called her earlier, she didn’t pick up, but I…” Everyone eyed the Japanese expectantly. “We got in a little fight yesterday night so I think she doesn’t really want to talk to me.”

Taeyong sighed in a mixture of relief, acknowledgment, but also pain. “That’s why you’ve been acting so strange,” he said as he patted his friend on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. It’s hard to get JiHo that angry. She either didn’t see it or she’ll get over it quickly.”

“No, Taeyong. You don’t understand. I really fucked up this time.” Yuta’s eyes were wide before they turned down into a frown. It was clear to Taeyong—and the others—that whatever happened between Yuta and the female member was weighing on him.

“What happened?” Mark asked curiously. Of course he wasn’t beyond realising the weight of the situation, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t actively curious about what had happened. He would have to admit that when Yuta turned to him and let out a deep shaky sigh that he almost felt bad asking, but he thought that it would be best for his friend to air his worries.

“I spoke to JiHo’s biological parents more than half a year ago… during our concerts.” The gasps of disbelief from the members had Yuta lowering his head in shame. He knew that the boys had already made up their minds and thought badly of him for doing so. A comforting hand from his leader, however, had urged him to continue explaining. “JiHo sent them letters when she felt lonely, when she couldn’t see her actual parents. Her biological parents gave me the letters and I never told JiHo about it. I kept them and JiHo found them last night.”

There was tension in the room. It mostly felt like a feeling of shared sadness, but there was a clear air of disappointment and something akin to anger. The latter was very prominent coming from Yuta’s immediate left, where Doyoung stood and let out a scoff.

“Wow,” the Korean sarcastically commented. “Way to go, Yuta.”

“Hey! You would’ve done the same if you were in my position,” Yuta turned to his so-called friend. “If you met those people, you wouldn’t have wanted them around JiHo even for a split second.”

“You should’ve told her about it at least.”

“Don’t act like you’re a saint and never make dumb decisions.”

“You—”

“HEY!” Haechan suddenly yelled, catching everyone's attention. “What Yuta hyung did was dumb, but you can’t say you would’ve handled it differently when you never had to be in his place. Now, it doesn’t matter anyway. We don’t know where JiHo is and I don’t know about you guys, but it’s starting to get a little concerning to me.”

Mark turned to his friend who was heaving a little and put his arm around his shoulder comfortingly. Taeyong nodded in agreement before looking at Yuta and Doyoung and then at the rest. “I’ll call JiHo, see if I can reach her. Sihyun, you can continue preparing for JiHo’s surprise and the two of you—” Taeyong turned to the two members who were previously yelling at each other “—please make up, there’s no need to fight because of this. I’m sure you both are already stressed enough.”

Taeyong disappeared from the room alongside Sihyun, leaving the other members to themselves. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been feeling off the whole day. I slept terribly last night and,” Doyoung sighed. “I just hope things are fine.”

Yuta pulled the man in a quick hug, which Doyoung reciprocated immediately. “No need to apologise. I understand.”

Despite the two men reconciling, the mood in the room still felt a bit off. The members either stood in place, staring at whatever it might be, or were pacing around trying not to get in their head too much.

It proved rather pointless, because with every passing minute—Taeyong was taking a while—the boys grew more uneasy. They were all worried, but Johnny noticed one member in particular seeming to have an ever harder time. “Hey,” he said in almost a whisper. “You don’t seem too well. Is something on your mind?”

Yuta looked up at his taller friend and released his lip that was held hostage between his teeth. He shook his head from side to side, his eyes unfocused and darting around the room. “It’s just that…”

“Just that what?” Jaehyun stepped forward once he noticed Yuta’s expression. It looked like the Japanese man was about to say something, but had a hard time letting the words come out. “Did something come to mind?”

Jaehyun could act all calm, cool and collected as much as he wanted, but the tone of his voice gave him away immediately. He was panicking on the inside, scared that something might have gone wrong. His faked exterior immediately crumbled, however, when Taeyong entered the room with his phone held up high telling the members he wasn’t able to reach JiHo.

“Yuta, speak up,” Doyoung quickly urged.

The man eyed his friends first before he opened his mouth to speak, “Maybe—”

“The victim who was sent to the hospital with major injuries after last night’s hit and run case in Seoul is recovering well. The young man was in the driver’s seat of the first car that got hit with his two other friends in the back of the car. He will be able to leave the hospital by tomorrow. All victims of the crash will be able to spend their holidays safely with their families and friends. The police are still searching for the perpetrator.”

As soon as the female voice got cut off, Yuta let out a huge sigh of relief. Mark’s eyes widened once the realisation set in after he connected Yuta’s earlier demeanour and actions. “You thought that person was JiHo?!”

Mark’s voice boomed through the room, louder than it ever had.

As if caught red-handed, Yuta started to stutter out words defensively. “It wasn’t ruled out! I just thought there was a possibility JiHo might have gone to the airport because she wanted to see her parents,” Yuta’s loud and defensive tone diminished with every passing word. He looked around at his friends and once again dropped his head in shame. “I didn’t want to think like that, but perhaps hearing her biological parents tried to reach out… JiHo might’ve wanted to get in contact with them.”

Although Yuta sounded meek and defeated, the way his voice started to tremble and his words started to mix together, it was clear he had been insanely stressed and in his head before and that his emotions were finally catching up to him.

“Hey hey.” Mark took a step closer and called out to Yuta in a gentle voice, “you were just worried and scared. Let’s just be happy that it wasn't JiHo.”

Yuta shook his head and pressed his eyes shut tight—tears were starting to run down his cheeks. “I still shouldn’t have thought like that. If I even thought it was possible, why didn’t I do anything?”

Mark pouted and looked at Doyoung with a lost look. He didn’t know what to say or do, so opted to hug the Japanese man instead. Doyoung gave Mark a firm nod and with his own hand softly patted Yuta’s back. “You couldn’t have done anything in such a situation anyway. Let’s focus on actually finding JiHo first.”

As on que, Taeyong entered the room with his phone in hand. He was already shaking his head from side to side. “I can’t reach her.”

A collective sigh came from the boys. At this point reaching JiHo started to feel like an urgent matter, but if she wasn’t going to pick up, it did not matter how many times the boys would call.

“Let me try,” Haechan suggested, although having the same mindset as the others. Taeyong was about to say that the idea seemed almost pointless at this time—although he wasn’t against trying a few more times—when Haechan had already pulled out his phone and dialled JiHo’s number.

He tried 3 more times after that and each time the boys looked at him with held breath. The last time though, something was different. It didn’t take about a minute or two before the call went to voicemail.

“What happened?” Jaehyun asked with much urgency in his tone.

Haechan looked as pale as a ghost as he looked up to his older members. There was a confusing mixture of emotions displayed by him and his voice came out meekly as he answered, “it went straight to voicemail.”

Chapter IV:

JiHo slammed her hands on the steering wheel as soon as she sat down in the car. It was Yebin’s car. Yebin, her manager who had gone on pregnancy leave. Her fiance didn’t allow her to drive so Yebin had nicely lent JiHo her car for now.

It was a nice car, though nothing special. Something affordable and big enough for a kid or two in the back seat. JiHo would’ve decided on something else for a car of her own—if she was allowed to at least. This car was nice, but she wanted a car in which she could get away from life for a moment. A car which she could pretty much live in whenever life became too much. Just like at that moment.

She looked at the stack of envelopes on the passenger’s seat before letting out a scoff and immediately turning on the engine. In barely a minute she was on the street already. Despite it being the weekend, the streets of Seoul were rather empty. That shouldn’t have been surprising, noticing the time of day—rather night—it was.

~“Last night there was a reported hit and run in the outskirts of Seoul in the direction of Incheon. The hit vehicle crashed into two other cars, causing a massive crash.”~

Driving was something that went like autopilot for JiHo. One moment she was still in the parking lot, the next she was pulling up at her destination.

Destination…

Driving was so much like going on autopilot that JiHo sometimes didn’t even realise where she was heading. Usually it was just driving from her apartment or the boys dorm to the company, or returning home from the company. Sometimes JiHo would drive to personal schedules or if she just wanted to go out somewhere on her own. She didn’t have a car though, so it was a hassle to ask a manager for permission each time she wanted to go somewhere. If only she could buy her own car. Her father didn’t approve of the idea. Something about it being too dangerous. “Dangerous my ass,” JiHo mumbled to herself as she relived the arguments with her father about the topic in her head.

There was a nice song on the radio. JiHo hummed along with it, letting her body steer the car to wherever it wanted to go.

~“We were heading towards the airport, me and my daughter were going to visit family in Europe. It was fairly empty on this road, since people usually go from the main road.”~

The road she was on was not the one going to her apartment. That much she was sure of, but even though she was aware, even though she mumbled it to herself that this isn’t the way home, it was like her mind wasn’t connecting the dots. She just continued driving.

“God—” JiHo cursed as she had to hit the brakes suddenly. A car in front of her slowed down abruptly before its blinkers changed from the right to the left. With the sudden movement she heard something shift to the side of her. Looking back down at the passenger’s seat she was confronted with her own handwriting. She didn’t have to look closely to know what it said.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dubois

It’s me, JiHo. I was wondering if we could meet up one day.

JiHo internally cringed. She didn’t know whether she was more disappointed that she ever wrote it, or that she was still wondering about how her biological parents had reacted when they first read the letter.

“They probably didn’t even care.” The words she spoke were those to comfort her. It did little to do so however because JiHo quickly felt a hot tear on her cheek. She sniffled and wiped the tear away before really focusing on the street in front of her again. “How did I get here?”

In front of her were two cars. Despite this place being a bit further than the main road—JiHo wanted to be on the road for as long as possible—it was a pretty big road. Three lanes wide, but JiHo was in no rush. She continued behind the car on the most right side, heading towards the bridge.

~just remember a car to the left of me, and I think also one behind me. Suddenly I heard a loud noise and the car left of me hit my car.~

A loud screeching noise came from JiHo’s side. She barely had any time to look up before the four headlights started to blur into one big mess. There was rumbling, the sound of metal bending and screeching and scratching and getting crushed. JiHo tried to keep her eyes on the lights but it quickly became impossible.

The lights started to disappear to the left side of her vision and she felt her body get shaken until she couldn’t see any light anymore.

Chapter V:

“Should we call the police?” Mark suggested, earning some of the boys attention.

“We could, but they might not act on it immediately,” Johnny answered. His face looked like one of worry. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days, yet it was easy to pinpoint the source of his concern.

“I can’t sit here any longer, I’m gonna head out,” Jaehyun said as he grabbed his jacket.

“And do what?”

“I don’t know. Something?! We can sit here all day and wait, or we can try to go out and find her,” Jaehyun stated firmly. When he looked his leader in the eyes, however, his whole semblance shattered. He dropped his jacket and shook his head defeatedly. “Hyung— I just don’t have a good feeling about this. Just sitting here makes me feel useless.”

Taeyong nodded, pulling the taller man into a hug. “I know, but for all we know JiHo is just at the gym blowing off steam, or with a friend. JiHo is a smart girl who needs her distance sometimes. Let’s take it step by s—”

A ringing noise sounded from behind Taeyong. Turning around, he found Doyoung looking down at his phone confused. “Who’s that?”

“I don’t know, I don’t recognise the number,” he mumbled confusedly.

“Maybe it's a sasaeng?” Taeil commented with a slight scowl. It was true that lately the boys and JiHo were getting more sasaeng calls. If it weren’t the usual fan girls that bothered them, then it was this new fan who just called and didn’t say anything. As if to taunt them.

Doyoung shrugged, but decided to pick up the phone anyway. “Hello?”

The boys all watched as Doyoung took the call, trying to understand what was going on by watching his facial expressions.

“Car? ... Black car? … I’m sorry, I can’t— Wait, I’ll step out for a sec—” Doyoung stopped dead in his tracks before asking the person on the other side of the phone to repeat themselves. “No… I, you must be mistaken. There were only 2 cars—”

“On further investigation the police were able to find a third vehicle that was involved in the hit and run last night in Seoul. The car was found about a hundred metres down the side of the bridge. There seemed to be only one passenger in the car. The victim’s condition is not yet known.

“It took the police several hours to find the last vehicle. The car was not immediately found since there were no direct traces suggesting more than 2 vehicles involved, as well as the side of the bridge being very overgrown and there being many trees making the last car difficult to spot. They will do an extra search, expanding the search area to make sure no one else is left unfound.”

Frozen in his spot, Doyoung looked Taeyong dead in the eyes. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears and he had completely forgotten about listening to what the person on the phone was saying.

“Doyoung?” Taeyong whispered, but his friend still couldn’t say a thing. “Please talk to me.”

Before long, Johnny snatched the phone from Doyoung’s hand and held it up to his ear. “Yes? … Yeah I’m— I’m her brother.” As Johnny said that he couldn’t look his members in the eyes and so he turned his back on them and continued talking to the person on the phone.

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Haechan asked in almost a whiny tone. It wasn’t the usual playful tone he carried, but a genuine pained sound. “Can’t you tell us what happened? What did they say?”

Just a few seconds later Johnny turned back to the group. “Taeyong, Yuta, Doyoung?” He looked at the three, calling for their attention, but the latter didn’t budge. “Let’s go.”

The three stood there in shock, unsure of what to do, with Taeyong and Yuta eyeing each other nervously.

“COME ON! If you don’t come I’m taking someone else with me,” Johnny yelled loudly which made Yuta and Taeyong move instantly. To help Doyoung out, the leader pulled him by his arm, only partly getting him out of his trance.

“What about us?” Jungwoo asked in a soft, shaky tone.

A sigh escaped Johnny’s lips and he glanced over the room once again. “Okay, one more person can fit in the car with us. The others, ask for the manager to bring you.”

The other members nodded after they pushed Haechan towards the older members. “Where to?” Mark asked. He sounded almost scared to ask the question and when the response came, his apprehensiveness felt not unwarranted.

“To the hospital goddamnit! Where else to?” Johnny had never been this upset—this angry. When he got angry he’d always try to compose himself, using sarcasm or trying to joke about it to lighten the mood. This time, however, every sense of trying to stay composed—trying to be fake—was thrown out of the window and it was scary.

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” Mark had whispered to himself when he noticed the group leave the room without much of a second glance. Jaehyun was by his side in seconds to give him a pat on his shoulder, but when Mark looked up he didn’t see Jaehyun look at him with a comforting or reassuring gaze. The man himself was dying of nerves. He was just as scared as the rest.

“Let’s just go,” he stated short, earning affirmative hums and nods from the boys as they looked for a manager to bring them to the hospital.

Chapter VI:

“I’m sorry, this many people aren’t allowed in here. It’s family—”

The nurse had barely any time to state the protocol when 5 intimidating men were towering over her. If it weren’t for the clear tears, red eyes and clumped-together eyelashes, the woman would’ve called security without a second of thought.

“We’re her family, she’s all she’s got here.”

The woman nodded nervously before looking down at her clipboard. “A—And who’s family is it that you are?”

“Lim JiHo’s,” Taeyong answered in Johnny’s stead. It wasn’t like Johnny was unable to answer, but his height and clearly sour mood was making the nurse severely uncomfortable to the point Taeyong needed to step in. Johnny was tall and really scary at this moment, but he wouldn’t hurt anyone—besides possibly the person in charge of what had happened—Taeyong just didn’t want anyone to misunderstand his American friend.

“Lim? Lim JiHo?” She continued to leaf through the patient documents until she found the right name. “Oh—” Her expression was all but satisfactory.

“What does that mean?” Yuta asked, a clear waver in his voice. He felt the blood in his veins run cold and cold beads of sweat form on his hairline.

The nurse ushered them towards a waiting room—secluded and cold—before telling them to sit down. “I’ll need you to wait here, I’ll send you JiHo’s doctor immediately.” Before the boys could utter another word the nurse had run off already.

“Hyung,” Haechan whispered as he softly poked Doyoung’s shoulder. The latter turned around to look at the younger man, revealing his bloodshot eyes to Haechan despite not having many tears rolling off his cheeks. “Are you okay?”

Doyoung shook his head. It was the clearest answer he had given since the phone call. “I’m not,” he then voiced his answer. “But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is JiHo.”

Haechan nodded, but felt like it was not right. It seemed like Taeyong felt the same way as he reached out to Doyoung and caressed his arm. “I understand, but you have to stay strong as well. JiHo needs you that way.”

The two best friends shared pained gazes between each other and although not by much, it still felt a bit comforting to Doyoung. His mind couldn’t stop thinking about the what if’s and the maybe’s, but at least he didn’t feel alone.

“Hello good sirs,” a doctor said as he approached the five men. He didn’t share any other niceties and went straight to the point. “As you know JiHo was in that car crash?” When the members nodded, the doctor continued, “as she was found much later she wasn’t in good condition when we found her. She was still awake though not able to respond verbally. We brought her here and she’s currently in surgery.”

“What took them so long?” Yuta asked as soon as the doctor finished speaking, but his tone didn’t hold any hostility. He was genuinely curious as to why they had to suffer so long before being called to the hospital and could only imagine how long JiHo had to suffer alone in that car wreck.

The doctor made a gesture of acknowledgement and answered, “JiHo was found about an hour ago. We, the hospital staff, did think it was for the best to keep this information from the public until we found the family of the victim.” He let out a deep worrisome sigh which had the boys at the edge of their seats. “When the police found her and when she was brought into the hospital JiHo’s injuries were too severe to clearly identify her at first. The police couldn’t find any other identification on her until they found her phone a few more metres away from the car. When they charged it they found your number in it and during the surgery one of the doctors recognised her as well,” he explained. “I’m sincerely sorry about how this process has been going so far.”

“Do we have any updates on her so far?” Taeyong asked and the doctor’s brows settled into another frown.

“JiHo’s condition is still unstable. The surgery is getting wrapped up by now, but just surgery alone won’t make her better. She needs a lot of rest and possibly more surgeries. Due to the severe trauma to the head we have decided to put her into a coma.” Doyoung gasped and jumped out of his chair at the news even if his legs felt like they could give in at any moment. “Without it she won’t make it. She had been bleeding a long time before the police found her. It’s a miracle she even stayed awake for that long.”

“How big are the chances of her being back to normal with a coma?” Johnny asked.

Again the doctor sighed and placed a hand on Doyoung’s shoulder. “JiHo’s a really strong girl. The chances aren’t zero, but it will be really hard for her.” Doyoung dropped his head at the words and scared that he might fall, the doctor gripped both of the idol’s shoulders to keep him up. “It all depends on how hard she fights and seeing the support she has I’m sure she’ll put up a great fright.”

Without many more words said, the doctor excused himself and left the room. A nurse informed them that they could go visit JiHo in her room in about 10 minutes from then and offered to bring Doyoung some water since he started to look very pale. The members politely declined the offer and sat in the room waiting for any developments.

Chapter VII:

A droning in her head woke JiHo up. As she tried to open her eyes she was only met with blackness. At first she wasn’t sure she had even opened her eyes, but as she started to make up the interior of the car she realised it was just dark outside.

Her phone had been placed on the passenger’s seat along with the envelopes, but when she looked to her right instead of seeing those items, she was met with what looked like a branch of a tree. The passenger’s side window was indeed shattered and several branches and bushes were covering that side of the car, making it even darker inside.

With a sigh JiHo went to lean her head on the window on her side only to notice that the glass had also shattered. “Fuck,” she whispered tiredly. A piece of shattered glass had grazed the side of her head, not quite enough to leave a cut or even a scratch, but it was the contact of the glass and her skin that caused all the feeling in her body to return.

JiHo felt a hot stream of liquid on the side of her head. It didn’t take much for JiHo to realise it was blood, her own blood, that covered one side of her face. She tried to move her hand to press the wound shut, but her limbs felt unusually heavy.

“Oh God, please help—” she tried to pray but her words got cut when she heard something in the distance. She noticed the sound of her phone, someone was calling her but she couldn’t pick up. Her phone wasn’t in the car, the distance of the sound made her realise that.

JiHo didn’t know how long she was in the car. She had heard a lot of noise coming from the distance, and what sounded like sirens, but when she was still there after the sun started to come up she wasn’t sure if she had only imagined it.

Despite the sun coming up, her vision hadn’t gotten any clearer. The temperature in the car had dropped significantly from the night as the warmth the car had provided escaped through the shattered windows. Thankfully she was still wearing warm clothes and the pain in her limbs and head were still providing her some semblance of warmth. The sun which just hid her windshield provided a little warmth as well.

At this point JiHo could hear her phone ring more often. It was almost as if the sound was teasing her. She couldn’t see her phone and even if she could, she wouldn’t be able to reach out. At some point she felt like she was getting delusional. She couldn’t possibly be hearing her phone, she normally put it on silent anyway. Yet she wanted to believe her members were worried about her. Although she remembered the way she ran out of Yuta’s room and thought that maybe she had acted a bit childish. Yuta must have had his reasons, and JiHo started to understand why he possibly did what he did.

The ringing sound of the phone was drowned out by a sudden ruckus. It sounded like a group of people, but not one of the voices sounded familiar to her.

“There’s someone here!” was all JiHo could really make out between all the shouts and for the first time that night she was sure that she at least wasn’t imagining those people. She could hear them, she could feel them and eventually she could see them. “Hey, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

JiHo only blinked in response, not having the energy and seemingly not even the ability to respond verbally. “She’s awake! We need to get her out now…” The man continued to speak to the other people, but JiHo could only focus on the fact that he looked so much like Johnny. He wasn’t as tall and he didn’t look as fit as Johnny, but his facial structure reminded her a lot of him. “Hey, we’ll get you out of here. Just stay awake, hmm?”

That was the last thing she heard before she closed her eyes, hoping that she was in caring hands, hoping she would be reunited with her family soon.

Chapter VIII:

“You can go inside now, but I suggest only three people go in at a time,” the nurse told the group. At this point in time, the other four members had arrived at the hospital. The mood in the waiting room had grown indescribably cold after Taeyong had explained the whole situation to the others. That also gave the first five to arrive a moment to take everything in once again and it didn’t make it easier.

“Doyoung?” Taeil called for him and motioned in the direction of JiHo’s room. The younger one shook his head though and slumped back in his chair.

“I think I’ll go last,” he told them. “I need to mentally prepare for this.”

Although everyone knew he could never be prepared—none of them could—they didn’t refute his comment and let three other members go in first.

Taeil went in with Mark and Jaehyun. They stayed in the room for about five or ten minutes before they walked back out. They didn’t say anything and no one asked anything either. All that was clear was that the three looked more defeated, more tired, more sad after they went in—no words were needed to notice that.

The next three were Jungwoo, Haechan and Taeyong. They stayed inside for a little longer than the previous three and when they came outside Taeyong had to support a sobbing Jungwoo to the waiting room. He tended to him for a bit before Jungwoo suggested he’d go outside and get some air.

“I’m coming with you. I think I need to get out of here for a little while,” Mark commented and helped Jungwoo get up from his seat. The two friends walked side by side towards the exit at the end of the hallway.

Once they were gone Taeyong turned to the last three. Johnny gave him a small nod before heading in with Yuta under his arm. Hesitantly Doyoung called for Taeyong’s attention, “how is she?”

Taeyong sighed deeply. “Well…” he mused. “It looks like she’s just sleeping,” he explained and Doyoung nodded although he seemed a bit apprehensive. “She looks a little pale and I don’t like it that I can’t see her smile right now. She looks a lot prettier when she smiles,” Taeyong chuckled sadly as he tried to hold back tears. “She almost doesn’t look like herself, but I can recognize those freckles and birthmarks anywhere.”

Doyoung didn’t say anything as he looked in the direction of JiHo’s room. Johnny and Yuta were already inside, but Doyoung couldn’t get himself to move. “You need to go see her,” Taeyong said firmly, yet his voice still held sympathy and enough gentleness. It was enough for the others to share a look before deciding they should leave the two alone.

“I don’t think I can,” Doyoung answered honestly once Jaehyun, Taeil and Haechan left the room. “I don’t think I can see her today.”

Taeyong pressed his eyes shut as he fought his inner turmoil before taking a step closer to Doyoung. “If you don’t see her today…”

“What?” Doyoung snapped his head at the leader. “What are you saying? She’s not going to die, Taeyong!”

“You don’t know that,” Taeyong said exasperated.

“I do! Even if it’s 0.0001 chance it’s not impossible! She’ll survive!” Taeyong let his friend heave in silence. He did not speak, leaving Doyoung with his thoughts and concerns. “They said she wouldn’t have been awake for so long, but she was. She’s strong enough to get through this.”

“She did that because she wanted us to go see her. Doyoung if you see her state—”

“No! I don’t want to! She’ll be fine,” Doyoung yelled and let his tears run freely. He could barely see Taeyong through his blurred vision, but tried to look him straight in the eyes. “I need her to be fine, Taeyong.”

“So you just won’t see her? Why?”

Doyoung sobbed as he tried to answer Taeyong, who seemed eerily calm, but the truth was he just felt so lost and scared he didn’t know how to act. “I don’t want the last time I see her to be like this. I want to remember her being happy,” Doyoung whispered to broken cries.

“Doyoung,” Taeyong called out for him as he placed his hand on his arm. “I know it's hard, but… This could be the last time you see her— alive,” he choked on his last words. Just as he said it, Doyoung had looked up to make eye contact once again, but upon hearing those words, he fell down to his knees and shook his head.

“No, no, no…” he chanted to himself in pain.

“I’ll be by your side okay?” Taeyong whispered comfortingly and caressed his friend’s arms. The two sat there for a bit before deciding to finally get up. However, just as they were about to turn to the hallway a group of people started rushing through the hallway.

“Doctor! Room 245!” Doyoung and Taeyong looked at each other with horror in their eyes as a group of doctors and nurses headed towards the called room, the number being too familiar.

Taeyong and Doyoung both stood frozen before Yuta and Johnny walked out of the room with extremely pale complexions. “What—”

Before Taeyong could even ask his question Yuta shook his head. “I don’t know, I— I don’t know, I don’t know,” like a broken record he kept repeating the words. Even when Taeyong told him to pull himself together, all he could say was “I don’t know”.

“Defibrillator needed in room 245!”

Doyoung stopped right in his tracks as he tried to walk towards the room before. He felt his body become instantly cold and he felt his breath get taken away. His palms were sweaty despite feeling freezing cold and his body started shivering. The tears that ran down his cheeks felt as if they were burning the skin beneath them. All he could do was watch as doctors ran into the room behind big medical equipment. Doyoung fell to his knees, not realising the blood curdling scream he let out yelling for his little sister, before his whole world became blurry and then turned black completely.

Chapter IX:

“I’ll stay with you no matter what,” JiHo smiled brightly as she traced shapes in the palm of Doyoung’s hand. “You don’t think you can get rid of me do you?” She giggled.

Doyoung didn’t respond, neither did he look at her.

“I don’t like it when you ignore me and you’ve been doing that a lot lately,” she pouted, but it was soon followed by another giggle.

Doyoung sighed. He felt exhausted, but he knew this wouldn’t stop. So he opened his eyes and looked at the girl sitting on the side of his bed. She immediately smiled upon catching his gaze and commented on it, “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

The boy hadn’t slept in days, his complexion was void of its natural colour and his eyes were dull. “Are you still not going to talk to me?”

Again no answer.

JiHo dramatically sighed, throwing her head back before leaning in really closely. All Doyoung could see were her eyes. The colours were still familiar and bright, but something wasn’t quite the same as before.

“I won’t stop bothering you until you answer! I won’t leave you alone! Even if you get sick of me!” JiHo sang in a childish voice as if she was testing his patience. Doyoung only blinked at her. “I promise you! I won’t leave you alone until you talk to me. Will you not talk to me?”

Doyoung wanted to answer with a no, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to talk to her. He didn’t want to give in even if his whole body, his heart and mind were telling him to talk to her.

“You won’t talk?” JiHo nodded her head before sitting back up straight. She tucked away her hair behind her ears and patted down her white dress before quickly reaching out for Doyoung’s hand again to continue tracing her nonsensical patterns. “Then I’ll stay here and continue to bother you,” she sang to no one in particular, but with a raised brow and a sly peak in Doyoung’s direction he knew she said to get a reaction out of Doyoung. “Fine… I’m not leaving though.”

Doyoung closed his eyes, to suppress the tears in his eyes from falling and smiled softly to himself. Don’t leave. That’s all I want. For you not to leave.

Epilogue:

“They found JiHo’s letters,” Taeil said as he walked inside the dorm. He dropped a stack of envelopes—some looking rougher than others—on the table. “JiHo’s biological parents sent the rest over that JiHo had sent them. I haven’t read them yet. Yuta has and he said you might want them.”

Doyoung’s eyes followed Taeil’s figure as he sat himself down on the couch. He took a few moments before turning his gaze to the envelopes. “How did they find them? I mean the letters that her biological parents didn’t send.”

The question wasn’t so heavy, yet the answer was and Taeil wasn’t sure how to bring it. Johnny was with him when he heard the news and he was angry yet collected. When he went to tell the news to Yuta—Shotaro was with him at the time—he reacted very badly. The younger Japanese member had to calm him down which was a struggle.

Now he was facing another obstacle. He was sure Doyoung wouldn’t take to the news well. “They caught the guy,” he stated simply.

“The guy? Who?”

Taeil pressed his lips together, not wanting to actually say it, but Doyoung needed to know. “The guy that caused the hit and run. Well… He’s actually the guy who caused the fire in JiHo’s apartment that time—” Taeil flinched at Doyoung’s loud gasp. The older of the two was almost afraid Doyoung was going to hit him with how he suddenly jumped up to the front of his seat towards him. “He—uhm—did it on purpose.”

“How did he know where she was going?” Doyoung asked and Taeil was actually surprised, yet confused, with how calm Doyoung was.

“He’s a sasaeng. Had so much stuff on JiHo. I don’t know the details, but he was either following her or he must have had a tracker on her. He’s put into custody right now.”

Doyoung jumped up and pulled at his hair in frustration and disbelief. “Sasaeng?! All he did was attempt to kill her! Why would he even—UGH!”

Taeil sighed and put his head into his hands, propped up against his thighs. “I don’t know— Doyoung,” he called out when he noticed him pacing in front of him. “The police will do their job, but I need you to read this. Shotaro and Yuta translated it, but I think the other thing that’s inside is more important.”

Doyoung’s eyes darted from Taeil’s to the letter and back at him. The older one gave him a nod to urge him to grab it. He hesitated for a few more seconds before taking it. It was a clean letter, no tears or creases, just a simple ivory envelope with a bit of weight to it. Aside from the main letter, Yuta and Shotaro’s translation was added on a separate piece of paper. Doyoung chuckled, comparing Yuta’s still neat handwriting to JiHo’s elegant one. JiHo always had great penmanship even back in 2018 when the letter was dated.

Mr. and Mrs. Dubois

You still haven’t answered any of my letters. At first I was disappointed, but I understand now. You gave me up because you didn’t want children, so maybe you despise the fact I’m writing to you now. Or you moved into another building and my letters aren’t reaching you—I have reasons to believe otherwise though, because my niece is still in contact with you and told me this is not the case. Whatever it might be that makes you ignore me, today it doesn’t bother me as much. As you know I have debuted in my group now. At first I was a bit jealous of how close they were to their families and each other, but recently I started to feel like I belonged. I used to send you letters because I wanted a family that was close to me and didn’t lie about not being able to visit—I’m sure my parents have their reasons, however, that doesn’t change anything about me not being able to see them in real life. Yesterday me and my group members had dinner together and Doyoung called me his little sister. Yuta said he would still bother me like an older brother when we grow old and Taeyong said I’m part of the family now. Maybe I’m living in a temporary state of delight and tomorrow I’ll face the reality that I’m just some girl who these talented people have to deal with, but today I’m feeling happy. It doesn’t matter, because I saw the sincerity in Doyoung’s eyes. He might have laughed after he said it, but he seems to really care about me. Johnny as well! He looks like a big scary guy but he’s the sweetest. He promised to let me drive his car when I’m older, but I’m guessing papa told him about aunt Danny because Johnny was a bit hesitant when I asked him about it again. You do know about aunt Danny right? She died in a car crash when she was really young. If you didn’t know, I'm sorry to tell you right now… SO, papa told me I was never allowed to have my own car and that if I died in a car crash he would kill me. Pfft, that sounds a bit dumb no? Hahaha, I know he’s just worried, but something like that doesn’t happen as much as people think. I’m getting a bit off topic, so I’ll wrap it up quickly. I’m super happy being around my members lately. They take good care of me and I feel like I’m at home with them. That’s why I wanted to say that as long as I’m feeling this way I won’t send any more letters. I always send you letters because I want a family, but I feel like they are here for me more than any of my actual family has ever been. That might sound a little rude, but I can’t apologise for it. It’s the truth.

Stay well! I hope I don’t have to send you any more letters

- NCT’s Lim JiHo

Doyoung smiled sadly and pulled out the last item out of the envelope. It was a collage of pictures of her and the members of NCT back in 2018. Doyoung laughed when he saw the picture of JiHo and him wearing matching shirts with one of them saying “sister” and the other “brother” and JiHo’s unamused face. At that time, he absolutely despised those shirts as well, but seeing JiHo hate them even more was amusing to him.

Doyoung bit back a teary smile as his eyes scanned all the pictures of JiHo with him and his members. Taeil had taken notice of that and sighed softly, “you’re allowed to be happy and smile at those memories.”

Doyoung nodded, but continued to force his smile back down, “I know. It just feels inappropriate at the moment.”

“You’re right,” Taeil said as he stood up. A confused look was plastered on Doyoung’s face as he eyed his older friend. “Let’s go visit JiHo.” Doyoung smiled softly and picked up his coat that had been thrown over the back of the couch.

The two weren’t so quiet as they made their way to the front door—not that they were trying to be—garnering someone’s attention. One of the bedroom doors in the hallway swung open, revealing a dishevelled Haechan. He eyed both men before his eyes widened. “Are you going to visit JiHo?” Taeil hummed in response. “I’m coming with you!”

The older two smiled as they watched Haechan stumble across the living room, grabbing his jacket from where he had abandoned it earlier. “Why do you so eagerly want to come?” Doyoung inquired softly.

Haechan gasped and placed a hand on his chest. “Why would I not want to come?” he countered, but both of his members didn’t answer. “I just—” Suddenly Haechan had become a bit more bashful. “I had a dream about JiHo yesterday and I just felt like singing for her today. Maybe it’ll make her smile,” he explained with red cheeks.

As Taeil cooed, Doyoung scoffed in amusement. “You know she can’t smile— nor hear you, right?”

Haechan nodded, but after putting his shoes on pulled both of his hyungs out the front door. “I know, but maybe in spirit she will hear me and she’ll smile.”

Although Taeil—and the other members—knew Haechan was hurting just as bad as the others, he couldn’t help but admire how positive and strong Haechan had been. He really had become a source of strength for all the other members, even though he sometimes also needed a person to lean on.

Taeil looked at both of his younger members and couldn’t suppress a smile and as he ruffled the youngest’s hair he answered him with, “I’m sure she will”.

---

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