Untitled @needafantasyforthis1 - Tumblr Blog

If anyone’s interested, I met Gary Oldman again tonight and asked him a question that’s been burning inside me for a while…

“If it were up to you, would you rather Jackson end up with Standish or Diana?”

He paused, stared into the distance of contemplation for a few moments, then leaned forward and whispered…

“Standish.”

And then he giggled, and then I passed away xoxox

Gary Oldman is officially a Lambdish shipper, pass it on 😚

#AWWWW :3333 #of course it’s Standish

tinkertailorsoldierguy

he needed the extra income

#HAHAHHAHA #I LOVE THE INTERNET😭😭😭😂😂😂

ohgodthebrainworms

The main reason why River is such tumblr/fanfic catnip (in a good way) is that his entire personality is basically just yearning. He wants so many things, and they're all things he either will never have again (his granddad being okay), won't get and shouldn't want (to be a proper MI5 agent), is trying to get from the wrong people (a father figure), or possibly could have but is completely fucking up (close friendship).

The show gives him so much want, and then slowly moves him further and further away from fulfilling any of it. It's so good.

#and yet he thinks he’s doing everything right #bad news for you pal

lorquiana

terrible screenshot of my own post but i really really enjoy. how when river jumps between walkways during temple run (escape the park edition). the dogs are just kind of standing there watching him

like yeah. Sure. I guess thats one way to go about it. might as well happen.

#and then hobbs’ face be like 🥴

ohgodthebrainworms

something very viscerally enjoyable about watching a hot british man suffer

#s6 is closer and closer…#slow horses

tinkertailorsoldierguy

RANKED: River Cartwright Head Injuries, from Least to Most Concerning

2x04: Unable to brace while falling to ground after getting Tased, probably lands on face

This one barely counts. Also he falls onto dirt and it's the middle of summer, so the ground probably isn't even very hard. I give it zero ambulance sirens out of a possible five. Get up and try again.

5x04: Elbowed in face

Personally I would have liked to have seen more suffering. I give it 1 ambulance siren. 🚨

4x03: Fall through roof into pile of tires

I think he should have cut or scratched his face on the roof while falling. Overall, I give it 2 ambulance sirens, mostly because this occurs maybe an hour after a definite brain injury. 🚨🚨

3x03: Headbutt to nose

Probably broke his nose at least, which goes unaddressed. I give it 3 ambulance sirens. 🚨🚨🚨

4x02: Butt of pistol to back of head

This one looks pretty bad, but he seems fine. You could argue that's adrenaline, but I don't want to argue. Very enjoyable, I give it 4/5 ambulance sirens. 🚨🚨🚨🚨

1x02: Hit in face with pistol butt

He looks super dazed right after, which is probably something to be concerned about. At first I thought maybe he was bleeding out the ear after this, but upon further review, it seems that it was just a cut on the side of his forehead.

I award it 4 sirens. 🚨🚨🚨🚨

3x03: Thrown into lockers and then into wall, implied that beating continued while show cut to other POV characters, further injuries likely

Fun! 4 sirens, and then he manages to remain standing for several hours after that. 🚨🚨🚨🚨

3x06: Knocked out for a few minutes by close-range grenade blast and files/filing cabinets that fell on him

At minimum, no one should have allowed him to drive a car 30 minutes later. 5/5, stunning work. 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

4x02: Butt of rifle to side of head

Two hard hits to the head in quick succession (not something they recommend). He remains unconscious for all of the following:

the entire drive back through town

being removed from the van

being carried/dragged into the house and up at least one flight of stairs

being lifted onto a bed

Victor leaving the room, locking the door, and going back downstairs

That's a pretty long time to not wake up after a head injury. Severe brain trauma! Love that for him. 5/5 sirens. Seek medical attention immediately. 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

Also what a choice to then bonk his head, which I have to imagine is throbbing in pain, against this door.

Also notable that he again chooses to operate a vehicle shortly after injury.

So impressive how he just manages to keep on going despite serious bodily harm, the Kerri Strug of failures.

#nearly headless river

think i might’ve found some answers in the teaser for s6. SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK

the car is very likely the same on 1 picture and the last. the number is LR59 FDC. in the teaser the flip was mirrored but we still can see the blurred resemblance in letters “LR” on the first picture.

there’s clearly Coe as a driver and judging by the 3 picture there’re River and Sid with him. the lunatic woman is the one who made a shot at the rear window.

and looks like there’s the accident with them all in the same car. no accident in the book though.

thoughts? i really have hopes for novichok and Coe death in the book sounds more suitable than just a simple car accident

UPD: alsoooo. what if the woods scene with River’s beating someone up is the next after the crash? it does look like it

#slow horses #river cartwright #jk coe #joe country spoilers #slough house spoilers

lorquiana

Top 5 dumbest River moments :)

ok before reading this answer every time i type oh river i need you to read it with the same tone in which dara o'brien says 'aw snake' in this skit . ok proceed. honorable mention to the paint pot incident, which to be fair isn't actually his fault that's gravity (whenever possible make gravity the coyote's main enemy etc etc) but he is very stupid before that

5. s3 park break-in. in his defence this is thought through and designed to get him specifically to fall for it which is why it is last on the list but that doesn't make it any less funny. specifically here i like the jumping between the walkways it kind of makes sense but it's very dumb also. he twisted his ankle :(

4. tased by alex. my mom made fun of him endlessly for this and so did i. he's so locked on a specific image of a spy that at no point does he ever think hey this guy is a little obvious to be a sleeper agent maybe, also we do know (i think lamb mentions it) that this may be a trap, but of course it is simply that easy. way too high of an opinion of himself as a spy because it is still season 2

3. i cant find a good image of this but the argument with shirley during The Hostage Situation at the end of s5. analysing this season in the kindest way possible taking into account all of the ways season 4 fucks this guy up i cannot for the life of me work out why he does that. a real babygirl what the hell are you even doing moment. hey this looks like a delicate situation let me make it immediately worse. he's so stupid <3

2. he's so caught up in arguing here he gets stuck in a revolving door. i love this one its harmless but really representative of This Idiot (really needs to be Right and is so distracted by that he embarasses himself). season 3 river is always having stuff happen to him it's really funny. i think this might be his stupidest season. he did kinda deserve this though louisa was right to push the door here

you know he was trying SO hard for a Cool Exit here. for non british people he's basically giving them the finger in the first image. this i think is the most emblematic River Cartwright Catastrophe in that he gets his super cool spy moment and then immediately this happens. every action has an equal opposite reaction and every badass spy moment has an equal opposite cartoonish fuckup. a category six oh river moment. this isn't really his own fault so i dont know if this counts as a dumb moment (tm) but it's such a succinct description of him as a character that i had to include it. get a load of this idiot. season four is a masterpiece of television

needafantasyforthis1

revolving door is my favorite!!!! stupiidddddddd

#river cartwright

nowarbutklaaswar

My favourite thing about River is that you watch the show and think ‘wow this guy suffers a lot’ and then you read the books and realise it actually gets so much worse

needafantasyforthis1

Spoilers for 6,7

that’s a real question so far, where is River going to suffer more this time - in the show or still in the books? herron hit him pretty hard in 7 book. do the creators have compassion or… 👹

#river cartwright #slow horses