Finn sighed, his eyes rolling back and he shut his eyes while she went off on another rant. He groaned when she finally reigned herself in. his hand rubbed at his forehead. “That’s it, I think you did it, I think you managed to be more dramatic than me and Ryder combined. Congratu-fucking-lations Ness, that’s quite the achievement.” He clapped, sardonically. His eyes opened to look at her again. He wasn’t amused and, even more, he was fucking exhausted to his core. That wasn’t her fault, but damn she was not helping matters.
“First off, you don’t pledge. You prospect and believe me I will not allow that vote to go through.” He didn’t raise his voice, just stated the words matter of fact and to the point. There was no way in hell he’d let her to join the club. Not as a Siren, and certainly not as a fucking member. She wouldn’t last, she was too kind and much too good. Besides she didn’t even have a fucking motorcycle. “And you’re right, I didn’t give anyone my word on you.” He licked his lips and adjusted himself on the bed.
Finn ran his tongue over the back of his teeth, choosing his next words. “I want you to cut the bullshit and be fuckin’ honest with me.” His eyes narrowed slightly. “You’ve been nothing but cryptic and vague as fuck since you got in town and I don’t know if I can trust you.” The truth was out as real as the crack in his chest. “Ness, I will protect you and fuck if I don’t care about you, but I don’t know if you came there for Patrick or because of them or if you’re in trouble or running from something. I don’t know close to anything about you besides what you give me on the surface.” He paused to rub his lips together. “If you want me to give the word, if you want to be on that list, you need to give me a reason I won’t regret it. Blood ain’t enough.”
Nessa didn’t actually want to become part of the MC, but she wasn’t above threatening it either. She rolled her eyes at his macho bull shit talk. Nessa wanted Finn to understand she was serious about being in his life. She wanted him to trust her.
She had never done anything to give him the idea she couldn’t be trusted either. He was the one who had ditched her without a seeming backward glance. Nessa hadn’t expected him to come back, not after how he left things with their dad and brothers. But it had still hurt. And it gave her more of a reason to mistrust him than him to be distrustful of her.
Her own eyes narrowed in response to him. How fucking dare he. She could say, did he not know her at all, but she knew that was basically it. He didn’t. He knew the kid she used to be, not the adult she was now. He had cut and run, and she didn’t even know if he would have kept in touch if she hadn’t reached out, hadn’t pushed for it herself.
The first reaction she had was annoyance that bordered on anger. But she had already yelled at him enough. And even though he said he was fine, Nessa could see that Finn was tired. Hell, getting shot had to take a lot out of you.
So she didn’t get up. She didn’t storm out, or yell, or say any of the cruel things that built up in the back of her throat. She didn’t want the dam to break and have a torrent of words spilling out of her mouth that could not be unsaid. Instead, Nessa reached in her pocket and took out a packet of gum. She cracked out a piece, popping it into her mouth. Wished it was a lollipop instead. She held the gum packet out to Finn before settling back in her chair again.
Arms went across her chest. She had known it would come down to telling him eventually. But she had put it off and put it off. She supposed his being confined in a hospital bed was as good a time as any to tell him, all things considered. Though the nurses might come in and kick her out once they heard his heart rate monitor start beeping as quickly as Nessa guessed it would.
“I didn’t come here for Patrick,” she bit out. “I didn’t come here for any of them.” As if she would do that. She wasn’t a snitch. And she didn’t have to show up in town in order to tell her family where their black sheep had gone. To betray him. And it hurt that he thought that might be the case. She pushed that away for now, though, her fingers scratching at the material covering her arms as she willed herself to stay calm.
“I’m not running from anything either.” Anymore. Those assholes had been dealt with, and she had stolen their ill-gotten money for good measure. Can’t report thefts in accounts you’re not supposed to have, with money you didn’t earn legally. If they were even in any state to report anything anymore.
“There’s nothing that I say that’s going to make you trust me, if you don’t,” she added, giving him a look. “Some sob story doesn’t change anything.” She went on before he could protest. “I’ll still tell you, since that’s what you fucking want, but I don’t see how it changes anything.”
She sighed, sitting back in her chair. Scooting back in it as far as she could, she drew her knees to her chest. The toes of her boots rested on the side of her bed as she made sure she didn’t touch anything important.
“And you can’t use this as reason to say I’m not safe here either,” she said warningly, eyes flashing. She knew she was probably just annoying him by not getting straight to the point, so, with a deep breath, she looked away from him. Arms wrapped around her knees, she opened her mouth and she went for it.
“I got attacked a few months ago. Well a bit before moving here. Rivals of Da-Patrick’s. Of the family’s. I was living on my own, doing my own thing, had never gotten in with them, ever really. I was keeping my distance. But, that made me vulnerable I guess,” she shrugged, rolling her shoulders to try to relieve some of the tension there. She could feel a headache building as well, but she soldiered on.
“It wasn’t pretty,” she said, knowing he would remember the bruises he had seen when she first got to town. “There were a few of them. More than I could handle, even with my knife,” she gave him a crooked smile. Finn had given her her first switchblade after all. “And I didn’t want to be there anymore. So I came here.” She looked up at him, wondering if he needed more, willing him not to ask her to go into details. She was already on the fucking edge because of what happened to him. She didn’t want to lose it any more than she already had.