first req kinda nervous š„¹
so im obsessed w rdr and im lowk going through a rough time - i was wondering if you could do headcannons where the gang members find their s/o's goodbye note (angst and fluff) with hosea in it as well? i love ur work sm i was up till 5 am last night reading it!!
donāt worry iām going thru it too š„² im not sure if you meant goodbye as in leaving the gang, or goodbye as in suicide so i just kinda went with the suicide part !! also i didnāt know how to incorporate fluff into this so itās just pure angst :(
also thank u for reading im glad u like my work :3
contains: arthur morgan, charles smith, javier escuella, bill williamson, micah bell, lenny summers, hosea matthews
cw: canon death (arthur), mentions of readerās suicide, mention of characterās suicide, in summary death and sadness
arthur morgan has a morning ritual. wake up with you on his arms, kiss your face, then get up and get dressed. oddly enough, he wakes up with his arms empty.
confused, he looks around camp. the rising sun offers a bit of light to illuminate his surroundings. but he doesnāt see you.
he spots the paper on his bedside table. it has your necklace on top. arthur grins when he picks it up, his thumb tracing the pendent. his smile drops when he realizes itās in his hand, and you arenāt wearing it. he reads your goodbye letter, and his heart shatters.
the necklace heās holding feels a lot more heavier. his grip tightens on it, his palms sweaty.
his feet move backwards until the back of his knees hits his cot. then, he sits with more force than he anticipated. arthur sits in denial for so long that the sun had already risen.
arthur is a lot more aggressive after that wretched morning. heās a changed man. he canāt bear to be alone with his thoughts, so he inflicts terror and anger onto others to make himself feel something other than heartbreak.
and when heās laying on that mountain, his chest heavy and cold, heāll remember the weight of your necklace in his hand, and the weight of your soul onto his.
charles smith drops you off in valentine, much to your request. he was nervous about letting you go alone, but you were insistent that you would be okay. he guides you off of Taima, pulling you close and promising to return after an hour or two.
he glances back at your figure retreating into the saloon. charles has never left you alone like this before.
reluctantly, he returns to camp and busies himself to ease his anxieties. after a half an hour, he walks to his bedroll, intending to set down his newly crafted arrows next to the rest of his belongings. right next to his bedroll, he spots a paper. he opens it. itās a letter addressed to him, written by.. you?
charles rereads the letter atleast three times. you couldnāt have taken your life. he just saw you, not that long ago.
the quickest heās ever moved was riding his horse back to valentine. a record of two minutes. but whatās the point? he couldnāt find you anywhere.
after that day, charles became more reserved. his temper set off at anything, even arthur. nothing felt right anymore; not what he was fighting for, not what he was stealing for, not what he was living for.
he never even found your body.
javier escuella returned to camp after a successful mission resulting in a handsome pay. the whole camp was celebrating. everyone was tispy, including javier. it almost made him forget that you werenāt near him.
he stumbled around camp in an attempt to find you. mary-beth and tilly snagged him near their wagon so he could play them a song. afterwards, he inquired mary-beth about your whereabouts. she giggled as she handed him the letter you told her to give him. she assumed it was something romantic, and waved him off as javier, flustered as ever, stumbled to his bedroll.
the words were blurry due to the alcohol, but the bits and pieces he first read sobered him up real quick.
javier sat upright and called your name. he ran around, frantically trying to search for you. his yells drew the attention of other members. they agreed to send a few others to form a search party. you couldnāt have gone far.
even as the sun long past set, javier was searching for you. even as the others left for camp, he called your name through the rustling trees. even as the coldness of your dead body cradled against his made him shiver, the warmth of his sweet death comforted him.
bill williamson knew something was wrong the moment you hadnāt returned from that āerrand run.ā even as dutch told the boy to calm himself, he couldnāt help but pace. when you didnāt return hours later, he rode off into saint denis himself.
it was a large city, but bill would spend the whole day there if it meant he would find you. and thatās exactly what he didnāt. but he didnāt find you.
instead, he found himself at the post office: his last resort. he already mentally drafted a letter, because he assumed you realized he wasnāt good enough. maybe you ran away. maybe this was all a dream.
approaching the clerk and asking if there were any letters for him, much to his surprise, he received one. it had his name written on the back with your handwriting.
bill tore it open despite judgmental glares. he read it over and over, assuming he misread it. he was devastated.
he walked out if the post office feeling empty. he wasnāt angry. he moved slow, almost too slow.
bill returned to camp, ignoring the empathetic looks when he returned without you. while he watched everyone go to sleep like this wasnāt the worst day of his life, he drank another bottle.
and maybe someone couldāve stopped him. or maybe they already knew he couldnāt be saved. thereās no salvation for the wicked, even ones with heavy hearts.
micah bell comes back to camp after a week. itās not unusual for him to disappear and come back with mysteriously blood stained treasures. he knows you can provide for yourself.
he comes back to camp looking forward to the lecture you usually give him because he likes to poke fun at you to see you get more angry. but thereās no lecture. in fact, thereās no you.
the camp is quiet, even for every member being awake. (expect for uncle, whoās passed out from booze again :P)
dutch pulls him aside, gives him a sad look that has micah uncomfortable, and hands him a letter. when micah begins to put it in his pocket, dutch stops him and tells him to read the letter there.
micah jaw tightens the deep he gets into the letter. he crumples it and stuffs it in his pocket, collapsing on a log by the fire with his head in his hands. heās pissed. pissed at the fact that you had left him, and pissed at the fact that it made him heartbroken.
after that night, he doesnāt stick around much anymore. much like arthur, he reigns pain on anyone he really just crosses his path. maybe heāll hang for his crimes, maybe heāll get shot by the law. he stopped caring the moment he received that goddamn letter.
lenny summers prepares two cups of coffee like he does any other normal morning. itās steaming hot to combat the morning cold and the threat of exhaustion.
the table you both sit and chat in the morning is empty. no worries. he knows youāre tired sometimes.
he finds your bedroll empty. it barely looks slept in, probably due to the amount of times youāve accidently pulled an all-nighter just by sitting by the lake.
sticking out from under your bedroll is a paper. lenny hesitates. he doesnāt want to snoop around your things. (especially if youāve just recently been together. he doesnāt want to ruin your relationship right off the bat.)
so he waits. he waits until you havenāt been seen around camp during chores, or even when pearsonās god awful stew is ready.
itās when night falls that lenny takes a look at the letter. his tears crumple the paper and smears the ink. he stands frozen in the middle of camp, not moving even when hosea asks him whatās wrong.
ever since that night, nothing has felt real. lenny cuts his palm and squeezes it just to make sure heās dreaming. when the blood trickles down his hand to his arm, itās when he knows he has to continue without you.
hosea matthews has his suspicions when you urged him to take the fishing trip near that one lake far away from camp. but heās never been one to turn down something as rare as this, right?
he brings along lenny and arthur, just for company. he kisses you and tells you heād be back in a day or two.
when he begins to pack up the trip after many successful catches, he stops in rhodes to sell the fish. something shiny had caught his eye: a beautiful silver bracelet with a dove charm.
hosea knew you were going through a tough time. heād been there many nights when you sobbed on his shoulder. he knew something like this would cheer you up.
he searched camp for you, even asking around to see if anyone knew. nothing. he was freaked out. he knew he shouldnāt have left you alone.
when he sees the letter peeking out from behind your stack of clean clothes, hosea already knows. he can barely bring himself to read the letter.
most days, you can find hosea sitting by an overview, looking out into the scenery. the silver bangle shines against the lowering sun. nobody bothers him with chores anymore.
