I should Introduce myself.
Call me Neko! I'm 23 and from the UK. My pronouns are She/Her and I live with my Partner and my cute Dog.
My heaviest Weight was 15st 7lbs. I was a huge ass whale and just didn't care at the time, I got comfortable with myself and was blissfully unaware of the actual size of myself.
Anyway During my teenage years, I did struggle with a handful of mental health issues including disordered eating as a coping strategy however as I got older and my mental health improved, I 'grow' out of it.
Skip to last year when the start of the Covid pandemic became and working as a Carer in a carehome, I started struggling with my anxiety and intrusive thoughts due to the large amounts of stress and trauma I was going through. I began leaning back into my old coping strategies again such as disordered Eating to feel more in control.
After 6 months of starving/ extreme dieting, I ended up being 12stone. People began noticing my weightloss and explaining how I looked so much better and Clothing started fitting on my body better, it wasn't uncomfortable and tight on my huge body like it was before. I was getting told by everyone how amazing I was doing on my 'diet'. I enjoyed the positive attention I was getting and it struck a chord with me. I wanted to be seen as 'Skinny', 'worthy' 'healthy'.
Here I am now, stuck with my obsession to be 'Skinny', researching how many calories are in every food item that touches my lips and planning, searching, stressing over food all the time. Looking at the beautiful thin legs of girls and wishing I was them.
I wish to share my story as I can't speak to anyone in my current life and it has been building up inside me. I'm happy to finally be able to explain myself and find others that understand.
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Well update on this. I'm turning 25 soon. I'm divorced, living independently. I sadly lost my dog to the ex husband however I got a cute kitty now. I'm still struggling with my eating obviously with my constant returns to this page. I'm glad I finally left my ex-husband, no regards there but he did fuck up my head more then it already was which I'm trying to recover now still. It's an ongoing battle but I'm trying my best every day!
