𝓆𝓊𝑒𝑒𝓇 (I am pan- and polyromantic and demis𝔢xual 💕 She/her/they/them all good for me)
disabl𝔢d 🦋
my m𝔢ntal h𝔢alth is... complicated 🤷♀️
a𝖚tistic
married
have 1 stepchild and want to adopt someday 🤞
ath𝔢ist (ex-Mormon)
have 2 cats
love animals
do a lot of theatre stuff
work in healthcar𝔢
like spooky stuff
if I feel like I am late-at-night-shitposting I will try to use
#JESS GO TF TO SLEEP
#personal will be all irl related
I will try to be mindful with CWs/TWs/Cont𝔢nt Disclosur𝔢s, but lemme know if you spot something I missed that you would like tagged
I may do requests maybe??? I will primarily be writing for Tokyo Debunker because that is the fandom that has gotten me back into writing, BUT. Who knows. If you spot me blogging about something and get a request idea, lemme know!
I also like to draw! And paint! And all sorts of visual media. So that might happen! And I started making TikToks?? I'm FelineFraulein25 on there.
#jess makes stuff sometimes will be the tag I use for any arts I post here
One of my special interests is Sailor Moon! So expect to see that pop up from time to time.
I am pretty much an open book if you ask! but you might have to be specific.
Fears and Nopes
I have em𝔢tophobia! This is a fear of vomit and vomit related things. So I shan't be posting anything that deals with that subject. Now, just the mention of the word or if someone says they "got sick" is fine, just.... no details.
I have a weird sort of odontophobia. This is a fear of "dental situations."
Teeth that are in the mouth where they belong do not bother me. Teeth that do a bite— like Teeth are designed to do—do not bother me.
Wiggly/lost/damaged teeth? NO. PLEASE DO NOT. I AM NOT OK.
(I am fine going to the dentist. Do I want to watch the dentist work? Absolutely not! Do certain dental offices' choices of decor send me into a panic attack???? ABSOLUTELY YES THEY DO PLEASE WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. )
Child abus𝔢 and/or s𝔢xual abus𝔢. I can handle mentions of/allusions to it, but I have to be very careful what levels of it I can tolerate in media I consume.
I am trying to find a spot where Haru has a voiceline that sounds like "Cute-uh! Cute-uh!" (The VA has an adorable phonology there)
I don't remember if it was in a chapter, or a random sound effect when leveling up, or a holiday line or what. But I wanted to show it to a friend because I reference it a lot and am getting her into tkdb. 😏
Anyone have any idea?
EDIT: A reply has helped me locate it! Thank you! I knew the fans wouldn't let me down.
EDIT NUMBER 2:
in case anyone was wondering, it took me forever, but I finally was able to record the voiceline to show my friend. My screen recorder messed up, so I have the sound and not the little image of everybody waiting in the seating area, but I just tied it to one of my fave Haru cards. :3
Now I (and any of you) can listen to it anytime we want.
hit 1k recently and aaaaaa thank you all for being here and for listening to my yaps and reading my fics and watching my art style evolve! made so many friends here over the past almost two years, and i hope the things i’ve created have made you as happy as you’ve made me.
have some reminders from your favourite ghouls and remember all bad days will pass!!
I just finished a show and immediately went into another show. Dealing with health stuff and work stuff and life stuff...
I am tired.
I *JUST* got done reading through Season 2 Episode 2 on TKDB. Oh man. I am having fun with the Dionysia ghouls being around.
In the world of writing for them, though, I don't feel I know their characters well enough yet, so I probably will hold off on using them in any fics at the time being.
ALTHOUGH I did get a Jo card so I am enjoying having him talk to me. :) oh no another blond
I want to work on my Haru fic. I see exactly where I want it to go and I know a couple people were reading it and enjoying it, but aaaaah. I am a sleepy.
Anywho just wanted to let anyone who might be watching this account to know I am alive and well and exist.
Oh, hey! Surprise second chapter! First chapter Here
CWs:
smut
p0rn…but with plot? kind of?
gambling… I downloaded a Baccarat app for this and I am still confused
rough sex
extensive dirty talk
much swearing
very very nsfw
okay so I tried to be vague about Taiga's stigma but also not be vague about some theories??? you'll see what I mean.
implied BamiRomi, implied ShoSuba, implied Taiga x MC, implied Subaru x MC…. many implications
holy smokes this ended up even longer than the last one (Google docs is counting 7.5K. Last one was just over 5K)
This is probably the last chapter??? But I guess I thought the last one was a stand alone chapter so who knows taiga probably
ONCE AGAIN, NSFW! Minors DNI!
♤♧☕︎♢♡
Subaru adjusted the collar of his Academy robe, letting the shadow of the hood fall across his eyes. Of course, he wasn't the only one wandering the casino with some sort of disguise or feature to keep attention away from his face; people liked to hide their gambling in many cases, not wanting to admit they had a worrisome addiction.
A worrisome addiction. That was a good phrase for it. Subaru's own presence here was indicative that he had developed a sort of addiction of his own, though it wasn't for the card tables, roulette, or slots.
His position as Hotarubi captain made his location something of public interest, more than he had ever wanted. With his acting history, he had struggled to dim his shine at Darkwick. Whenever anyone might recognize him, it brought up too many questions—Or worse, the tensions it had with Kurosagi. Perhaps Leo thought that his snooping about Subaru's past went unnoticed, but Hotarubi's Captain knew more than he let on.
Let the Influencer snoop. Subaru had been through worse, and despite a calm outward demeanor, he knew he could navigate scandal better than Leo would have hoped for.
Nonetheless, spending the majority of his time at Hotarubi—partially because of his Stigma—made it noticeable when Subaru was anywhere on campus besides a classroom: visits to Sho's food truck, visiting Lyca at Obscuary… such excursions would get him noticed.
And being noticed could be a hassle.
Especially if noticed at Sinostra's casino.
Warm purple eyes scanned the crowded casino floor, his arms drawn close to his body beneath his cloak. Certainly his sleeves and gloves would prevent any accidental touches, but Subaru was cautious still.
He jumped when a gunshot rang out in the casino, a move that pinpointed him as a less-than-frequent visitor; the gambling regulars knew that a gunshot or two in this casino was just another day, even more so when it was followed by a certain boisterous cackle. Still, not one mention of the novelty of his presence was made–at least, not out loud—as the Actor swiftly moved towards the source of the laughter he recognized so easily.
“You know damn well you should draw.” The carefree smile that permeated even his voice would seem ill-suited to having just fired off a shot at the ceiling if it had been anyone else but Taiga Hoshibami speaking.
The dealer's face was drawn tight with nervousness, pale and clammy with fear as he gulped audibly. “Uh. Yeah. Okay, sure,” he stammered, then flipped over a card on the red baize of the table. An eight neatly shone against the smooth felt, and Subaru was fairly certain he heard the dealer whimper.
Seemingly in a congenial mood, Taiga lowered his gun, shrugging while using its muzzle to push some of his chips towards the shaking dealer. “Eh, can't win ‘em all,” the redhead muttered, grin not wavering. “Now was that so hard? If you're gonna play, play. I'm not gonna shoot ya for winning one round, gyahaha!”
“He's not necessarily playing, per se.” Subaru found himself talking without hesitation as he approached Taiga's side. Perhaps I have truly grown accustomed to this man. Taiga's citrine eyes narrowed at first, then wavered quickly left to right as he looked back at the Actor. Remembering. Or trying to, Subaru thought, then breathed a small sigh of relief when the glare shifted into a grin of recognition. “I mean… he's working as the banker, isn't he? It must be nerve-wracking to play against one of your bosses. An HR nightmare, really.” Especially if said boss also shot weapons at the slightest provocation.
Taiga scratched at his own chin with the likely-still-warm end of his gun, a move that made a ball of tension coil in Subaru's throat. “Maybe. But I don't want special treatment. That's no fun, Subaru.”
The way Taiga said his name always brought a bit of heat to the ends of Subaru's ears; the Gambler tended to only use nicknames—when he remembered someone—but used Subaru's full name only. Something about that was… Well, Subaru wasn't sure what it was. But suffice to say, it affected him.
The metal bottom of a stool screeched as Taiga dragged it close to his side, patting the seat and reholstering his weapon.
“Have a go.”
It wasn't a question. It also wasn't why he was here, and Taiga knew it, but Subaru took the seat with a nod all the same.
“So you know what I know. Whatcha gonna do about it?”
Baccarat was easy to play, hard to win, Subaru knew, from having used his Stigma—albeit involuntarily—on the Gambler.
But it wasn't hard for Taiga. And Subaru knew why.
Subaru knew a lot more about Taiga than he'd publicly admit.
“5,000, Banker bet,” the Actor voiced, softly but clearly.
Four, Two. Stand. Ace, Queen. Draw. Eight. “Banker wins, payout to player,” the dealer announced smoothly, seeming to be infinitely happier that Hoshibami was no longer playing.
At least, he wasn't exactly playing. The redhead leaned dangerously close to the brunette, close enough that Subaru could feel the biblically familiar heat from his skin, could smell his somewhat intoxicating scent.
That first night had a different smell, Subaru recalled, almost in the back of his mind. Coppery blood and persistent earthy rain, overshadowing Taiga's natural musk, and then eventually… the scent of mingled sex.
The Actor's cheeks only reddened slightly before he quelled the thought.
“Come on now. Banker's bets are the safe play and you know it.” Taiga's words felt hot against Subaru's skin, despite the short distance between them; their proximity felt intimately private despite the presence of so many others around them.
“10,000, Player.” Subaru's voice rang clear, insistent, but he kept his gaze focused on the felted table in front of him, cloak and long lashes shielding his eyes (he hoped) from too careful scrutiny.
An eight and a two fell in the player's spot, two fives in the banker's. Subaru kept his demeanor placid as he gently tapped the player's pair to request a draw. It was a nine.
“Not bad, not bad,” Taiga teased with another laugh as the winnings were paid out. The redhead leaned back on his stool, perching his heels on the edge of the seat in a way that reminded Subaru of a gargoyle. “Tiptoeing along that risk line, huh?”
Subaru withdrew his hands from the table, placing them in his lap. “Taiga…” He spoke in quieter tones, volume controlled. He knew surely only the person nearest him could hear over the casino's raucous din. “I wasn't here to play.”
The Gambler's grinning visage dropped, all but for the corner of his lips, when he spoke in just as controlled tones. “I know. But you've never come to my turf before.” Subaru could feel the other man's gaze on him, could feel the way those acid-colored eyes sought to burn through the cloak. Subaru's gloved hands wrung together in his lap. “So. Show me.”
At this insistence, Subaru finally turned and allowed their gazes to meet. “‘Show’ you…?” he questioned slowly. “What do you…?”
Fast again, Taiga took hold of Subaru's wrists, pulling them from his lap, ringed hands clasping around exposed skin above Subaru's gloves. The brunette gasped, feeling as though the very breath of air he pulled in carried every last story and memory etched into the other's entire existence in one startling, gut-punching moment.
His stigma. Again.
This time, Taiga knew damn well exactly what he was doing.
Then again, had he ever not known before? It was hard to tell with Taiga Hoshibami.
Subaru quivered, taking slower breaths now with his wrists pinned to the baize, trying to overcome the physical weakness abruptly sending tendrils of weariness through his body.
He wants me to show him, the smaller ghoul steadily realized, just what extent that I know.
Soft violet eyes seemed somehow to burn more darkly as they moved up to the banker.
“All in. Tie bet.”
Taiga chuckled. Hands still around Subaru's wrists, the vibrations of the sound traveled to where their flesh met. “Now that is a bet, Subaru. Very low odds. Very risky,” he purred before finally releasing the other's wrists.
“No. It's not,” the brunette whispered, even as the cards were dealt, even as he shivered with the weakness his ability caused him. “Not when you know what you know.”
Another chuckle drifted from Taiga's lips. “What we know.”
Scattered gasps sounded around them. “T-tie,” the dealer announced, perhaps rethinking his earlier ease when Subaru had taken the place of player; after all, Taiga was still at the table.
Subaru closed his eyes, listening to the sound of chips awarded his way, all but collapsing in his seat. In what others may have thought of as a rare moment of tenderness, one of Taiga's hands caught the other ghoul at the small of his back.
The Actor knew better. Taiga was not a man without guilt, and it was that emotion which guided him to the slightest remorse for the state his actions had caused, the barest of empathy: there were similarities between the two captains.
“Your stigma seems less like a gift than… well…”
“A curse?”
A small nod.
“Well. That makes us two of a kind, doesn't it?”
His eyes still closed, still trembling, the smaller ghoul's body was pliant as the taller slid close, supporting his weight to bring him to his feet.
“Let's get out of here before Lulu comes to yell at me,” Subaru heard Taiga say, the words close enough that he again felt their heat on his skin.
Then he passed out.
♤♧☕︎♢♡
When consciousness next returned, it brought with it the feeling of cool sheets against his skin, unfamiliarly luxurious satin, and Subaru sat up with a start at the foreign feeling.
“Rise and shine~.”
The lighting was dim but warm, somehow golden despite no drawn curtains or windows that he could see, and the Actor was momentarily surprised to see Taiga sitting on the bed beside him.
Like he was watching me sleep?
The brunette breathed slowly, his eyes focusing as he took in his surroundings. This was surely Taiga's room, the ornate reds, golds, and blacks reflecting the style that Sinostra's Captain favored. The expensive-feeling sheets were alien but Subaru held one up over his chest nonetheless, feeling utterly exposed—the satin was the only barrier as he found himself otherwise bare. “My clothes?” He asked softly yet firmly, having grown accustomed to being more direct with the other ghoul.
Taiga quirked an eyebrow and stared back at him. It was this moment when Subaru realized the other man was wrapped in a robe that matched the sheets. “Figured for why you're here,” the redhead purred lowly, leaning closer, “that you didn't really need ‘em.”
At this, Subaru's cheeks quickly heated; he could taste the other's breath now, face to face, and it would be a lie if he said it didn't make his mouth water, if he claimed his cock hadn't twitched with anticipation. “You shouldn't have p-pressed me like that,” he stammered, struggling to maintain his composure. Sh-shit. Why is it always like this? “In the casino, I mean. That was… a lot.”
The predatory gaze didn't falter, and Taiga made no further move, neither forward nor backward. “Oh?”
“You're always a tease,” Subaru murmured in response, dropping his gaze away and to the side. “But the stigma felt like more that time, did you—” He paused, an inkling of realization causing his gaze to return to meet Taiga's. “Did you… use your stigma then, too? The same moment? Silently?”
The redhead managed to keep every muscle of his face in position but those required for speech, a perfect poker face. “What? You don't know?”
Subaru's arms crossed over his chest with some annoyance. “It tells me about you, not exactly what you're thinking. I'm not a mindreader.”
“No. You're not. Not exactly,” the other conceded. Subaru flinched then shut his eyes as Taiga lazily reached a hand out and tiptoed fingers along his shoulder. It seemed a grace that Talnandio didn't activate this time, and the smaller ghoul breathed a sigh of relief. Understanding exactly what that sigh meant, Taiga's light, fingertip caress shifted into a firmer grasp, sliding over Subaru's shoulder and then around to his exposed back as the taller ghoul shifted closer.
“T-Taiga…” Subaru murmured in a helpless whimper as the redhead began to nibble at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, biting just hard enough that he knew small pinpricks of red would be left in his wake.
“This is the first time you've come to me, Subaru.” Words fell against fair skin like hot brands, and Hotarubi's Captain felt his heartrate skyrocketing. “Getting desperate, were ya?”
“Y-you haven't been by… in a while…” He hated how pathetic, how whiny and needy his words sounded, but it was too late for the brunette to take them back now.
And it wasn't as if Taiga hadn't seen him whine before. Like this. For him.
Taiga pushed the smaller man back, and Subaru's spine arched almost reflexively toward him, keening for contact. “Had a lot going on,” Taiga countered, punctuating the statement with a sharp flick of a polished fingernail against one of Subaru's nipples that drew a low moan in response. “Though I gotta say, some relief may be just the thing for both of us.”
Subaru snaked one shuddering hand beneath Taiga's robe, unsurprised to find he was bare but for a gold chain that dangled from his throat. Some residual memories drifted unbidden though blessedly not painfully from the flesh where the links rested: a trinket from Taiga's vice-captain. Subaru momentarily heard Romeo's voice in remembered echo: “Tch. You don't have to dress like a feral beast, too. Have a little class. Here, wear this.”
The brunette's hand paused, but only for a moment. He knew—and he knew that Taiga knew—exactly what this was between the two of them, other relationships not withstanding. They didn't love each other and neither one of them expected or longed for their arrangement to go that direction. It was one of the benefits of his ability; they had touched, and so there was absolute clarity. Yet seeing memories Taiga had that involved people he cared about brought the smallest pause because…
Of course, why wouldn't they? Subaru and Taiga were capable, consenting adults, absolutely able to handle their own situations and have their own personal judgements respected. If either one of them wanted to stop these trysts, they would—though not without some disappointment—accept that decision. If Taiga wanted to stop, they would stop. If Subaru wanted to stop, they would stop. Simple as that.
Where the complications might come into play was with other parties. Romeo, the Inspector…Sho Haizono…—prospective partners that maybe were something else for the two ghouls, people that perhaps could develop into more emotional connections, into love? Should they stop these sexual encounters on the behalf of one of those?
Maybe.
But right and wrong, future maybes and ethics be damned: Subaru needed this.
And after all, the future…
Subaru's hand continued on, pressing and sliding along Taiga's chest and then around to waist, down to grip at his ass. The redhead growled when the brunette grasped, diving back down to where he had nibbled before, but this time with more insistent, biting pressure. “A-AH!” Subaru cried out, knowing he would have a visible mark there later. This did not upset him in the least. “You were… nngh… busy?”
Taiga detached from skin with a sucking sound, moving up to meet his gaze. It always fascinated Subaru how those warm-colored irises could seem so cold, so piercing, and yet irresistibly mesmerizing. Those eyes bore into him now with mock indignation. “Ah~? Are you implying I don't do my share of work for Sinostra?” he smirked. “You sound like Lulu~.”
Subaru pushed the other man's name to the back of his thoughts, privately surprised that he hadn't felt anything emotionally when it was said, neither jealousy nor regret. He'd analyze that later. “Mm. My mistake.” He had somehow stopped his usual automatic apologizing around Taiga, though he wasn't sure when that was.
“Damn right,” Taiga countered. Lightning-quick, he grabbed a fistful of brown hair and pinned it back to the pillow, drawing another gasp and arch from the man below him. “Kinda rude of ya. Have I been training up some bad habits in you?”
“T-taiga… Taiga, please,” Subaru begged, squirming beneath the weight of the other's body, desperation growing and rolling within him. “Y-you know… you know why…” His erection was full mast now, and nearly painful with desire, and Taiga must surely know it.
“There's the cute and polite little Subaru everyone else gets to see.”
“Taiga. Taiga, please.”
“But I think I want to see that other Subaru.” Not releasing his hair, Taiga leaned down and took hold of Subaru's bottom lip in his teeth. Subaru moaned into the kiss—bite? Whatever it was–and pursed his lips forward, sucking, trying to maneuver to keep the contact, but Taiga pulled back just as quickly. The brunette was certain he could taste some of his own blood as he looked back up to the other man. “Show me that.”
Subaru whined again, writhing and pressing his hips upward. The fabric of Taiga's robe did little to hide the fact that Sinostra's Captain was hard, too, and Subaru felt like he was becoming delirious in this state. “W-want…. fuck, Taiga, fuck me, please!”
“Better. Better. More, Subaru. Give me more.” The Gambler punctuated his commands by thrusting his hips forward. Friction of the fabric that separated them felt good, sure, but it wasn't enough, not nearly enough, and Taiga's devilish grin obviously conveyed his delight at the taunting antics. Making the other man beg was part of the fun.
“God… fuck… fucking damn it, Taiga!” His swears grew louder and louder as his patience wore thinner, something he knew the other man was savoring, devouring like so many unfortunate anomalies. “Take your clothes off and FUCK ME ALREADY.”
Taiga threw his head back in a full laugh at that, and in defiance of the more animalistic need he was experiencing the entire time, part of Subaru’s mind drifted soft, lingering just a moment on the way red and gold hair hair floated up and then fluttered down to frame a devilishly handsome face. Taiga repositioned, grabbing both the other’s wrists and pinning them down on either side of his face again. He rocked his hips against the other, slower this time but with so much pressure that Subaru thought it might otherwise have hurt, if he weren’t so damn horny at the moment. Maybe his hips would be bruised, as well. It wouldn’t be the first time.
“I have a better idea.” The Gambler’s face remained as steady as his slow and deliberate rocking.
“Nooooo….” The Actor whined again, true tears coming to the corners of his eyes as he wriggled beneath the other, craving more friction. “Stop! Teasing me! Fuck!”
Taiga tilted his head to the side, face shifting into what was probably an attempt at looking innocent. That wouldn’t fool even the dumbest critic, Subaru thought with a little haughty fondness.
“You haven’t even heard my idea~”
A needy sob bubbled up from Subaru’s throat, and he tilted his head to the side to pepper kisses along the ringed hands that held his wrists—a different tactic. “Please. Taiga, please. Fuck me. It’ll be good, I promise, so good, please, so please just fuck me…”
A deeper chuckle this time, and Taiga’s unkissed hand rose to grasp at the Actor’s chin. He turned the other ghoul to look up at him, soft violet eyes meeting sharp yellow-green. “Oh, I know it will be… Subaru.” As the other ghoul’s name drifted from his lips so gently that it might’ve been mistaken for sentiment, those lips leaned to catch him in a leisurely, languid kiss. The contrast from their usually so quick and desperate movements was dizzying. Subaru’s lips parted, tongues met and melted warmly together, his wrists were released and his hands drifted up to more tenderly caress and comb through that deceptively silken hair, one of Taiga’s hands moved to cup his cheek, and surely he didn’t know that his thumb had wiped away a single tear that had managed a rolling escape, surely it was but coincidence, but the kiss went on, somehow soothing some of Subaru’s need with an all-encompassing warmth, and then—
Then things turned back to what was their normal, all at once.
Ghouls had supernatural abilities, of course, but to varying degrees. They all had a share of speedy recovery, yet Jiro still suffered his illness. They all were quick, yet Haru held that record without comparison. They all were strong, yet Alan could probably hold the weight of the sky that Atlas suffered under without breaking a sweat. Physically, Taiga was faster and stronger than Subaru, hands down, and he displayed this fact then.
In the blink of an eye, their positions were reversed. Taiga wrangled Subaru above him, stripping off the pesky robe with easy swiftness and switching it to drape over the smaller ghoul’s shoulders, fabric falling around him like a dark, encompassing cape. Before he even had a chance to gasp, Subaru’s legs were straddling Taiga’s hips, their erections standing proudly exposed between them. Somehow even the visual of their dicks presented the differences between them, with Taiga’s penis displaying a veined and harsh demand while Subaru’s appeared almost graceful, proud yet somehow polite.
In the movement, Taiga had grabbed both of Subaru’s wrists again in his favorite way then released them with a flourish. Smoothly transitioning into slow movements again, he interlocked his ring-bedecked hands behind his own head and looked up at the bewildered brunette with lazy confidence.
“My idea,” the Gambler insisted as though annoyed with the earlier interruption, “is that you got me doing too much of the work.” He gestured with a nod of his head towards their hard-ons. Subaru was certain the man’s cock had twitched simultaneously. “You want me to fuck you so bad that you come to Sinostra, Subaru? Why don’t you fuck yourself a bit, huh? Give me a show, little performer~.”
Brown lashes fluttered with confusion, the smaller ghoul blinking as he studied the other’s expression, stammering internally for a response, cheeks reddened with not-unwelcomed shame. Part of him felt disrespected by the obscenities and crude language they always used, and yet a large part of him still liked it. What that said about his psyche was an entirely different conversation to be had with himself that didn’t have room in his mind at the moment.
Taiga only smirked again, his head nudging in the direction of the ornate nightstand. “Lube’s in there.” His own lashes fluttered half-down, in an effortlessly sexy smolder. “Ya ain’t the only one who can be prepared.”
His face burning as full realization dawned on him, Subaru swallowed; his throat suddenly felt disparagingly dry. Yes… this is what I wanted after all… he found himself thinking as he stutteringly reached where indicated to grab the necessary product. The bottle seemed almost indecently expensive for something so sexual, gem-like facets sparkling, and Subaru’s fingers felt too-large and too-clumsy as he handled it, only the most residual of thoughts drifting from the object as he fumbled it open: past experiences, Taiga grabbing it with a partner or even with aroused need while alone, heat and passions of times and persons past somehow imbuing the item with a near-magical aura of its own. Not now, Subaru thought, willing his ability to quiet itself, and it, miraculously, for once, did so.
He couldn’t shake the feeling of Taiga’s eyes on him as he spread a copious amount of lube onto his own hand, those venomous eyes watching him like a predator, bound to attack at any moment, all the more dangerous because they could but didn’t. By this point the Actor’s cheeks were flaming red, maybe they shouldn’t be—they'd fucked before! why be blushing now?—but they were, and he closed his eyes as his wet hand moved down between them. Some of the lubricant dripped coldly on their so-close erections, and one of Taiga’s hands darted at the opportunity, wrapping around both of their lengths in a move that made Subaru shudder. “Keep going,” the redhead commanded, a ferociously apt gaze silently daring the other to look away.
Subaru refused to back down though, determinedly maintaining eye-contact as he prodded two of his fingers at his own entrance, lifting his hips up to do so. He shivered at the difference in temperature, a soft sigh escaping his lips.
Taiga groaned in appreciation of the display and began to make slow, tight strokes over their two dicks. “Mm, yeah. That’s good. Loosen yourself up for me, my good little cock-whore,” he mumbled.
Rather than shame, the salacious insult brought a pride to the Actor’s chest, and he slid his own two digits deeper, hips rocking and adding to the pleasing friction between them. He thrust his fingers slowly deeper within himself, to the incrementally quickening rhythm that Taiga set with his strokes. “F-fuck… Taiga… I’m not... Going to last long…”
That was apparently the wrong thing to say. The Gambler tightened his hold more, just to the brink of painful, flashing a shark-toothed grin at his partner as they moaned in unison. “Na-uh, not until I say,” he growled through those gritted teeth, then slowly loosened his hold in pulsing beats, keeping just enough of a grasp to reinforce his silent message: he could bring a fiercer touch whenever he wanted. “Focus. Finger fuck yourself delirious for me~.”
“T-Taiga!” Tears formed in the corners of Subaru’s eyes again. “Nngh, fuck… fuck, okay, okay! Just… nggh… Let me…” He bit his own lower lip, almost shy to continue, though why was beyond him. His fingers moved insistently, but that wasn’t what he wanted thrust into him, wasn’t what he craved and desired, needed so deeply. Even when he managed to find his own prostate, when he momentarily saw the path to an easy orgasm, he wanted more, didn’t want to get off just here.
A black-polished nail teased the slit of Subaru’s leaking tip, the pad of the same thumb pressing not so far away atop Taiga’s own. A red eyebrow raised. “Let you…? Let you what?”
A needy mewl rose from the depth of Subaru’s gut, its sound overlapping with another laugh from the redhead below him. “Let me… ah… let me… ride you…”
Taiga made a sort of frustrated grunt and released his hold on their lengths to grip at either side of the brunette’s hips. For all his bravado in teasing, he wanted things to speed along just as badly. “Fuck, yes, get on here,” he groaned, inclining his head towards his engorged dick with a quick nod and letting his nails dig into the other’s hips. More marks for later… “You look so good falling apart for me~”
His body craved their return almost immediately as he pulled his fingers out, but Subaru’s breath was coming in quicker, excited bursts for what was to happen next. Struggling with the momentarily awkward placement of his legs as he repositioned himself yet again, he quickly slicked more wet over Taiga’s girth before pushing himself downward, moaning loudly as he at last felt filled.
Glancing down at the man below him, as his body gradually accommodated the intrusion, soft iris-colored eyes considered the heated flush on Taiga’s cheeks and cascading down his throat, the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as the other man watched raptly. Besides citrine eyes glimmering and gripping hands at the Actor’s waist, the redhead demonstrated incredible restraint, smirking up at the smaller ghoul without moving another muscle.
“No coming until I say.”
“Y-yes.”
“I want you jerking off while you ride me.”
“Y-yes. Yes, I will, I will.”
“Ride my dick, Subaru, and don’t you dare cover your mouth.” The brunette’s hands had risen to do just that, but moved obediently back down to grip his own member, shaking and leaking. “I want to hear everything. Every. Last. Sound.”
Subaru whimpered but started to move, hips rocking and mind reeling as he did so, savoring the friction and heat. “Ah…! Ah, Taiga, Taiga…Fuck… fuck…!”
The Gambler groaned deeply, finally, finally moving in concert with the other, speed and depth picking up pace. “Come on, little Hotarubi Captain,” he grunted, beads of sweat breaking out on his brow as his hands pushed and pulled unforgiving at the other's hips. “Be creative for me~. Don't get shy now…”
“Nnnngh…” Subaru grit his teeth, eyes clenching shut as he rolled his hips with steadily more effort, his hands stroking his own erection with measured reluctance considering the admonishment against coming too soon. “F-fuck… ruin me. Use me. Fuck me senseless.”
“Nn. Hnn. Ha, poetic~”
“I don't… haaa… don't want poetic. Want. Harder. Harder, God damn it,” he mewled, panting between thrusts, knowing how absolutely factual the statement was as it came out. “Don't want soft. Don't want polite. Don't… just… haaaaaa, f-fuuuuuuuuck… just don't stop!”
With a lunge, the redhead grabbed a fistful of soft brown hair, muscles and torsos tensed just enough that Subaru's vision was filled with only the other's face. Taiga held him there as they ground and thrust together. “Good. I'm gonna leave you a mess. Gonna… leave you aching.”
“Yes…! Yes, FUCK!” Subaru's head tilted back a little on his own high, but Taiga took the opportunity to yank him back further by the captured hair. It hurt—and that was exactly what he wanted. Subaru's clenched eyes started to water with the mixture of pleasure and pain and he felt so violated and wrong and that was somehow good, somehow liberating and taboo and exciting all at once. “Wreck me! Fuck, Taiga, give me all your cock, fill me, use me…”
The brunette's attempt at dirty talk was growing quickly incoherent, and Taiga chuckled between his own groans. “That's it, that's it, show me that filthy side, you pretty little thing,” he coaxed, pulsing his grip in brown locks in tantalizing waves. “You need relief? Leaking all over me like this?” The hand at Subaru's hip moved to join the other two wrapped around his erection, and both men cried out in a loud moan. “That's my good little slut… haaa, dirty little beauty, you want to come so bad, don't you?”
Subaru nodded furiously, the motion only causing more pulls at his hair when he did. “Please… oh, please, Taiga, I want to come, let me come, please…” He felt his cheeks heat in the smallest moment of inspiration. “...Please let me come, you fucking sadist.”
The Actor's words were rewarded with a moan from the man he straddled, and the Gambler released his hair to grip his hip again, palming it with deep pressure before lifting the other upwards, Subaru could nearly feel the other's dick slide out of him before he was plunged downward again in a ferociously fluid motion that made him see stars and cry out. “Yeah… yes, Subaru, like that!” Taiga growled, and Subaru had only enough wherewithal to glow at the praise, and just barely enough to keep from finishing, not yet, not yet… “Beg for me. Beg me to get you off.”
“God, just fucking break me…” In the muddled mess that was currently Subaru’s fuck-addled mind, he knew his partner was close, too, and that meant relief would be imminent. He’d recite an entire holy text from memory if Taiga asked at that moment, if it meant release; a little dirty talk was remarkably easy. “Let me come, feels so good, give me that cock, need to feel you explode in me, fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuck–!”
Seeming to predict–ha, maybe he did, with his abilities and all–that neither could hold back their orgasm a moment longer, Taiga lunged to a seated position and pulled Subaru to him in an embrace so tight it might’ve been a grapple, smashing their lips together open-mouthed. Certain he could taste the lingering copper of what was surely a split lip, the Actor whimpered as the Gambler pulled back, their sweat-soaked foreheads leaning against one another.
Taiga’s voice was low with a lustful gravel. “Come. Come with me, Subaru,” he commanded before crashing their lips together again. Their moans fused and tangled then in the graceless kiss as white-hot relief finally surged free, deep and carnally at Subaru’s core and sticky between their chests.
The brunette was grateful for the firm hold as Taiga fell back; there was no need to play at strength, and he could let himself dissolve against the other man’s chest in trembling, panting sighs. The redhead, for his part, kept his hold tight, wrapping lithely strong arms around the smaller ghoul in a near-possessive embrace.
A few moments passed in silence only broken by the sound of their slowly regulating systems. Subaru allowed his eyes to close, allowed his cheek to rest just at the top of Taiga’s shoulder, allowed his senses to be enveloped by the other’s scent and warmth and gradually normalizing breath. They both moved slightly–it was hard to distinguish who was initiating which movement–and Taiga’s softening member slipped out from Subaru’s ass with an off-putting dampness. He had certainly enjoyed himself, but the normally-so-proper ghoul was always a little horrified at the disheveled and… messy state of bodies after sex. This moment was no different. Still, he tried not to dwell on it, instead choosing to focus on the warmth that emanated from the man below him, on the satisfied ache from being so completely fulfilled and ravaged.
The smooth robe had slipped down from its mantle on Subaru’s shoulders, but Taiga pulled it up and draped it over both of them. It was truly a perfect material for this situation, light enough that they wouldn’t overheat yet heavy enough to stave off any chill. The sex had always been rough, but Subaru was pleasantly aware that even Taiga had a mind for aftercare. The redhead demonstrated his fairness now, letting the smaller ghoul catch his breath and running fingers through fluffy brown hair absentmindedly.
One slow breath morphing into a shuddering sigh, Hotarubi’s Captain finally felt like some of his capacity for thought was returning. He kept his eyes closed, quietly savoring the closeness that was so often unavailable to him. “...There’s… not much time left, is there?” He felt himself ask the question more than heard it, the words tasting vaguely bitter.
A sound between a sigh and a grunt responded, and Taiga ceased threading his fingers through the other’s hair in order to instead wrap his arms around the smaller man and hold him a little tighter. “...Yeah,” he finally responded after a long moment.
Subaru knew without looking that the other’s eyes were open, staring into the space before the ceiling. Or staring into something else, he thought with some degree of sad acceptance, Something that no ordinary person… or ghoul… can otherwise see.
The Actor propped himself up, folding his arms beneath his chin and looking at the other man from his position on his chest. Sinostra’s Captain looked back blankly, and the two shared a quiet stare before Subaru thought of his next reply. “Thank you,” he finally voiced softly, maintaining that eye contact.
The Gambler smirked, but only slightly as compared to his usual haughtiness. “Yeah. Wasn’t just for you.”
“Th-that’s… not what I mean,” Subaru answered with a more-characteristic blush, and Taiga’s head tilted just barely, inviting the other to continue. “I mean… not thank you for this time. Or for any one time really. For…” He shrugged a little as he struggled for the right words. “For giving me a chance to breathe. To… let go. Without expectations of… well, of propriety.”
Taiga’s eyes finally closed, and Subaru took a moment to admire his features; he did have an appreciation for beauty after all, and Taiga was, along with so much else, a beautiful man. “If everything is just gonna be the way it is…” he murmured, voice not carrying any of its usual lilting humour. “...Seems a waste to not act on impulse.”
“Better than to die with a whimper?”
The familiar quote made the redhead open one eye to stare back. Without saying a word, Subaru knew that was all the answer he would get there.
Subaru sighed again, smiling softly as he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and pulling the robe around himself as he did so, trying not to let his thoughts linger on the cooling fluids on his body or the distasteful way their skin had felt when separating from one another. His soft eyes settled absentmindedly to tracing patterns in the floor's surface.
“...How many times?” he asked aloud, before he had even had time to think about the question.
“Subaru.” The redhead's voice didn't sound angry or bored, just… tired.
“No, not… not overall how many times,” the brunette corrected, then twisted at the waist to look back at the other. Taiga's arms were behind his own head again, those intense eyes trained expectantly, waiting for the other to continue. He did. “How many times… is it this sort of arrangement? Between us?”
Taiga didn't smirk, and Subaru was a little unsure how to read the expression he did show.
“Not every time.”
The answer finally having drifted his way, Subaru was surprised when it had landed with a small measure of disappointment. “I see…” he sighed, turning his gaze back away, this time towards the ceiling.
“But more than once. If it makes ya feel better.”
He couldn't help a small smile in response. “Some. Yes, I suppose it does,” he admitted. He thought for a moment he wanted to look back at Taiga, but then decided against it, uncertain whether he wanted to meet those eyes again just yet. “There has to be…” He bit his own lip slightly in thought, then wincing as he noted where it was still sensitive from its earlier onslaught. “...Some way to… to stop or change it or…”
Taiga groaned a little, the sound exasperated, and Subaru turned back to see him rest a forearm over his own eyes. “Yeah. Heard that before, too.”
With those eyes hidden, the Actor felt better equipped to thoughtfully look at the other, nearly studying him. It was one of those odd moments where he felt almost as though he had glanced a new layer to the other man. Sure, he knew him through other factors—reputation, sex, and stigma—and yet… there was still something unfathomable about Taiga Hoshibami, even to him, and—Subaru thought—even to those who might've known the man on a romantic level.
Perhaps even Taiga himself couldn't comprehend each of his own layers.
“I will try to stay optimistic,” the brunette softly vowed. Taiga snorted in response; Subaru wasn't offended. “Still… Thank you. It has to be a… a burden.” Yellow-green eyes were uncovered, and looked wide to meet pastel purple, askance for clarification. “You've done me a favor, all of us, really, by bearing that burden.” A heat rose again to Subaru's face, and he looked away, unable to handle the weight of those eyes on him so intensely. “If the only way I can really repay you is with my body, well…” He shrugged, trailing off, certain he may have said something foolish. His arousal-induced confidence appeared to have a time limit to its effects.
“Sometimes I think it will be different.” The suddenness of Taiga's response now nearly made the smaller ghoul jump. Subaru's two hands clasped in front of his own chest as though to still his startled heart as the other man continued.
“It can be a pain. Certain things stay stagnant or unchanged, and certain things seem different each time. And just because the odds are so low, doesn't mean they won't surprise you. You can be counting cards, and figure that nearly none of the court cards have shown up, so your math says there's bound to be some any draw now. And you know those twos and threes were all played, too, so you can figure probability. Card math's usually pretty finite. But then…”
A small, knowing smile broke on Subaru's already-broken lips. “Then that whole court shows up all at once.”
“Out of fucking nowhere. Fucking bastards.”
Subaru couldn't stifle a small laugh, and Taiga echoed it, albeit it just barely. “And then you're out a lot of money,” he conceded.
“Yeah. Can't stop playing the game, though.”
“Whether you wanted to or not in the first place.”
There was a stillness once more. The air felt thick with the words for many more questions, but Subaru didn't know the sequence they needed to be arranged in.
“I wonder…” The brunette broke the quiet. “When we make our pacts, we're desperate. For whatever reason, we feel helpless enough that only making a deal with a Demon seems like an answer. And perhaps with a few exceptions—maybe people who have another family member as a ghoul—we don't usually know there's any options for life after the Wish. We don't know that fighting back is an option, much less conquering altogether. We couldn't handle our own mundane life issues, of course the Demon's gonna eat our soul and drag us to Hell in the end. Then—”
“Survival instinct kicks in, even if we didn't think we had it.”
“Right. And then we end up as ghouls after devouring that Demon.” Subaru let his hands fold grimly in his lap. “What exactly does that make us, really? I know we have been named ‘ghouls,’ but what is a ghoul exactly? We're anomalies, sure, but we're all so different. And yet exactly the same in the not knowing. Are we close to being Demons ourselves? Are we something better than a Demon, since we bested one?” He wasn't sure when his loosely clasped hands had switched into a tighter grasp, but they were tense now. “Or are we worse off? Because we may have beaten the Demon but we still have to deal with all…” Hands unclenched to wave indistinctly in the air. “...this. Maybe we ended up in hell after all.”
The sheets rustled as Taiga sat up. He moved to sit behind the smaller ghoul, wrapping his arms around him once more and in doing so—with remarkable gentleness—pushing those arms back down to rest. Subaru leaned quietly back into the embrace, and Taiga rested his defined chin on the other's shoulder. “You always think too much,” the redhead chided in a soft murmur.
The brunette smiled, letting his eyes close again with another sigh. “I know. But I also know you do, too.”
Sinostra's Captain snorted. “Guess you do.” He nuzzled into the muscle between the other man's shoulder and throat, covering his eyes with the other man's body.
Subaru let one hand drift upward, sliding out from Taiga's embrace just enough to run fair hands through his hair. “...I need to get cleaned up.”
“You can stay.” The answer was muffled, but still heard. “One night won't kill ya.”
“Will it? Will I get a countdown and a gun threat in the morning?”
A more genuine laugh bubbled up from Taiga's lips, and he pulled Subaru tight again. “Eh, maybe. But at least you won't be bored.”
“And you'll have a body to warm your bed,” the Actor added knowingly.
Taiga frowned; Subaru could feel his features move into the familiar expression. “True. Don't like being cold.”
At that, Subaru slowly rose to his feet. At first he tried to do so with the robe still around him, but it caught and slid down, exposing all of his body in the slightly chill room. He turned towards the other, who surprised him by catching and clasping two of their hands together. When he noticed Taiga's eyes scanning over his body—hungrily—he blushed and made to more modestly stand, as though to cover himself.
Taiga grasped at him and turned him right back. Staring silently up at him, he didn't need to say anything; Subaru could almost hear it in his head: Whatcha hiding for? I like looking at ya.
Maybe his abilities were a little like mind-reading, in a way.
With a slow breath, Subaru let his tension release, let his stance shift more for comfort than modesty, and Taiga's eyes glimmered with quiet approval.
“If there's one path, one storyline,” Subaru found himself saying, smiling softly, “One right pathway. And if it doesn't involve any of this, any of—”
“—us?” The word sounded out of place from the Gambler's lips, as though the one syllable should carry more meaning. His poker face had returned.
“Right. If things come to an end, a true end, without us… Thank you. All the same.”
Taiga's poker face shifted into a truly dazzling smile.
Just a reminder in case your mind is playing tricks on you today: You matter. You’re important. You’re loved & your presence on this earth makes a difference whether you see it or not
I decided to do a play by play of me reacting again. I like having it to look back on later.
SPOILERS
Are. you seriously. giving me something OTHER than finishing the cliffhanger you last left us in???!!! WTF ZZG
aaaaw Kaito bby ;n; I missed your smiling face.
so we're back at Samhain. Okay. Feeling that time loop feel ngl.
I NEARLY DIED OF LAUGHTER WHEN KAITO SUGGESTED JIN. I mean he's definitely not going to want to but then Yuri's reaction lol
Kaito should sing. Let Kaito sing. :|
Towa??? Aw I was not expecting you. I just got you to 10 affinity in game too yay
Wait. Can Ren play an instrument though? Or… why the Ren/Luca interaction? Is Luca wanting Waiter-ing practice?
Let. Kaito. Sing.
Wait did his VA do some singing before? Am I remembering that right or was it someone else? *goes to check* Oh! Ok, so looks like not a lot of solo singing work but has done it for VA stuff before. SO YEAH. LET HIM SING. :|
WE FINALLY GET TO SEE MIO AND GARSH HE PRETTY
imeanofcourseheisallthefrigginghoulsare—
And Elias… introducing himself… but this is not how he introduced himself to us before. Oh we are totally in time travel territory.
The Bray Man designs just… look so comically ridiculous to me. This feels like a bad trip.
Man, I'm out of practice on my German. I used to be fluent but… yeah. Could pick out some things tho.
tbh I agree with Kaito. Kinda mid.
KAITO HAS BEEN LISTENING TO “STUCK ON REPEAT”?????? TIME LOOP SAY WHAT
ok that entire slime log bit has me so confused
AAAAW SUBARU'S FACE YAY
aaw Suba is so nice regarding anomalies and looks so cute and happy that he got chosen for the screening
nevermind I'm currently writing some suggest Subaru stuff but anywho let's push that to the brain's back burner
lol. professor squirmy.
Jiro, you're so good at this planning thing but I think you just crushed Yuri's poor heart telling him he got no rhythm 💔
jiro i.e. Mr. Steal Your Girl
oh snap it's the goofy-shit-is-about-to-happen music
lol the goofy shit is that Zenji can translate for these guys? and obviously the diner. now i know how Ren and Luca's scene is gonna work back in
YES DINER OUTFIT LUCA YESYESYESYES SO CUTE
OK. SO WAIT. That Rooster's talking made me think the Bray Men know about this time shenanigans, and know about Kaito's death/sacrifice. TT—TT and then they jumped in front of Yuri, who had that bit about saving the world before and now
the next title card involves Surprising Lost Property and all of the ghouls have the Lost Property series but no “Surprising” that I can recall
ok so instruments got trashed. I'm thinking we haven't seen Shion or Jo yet, though that face in the opening chapter may have been one of them. The lipstick being from a “leader of escaped beasts” had me thinking initially of Haru but then not really because we already know his artifact. So I'm wondering if it was Jo that did the trashing and that the lipstick belongs to? Was it Jo who was mentioned as related to some of Haru's past thievery? Or is it Elias cuz he was a ringleader of sorts? hmm just spitballing here
While I am thankful for translations to English, we need some proofreading on chapter titles. Minor thing, just would be a good idea.
SUNDEW! immediate quick flower research sidequest….Oh. Oh they are carnivorous. o.O And symbolize surprise and deception. Oh. Oh this is all sus af
Pfft—
“I'll have you know I AM a pleb!” ୧(๑ಠᗝಠ)૭
“I am a human from the forest!” (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾
DAWWWWW YURI. you can do it, indeed
AND A NEW OUTFIT TO SEE KAITO IN TOO YESSSS
DATE. DATE, KAITO. THIS IS JUST LIKE A DATE, YESSSSSSS
bahahaha. Course it was a weird film, tbh.
Lyca and Suba are so pretty~. And Lyca always cracks me up “gotta say it fast or I feel gummy”
ooh, ok. so curses involved. Anomalous uprising maybe? cuz anomalies are treated very second class citizen and that sucks. makes sense Kaito's eyes would catch any quick images, too… Hm, unless the “one who releases beasts” refers to Subaru letting Lyca out in a way. And then maybe the lipstick was his? From theater stuff?
unrelated, but all of this looking at the ghouls' bare arms has me all flustered like a scandalized Victorian era maiden
aaaw the slime log just wanted to save the others ;u; and I was off on my suspicions but it still doesnt explain the lipstick
guys we gotta fail this mission
but I kinda hope kaito just wows everyone and gets to win the solo vote somehow
the return to stargazing and wishing on a falling star has my heart in tumults
AAAAAH HODGE AND PODGE MY LOVELY LADIES
aaaand now I'm gonna take a moment to complain. The injustice that anomalies get literally used as tools by Darkwick/Institute—the buildings, security, the ghouls themselves—and yet get treated like they do just. Urgh. It makes me angry. Saying you're gonna destroy the Bray Men when it seems they really are just wanting to make music? The way Lyca is treated with suspicion and scorn, the way the ghouls are simultaneously “the champions” but they get overworked, put into dangerous situations (sure, they are more physically capable but still!), disrespected left and right. I'm with Suba on this, it's wrong how anomalies are treated. They have sentience and they are just… reduced to tools. urrrgh it makes me angry
(yes I am aware this is fiction. my anger at real life's inequities and injustices cannot be contained in a single post)
Anyway
costumes??? are Hodge and Podge going to come in clutch???