Sky/Luca 🍃⛵️| 21 | they/he, ze/hir | ace transmasc | Heir of Breath | I kind of just post about whatever at this point, random reblogs, the occasional hyperfixation, you know the deal
because otherwise it gets kind of visually confusing to parse, which is annoying to some folks, including me
GRANTED not everybody uses the same theme or even the same update. you might have noticed my version of tumblr is earlier than yours (I don't like the new button setup)
One of the ways transmisogyny manifests is in default-uncharitable interpretations of ambiguous meaning.
Last week I was at a meetup where I was the only transfem. I checked the groupchat when I arrived and there was a message from the organiser: "We have a newcomer called X, can you look out for him if you get there first?" I located X, introduced myself, sent a message to the chat say, "I have located X," and continued to talk to him until the organiser arrived. When the organiser arrived, she was not happy with me. It turned out my phone had autocorrected, "I have located X," to, "I had located X," which the organiser interpreted as me passive aggressively telling her that I had already done the thing she was asking about. Her conclusion: I was unreasonable and aggressive in responding to her reasonable request. My explaining what had happened didn't convince her otherwise.
A different occasion last week: in a local trans groupchat, a trans man sent a link to a drag event happening in our town. A few people said they were already going, some said they might go. Then a trans woman replied saying, "Thanks, but I don't really like drag." Her tone was immediately called into question. Her words were assumed to communicate: "I think you are a terrible person if you like drag," even though she never said that. Several non-transfems who had never even heard that drag might not be universally-beloved by everyone were upset to discover that fact. A trans woman simply saying she didn't like this thing became A Big Deal.
Meanwhile, at a different event again, a trans man told a group that he was straight and attracted to women, but he wouldn't feel comfortable bringing home an "AMAB woman" (yes he actually said that). It was quickly brushed over, and after he had left even trans women tried to defend him by saying "he probably didnt realise people would be offended" etc etc. In contrast to the examples above, he is not even aware that anyone was upset by what he said, never mind worrying about what consequences he might face.
Whenever I go to an event, I often spend the next 24-48 hours ruminating over every single thing I said to check if I did anything at any time that could even vaguely be construed as annoying to anyone. I have often put this behaviour down to severe anxiety, but I think I am realising that it is actually a rational response to a world where even the slightest social misstep could be blown way out of proportion and result in my later social exclusion. It's one of those things that existed long before I was aware of my own transness but while I was nonetheless transmisogynised by society, a crippling fear of the slightest imperfection that I assumed everyone else felt too but apparently they don't. I guess when other people go out of their way to smoothe over the damage your words or actions might cause, you don't need to stress about that damage because there are no consequences to it! It sounds very nice to be able to live like that.
A perfect example of this happened a few hours after posting it.
Someone reblogged my week-old critique of Devon Price. They said I was wrong to describe Price's transition as [something I never even said]. They said I was ignoring Price's non-binary identity, all while they used the wrong pronouns for Price throughout. They implied I thought non-binary people were not trans, and then they came up with a nonsensincal analogy which positioned me as a biphobic lesbian and then they reprimanded me for being biphobic (a crime committed only by their own fictional version of me that they made up).
But their username was green, so I thought (stupidly) I should give them the benefit of the doubt and not instantly block like I usually would someone like that. I went to their blog to see what kind of person this was.
I found a vaguepost about me where they called me "binary trans". OK, great, the person who misgendered Devon Price while defending it is also misgendering me based on something they made up in their own head. I've been non-binary for over a decade, I've talked about being non-binary on here before, I have "they" in my bio. It's not surprising that people refuse to allow transfems to be genuinely non-binary while vigorously defending a non-transfem's right to be so (in fact, that is exactly what my post about Price was talking about), but it is annoying that someone with a green username is doing it.
Then, in a later post, they describe my committment to not misgendering Price as "passive-aggressive". They say it's worse for me to be scrupulous about recognising non-binary identity if i "misrepresent nonbinary existence to this degree".
So, to summarise, they:
Pretended a trans woman said things she didn't.
Misgendered both her and the person they were defending.
Made up a story about a trans woman and got mad at her.
Called a trans woman "aggressive" for the crime of...using someone's correct pronouns.
When I am not misgendering someone, I am not doing that passive-aggressively. I am literally just saying what I mean. There is no secret implied sinister meaning beneath a trans woman's words that you can discern and criticise while ignoring the actual substance. Please just read what I say and respond to that, not what you reckon I meant based on your mental image of an aggressive irrational trans woman.
steam repeatedly notifying you that a friend is booting up a game thats clearly not cooperating feels like ur sitting inside and someone outside keeps trying to rev up a lawnmower
Transphobia is about to be signed into law in the UK. We can fight this.
I am begging the UK trans community and its allies to attend the Mass Lobby at Parliament on June 25th, 11am-4pm, organised by Trans Solidarity Alliance.
Last year we broke the record for an LGBT+ mass lobby of Parliament. Will you help us break it again? Join us on 25th June 2026 to demand be
The new EHRC Code of Practice pushes trans people out of toilets, hospital wards, and community spaces. It normalises gender policing based on appearance and stereotypes. It becomes statutory guidance in the UK by the end of June.
Trans people are now legally their assigned gender at birth and must join gendered spaces accordingly, but if they are perceived as their lived gender, they can also be ejected from those spaces. The guidance says: either break the law, or don’t pass too well.
A mass lobby is where you invite your MP to discuss your concerns with you in-person. Ask your MP to:
Demand full parliamentary scrutiny, debate, and use their free vote on the EHRC Code of Practice.
Support any motions rejecting the EHRC guidance. As of June 4th, Labour MP Nadia Whittome has submitted a prayer motion - Early Day Motion 240.
Write to Bridget Phillipson, the Minister for Women and Equalities about our concerns
Your MP does not have to be an ally, they do not have to respond to your email for you to show up and greencard them (details below the cut.) What matters is that as many people as possible show up.
I cannot stress this enough: Showing up in person matters. It is much more effective than petitions, emails, and letters.
It is a horrible, stressful time, and I am so sorry if you're trans and live in the UK. But I was at last year's mass lobby and the line for greencarding alone stretched around the back gates. It was a record breaking mass lobby and made us impossible to ignore. Let's do even better this time. Details under the cut:
Worried about what to say?
Bring your personal worries about transphobia being signed into law, and trans friends being excluded from public spaces. You are a living person who deserves dignity. Remind your MP of that. You will also get guidance and brochures from Trans Solidarity Alliance that outlines our demands. This is mine from last year.
Money issues?
Trans Solidarity Alliance provides a travel bursary that you can sign up for via the link.
Got a refusal or no response from your MP?
Come anyway! You can request a same-day appointment with your MP through a process called greencarding. They will come and see you if they’re already in Parliament. Even if they don’t, they’re made acutely aware of your cause because you showed up in person. This is my greencard from last year.
Here is the EHRC Code of Practice in full. It's a tough read, but some highlights are:
Organisations can’t provide trans-inclusive, single-sex services, or they risk being sued for discrimination.
e.g. domestic violence support for women including trans women, men’s rugby group including trans men (12.68).
Trans people will have nowhere safe to pee.
If you’re a trans man, businesses can't allow you to pee in the men's, and you can also be ejected from women’s bathrooms if you’re perceived as a man. Vice versa for trans women. EHRC suggests a ‘third space’ bathroom, which is discriminatory and unworkable for most businesses. (13.130-133)
Sports organisations must exclude trans people from single-sex competitions (13.73).
A women’s only sports competition must exclude trans women because of their biological advantage or face potential lawsuits (13.74), but a trans man who has undergone testosterone treatment can also be excluded based on fairness rules (13.81).
Trans women are stripped of the legal definition of ‘lesbian’, and therefore no longer have legal protections if they’re discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation. (2.50, 2.92).
Here is the Good Law Project's better explanation of the EHRC Code.
I have also made a PDF printout of QR codes for the government petition, email your MP tool, and mass lobby link to pass around your communities. DM me and I'll send it to you.
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