dream blog

[neiades]

achieving

growing, slowly

one of my goals is met. i arrange the pieces in my life; this is all i can do for now

i have dreams of

where this goal will go, and

i envision adventure and excitement

the acid in a knot in my stomach loosens, subsides

i am a little free-er than i was yesterday. i can see the path unfold and it unrolls to more liberty

It’s okay, you know? things can be good without being how you wished them. It doesn’t mean you don’t wish for that any more

i will always have the same wish and i’ll be buried with it like it is buried in me

[neiades]

goals

for the next six months - 

save up 11900 for surgery

focus on fitness and health

read books

better clothes (if poss)

[neiades]

[neiades]

peace

peace is returning. a weight is being lifted

rise, rise, rise

tomorrow - calm. i am deep, i am fortune

persevere. this is the payment. we all must struggle. struggle breeds growth. i live to grow. on and on and on

calm is coming

[neiades]

envisioning

I wake early on a saturday morning. a baggy sports sweatshirt, full length lululemon leggings, jacked up sneakers. hair in a tight top bun. prada 57Os sunglasses. I walk to the markets. I lie on the grass. my friends come and I get a tea. I am fit, super fit. my calves are small in my leggings. I am fresh, early, easy going, easily put together

awake, not wanting

[neiades]

an ideal week

monday 22.01.18 to friday 26.01.18

wake 6am. stretch and dress. walk 3-5km. 8am - hot lemon water, smoothie, read the economist. apply for jobs, run errands. lunch. read, play games, work on the garden. exercise - run/piit. dinner. television. reflection.

[neiades]

tomorrow

21.01.18

wake 6am. stretching and hot lemon water. walk up mt cootha. write a ‘to do’ list. have a smoothie for breakfast on the balcony; read the economist. breathe, breathe, breathe. work on a job application. run errands - buy a book, visit the nursery. listen to sufjan. have a tea and read a book. exercise. watch television. hold out hope

[neiades]

envisioning

21.01.18

i live in london. the sun is out. i walk to the markets in a silk dress from lee mathews and beautiful sunglasses. i buy fruit and vegetables and bread and collect my purchases in a small woven basket. i have a juice while i read the economist. i am comfortable in my body, with no make up and hair twirled into a bun and i am not afraid

of the world seeing me

i lie on the grass in the park. i eat an apple. i read poetry. i dream and feel the earth is the dream; the earth feels that of me too

[neiades]

tomorrow

17.01.18

tomorrow I would like to learn something new. 

wake up 8.00am. stretching and hot lemon water. iced tea at osteria. breathing, breathing

read the paper. learn. fill the mind. fuel the body

visit the beach. play games. look for jobs. what is the future and how can I get there?

[neiades]

reflecting

17.01.18 

12.08am

I don’t know if I am ever truly honest with myself. my jaw is always clenched

I persevered today. I moved towards the future - created pieces to submit to the future version of myself I will become. forward, forward, forward. always building

I am very very proud of myself. I am growing physically stronger. I am growing calmer. all the time I aware of growth

[neiades]

tomorrow

14.01.18

8.00am waking. walk to the beach. morning stretches. hot lemon water. a breakfast smoothie. deep breathing. a quiet place. a long walk. fuelling the body well. dreaming, dreaming, dreaming. calling friends. listening to sufjan. afternoon exercise. a chance at peace. patience, small steps, belief. allowing for things to unfold

[neiades]

reflection

13.01.18

I moved towards the future today. morning stretches. no coffee. pilates, running, walking. I feel cumbersome in my body but I will grow myself back anew. I am growing, growing, growing

[neiades]

tomorrow

13.01.18

wake 8.00am. stretching (10 minutes). envision the day. make goals. take the time to breathe. a hot lemon water. read the economist. walk to osteria - lemon myrtle iced tea. take photos. remember the moments. allow for calm. 

walk home. have breakfast. make a smoothie! stop buy the supermarket if necessary. take deep breaths. visit the beach. listen to sufjan in front of the ocean. play games. look at applications. book an eyebrow appointment. let the day unfold.

tomorrow is discipline. no coffee, no soda. tomorrow is envisioning. operating with future in mind. 

dream and focus, dream and focus

tomorrow is new. i make myself new. dream and focus

[neiades]

envisioning

beginning of winter. i have flown from london to crack a huge white smile in the streets of new york. my hand is wrapped into the palm of a beautiful girl, both of us in matching pailette sequin dresses. we walk up and down the streets together. we have lunch and champagne, giggling over the sound of cutlery running into plates. we get a lot of photos. full body photos. i am small. i am punch drunk and uninhibited. i do not pull back. i am shining

[neiades]

my vision of me

- fit and thinner, minus seven kilos. good abs and a small waist. great butt. toned arms. not too little! bone structure working. calfs athletic (liposculpture).

- eyebrows dark

- hair healthy and growing

- a stable routine, lots of reading

- eating well and not drinking coffee or pepsi

- new teeth. an open smile

- in clothes that I love

- a great friend and very good listener

- friendly but guarded to new people

- good skin

- wearing a bunch of lululemon

[neiades]

my ideal schedule

monday

wake up 7.00am, stretching (10 minutes), hot water with breakfast (something amazingly healthy, no coffee) and reading the economist (25 minutes). thinking about the goals i am moving towards. get ready for work. leave 8.30am. work until lunch - have something amazingly healthy for lunch (outside) and do some reading. text some people. work until the afternoon. drive to boxing (5.30pm). make something scrummy for dinner. relax! watch tv shows. read some fiction before bed.

tuesday

wake up 7.00am, stretching (10 minutes), hot water with breakfast (something amazingly healthy, no coffee) and reading the economist (25 minutes). get ready for work. leave 8.30am. work until lunch - have something amazingly healthy for lunch (outside) and do some reading. text some people. work until the afternoon. drive to personal training (5.30pm). make something scrummy for dinner. relax! watch tv shows. read some fiction before bed.

wednesday

wake up 7.00am, stretching (10 minutes), hot water with breakfast (something amazingly healthy, no coffee) and reading the economist (25 minutes). get ready for work. leave 8.30am. work until lunch - have something amazingly healthy for lunch (outside) and do some reading. text some people. work until the afternoon. go for a long run. make something scrummy for dinner. relax! watch tv shows. read some fiction before bed.

thursday

wake up 7.00am, stretching (10 minutes), hot water with breakfast (something amazingly healthy, no coffee) and reading the economist (25 minutes). get ready for work. leave 8.30am. work until lunch - have something amazingly healthy for lunch (outside) and do some reading. text some people. work until the afternoon. drive to personal training (5.30pm). make something scrummy for dinner. relax! watch tv shows. read some fiction before bed.

friday

wake up 7.00am, stretching (10 minutes), hot water with breakfast (something amazingly healthy, no coffee) and reading the economist (25 minutes). get ready for work. leave 8.30am. work until lunch - have something amazingly healthy for lunch (outside) and do some reading. text some people. work until the afternoon. no exercise because it’s friday. go to dinner! hang out with friends.

saturday

wake up 7.00am, stretching (10 minutes), hot water with breakfast (something amazingly healthy, no coffee) and reading the economist (25 minutes). get ready for the day. leave 8.30am. go to the markets. wear something lovely. take a basket! buy things for the week and get a juice. lie on the grass. go for a swim. go for a walk. have a nap. hang out with friends. watch a movie. go to dinner or have drinks at night.

sunday

wake up 7.00am, stretching (10 minutes), hot water with breakfast (something amazingly healthy, no coffee) and reading the economist (25 minutes). get ready for the day. slow morning. lots of breathing. listen to sufjan. visit family. play with beau. hang out. dinner with family. read fiction before bed.