This Color is You. Barbara Kruger. 1995. C-print.
Well, it is my color.

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This Color is You. Barbara Kruger. 1995. C-print.
Well, it is my color.
Minimalist yet Fantastic
These songs remind me of when I travel to Italy in June, I was sitting on a train going from Barcelona to Florence while it was playing repeatedly on my phone. The settings are really stunning really, everything feels elevated by these songs while seeing a fast-motion view of a countryside full of vines and the sun shining so brightly into a homey Italian home, with terracotta roofing, white, simple yet classic design on its window.
And at that moment, I realize nothing matters more than being there with your loved ones and enjoying that moment together. it's not about traveling the world and seeing new things alone that means to me, but having new experiences together.
I realize many things from the song I travel with, I'm able to grasp the rhythm and the lyrics so deeply, and also what the tellers are trying to say from their point of view into my own experience and understanding. Well, I think it's amazing to finally have those experiences if you love listening to music as much as I do and ofc everyone will found out a different meaning in their own story and journey.
Rock on! 🤘🏽
My definitions of a “top list”
This time i’m gonna take you through simple things that makes me happy. that’s the question i’ve been ask lately by my therapist. it’s not much, but the majority of it, comes from music. Listening to music has been a habit of mine since i was at the very young age, it helps me create distractions towards the noisy world and take me away somewhere else, where it stimulates each spectrum of emotions inside of me.
I’m not much of a talker when it comes to what i feel, but music help me to recognize and describes what i’m feeling at the time, all i can say i grew up along side of music and learn things.
What makes me want to write about this because the other day someone ask me what my“top” list are, i find it hard to answer right away because it’s a sentimenal piece to me.
Anyway, behind those question there’s another following question that should be considered. well, in my perspectives when someone ask regarding the top list thingy, in which context that you want to hear? is it the back story that compliments their long list or is it just something you want to relate with in terms of music taste to understand their music preference?
Because for me, asking one top list is about understanding their personality, life perspective, and other personal things be it music, series or even movie. To simplify, top music list questions is not about the objects but the subjects because people perspective behind it that matters more (well yea in my opinion obviously). i’m write this perspective in the context of “getting know each other phase” in building deeper relationship (friends, family, romance), not just sudden occurance where you meet new people and start to talk with each other in a party or bar, that’ll be different of course.
so it’s a bit challenging for me to define my top list because it meant more for me.
Let me take you down to 5 Top-song tracks as an examples
1. Beethoven - Symphony No. 9 in D minor ('Choral') Op. 125 - Molto vivace
i’m always fascinated with classical music since i was young (i’m failed to analyze where is it coming from because my father loves Bee Gees and love to play it all the time when he was home). But for me classical music really special, there’s just layers of instruments with no lyrics but it tells you story. especially Symphony No. 9 from Beethoven, when i hear it i got so energized and felt some kind of power from it. The instruments felt like it takes you into the journey of a fight to freedom, that the real fact about the song but i felt like it even before i google what’s the meaning behind this song. i mean, the instrument is so powerful to bring its own narratives into mine.
4. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Well i guess this might feels like its a cheesy song after they make movie after Queen music journey. But let forget about that, for me this dong is quite similar like classical music, the difference is classical got layers of instruments that please your ears and bring its own narratives to you but this one takes you to 4 mixed of music theme in one go. The lyrics, vocals and the instruments compliments each others makes you felt the pain and the struggles that the singer tells you. If i could describe it well, it almost like you finished reading a book about an existential questions in mans life.
3. Bon Iver - RaBi
Bon Iver’s songs is a sentimental piece for me, i go through the hardest time in my life accompanied by his words. But as i grew older and also changes in his music especially i,i album, RaBi is one the tracks that got me. Maybe it’s because i listened to all of his albums and this song especially tells a story about acceptance and there’s this kind of parity with mine.
4. Tender - Blur
I guess this one might a lil bit far from a layered instrument in a track, but the the lyrics in tender is so beautiful for me. It’s somehow describes how we as human have this delicate feeling called love, a feelings that i’ve seen as an abstract form but you can feel your body react to it but you can’t locate where it is from it is from your heart, brain, or even a butterfly in ur tummy and tender is the right word to describe it and this song nailed it. This song able to give the narrative of love and how it feels like. Thats the reason why this song is one of my favorite, i think It will be on number one in my top love song tracks.
5. Bon Iver - Re:Stacks
This song describes a rock bottom moment of mine, the beautiful words of Vernon tells a story about a grieve and how he try to cure it with something that destroys him that somehow want to make him immune with all the pain he felt. Every time i hear this track, even when i’m in a happy mood, i could absorb his grieve into mine. It’s one of Bon Iver track that i would avoid to hear these day’s cause its too powerful to take me back to the lowest point of my life. But yeah it’s still, it should be on my top track list.
I love how intimate a song would impact in ourselves in any moment in our life and somehow we can relate or even re-imagine the meanings.
so when your about to ask someone their top-list, don’t just go ahead asking that, give context!
because you can tell a person from their playlist right?
peace!
Never felt so serene in my life
it’s been so looong and here i’m at the end of 2021, updating how my year have been. looking at my last post and feeling a bit of a shock about the last post that i write because it sounds so ambiguous. but yeah anyway, maybe this post will explain the state where i’m in now and it’s different from what i used to feel in the last post.
Today i wake up, feeling so serene and i want to do things i used to love like starting to write again, stay away from the noisy place and live more like today doing nothing without any disturbances.
a lil bit update, now i’m under treatment of psychiatrist and go to therapy that i used to be very skeptical with. But it is what is, i’ve accepted there’s something that is not right with me that i carry until today since i was at a very young age but i’m just too naive to admit it that i’m quite peculiar (medically). Well, if you ask me i’m still very skeptical about the treatment until today. there’s the day i freak out about the meds effect that makes me uncomfortable and wanting it to end but at one point i thought, this is the path that i never taken or consider before and i guess it challenged myself. I always wanna learn the unknown, so here i’m embracing the unknown even tho it feels like a roller coaster emotional ride for me.
It’s been 4 months since i’m on meds, I used to feel like there’s always this gigantic rock on my shoulder. But today i wake up and never felt so.. light. I’m enjoying the most serene time of my life today, it’s the kind of solitude that i’ve been longing for years. What i needed the most in my life was a quite and peaceful moment where nobody forced me to do things that i don’t want.
and today, i embraced those feeling by doing nothing, light up my cigarette and having a cup of coffee while listening to one of my top favorite tracks which are Beethoven - Symphony No. 9 in D minor ('Choral') Op. 125 - Molto vivace, it really compliments the mood i’m feeling right now.
I hope i could feel like this more often, even tho i don’t know if its just a phase as the part of my treatment or the work break i take (bcs im on office leave) but i do, really do hope this kind of feelings stays longer in me and in the future.
2021 early notes
I’m writing again. it’s been 4 years! gosh so many things happened. well, it’s been a year since the pandemic strikes us and life has been turned upside down. Like literally everyone got affected even my closest one not only mentally but financially. Business are closing, people losing their job and losing their family. it’s the most depressing year i guess. i never thought that i’m gonna experience this.
for me, pandemic changing on how i feel about people around me and the way i think how my life should be. but the question is, as the world are changing are you meant to stay?
A Solo Act
How to finally find the right one?
2016 is the year of relationship searching for me, and yet i am still not in one. I was devastated because i couldn’t seems to find “the right ones”. Sucks! but then again it got me thinking, the right one? why would anyone say these words?
To finally find “the right one”, then we must be “the one”. Isn’t it? okay, some explanation.
Some said “if you can’t find a nice person, then be one.” as simple as that. Instead of demand something from people, why don’t you create such standard for yourself first. What makes you think you are qualified to be called the right one.
Responsible, loyal, kind-hearted, have self-control, perfectly healthy? Be that! all of it. Even tho i’m not sure how it would turns out, but with such confidence am gonna try. Finger crossed!
Self-worth baby!
One morning
the weather was cloudy, it must be raining all night i guess.
God, my bed suddenly feels so damn good
so soft...
do i have to get up?
shit, i had to go to work
rrrghhhh, don’t feel like it
i’ am so tired
do i really need this job??
i mean, i think it’ll be fine being unemployed
should i quit?
Then, I get up and get a bath
Yeahhhh, can’t wait to go back to work!!
- Me, this morning.
i think my bed bewitched me
i do love working btw
And so it goes
The end is real.
It’s the last day of 2016!!
If somebody ask me how is my year so far, it’s confusing really. So many struggles and winning too. It happened so fast. Gosh, why would they assign a number to it? Numbers terrifies me. It became a constant reminder of things.
For me, 2016 is the year of struggle. The year of change. The year of realizing stuff. Also the year i got promoted. There’s a lot of meh but the other is a yay. Still not my best year on one side, but kinda proud on the other side. The best thing is, i do not regret all of the decisions i have made. Yes, i do not regret it.
Do i have a resolutions? Nah, don’t have a list for it. Well, everyday is a new day. New Year’s new me stuff doesn’t really do me anything. Age is my ultimate life meter. I am upgrading myself on day to day basis.
Currently keeping my eyes on the ball. Keep on moving, do good, be good and whatever happens, happened. As always.
So... see you tomorrow guys!
Well just let them go..
According to the universal song by Blur.
Have you ever experienced a moment when music hits you so hard until it relates with the situation you’re in and takes you somewhere else?
Well, it does to me. It happened all the time. But there’s one time music hits me so hard and turns out helping me giving a timestamp to the most important part of my life. This occurs when my Dad passed away.
Dad and mom already separated (Dad lives out of town). So, the first time when we heard the news, me, mom and my brother go straight to my father’s house. Can’t think of any word, can’t even express how i feel at the time.
On the highway to my father’s, i put my music on to accompany me, also helping me avoid all the conversation i don’t wanna be in. Played the music on shuffle, then it shuffled to Blur’s - The Universal.
BAAM! Turns out the music creates an unforgettable memory for me. Every time i heard the song, it takes me back to the exact moment, I pictured myself sitting in the back seat, looking out the window, catching all the lights while The Universal verse playing on repeat
“It really, really, really could happen Yes, it really, really, really could happen When the days they seem to fall through you, well just let them go”
On that exact moment, strangely, i able to cope with the situation. Even though the lyrics mean anything different, but the notes, the words, connects to what i feel at the time. Suddenly i make peace with the situation. What an impact i thought!
What i’ am about to say is, music can do more than you can imagined. To me, music is magic. That would be the perfect way to describe it. The capability to touch your emotion and sometimes, helps you heal.
Thanks to all the 21 centuries inventions for music. Finally we able to escape time anywhere through the music players, like the iPod. It’s like a pocket size time machine to me. Can’t imagine my life without it.
When things get hard. Let music gives a goosebumps tickle on your skins. Get drown for awhile.
If the world throws at you, Thou shalt not killt meh. Play your jam! life is a mess, but it still beautiful.
When the days they seem to fall through you
Go put some music on and
well just, let them goooo
Notes: go watch Alive Inside, some kind of cinematic exploration of music’s capacity to reawaken souls and uncover the deepest parts of a person with dementia
What on earth is happening??!!
It's the question thats bothering me lately.
I had no idea, seriously. I’m starting to withdrawing myself from the world (in my case, social life), doing less talking, less smiling, less enthusiasm for anything and everything!
Just turned 27 last october. It got me thinking maybe i came to the point that i had enough of it.
I used to socialize like mad. Moving to one group into another and sometimes another again at a different place in just one day. I used to feel unbelievably energized all the time and wanting to absorb those energy by meeting lots of people and do a lotta talking. But now? Can’t even move my ass from the couch. At work, I rather eat alone in my desk to avoid people and the talking. Seems like i had enough.
But, really?! What did i missed?
I've been asking my friends about it, and of course they had no idea whatsoever. What do they know is i was "lame and becoming a fun sponge". Yes i feel it too! thanks for making it even cryptic for me. I noticed guys.
So, i decided to do some research on the internet. There’s so many results, one said its the transition from adolescence to adulthood..
the other said the stages of development changes.. Boring. Okay, next!
Then i stopped at this one articles that caught my attention.
It’s called social menopause (definitely gonna use this phrase a lot from now on). It said :
"Late-twenties social menopause can be isolating because it forces you to isolate yourself. It’s all a part of growing up, of letting the creaky panels of wood that make up your old house expand, shrink back and settle into place. Late-twenties social menopause opens up space for new ventures.."
Yeaa that's it! Social menopause! A perfect way to describe it.
Its only a phase dear, life transitions, a door to a different ventures to the *dramatic music* adulthood scene.
Is it? possibly yes (any reason are welcomed). Because we grow. And in order to grow, we go through some changes. IT’S. A. PROCESS!
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.” Carl Rogers said it.
It’s a way to build one’s personalities. Sometimes we're not aware of it. But now, thank God I’m. We don’t know for sure what’s the future hold some said. Enjoy the show!
Meanwhile i’ll just have to sit back and stay chill though. Embrace it all.
Oh, dear.
When i look back at these, i must be laughing right?
This guy is taking much of my time!!
Lately, i spend a whole day doing nothing but watching this guy vlog on Youtube.
Well i’m sure most of you already knew this amazing guy but for those who have no idea who he is, his name is Casey Neistat, a popular Youtuber, producer and director (according to wiki). In my opinion, he's an amazing storyteller. Because i'm not the type of person who spend alot of time watching videos, TV and stuff. But this guy pinned me to the sofa, watching his daily activity and his opinion about everything that comes to his mind.
here's some of Casey Neistat video that i love :
He's got a good taste of music, an amazing cinematography also giving some of great advice.
well, like i said before, this guy is taking much of my time lately. But, its not a waste of time. He's inspired me to start doing something that my future self will thank me for. His passion is contagious.
check him out, here!
Here i am, starting a new blog!
(after several failed attempt)
Hopefully this will last. I thought i should start something this time, seriously and here i go. making the first post on my page.
Before it all began, please excuse my poor english (trying). Finger crossed.