𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙴 𝙱𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃

a candle that burns twice as fast for half as long sideblog to withpromise

[neinsided]

hello  ...  

this  is  going  to  be  a  real  chill  sideblog  for  friends  &  also  to  quarantine  my  obnoxious  ramblings  about  the  disaster  tiefs.  no  icons,  no  worries,  just  an  m  t  brain  on  overdrive.  will  follow  from  @withpromise

this  blog  is  not  spoiler-free

[neinsided]

lucien in the distance doing the taken monologue

[neinsided]

we all acknowledge that the illusory caleb was doing the "i have the power of god and anime on my side" dance right

[inanotherunivrse]

in another universe, we had more time

[archived-hellesfeuer]

*    @neinsided . 

[neinsided]

specifically, starter call for lucien and the nein's no good terrible adventures through the snow

[lyliacs]

“molly taught me how to read fortunes”

[neinsided]

iii.  caleb

CATCHING   HIS   BREATH   IS   A   FEAT   UNTO   ITSELF   JUST   NOW.         a   challenge,   to   keep   standing   and   listening,   to   stand   so   close   to   .   .   .      well,   not   mollymauk.      not   lucien   either,   whoever   that   might   have   been.      someone   else      —      someone   new.      but   they   are   back   here   again      —      in   zadash,   in   the   evening   nip,   drinking   at   the   bar   as   they   have   before.   

“      do   .   .   .      please   do   not   think   we   are   pressuring   you   to   come   with   us.      ”            the   words   from   the   purple   tiefling’s   lips,   after   days   of   wondering   what   he   would   decide   now   that   they   have   returned,   are   light   and   wonderful   in   caleb’s   chest.      but   .   .   .      he   is   himself,   and   he   worries   it   will   be   too   good   to   be   true.            “      we   only      —      i   only      —      want   to   help   you.      whatever   that   means.      ”   

hand over  his  heart,  still  as  brightly  tattooed  as  it  was  when  he  woke  up,  dirt  in  his  mouth.  the  paper  crinkles  underneath  his  cloak  reliably,  used  to  the  newfound  motion  he’s  come  to  inhabit  whenever  something  like  this  strikes.  the  first  night,  he  had  seen  a  moonless  sky.  dark.  quiet.  cold.  he  dreamed  of  silver  whenever  he  laid  his  head  to  rest.  silken  clouds,  dyed  with  the  blue  sky  &  a  red  moon  in  the  lake.  mollymauk  breathes  &  he  calms.

mollymauk——&  he’s  beginning  to   think  he  prefers  just  mollymauk.  nothing  after  that.  no  last  name.  ❛ it’s  not  like  that.  think  of  it  as——taking  responsibility. ❜   there’s  a  hint  of  a  smirk.  a  familiar  pull  at  the  lips  &  the  muscle  memory  fills  in  the  gaps.   ❛ everything  i  know  starts  with  you. ❜   he  still  can’t  read,  but  he  knows  caleb’s  writing  as  well  as  the  patterns  on  the  coat  he  still  hasn’t  gotten  to  courage  to  wear.  they  loved  whoever  wore  that.  mollymauk  hums.   ❛ i’d  at  least  like  to  know  why. ❜

[ukusvdovy-aa]

sentences / starters taken from black widow   :   name of the rose,   #3   &   #4.   feel free to change pronouns / tense as necessary.     /     part one.   part three.                                            TRIGGERS   :   espionage,   death.

there are wolves in the night.   the soldiers would say that,   when i was a girl.

raising me on the battlefield because there was nowhere else to go.

there are stories about wolves and girls.   girls in red.   all alone in the woods.   about to get eaten up.

tell me what big eyes i have.

you have been spying,   [NAME].   i hear this,   everywhere.   i hear other things.

you have been spying on me.

if it makes you feel better,   you’re not that interesting.

and i don’t have time to play.

why,   [NAME]?   when so many trust you?

you and i both know that any of us can be turned.

how many friends have betrayed us,   [NAME]?   how many does it take before we start arming ourselves with knowledge?

tell me i was wrong.   tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing.   tell me you haven’t already.

they say you have sold the information already.   they say you conspire to harm your allies and friends.

that is a lie.

my life has been stolen from me,   time and time again.   i will not let it happen once more.

wolves and girls.   both have sharp teeth.

i assume you arranged for discretion?

no one here is interested in trouble.

rest your heart.   this will not last.   nothing ever does.

you are one of the last who know me,   [NAME].   that is a strange bond.

you forget so much.   you forget them.   friends.   family.

you put aside what can’t be changed.   like death.

a power play.   proof that i’m vulnerable in ways that have nothing to do with flesh and blood.

yes…   it is personal now.

he used to call you crazy.   crazy dangerous.

let’s stick to business.   my business.   you,   in my business.

i think i hurt you.   poor [NAME] with pain in her eyes.

we all burn.   we burn in fire.   we burn in blood.   we burn in dreams.   and it never ends.

dreams never end.   you would not want them to.

not if it means forgetting.   you can never forget.

you,   who are all that is left.

so,   remember   :   we are born in fire.

when it hurts,   you know you are alive.   and you know that as long as you live,   they live.   and when you die,   they die.

you are the inheritor of memories.

you and i both know how predictable you are.

i like to live dangerously.

while you…   you just like to hurt others from a distance.   i’ve always wondered if that makes you a coward.

well.   evil enough.

you’re a baby compared to me.   of course i’m bored.   i know how this will end.

tell me who hired you…   and i might just give you the antidote.

i will make sure you’re buries,   [NAME].   nice and deep.   unmarked grave.

you’re in my prison now,   [NAME].   remember that the next time you come after my friends and their families.

killing people is easy.   making them suffer is an art.

we’re both made of similar stuff.   i just hide it better than you do.

i don’t know.   yes.   maybe.   does it matter.

and if i offered myself up would you take my help?

whatever else we are…   let me be your friend.

i’ll get it done.   no matter how much i dislike it.

your eyes are older,   though.   your gaze.   i suppose that is some consolation.

i never repeated what she told me.

you live a rough life.

it was years before i understood what you meant.

she was afraid you would forget what’s important.

you should stay here.   they need you.   you need them.

i remember that i helped ruin you.

[neinsided]

specifically, starter call for lucien and the nein's no good terrible adventures through the snow

[leneemusing]

more misc memes

“  change isn’t easy.  ” “  i just wanted to say i’m sorry.  ” “  i guess being angry was/is just easier than being sad.  ”  “  what did you want to tell me?  ” “  it was supposed to be simple.  ” “  you’ve got blood on your shirt.  ” “  you can stay with me.  ” “  what did you want to show me?  ” “  i miss ____ more than i thought i would.  ” “  i don’t like to talk about it, but i wanted you to know.  ” “  shut up. please.  ” “  fuck off.  ” “  hush, i’m trying to kiss you.  ” “  you’re lucky you’re cute.  ” “  i fucked up.  ” “  i just want to take it all back.  ” “  i can’t sleep.  ”  /  “  can’t sleep?  ” “  we should get a pet.  ” “  if you have something to say, spit it out.  ” “  i’m allowed to be angry.  ” “  she/he aint even that cute.  ” “  just hold me.  ” “  do you want me to go?  ”   “  i just need time.  ” “  i already made my decision, you’re not going to change that.  ”   “  nothing you can say will surprise me.  ” “  everyone leaves, eventually. either they move on or they die. they leave and i’m left behind.  ” “  death is a part of life. i accepted that a long time ago.  ” “  i don’t fear death. i fear anonymity.  ” “  listen to me, please.  ” “  i’m not even sure what to say to that.  ” “  that should probably shock me, but honestly it doesn’t.  ” “  am i supposed to care?  ” “  i do care.  ”   “  you make me happy.  ” “  you look beautiful like this.  ”   “  if this is your idea of fun, i don’t know what to say to you.  ” “  it terrifies me.  ”   “  just let me show you how i feel.  ”

[neinsided]

ii.  caleb

LEANS   FORWARD   AND   RESTS   HIS   ARMS   UPON   HIS   KNEES,   CRISSCROSS-APPLESAUCE   UPON   THE   FLOOR.         the   inn   is   hardly   the   worst   they   have   seen.      hardly   the   best   either.      but   the   floor   is   clean      (   mostly   )      at   least,   and   here   they   sit,   the   pair   of   them   engaged   in   what   is   quite   possibly   the   most   useless   activity   caleb   has   done   in   a   long   time      —      weeks,   months,   years.      but   mollymauk   insists,   and   he   is   a   difficult   devil   to   deny.      and   .   .   .      well,   now   that   they   are   here,   now   that   he   has   begun   to   comb   through   caleb’s   rat-nest   of   a   head,   it   is   quite   relaxing.      eyes   flutter   shut,   breathing   leveling   out   as   molly   tells   his   tales,   weaving   them   together   just   as   he   does   with   caleb’s   hair.      he   is   reminded   of   his   mother,   then   of   astrid,   then   of   wulf   .   .   .      then   simply   returns   to   molly,   the   touch   and   lilt   of   the   words   so   precisely   him   that   he   cannot   be   reminiscent   of   anything   or   anyone   else.   

“      i   doubt   you   will   do   a   worse   job   than   i   manage   for   myself,      ”            he   replies,   a   quiet,   teasing   whisper,   voice   more   than   a   little   sleepy.            “      nowhere   to   go   but   up,   ja   .   .   .      ”            he   bobs   his   head   a   bit,   though   not   too   much   to   keep   from   moving      —      to   keep   from   disturbing   mollymauk’s   work.      he   cannot   bring   himself   to   wish   any   of   this   to   stop.   

this is one  of  the  few  things  molly  knows  without  a  doubt  is  his  own.  he  really  doesn’t  remember  a  lot.  really,  there’s  barely  any  memories  swimming  around  in  his  memory  &  if  there  is  anything  left  inside  him,  it  must  not  have  a  voice.  but——but.  his  body  remembers.  the  senses,  his  fingers  &  limbs  &  the  very  blood  pumping  through  him  hold  onto  memories  far  better  than  anything.  they  remember.  they  remember  how  to  hold  a  sword,  how  to  stand  with  two  blades  &  how  to  call  the  power  resting  in  his  veins.  his  body  remembers  smells,  tastes  &  sounds,  perks  up  at familiar  accents  &  makes  him  pause  at  certain  faces,  like  he’s  seen  someone  like  them  before.  but  this——this  he  had  to  learn  from  the  ground  up.  this  is  his.  just  like  the  tattoos  flexing  with  every  movement,  just  like  the  cards  in  his  pocket  &  the  stitches  on  the  coat——he  owns  this.  not  ...  not  whoever  came  before.

❛ there  are  other  directions,  you  know.  plenty  of  ways  people  can  go, ❜   molly  says.  he  starts  on  one  side.  pulling  strands  together  &  there’s  not  a  lot  to  work  with,  but  enough.  he  has  a  few  extra  silk  flowers  in  his  pocket  to  weave  into  the  design.  spruce  him  up  a  bit.  it’s  nice  to  be  able  to  do  this  for  people.    ❛ are  you  falling  asleep  on  me  ?  not  that  i  mind  because  you  look  like  you  need  more  sleep  than  anyone  i’ve  ever  seen,  but  it’d  be  nice  if  you  could  stay  awake  long  enough  to  see  what  i’ve  done. ❜

[neinsided]

i.  veth

IT’S HARD TO BELIEVE ( OR MAYBE SHE JUST DOESN’T QUITE WANT TO BELIEVE. ) that this new person cares at all; and a part of her is wishing that Mollymauk is still in there, somewhere; to no avail ー for it is pretty clear that Molly might not ever come back. It’s scary to think about the significance they might hold, the possibility they could be the reason for Wildemount’s life ー for Wildemount’s death. Lucien who is standing in front of her is not the same, extravagant but life-loving tiefling that they’d known and loved before ー and her wishful thinking overpowers the logical thought that the same face might be used to deceive them for his own gain. There is a murmur of a memory about their humble beginnings in a simple tavern in Wildemount, and the thought of a meal ー ‘ I mean ー there’s no ー you didn’t  ー we’re not HUNGRY! ‘ A bout of frustration washes over her as she protests, and she plants her hands on her hips in an effort to seem serious ( Molly never seemed to take her seriously  ー no, no, he’s not here anymore. ), eyebrows furrowed.

There were so many thoughts running across her mind ー why use them? Why come into contact with them? Would he do anything for this, was he so desperate to do this; unleash an unknown force upon the world ( she doesn’t think about Isharnai and her offer for the now-broken curse; to bring upon an era of war that would’ve killed so many innocent people, doesn’t think about her own personal desperation to be herself again. )? The name he says is unfamiliar in taste and the voice familiar all the same, like honey and venom mixed together ー and when he calls her Veth she is almost inclined to correct him:  it’s Nott the Brave. ‘ You have a story, ‘ she repeats; sorry for not being the greatest conversationalist, Lucien, ‘ And this is proof you care about me ー care about us? I don’t see ー don’t really know what’s the relevance between that and us, really ー ‘ but her body language says otherwise; the interest, the step towards him, the quirk of a brow, and the pouting of her lips ー and she wants to hear it; hear any excuse for her to trust him like she’d done before.

perhaps it’s  their  gift  to  him——this  memory  loss.  looking  at  these  people  now,  seeing  them  before  him,  it’s  easy  to  see  why  he  might  have  travelled  with  them  before.  their  expressions.  oh.  they  felt  for  that  poor  mistake  that  happened  to  hijack  his  body  for  two  years.  even  now,  there’s  a  faint  twinge.  something  pulling  at  his  heart,  coloured  with  honeysuckle  &  tasting  of  cheap  ale.  if  he  had  been  without  direction,  without  the  spearhead  of  purpose  lanced  through  him,  he  might  have  liked  that  life.  the  easy  life  without  the  tether,  without  the  responsibility  lucien  wears  like  a  heavy  cloak.  had  he  remembered,  it  might  have  made  things  complicated,  so  lucien  is  glad  for  the  ignorance.  cree’s  word  is  enough.  their  word  is  enough.  lucien  listens.  takes  a  peek  every  now  &   then,  catching  snippets  &  names.

❛ well.  you  are  hungry.  just  not  for  food——but  the  offer  is  still  there  of  course. ❜   he  shrugs,  pulling  his  folk  into  position  around  him.  they’re  connected——willingly,  of  course.  lucien  had  asked  them  before  binding  their  threads  together  like  red  string  on  a  board,  pins  right  between  the  eyes.  he  can  understand  why  someone  might  follow  after  a  ghost  in  the  snow.  he’s  done  it  a  few  times  himself.  remembers  chasing  after  zoran  who’d  fallen  prey  to  a  wizard’s  grasp,  mind  twisting  against  them.  of  course  now  that  was  hardly  a  problem.  they  shared  some  things.  he  had  their  eyes,  they  had  his  mind  &  the  defenses  granted  to  him.  lucien  stretches,  sitting  on  the  floor    bathed  in  the  blue  glow  of  the  crest  above  him.   ❛ c’mon.  sit.  it’ll  be  an  awful  long  tale,  so  might  want  to  save  yourself  some  aches  &  pains. ❜

the  eyes  on  his  body  seem  to  shift.  just  slightly.   ❛ you  saw  something,  didn’t  you  ?  now,  don’t  even  think  about  lying  because  i  see  things  too.  i  see  a  lot  with  mine  eyes  &  there’s  no  shame  in  that. ❜   it’s  just  the  barest  shimmer,  but  he  sees  it.  like little  stars,  strange  &  impossible  &  very  much  not  of  this  plane.  the  same  kind  of  stars  that  had  cradled  lucien  in  their  maws,  slowly  piecing  his  shattered  self  together.  he  sees  it,  faint  as  the  connection  is  now.   ❛ that’s  what  drew  my  attention,  my  gaze.  though,  i’ll  admit  i  was  more  interested  in  your  charge——&  i  do  want  to  thank  you  for  that.  saved  me  a  spot  of  trouble  &  it  felt  good  to  finally  dish  out  some  comeuppance.  but  you’re  here  now  &  i’m  interested  in  people  who’d  be  willing  to  brave  this  weather  just  to  see  what’s  up.  so  yes,  i  do  care.  yes  i’m  interested.  you’re  some  very  special  people——not  many  get  to  see  that  splendour. ❜

[midnigtartist]

Local clown repeats himself

[neinsided]

sleeping under  the  cart  in  the  pouring  rain.  it  was  nice,  in  a  very,  very  weird  sense.  the  outside  world  seemed  muffled  &  with  the  rest  of  the  team  parked  a  little  bit  away  towards  the  trees,  there’s  a  real  moment  of  privacy  that’s  not  often  available  out  in  the  wilderness.

❛ nott,  are  you  still  asleep  back  there  ? ❜

STARTERS :   @commaless​

[neinsided]

i.  caleb  /  @hellesfeuer

CALEB   IS   NOT   USED   TO   HAVING   FRIENDS      —      NOT   USED   TO   BEING   THIS   PERSON   YET   AT   ALL.         some   days   come   easier   than   others;      some   nights   pass   well   and   smooth,   some   days   barely   showing   signs   that   he’s   ever   been   anything   but   this:      a   quiet,   awkward,   dirty   wizard,   a   coward   but   nothing   else.      to   some,   that   might   not   be   better,   but   caleb   is   not   those   people      —      not   a   good   person.      usually,   barely   a   person   at   all.  

but   these   people   make   him   think   he   could   be      —      one   day,   perhaps      —      and   nights   like   the   last   and   mornings   like   this   make   it   easier   to   pretend.      maybe   even   wonder   if   it’s   pretending   he’s   doing   at   all.  

the   barkeep   brings   the   food   to   caleb   and   molly,   sliding   the   much   fuller   plate   before   the   tiefling,   the   small   serving   before   the   wizard.      he   sections   off   the   bacon   to   the   side,   saving   it   for   nott.            “      i   see   you   drank   too   much   as   well.      ”            another   joke   he   won’t   admit   he   tells,   though   this   time   the   glint   in   his   eyes   and   the   tilt   of   his   lips   last   longer.            “      it   has   been   a   long   time   since   i   .   .   .      behaved   like   that,      ”            he   confides,   taking   a   slow   bite   of   eggs      —      small,   barely   any   food   on   the   fork   at   all.      still,   it   turns   his   stomach;      still,   his   mind   tells   him   that   it’s   too   much,   more   than   he   needs   or   should   have.            “      not   much   spare   coin   for   revelry,   you   know.      ”  

the carnival  hadn’t  been  a  family.  not  quite.  there  was  always a   lingering  tension  which  mollymauk  can  feel  brewing  in  brief  bursts  underneath  the  surface  with  this  group.  &  molly  doesn’t  think  that’s  what  he’s  looking  for  in  this  group——they  just  seemed  like  fun.  molly  likes  fun.  he  likes  interesting,  strange,  weird  &  maybe  a  little  unwise  because  he  has  no  use  for  being  careful.  the  carnival  took  him  places,  but  never  anywhere  forbidden.  mollymauk  wants  the  unusual.  the  secret  places  in  the  middle  of  lake,  speculating  about  witch  huts  while  hunting  a  devilish  toad.

(  *  living  on  borrowed  time.  it’s  not  like  he  lives  with  that  pinned  to  the  forefront  of  his  mind.  it’s  just  in  the  back,  somewhere.  the  thought  that  if  the  person  before  him  could  be  so  easily  usurped  then  what  did  that  say  about  him  ?  )

molly  eats  happily.  food  hadn’t  been  scarce,  but  it  was  almost  like  it  had  to  relearn  it.  build  back  the  memories  &  figure  out  which  ones  felt  familiar  &  which  were  new.  hearty  tavern  food  felt  like  a  luxury  on  occasion.  like  he  was  used  to  tougher  foods.  things  like  jerky  &  adjacent  meals  meant  for  harsh  roads.  ❛ one  of  the  many  benefits  of  traveling  in  a  large  group  like  this.  more  people  who’d  be  willing  to  spare  a  bit  of  their  funds. ❜   there’s  an  arched  brow.  an  invitation,  if  caleb  wants  it.  mollymauk  doesn’t  really  care  about  gold,  in  all  honesty.  he  knows  he  tips  people  too  much  &  hands  it  out  without  counting,  but  it’s  just  gold  is  the  thing.  oh,  he  knows  the  price  of  indulgence  &  he’ll  happily  save  up  on  luxuries  like  trips  to  the  spa,  but  he’s  not  so  tied  to  the  material.  the  experiences  are  where  it’s  at.   ❛ &  of  course,  one  of  the  benefits  of  traveling  with  me  is  that  i  never  miss  out  on  a  chance  for  revelry.  if  you’re  willing,  we  could  have  a  lot  of  fun  together,  you  &  i,  mister  caleb. ❜

[nomuzawa]

darling, you know better than to trust a pack of cards

[neinsided]

i.  caleb

        It takes a moment for Caleb to notice the gentle buzz of his cell phone  —-  buried, as it is, somewhere in the shelves above his head, neglected on purpose as he’d buried himself in the day’s quieter work.  Even if it is somewhere around the size of a glorified broom closet, he has tried to carve out his own office in the small apartment, and it is often the closest he will ever get to a sacred space  —  somewhere relatively undisturbed, where if Veth crashes on a night, or Beauregard lets herself in with the spare key, that if the door is closed, he is mostly left alone until it cracks back open.

        That being said, buzzes from inside are not unheard of, and it is curiosity that gets the better of him  —-  that pushes his chair back from the narrow, wobbling desk, and pushes his hand up to the crowded bookshelf above, make-shift from the thrift store but doing, at least until he’d heard it rattle so many times in a row now with the phone’s vibrating, just fine.  Something to ask Beau if she could lend a hand with, perhaps, and that note is now tucked in his mind for later.  It isn’t Beauregard  —  she would be at work now, though that hardly stops her from texting him while she’s there on occasion  — whose messages come through, still, but rather an insistent patter of long messages from Mollymauk.

        There’s a slight crease between Caleb’s eyebrows as he types, rubs palms against his jeans before looking out the small window.  Frost.  Hmm.

            [ SENT: Mollymauk Tealeaf ]  You are sure you didn’t lock him out? It sounds as though you might as well.            [ SENT: Mollymauk Tealeaf ]   I am working from home today. I cannot promise that Veth will not stop by, but you may “leech” off the heater if you do not bring any of last night’s visitors.           [ SENT: Mollymauk Tealeaf ]   There is no cocoa here, though. I believe have baking chocolate left over from the last time Jester was here, but that is a… bit bitter for that. There may be some of Caduceus’ tea in the cupboard.

mollymauk smiles  at  the  messages  &  he’s  already  feeling  a  little  better.  he’s——usually  not  left  to  his  own  devices.  everyone’s  busy.  molly’s  usually  busy  himself,  but  he  finds  himself  with  pockets  of  time  every  so  often.  he  works  a  lot  of  odd  jobs.  floats  between  storefronts  &  uniforms,  never  quite  settling.  outside  of  work,  molly  tends  to  be  the  inciting  incident  for  a  lot  of  their  meetups.  he  hangs  out  with  jester  on  a  regular  basis  &  it’s  not  strange  for  him  to  pop  in  wherever  yasha  happens  to  be  if  she’s  in  town.  if  he’s  not  terribly  bored  at  work,  he’s  usually  terribly  bored  at  home  waiting  for  fjord  to  come  home  to  pester  or  inviting  his  own  company  inside.  &  he  could  do  that  again,  honestly,  but  he  likes  his  friends.  they  can  have  much  more  intimate  conversations  &  it’s  more  fun  that  way.

[ SENT : 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚐𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚝 ] ive only done that once i’ll have you know but you know what fair assumption. we never hang out just the two of us dont we i should bring something fun maybe. but you’re working aren’t you and you’re the only person who’s no fun to pester when you’re working because i feel bad which usually doesn’t stop me but you know i can be a considerate decent person every so often

he  moves  through  his  room,  pulling  on  some  clothes.  snug  joggers,  a  crop  top  because  he  has  to  &  he  looks  hot  which  must  balance  it  out  with  the  fact  that  he’s exposing  himself  to  the  cold,  one  of  yasha’s  cardigans  that  he’s  stolen  &  a  big  coat  beau  bought  him  after  losing  a  bet.  he’s  wrapped  up  in  layers  by  the  time  he  stops hemming  &  hawing  over  actually  going  outside  to  brave  the  winter  air.  he  hates  the  cold  with  a  passion.  but  the  promise  of  company  is  enough  to  pull  him  outside.

[ SENT : 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚐𝚑𝚊𝚜𝚝 ] im absolutely going to steal caduceus’ tea and commit several sins while brewing it i’ll be there in a bit thank you so much caleb do you want anything while im out or should i just bring my fabulous self