I watched American Horror Story. Asylum season. Fair warning: I had watched this once before but I was WAY too young. Spoilers ahead.
Full disclosure: I am writing only this part while on The Name Game episode. I hate this season. This hits too close to home for me as someone who has mental health struggles, is bi, and used to be catholic. This is a difficult season for me to swallow. I will admit it is a very well-written, acted, and produced season, but it showed a lot that made me very squimish and ill.
My rating: 3.8/5. From a more critical and less personal standpoint 4.8/5, I will try to write this from a critical standpoint instead of an emotional one. I will save that for the end.
The acting was phenomenal, specifically by Zachary Quinto, Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson, Lily Rabe, and (of course) Jessica Lang. A good actor can play a character you like, a great actor can play one you hate. i found that to be the case with both Bloody Faces, both main sisters, and even the doctor/nazi. The cinematography was amazing and innovative, especially for the time it was made. I found the pregnancy arc to be more important to this season than the last. I think certain scenes could have been done more subtly or with more taste, specifically r (don't know if it's okay to write on reddit/tumblr) and the coat hanger scene. Also, some actors kind of bugged me but they did a great job overall.
The name game seemed like a fun scene to film, which I found to be a beacon in what was otherwise very difficult for me. It lacked as many calm scenes which I liked in the prior season, but it was very fast paced, and overall, I think most would enjoy this season.
The ending was amazing. In my critical and emotional/personal opinion. It gave a conclusion to everything which I deeply enjoyed. And it made Jude so much more human.
Now, my personal opinion, this season was tough for me. I cannot state that enough. I am bored of pregnancy and birth in this show. This seemed to be heavily based on 10 Days in the Madhouse by Nellie Bly which was a real reporter going into a real madhouse to document how horrendously they treated people. Read that or watch that. That is real life and had changed how many people saw mental health. All the characters pissed me off at some point. I have jewish relatives so it was tough to see 'Anne Frank' and nazis in this. I am bi so the conversion therapy was difficult and not really all that necessary in my opinion. I have and do struggle with my mental health up to harming myself when I was younger, I have been in outpatient programs, please do not think this represents it. It is better now overall, and many places will be very beneficial. The guy who played the son of Bloody Face and Lana really reminded me of Jon Bernthal, the Punisher. That was just a minor annoyance and fully my fault.
I watched American Horror Story. Murder House season. Fair warning: I had watched this once before but I was WAY too young. I enjoyed it much more this time around. Spoilers ahead.
Right off the bat, my ranking. Solid 4/5. Definitely better than Double Feature. I wish it took therapy a bit more seriously and had a little less self harm. Seemed kinda like a crutch they leaned on for shock value. Some of the plot lines also seemed too muddled. A lot of the topics brought up seemed like weak shock value however but overall enjoyable.
First criticism: Hayden. She sucked big time. We already have enough antagonists, we do not need a whiny 19 year old to add to it. I know Dr. Harmon was meant to be seen as more of a protagonist but he kinda sucked too. First of all, zoning out with a patient is horrible and then not showing any emotion when he is confronted with the fact he didnβt do anything when his patient tried to off themselves IN FRONT OF HIM. I did enjoy Tate and Violet despite it being toxic as hell. The mom I also found to be somewhat realistic and a caring mom which I liked.
Iβm noticing a continuous theme of child birth and pregnancy which I find kind of odd from two male creators. It has gotten a bit old so I am just hoping itβs not in every season as I do know it is in the newest season and Asylum.
I enjoyed the maid (I have forgotten most of the characters names so please donβt mind me). I like how she looks young or old depending on who looks at her (if they are male and βsee clearlyβ or not). The neighbor kind of bothered me but I love how well the actress portrayed the complex emotions when her daughter (Addy I believe) died. I wish they simmered with that more. I also wish they explained how she kept getting in the house. It seemed like anyone could just up and walk in and just chill in the house.
I very much liked the Violet plot twist. 10/10. I was able to see where it was going but it did it very well. I would highly recommend if youβre able to watch things with MANY triggering topics including non consensual sexual encounters, school massacres, death, self harm, self death, cheating, and Iβm generally some homophobia and racism (not seen in a good light most of the time).
So, Iβm watching American Horror Story for the second time. I have watched Murder House and Asylum before. Didnβt really loved them. Spoilers, obviously. This one is Double Feature.
Iβm now watching Double Feature (was interested in Red Tide specifically) because Iβm from New England and been to P-Town a few times. I liked Mickeyβs character but itβs also a little annoying at times. The first half was fine I guess. The alien part of the season sucked. The acting was horrible and over done. All the characters seemed two dimensional at best. The men getting pregnant seemed like someone weird dream. The deaths were blah at best. There were only 10 episodes total of both so it seemed all too rushed and somehow half baked. Even in the first half of the season all the characters seemed to kinda suck. However, Patty OβFurniture is a great drag name.
Based on the posters I saw i thought it was aliens and sirens or mermaids. Iβd find that more interesting than thisβ¦ drug vampire thing? Maybe have these famous people taking these pills if youβre set in that but then have them feeding on the idolizing of them like a siren feeds on sailors by drawing them in. Draw the fans in with books and screenplays and then have them feed on the dreams and fanfics and art. Have it tongue in cheek. Then make the second part of the season the show that Harry made. Say instead βEvan Peters is gonna be in it! He already signed on!β And then Austin Sommers just looks like Evan Peters.
I find myself consistently checking to see how long is left on an episode or how many episodes are left. Murder House and Asylum (while not being my favorite show) never had me bored or checking the time left. I find myself also very interested in why they picked P-Town in the winter. P-Town, even in the winter, is an awesome place. Shopping, drag shows, bars, the whole of it. Itβs never that boring. There are always fun things to do. I wish they didnβt make it seem like a drug dealers play pen.
Also, I know Nixon kind of did talk like that but wanna know something? No one liked how Nixon talked. Itβs not entertaining and itβs rather grating. Also, who wanted aliens again? I didnβt see anyone saying that way their favorite part of Asylum. Though, I may be wrong, in which case Iβm sorry if that is your favorite part.
A solid 1.5/5. Only for Red Tide. Silicon Valley should not have been made.
I genuinely think there was no greater insight into the modern Christian mindset than when the Pope said he very much hoped Hell was empty and he was absolutely hounded by both Catholics and Protestants outraged at the idea of a man who wanted a place of infinite suffering to have nobody in it.
Series: Daredevil || Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader || Rating: Explicit
Summary:
A one-night stand years ago gave you a daughter and you are now able to put a name to her father β Matthew Murdock. Everything is about to change again as you navigate trying to integrate your life with that of the handsome and charming blind lawyerβs and Matt realizes he needs to not only protect his new family from Hell's Kitchen, but from the world.
chapter masterlist
Words: 3.2k
ao3 link
Mattβs eyes flutter shut as you smooth your thumbs over his forehead. The urge to press forward into your touch is nearly overwhelming, but he controls himself. Your fingers run down his temple and to the apples of his cheeks, oh so gently rubbing sunblock into his skin. He doesnβt remember the last time he used the product, but his sweet Minnie demanded he wear it, and who is he to deny his daughter on her birthday?
You are in complete Mom mode - focused on making sure all his exposed skin is covered - so you donβt realize how intimate you are being with him. He wants so badly to reach out and touch you back - to hold your waist and rub your arms and feel you against him. It is far from the first time heβs felt this and mentally repeating the Lordβs Prayer helps him keep his thoughts from straying.Β
Especially when your fingers dance down to his neck.Β
He may or may not have fantasies about you pressing your hand into his windpipe while riding him. He may or may not have finally given into his motherβs pressures about talking to the new priest because he was beginning to feel guilty about how often he may or may not have touched himself to those fantasies.Β
Matt wants so badly to show you how much he loves you, but you arenβt ready for it yet, and he understands. Youβve accepted him for who he is and what he does. You want to know more and arenβt accusatory when you ask questions. Youβve been snatched up into his whirlwind of a life and are adjusting in a way he didnβt think was possible, but you are still adjusting and heβs not going to push more onto you.Β
Youβve been slow to accept physical gestures and as much as it pains him, heβs happy to go at your pace. He cherishes each moment you let him hold you and his heart soars when you are the one to initiate it. You donβt flinch or pull back when he rests a hand on your hip or back. Slow and steady wins the race and if you want to stroll, heβll stroll right along with you.
βAll done,β you say, breaking him from his thoughts as you step away. βWe shouldnβt be out here long enough that we will need to reapply.β
βThank you,β he replies. He puts his glasses back on and he follows your movements as you put the sunscreen back in your purse. βDo you need help with anything?β
The second phase of Minnieβs Birthday Bash Weekend - after her princess breakfast and makeover - is the Park Party. Multiple blankets have been laid out for everyone to sit on and the wagon is filled to the brim with supplies - thereβs a drink cooler, a snack cooler, a series of toys Minnie insisted they add so no one gets bored, and tucked in the corner, unopened presents they picked up from Sister Maggie. Foggy showed up early so he could enjoy the walk to the park with the birthday girl and Karen and Frank should be arriving soon.Β
Matt knows you are going to fuss over the details and try to play Good Host, and he wants you to relax and have a good time instead.Β
But sometimes, he thinks fussing is your idea of fun. You make a shooing motion at him and there is a bit of a laugh in your voice when you tell him, βGo play with your daughter.β
He doesnβt need to be told twice.Β
Foggy and Minnie are on the sidewalk, setting up her newest toy. Fog got Mouse some sort of pogo stick for toddlers and from her excited explanation to him, it is pink and princess themed. Matt has no idea how a pogo stick for toddlers could possibly work - Minnie can barely balance on one leg - but you seemed to have no issue with the device, so he chalks it up to having missed something in the explanation that would be obvious to a sighted person.Β
βOkay, squirt. Go ahead and step on,β Foggy tells Minnie. Matt can sense some sort of small platform that his little one steps onto, then she is being handed something that reminds him of a bike handle. βOkay. Try jumping.β
Mouse jumps straight up, and to his surprise, the little platform bounces when it hits the ground again, sending her back up about half an inch. That seems like more than enough height for her, as she lets out an absolutely delighted scream and quickly starts to repeat the motion.Β
She bounces four times before she loses her balance and falls off the platform, but Matt doesnβt even get the chance to step forward to help her. Sheβs right back on and jumping in place - beaming ear to ear.Β
βLook at you go!β Foggy cooes and Matt canβt help but grin. βYou are a little hopping machine!β
βHop! Hop! Hop!β Mouse cheers as she does just that. βHop! Hop! Hop!β
βHop! Hop! Hop!β Both he and Fog echo, and they are on the same wavelength, because they both mimic her by bouncing on the balls of their feet.Β
Matt can sense you aiming your phone at Mouse, most likely taking a picture or filming them, so he quickly prompts her, hoping for a cute moment. βSweetie, what do you say to Foggy?β
βThank you, Froggy, you are the bestest!βΒ
βYou are very welcome, birthday girl!β Fog, of course, quickly turns to Matt to jokingly rub in, βHear that, Murdock? Iβm the bestest.βΒ
Minnie stumbles again and Matt realizes she will not need help unless she trips and falls to the ground. Sheβs back to bouncing within a second and defending his honor.Β
βYouβre the bestest, but Daddyβs Super Bestest and Mommy is Super-Duper Bestest.β
Foggy must pull a face, because both you and Minnie laugh before he gives in, βOkay, I will allow this because it is your birthday. But no take backsies. Iβm the bestest.β
βNo take backsies!β Mouse quickly parrots before turning her attention back to her toy. She dissolves into giggles as she jumps up and down and he can only imagine how big her smile must be.
He takes a moment to focus in on one of the gifts he got her. He didnβt get called Bestest for it, but Matt hopes it will be something she grows to cherish. He spent a pretty penny to get it custom made as he was incredibly particular about the quality, but it was more than worth it - a gold heart necklace with βI love youβ in Braille on one side, and on the other, the date he found out she existed.Β
He knows she canβt always wear it - it is a choking hazard until sheβs older - but right now it is bumping against her manubrium and he canβt help but smile and reach to fiddle with the bracelet hanging on his wrist.Β
It has become almost like a rosary to him. When heβs thinking, he finds himself pulling the beads up to go around his hand and he will thumb at them, tracing over the hearts his sweet Minnie gave him. The only time he doesnβt wear it is when heβs out on Patrol - and that is only because heβs scared heβll end up breaking it. Otherwise, he has it on - asleep, in the shower, in court - Matt proudly wears his friendship bracelet.
Of course, no one is none the wiser to his private moment. Foggy continues to encourage Mouse to bounce and enjoy her gift. Matt is pretty sure this is one of the toys she is going to run into the ground because she uses it so much.Β
βHey, Fog, where did you get this thing?βΒ
βOnline,β his friend quickly replies. βIβll send you the link. One of the Littles got one for their birthday and loved it, so I went with a peer-reviewed product instead of trying my luck on something unknown.β
βI didnβt even know this existed,β you say from your spot on the blankets. βThis is amazing.β
βThank you,β Foggy says with an uptick in his voice, indicating he is smiling. βBut Iβll warn you, some of them come with a squeaker in them. I hunted for the one without one. I wanted to take pity on the bat-ears.β
Matt throws back his head as he laughs and concedes, βOkay, maybe you are the Bestest.β
βI knew it!β
βFroggy is the bestest! Froggy is the bestest! Froggy is the bestest!β Minnie starts to chant as she plays. Foggy joins her and Matt claps along for a moment.Β
You laugh at them, and it is one of the most beautiful sounds heβs ever heard - it is you actually being truly happy.
The joy is cut short, and it morphs into panic when Minnie very suddenly drops her pogo stick and takes off running towards the other side of the park. Her movements are so quick and erratic that Matt doesnβt react right away, having not anticipated them. You scramble up to chase her just as he begins to move to do the same.
βMinnie! Come back here!β You shout as you hurry after your daughter.
Matt opens up his senses, needing to know what has Minnie so excited that it overrode her being the shy little angel heβs used to. He zeroes in on it instantly.
Karen, Frank, and Frankβs dog Max have just arrived, parking on the street outside the green space. Minnie is making a beeline right towards them, but luckily, her little legs are no match for Matt and he scoops her up before she can get too far from their picnic. She instantly begins to struggle against him, flailing and kicking and trying her best to fight his hold, but he turns her around and forces her onto his hip.Β
βMinnie, you cannot run off!β he chastises as you catch up to them. βYou know better than that. You know you need to stay with us.β
βItβs Mister Frank and he has a doggie!β She tries to explain, clearly excited and overly enthusiastic, but Matt wonβt be swayed. βI gotta go say hi to him! And asks if I can play with his doggie! Iβve never played with a doggie! I wanna play with the doggie!β
βItβs dangerous to just run off. You have to ask Mommy or me first.β Matt tells her. Heβs trying to remain calm, but the fear from her just running away is still in his system. He knows he canβt yell or scold her - itβs her special day and she just got too excited, but he needs her to know that isnβt okay.
Luckily, you seem to know how to handle this.
βNo running off,β you emphasize, putting your hand on her back and almost crowding her into Matt, which he is more than okay with. βPart of being a Big Girl is knowing the rules. If you canβt follow the rules, what happens?β
Minnie deflates against him, all her jubilation evaporating, and guilt pools in his chest as his precious little baby mumbles out, βWe go home.β
βThatβs right.β
βI donβt wanna go home. I wanna play with Froggy more and Mister Frank and his doggie.βΒ
You reach up to push some of her hair out of her face and gently comfort her, βweβre not going to go home. But you gotta be good, okay? Mister Frank and Karen are coming to us. You donβt have to run to them, okay?β
βOkay.β
It seems like Minnie will not bolt if Matt sets her down, so he takes that chance. She fusses with smoothing out her princess dress for a moment and patting it free of any dust before looking up at you, βWhen he gets close can I go say hi? Please? Please? Please?β
She asks so sweetly it is a miracle you donβt cave immediately. You put your hands on your hips as you pretend to think over your answer. After a few moments, you reply, βWhen he gets as close to us as we are to Froggy, you can go say hi.β
Minnie whips around to judge the distance - she had only gotten about thirty or forty feet before Matt caught her - before turning back. She literally bounces from foot to foot as she waits for Frank and Karen to get close enough that she can run to them and that helps to dissipate the lingering guilt he has. He defaults to you to give the βokayβ signal, and when you do, Minnie takes off again at a speed he didnβt think toddlers could achieve.Β
βMister Frank! Mister Frank! Itβs my birthday!β she yells as she streaks towards him.Β
Matt isnβt exactly keen on Minnieβs excitement for Frank, but he accepts the man is entering his circle more now that he and Karen are in a relationship. When they arenβt butting heads about the morality of killing, he thinks he and Frank get along well enough. They take jabs at each other and even if it can be scathing, neither of them takes it personally. Danger follows Frank and Matt is acutely aware of that, but he also has some je ne sai quoi with kids and Minnie is not immune to it.Β
You and Matt follow after your daughter while Frank passes off Maxβs leash to Karen so he can catch the toddler rocket coming right at him. The Devil in Mattβs chest growls with jealousy and possessiveness when Frank picks Mouse up to hold her without any shyness from his little one and sheβs tossed slightly up into the air.
βItβs your birthday? Well, itβs a good thing we got all those presents in the truck, then, ainβt it, Karen?β
βI wonder who they could be for,β Karen teases and Minnie turns into a giggling mess, hiding her hands in her face.
βAre they for me?β She asks, so sweet and genuine and not at all greedy. Mattβs heart glows with how pure his daughter is, and he doesnβt think heβll ever get over it.
βIt is your birthday,β Frank tells her and that just makes her more delighted.
βIβm getting so many presents! Mommy gave me presents and Daddy gave me presents and Froggy gave me presents and Froggyβs Mommy gave me presents ANDβ¦and Daddyβs Mommy gave me presents. Thatβs likeβ¦β She pauses and lifts up her hands in front of her face and Matt thinks she must be trying to count. Finally, she decides on a number, βThatβs like twelve presents!β
She certainly received more than twelve presents from you alone - there were so many components to her new kitchen set - but he knows everyone understands what she means. Minnie is being absolutely spoiled for her birthday.Β
βThat is a lot of presents!β Karen cooes, βYou arenβt tired from opening them all?β
βNot uh! Iβm a Big Girl!βΒ
βWe can have a second round of opening presents after the park,β you inform Minnie and even without his enhanced hearing, he can tell you are smiling - you sound so happy. βWe can have cake at home, and you can show everyone what you got.β
βThat sounds like a good plan to me,β Frank says, bouncing Mouse in his arms a little. βWhat do you say, Princess?β
She nods eagerly, βA good plan!βΒ
You all begin to walk back towards the picnic - and Foggy, who has relocated the pogo stick to the blankets - and Minnie gets to the next order of business.Β
βCan I pet your doggie?βΒ
Max seems to know heβs being talked about, as he starts making little noises and adding a wiggle to his walk. Matt has met the dog a few times now and even he admits the animal is a sweet one, especially for an ex-fighting dog. He knows that Frank didnβt keep Max initially, but when he resettled in New York a few months ago, the dog also reappeared. Matt doesnβt question it - he thinks caring for the dog is good for Frank and Karen absolutely adores him.Β
βDo you know how to pet a dog?β Frank asks, amusement clear in his voice.
Minnie shakes her head, but as always, has a solution, βNo, but I can learns! Mommy saysβ¦Mommy says when we donβt know something, we can learn it by askings! I can asks my tablet!β She pauses, then dramatically slaps her hands to her cheeks. βI donβt have my tablet, its at home.βΒ
They all laugh at her antics and as they approach their picnic, Frank sets Minnie down, βDonβt worry, sweetheart, I can teach you. And I can show you how to play fetch, too.β
Karen goes to hug Foggy a hello, while you and she start to strike up a conversation catching up. Matt decides to allow you the time to have an adult moment, and he keeps his attention on Minnie, Frank, and Max.Β
βBefore you can pet him, you need to introduce yourself,β Frank starts, moving to sit down on the blankets as he does. Minnie plops down beside him and Matt takes a seat beside her. βYou need to hold out your hand so he can sniff it. He canβt talk, so he gets to know you through smell.β
He demonstrates by holding out his hand to Max. The dog snuffles at it, then begins to lick at Frank, his tail starting to wag. Matt can practically feel Minnie analyzing what is happening, then after a moment, she sticks her little hand out towards Max. The dog clearly gets excited by this and turns his big head towards his daughter. He could so very easily bite off her whole arm - Minnie is small for her age and Max is a big dog - but instead he oh so gently presses his nose to her skin before giving it a tiny lick.Β
βHe likes me!β Minnie says in a whisper-gasp and Matt tries his best to not laugh.Β
βHe does, he wants to be your friend,β Frank tells her.
βI wanna be his friend, too!β She declares before mimicking Max by leaning in and sniffing at him loudly. He canβt hold back his amusement when she sticks out her tongue with a, βHeβs stinky!β
βHeβs a dog, all dogs stink,β Frank laughs, βbut heβs still a good dog.β
βHow do I pets him?β Mouse asks, obviously so very excited and wanting to learn how to pet Max correctly.Β
Matt leans back and observes as Frank gently guides his daughterβs hands, showing her where to pet the sweet dog. He hopes this doesnβt lead to her wanting her own puppy - though she will probably spend a fair amount of time pretending Scooby is a real dog instead of her companion in trouble.Β
Matt has never wanted a dog before - mostly because it has always been pitched as a guide dog and he doesnβt need one - but he wonders if his mind would change if you wanted a dog. He knows it isnβt possible in your current apartment, but what if you moved to somewhere bigger? Where Minnie could have her own bedroom and maybe you could have your own yard.Β
Where, maybe, he could move in with you, and you could be a proper, traditional family. He could be with you - provide for you like he should have always been doing. He could sleep in your bed at night and tell you he loves you in the morning. Where he could tuck Minnie in before he goes on Patrol and he could learn all her Quiet Games.
Where he could protect his family.
Where he could have something heβs always wanted.
Where maybe, just maybe, Matt Murdock could finally have a home.Β
--
a/n:
Every one say Happy Birthday to the Birthday girl!
part one of the birthday weekend. Sorry it is a little short
We have another birthday day chapter after this then
Minnie gets her Zoo Trip!
So excited for Minnie to go to the zoo. I was so nervous that wasnβt happening for a bit and I was likeβ¦ but the New York zooβ¦ Iβve seen Madagascar and I know itβs a nice zoo.
headcanon: moon knight system + chronically ill reader
content: general mention of chronic illnesses/their symptoms, hospitals and doctor visits, hurt/comfort, standard sick-fic warnings, moon boys x reader
disclaimer: Writing this for myself, but I hope you find some comfort in it!
S T E V E N
Steven is the best caregiver for low spoon days.
He makes sure you eat, and your water bottle is never below half full if he has anything to say about it.
Steven removes all allergies or food sensitivities from the flat. He takes his vitamins while you take your medicine. He's right next to you in your routine so you feel less alone.
Heating pads? Warm blankets? Cuddles? Steven is the king of comfort.
When you're out in public, he makes sure every place is accessible for you. If it's not, he writes letters or calmly lets store owners know of any issues you run into.
Steven isn't a huge fan of hospitals, but he always visits and brings games and puzzles for you to do together!
M A R C
Marc is the best doctor's office companion.
He's always holding your hand. Everywhere.
Marc asks you and the doctors a lot of questions so he can understand the best way to help you out.
He's never patronizing, but he checks on you frequently to make sure you're not hiding when you're in pain.
Marc helps you with the mental health side of your illness(es). He understands feeling stuck or hopeless, and you remind each other every day of your strength!
J A K E
Jake is the your night in shining armor.
He handles all the pharmacy runs and appointment scheduling.
Jake has absolutely sworn at an insurance representative.
He's really helpful when it comes to mobility. If you're having trouble getting around in the flat or outside, Jake's on your arm. He threatens offers to carry you short distances if he thinks you're really struggling.
Jake is there when you just need to be held. He can't murder your illness(es), but he can sure hold you up around them.
thanks for reading! i feel a little nicer after writing this, but if you find some harmful tropes in it, please let me know! <3
Warnings: ANGST but also lots of fluff, smut, pregnancy, flash back in italics, Bucky is a love sick puppy, story doesnβt follow exact Marvel timelineΒ
-
Bucky didnβt have many things from the past he wanted back.Β
Not this desperately.Β
Most of his loved ones had already passed.Β
He made peace with the fact that heβd never get back the years that heβd lost, wouldnβt get the people that meant so much to him. Heβd never get back all the hope and innocence he once had.Β
Heβd managed to make peace with a number of things.Β
All but one.Β
It was just one night.Β
While he was on the run, just before Steve had found him.Β
He could still remember the feel of her soft skin.Β
The way her hands touched him so gently, the first time heβd ever had someone handle him with such care.Β
*
It was the only part of his routine in a day he looked forward to. It was the first time he felt hope again. The feeling of life. Of feeling alive.Β
Whenever he saw her, his heart would flutter a little faster. His feet would take longer strides so heβd see her sooner.Β Heβd drop a few extra coins in her palm as she handed him the bag which always came with extra plums. Heβd blush at the shy smile sheβd give him, trying to refuse his extra money. He knew it was best to just admire from afar but he couldnβt escape the pull he felt, not when her voice was a soothing balm to all his heartache and pain.Β
He didnβt have the luxury to take her out for coffee. It was too dangerous, too risky, heβd never let anyone see her with him. She insisted she didnβt mind as long as she was with him, it didnβt matter where. He bought some tea and honey that day. A few cookies to go with it from a vendor beside hers.Β
His cheeks felt hot realizing the state of his apartment; wallpaper tearing off in the walls, the one glass and some mismatched mugs sitting on the counter top of the tiny kitchen. A single, worn mattress with nothing but a thin sheet to cover it sat in the corner of the room. A black backpack filled with his few belongings was stashed safely nearby incase he ever needed to run; the few clothes he had were folded neatly on a broken stool near his bed.Β She didnβt let him apologize for the mismatched mugs or the small chipped saucer he placed the cookies on but he wished he could have given her so much more.Β
Why did he think this was okay, this wasnβt what someone so sweet deserved. He was barelyΒ able to give her a glass of water, how could he possibly-Β
βJames?β Her soft hand squeezed his, feeling him tense in her hold, his voice nervous as he spoke.Β