Hey are you accepting any novice necromancer apprentices? you should teach me just like you taught thesaxdude
We’ve spoken before about the NecromAnswers apprenticeship program for talented sorcerers, but clearly interest remains high among those who would benefit from our infernal tutelage. We’re proud to announce the continuation of our efforts to help disadvantaged would-be masters of the arcane through a new apprenticeship that we’re calling the NecromAnswers Disinternship Program.
Carve http://www.necromanswers.com into your chest with a sharp knife.
Stand directly above a six-foot long hole in the ground. See Fig. 1.
Gently coax your soul out of your body, ideally using hemlock, nightshade, or any means that will not compromise your bodily integrity.
Attempt to steer your new corpse directly into the open grave. Ensure your arms and legs are within the grave.
Fig. 1: Pictured above, a typical application for a necromantic apprenticeship.
We found that, passionate though they claimed to be about necromancy, few graduates of our Summer Camp for Skilful Sorcerers were willing to make the plunge and go for full lichedom. We've decided to cut out the middleman and only teach those who are already dead.
2. What guarantee do we have that we won’t be resurrected to perform menial tasks as a skeleton?
Not to worry, skeletons are terrible at menial tasks; their bony fingers lack the grip necessary to carry trays or make tea. In the event that your undead husk is to be used eternally as some low rent servant, it will almost certainly be as a ghoul or zombie.
3. How do I know you won’t leave me (for) dead?
We prefer not to think of this as “death,” it’s just the first step on the long and enriching journey into unlife. Besides, no competent necromancer would never waste a free corpse. That would just be wasteful.
4. Will I be required to fashion my own phylactery ahead of time?
No, that will not be necessary. We wouldn’t have you waste precious mana on such a pointless exercise!
5. … but how will you ensure that our souls can be safely recovered from the netherplane when our bodies are resurrected?
Teething issues like this will be addressed on orientation day. See you on the other side!