Parenting and anarchy: “why should I do what you say?"
Ive been speaking to a friend of mine who is a parent, and this is a question we have been interrogating. Without force, or authority, why might we choose to do what another asks? Especially when we don’t understand why they are asking us to do it?
The answer we kept coming back to on this, for parenting and for any other situation, is “Trust.”
My friend used to say “can you just do this because i said so?” And her kids challenged her more on it. Because it isnt a good justification. Lately, she is starting to say something like “Can you trust me on this one since we are in a rush, and i can explain more later if you remind me?”
Ultimately, i think we are all in situations where we dont know everything we need to, and we need to rely on someone else to make the best decision they can for us. The classic example of this from anarchist literature is this; an anarchist goes to a bootmaker, and he shares some information about the size of his foot and the issues he’s had with his shoes. The bootmaker says they will make him some boots. The anarchist doesnt know everything about bootmaking. He doesnt know enough to really ensure the bootmaker is doing it right. But he trusts in the bootmaker’s ability, and so he listens to what the bootmaker recommends, and he wears his boots.
I think a lot of us spend our lives looking at the places this trust was broken, and we try to imagine ways to fix it. Maybe the bootmaker got it wrong, and your feet are never comfortable, so you spend your life learning podiatry and try to design better shoes. Maybe you educate the public on what shoes might work for them.
Or maybe, your parents messed something up, and you spend your life trying to figure out if you could do it differently.
But you cant be an expert in everything, much to my chagrin. This is beautiful, because it is what makes us a social species - we need to rely on each other to live. It is also terrible, because it means we need to trust each other, and to some degree allow for others to make decisions on our behalf.
I think anarchy is mostly about getting rid of the parts of society where we have no choice but to trust in a system that we have no say over. Thats really what hierarchy is; systems in which you are controlled, limited, or forced to do things you never consented to do. Trust is ultimately consent, and authority is ultimately the structural denial of our ability to consent. Anarchy is about building consent back in by removing barriers and authority, creating infrastructures of care, and providing opportunities for individuals to change their selves and their society so they live in a world of consent, trust, and autonomy
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
theartofmadeline
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