I’m thankful you were here and I’m thankful you are gone.
As I sit here, trying to think about my 2017, a lot comes into my mind. Love, heartbreak, new beginnings, learning & letting go, letting grow…. the list goes on.
I started my 2017 in the hospital from hitting my head in the club (classic drunk Emma move). This was when I truly began to tell myself, everything will work out. I always look back at this moment and think, “Wow, this defines how my 2017 went.” But my year wasn’t spent in the hospital. My year was magical and a tragedy all at once, but whenever I was at the lowest point I always hear in the back of my head my best friend saying; “It will work out, it always does.” (Thank you for this, Asha). This changed me this year. Whenever I’m extremely anxious or think I’m at a roadblock, this phrase will always play in my head.
Choose people who choose you
In the start of 2017, I decided to walk away from a deeply toxic “relationship.” This boy broke my heart. But I’m so thankful for him putting me through hell. It taught me SO MUCH about self-love, self-worth. It has made me who I am today. Looking back at our relationship, I put so much hope into this boy it made me extremely naive. I looked past all of the red flags and just thought, If I like him enough, it will work out. This was not the reality of the situation, I was living in a dream world which had consequences for my heart and mind. The lyric from Bryson Tiller kept playing in my head; “Girl he only f*cked you over cause you let him.” I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I choose him, he never fully choose me. That’s when I decided I had to walk away. I wish the best and I truly hope he figured his sh*t out, that’s all I want for him.
Make sure you are putting all your hope and effort into someone who is putting the same amount of effort and hope into you. Or else you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.
Put your energy into people that are willing to reciprocate it
Family will always stay family.
This year, my dad got divorced from my step mom and her son. This was some of the hardest news I had to cope with. These people were my family for a lot of my childhood and knowing they wouldn’t be any more, broke my heart, more than any boy ever could. I’ve been through a similar situation on my mom’s side, this wasn’t brand new to me. But it still hurt like hell. Going through this made me learn that family will always be family. I still talk to and see my step family, yes things have changed, but my love for them never will.
Never completely burn a bridge you worked so hard to build.
Friendships end, but true ones always come back
This summer, I lost two of the most important friends I’ve had in my life. In the moment, I was angry and just put hatred towards the both of them for ending our friendships. I didn’t see why they did it and why I was being punished. Losing them was the wakeup call I needed. I did not realize how sh*tty of a friend I was being and how long it took me to admit I was being a sh*tty friend. We didn’t talk for 4 months, 4 WHOLE months. Going from talking every day to not once in 4 months was a huge adjustment, which made our friendship so much stronger. We needed to grow and learn separately as people to come back together resilient. Losing them showed me a huge side of myself that I needed to change, making me a better person and our friendship much healthier.
I let our friendship go and it came back stronger than ever.
TRUE friendships will always come back, eventually.
Kat and I, December 2017. Peek of our friendship.
Appreciate your Mom more than ever
My mom has been my #1 fan since December 3rd, 1997. Being an only child, I am her whole world and she is mine. But I realized this year especially how much she truly does for me and how little appreciation I show for her. My mom went through a lot of health scares this year, making it become real to me that one day she won’t be there anymore. Your mom has done so much for you ever since the day you were born and will love you more than anything, no matter how sh*tty you can treat her. Show appreciation for your mom always, send her flowers for no reason, tell her you love her every time you hang up the phone or leave the door. You never know when the last time will be.
Always say I love you, especially to your Mom.
(Ps. Sorry for getting those tattoos this year, I love you!)
Don’t give one F*CK about other people’s opinions
Since I was a teen, I have been watching YouTube. I always dreamed about one day making a channel and releasing my creative energy into content. But my whole life, I was SO gosh dang scared of other people judging me or hating on me, I never did it. This year, I decided to finally start a channel. I decided to not give one little tiny f*ck about other people’s opinions on it (not even my grandma’s, who said it was meaningless, lol). I still did it and I make videos, even though I only have 130 subscribers, I still LOVE what I do and what I make. If you have some sort of passion, please pretty please with a cherry on top, follow your passion. If other people’s opinions are holding you back, just say F*CK THEM and do it. Life is short, the only opinion that matters is your own. Be unapologetically you.
If you want to follow and support me not giving a f*ck about other people’s opinions, my YouTube is: Emmalessthan3 (I made my username was I was 12, it’s supposed to be a heart <3)
Do whatever the f*ck you want all the time, don’t take sh*t from nobody.
Don’t over complicate everything
Life is so complicated already, try your best to keep it simple. If you want to see someone, call them. Miss someone, tell them. Want to just be friends, explain to them. Want something, ask for it. Don’t like something, say it. No one else knows what is going on in your mind besides you. It is better to express your feelings than to expect something from someone who has no idea what you want. Don’t be afraid to be forward with people or come off too strong. If they find you too forward they need to grow the f up.
We only have one life, don’t complicate it.
You first love should be yourself.
I know this is cliché and everyone always talks about it but guys, this is the KEY to LIFE. Loving yourself makes you invincible. This year was the year I truly decided to love myself with all I got. This is why I was able to walk away from my toxic relationship and start a YouTube channel, because I loved myself enough to better myself for MYSELF. This is the secret behind every happy, successful person, is loving and being HAPPY with who they are. There is only ONE YOU, on this earth and you were put here for a Gosh DANG reason. The universe thought; HEY let’s put you and you on this earth because they are going to do this and this and make the world a better place. You are here for a reason, make the most of it. You truly only have one lifetime, make sure you love yourself during it, you will become invincible.
If someone does not want me, it is not the end of the world. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings. – Nayyirah Waheed
If you read this far, thank you. I appreciate you.
Thank you for everything, 2017
Dear 2018, I hope you teach me as much as you taught me in 2017 and allow me to blossom into the person I was born to be in this universe.
I have so much more to share and I truly enjoyed writing this. More will be coming soon.
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