Necessary Recovery

Will break your heart for free💔 If you want someone to drive you to suicide, HMU

[necessaryrecovery]

And a bonus post for you, I’m sorry.. I really tried to be ok with everything. But I know you won’t be alone and I’ll work on being ok alone but in a healthy way. It doesn’t matter in the end the little shit I have to say, I know what I need to do and you’ve been doing what you need to do. Like I said ultimately I blame myself for being hurt cause I knew the position I was in it just never fully solidified till now. You’re in love again and I’m glad you’re able to feel that especially after the fucked up shit I did. Maybe I’ll feel that again maybe I won’t but rn I don’t really care about that. I just want to be able to be able to say I’m happy. And unfortunately for everyone to be happy I have to leave but I appreciate everything this past half a decade. But you clearly moved on so I’ll leave us and these blogs in this past for good. I might not be able to delete it fully but I can delete the app from my phone and never use it again. Which is what I say but Idk man, I don’t know the future and I hate saying concrete shit. Idk nothing I write will fully convey what I feel and there’s no point cause you don’t feel what you do for me anymore. Idk. Point is, Thank you for the past few years, it’s been kinda traumatic and we’ve been through more than normal people should have and thats not something to take lightly. I appreciate you and what you’ve done for me this entire time cause I know I’m not easy to deal with at all. Just..Ik imma do everything possible to forget you and whatever happened this half a decade, but know that no matter what you’ve made a big stain in my soul so I can’t forget you guys completely. I’m just sorry I was such a fucker and ruined the one thing I didn’t wanna ruin for reasons I haven’t even come to terms with myself. Idk I’m a bad person at heart so this outcome doesn’t suprise me. But this way everyone is happy and I truly wish the best for you two. I’m sorry I was how I was and some part of me will always have a soft spot for you, so sorry if u get a random drunk texts months after not talking to you. I know how this shit works and I know we’ll never be as close as we were before, but you helped me through a lot of shit I couldn’t have gone through alone especially back then so thank you. Idk I’m bad with goodbyes and a week doesn’t feel like enough time to say everything. Idk. I’m sorry, I’m not going to say I love you because there’s no point in deliberating my feelings towards you and even if there was a hint of love there’s no point but you’ve been with me through more shit than anybody in this world has been through and I really appreciate you being in my life as long as you were. If you weren’t there I would’ve died and like even if I was upset because of you, you were there and I survived. Thank you, I’m sorry this is how we ended up and for all the drama most of this decade cause Ik it was fucked up from the shit I did, and I hope everybody can be happy in the way they deserve. I can’t ever really forget this time and I won’t/can’t but I’m here for you if you need me. I’m sorry for what I’ve done, hopefully if you see me again I’ll be a better person.

[necessaryrecovery]

So like tbh I didn’t realize people actually replied to some of my shit cause I only use my tumble to vent and like dip. It’s like a diary I vent on but refuse to reread. The emotion, whether it b actual posts or drafts, are there and it’s done with. Plus I only use tumblr on my phone so I never really attempted to learn to use it in depth but apparently I’ve gotten a lot of support that I’ve never replied to or realized existed and of course it happened on a day like today. Idk. I’m sorry for all the bitch baby posts, idk if I’m going to keep using this blog, I kind of want to do a total life reset and don’t want to remember the stuff on here but at the very least I might just not login again after a while. I’m moving out of my ex’s place which is an unfortunately long time coming and I just need to get my shit together which means a break from my tumblr vent stuff for a long while. But at the end of the day I don’t think I have the heart to delete it so imma pretend it doesn’t exist. To everyone whose followed me for a long time I’m sorry for the random outbursts with no contexts, these blogs were a way to cope with my bs rather than to entertain other people. I’m ok, I’ll be ok. Im changing things genuinely for the first time in a while. Idk if it’s fate that I randomly clicked on all the support messages I’ve received this whole time or what but it I really truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heartZ I’m doing what I have to do to be happy and I know after some time I will be. Or at least I won’t be as bad as I am now lol. Thank you, and I appreciate everything.

[necessaryrecovery]

After watching both Wonder Woman movies and birds of prey I can say the moral of tonight is “accept the everything for how it is and move the fuck on” so yeah as much as I liked the movies the overlying message makes sad. If I was to try to move on like Harley Quinn and blow up “our place” I might as well burn the entire state. Too many memories in too many places. But I’m not Harley Quinn and nor is my situation anywhere close to Wonder Woman so yeah shit just sucks I guess

[wheix-deactivated20201202]

[deadlypain]

[necessaryrecovery]

It’s #breakdowntime but with a magenta light so like I wanna die and am breaking down randomly but at the same time I’m horny af and need to nut so it’s like do I cum or do I cry? Both apparently?

[necessaryrecovery]

I have color changing lightbulbs now. I had it on red a bit but the last time my whole room was red was in high school and this was a much harsher red so reality felt super off so yeah. On one hand yay I hav my edgy lights and on the other hand oof I have edgy lights.

[necessaryrecovery]

Everyone is getting cut out when I move anyways so what the fuck does this matter. I fucking hate this it fucking hurts and I feel like a fucking idiot for letting it hurt me

[chaampagnemamii]

I don’t even care *crys for hours*

[dankmemeuniversity]

[hissillyfaggot]

[erogescreens]

[corporalsteiner]

[necessaryrecovery]

I’m an emotional wreck

[necessaryrecovery]

I just wanna bash my head against the wall over and over. Maybe that’ll make these thoughts stop.

[necessaryrecovery]

We’ll get used to this hoax that our love made

[avpdsnail]

shoutout to that underlying sense of unease that’s made a home in my bones

[lezbianz]

*sitting alone on my bed* *thinks “hm. i can’t keep living like this.”* *keeps living like this*