Who am I?

Ramblings about things

[neverwhere-me]

22. everything is going to be alright

W O W I’m gonna be 22 soon- I’ve kind of stopped using Tumblr, except to like posts and lurk there when I feel like not doing things.

Still single lol, but when did I even start to care? I don’t know if anyone is going to be interested in me but I don’t want to start online dating because I am scared 

I’m still trying to find a job in my field and I just want to give up because it’s so hard. It’s been months now. Well, after grad it’s been one month but I have been searching for most of the year now. 

I should be writing up a job application right now but instead I want to use this as a platform to write about my worries. I really want to start creative writing again, maybe about cities or something else that I’m interested in. Should start by resurrecting that Wordpress blog that I have which I never once wrote in.

I realised I don’t make friends easily because of my reserved nature. I’m guess I’m hard to know and once people know me, they realise I’m really funny. I wish I could be more outgoing. Over time I found out I’m very good at ‘faking’ at being social- I go to a bar, or even some social event and I’ve transformed into another person. Sometimes I don’t even know myself because I know this is not who I am. 

At work I have to constantly talk to different people and some of them are just so rude (why). I have to learn how to survive with a difficult manager and a potential bad workplace culture. I’m getting there- I’m learning how workplace politics work (don’t think mine has one but am investigating)

My goal is to become a better person. That’s all. It’s a simple but a hard to achieve goal because I’m petty in nature. I don’t forgive people easily and hold grudges. I’m trying to let go and I think I’m getting there. Twenties are hard but fun at the same time I feel. There are always challenges but you meet new people along the way and I think it’s what makes it better. 

[neverwhere-me]

unpopular opinions

more to come- i need to get this off my chest 

-this girl in my year level that always wanted to sing in assemblies doesn’t have a good voice (frankly why does she even try)

-another girl as well (like why)

-the people who say they’re SO GOOD are fucking fake and these girls need to understand that 

-sometimes i want to tell people to grow up because they act like children

-also related to the first two points i made but why are people so confident of things they are not talented/good at

-why won’t people understand that they need to make mistakes to grow

-why do people have such high standards when they don’t have the means to reach it

-some people don’t have a sense of fashion and are just rockin’ it like i get it you’re confident in what you’re wearing but IT’S SO UGLY PLEASE LEARN HOW TO DRESS YOURSELF AT LEAST LOOK AT FASHION MAGS i beg of you!!!!!! 

-likewise with make up PLEASE LEARN WHAT COLOURS ARE SUITED FOR YOUR COMPLEXION!!!! 

-asians (especially east asians) shouldn’t go for white people make up IT DOES NOT SUIT YOU because it’s made for highlighting their cheekbones WHICH YOU DON’T HAVE sure highlight your face but please don’t try to contour your face pls pls pls I cannot stress this enough

-likewise please don’t try to contour your noses, it won’t give you a high nose bridge sorry but it’s the truth

-as a poc and working in customer service you realise white people only act this way because it’s their world. well don’t because you are not a decent human being

-also no offence i speak better english than y’all because i enunciate everything unlike some of you that slur words together like sorry i don’t understand you

-ppl should date when they’re ready not because all of their friends are dating

-actually, not just for dating, it’s anything in general

-if a guy refuses to do things for you he’s not interested in you

-i don’t understand why some people are such snobs when they know they can’t reach that level of perfection that other people have

-i don’t like people who don’t know their own mother tongue. like i understand you felt bad about who you are when you were growing up, but this just goes on to show you have no respect for the people who brought you into this world/ country etc

-some hipsters are just so snobby there is no need with your fucking kombucha and your inner city lifestyles. why not move to Amsterdam? Denmark? some european country lol i mean it’s safer for you to ride your bike there 

-i get so irritated at cyclists on the road, especially those who think they own that one side of the road. you don’t own anything, we need to share the road even if the current infrastructure doesn’t support it- more needs to be done

-lol why are girls pretending they have a small appetite who are you trying to kid 

-i’m not into stupol because it reminds me of campaigning for changes in high school. i like how people are idealistic and believe in change but i’m not that person i’m way too cynical. 

-i’m also not into rallies because what are you changing sure you are getting media attention but they always portray you as stupid millennial who have nothing better to do with their times

-some people are so naive there are things called ‘grey areas’ aka loopholes which is why businesses can do things that they can and technically not breaking any law lmao pls reconsider your argument Margaret

[ptafanboy-deactivated20211109]

Charlotte: I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be. Bob: You’ll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

Lost in Translation - Sofia Coppola (2003)

[left-reminders]

[golftyler]

[neverwhere-me]

something to remind myself now and then 

it’s true there’s someone in my life that i’m attempting to cut ties with because they won’t inspire me

every time i’m with them i feel that i’ve regressed and frankly, i don’t think they have changed in all those years i’ve known them it’s sad 

usually i’m not the one to cut ties because i can get along with anyone and can overlook any fault that you have but after getting into uni i’ve realised that there are times that you have to do that to make yourself happy and to constantly improve yourself

i’ve realised that the friends i’ve made both in and outside of uni are constantly trying to do new things and making themselves into better people i am forever inspired by these people and this pushes me to do better

but this friend i have always complain and not once wants to improve their situation 

you know, you think you have ‘grown up’ when you’ve tried new things but really have you changed yourself? changing yourself in one step in growing up, not just knowing how to pay taxes and do various errands

sometimes i feel that some people will never change, always stagnant and that, i finally realised, is what i don’t want in my friendships

growing up sucks but i’m getting the hang of it 

i’m constantly learning to be a better version of myself and loving myself and surrounding with people that radiates positivity

[wnq-anonymous]

I knew I matured when I realized every situation doesn’t need a reaction, sometimes you just gotta leave people to do the lame stuff they do.

Anonymous (via wordsnquotes)

[lovelysuggestions]

dont play games. if you like someone, tell them. if you want something, go fuckin get it. assert yourself into your own existence.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Do you Suffer from Imposter Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is a psychological condition where people are unable to believe in their successes. Thus, despite the evidence that points to the fact that they are skilled, capable and competent they write this off as temporary – or timing and good luck. Thus, they constantly struggle with feeling like a fraud.

So what are some ways that you can counteract this syndrome?

1. Admit this is something that you suffer from. When we know we’re not alone, and our symptoms have a name (because they are part of an identified disorder) it can help disperse the feelings of anxiety and shame.

2. Distinguish between facts and feelings. Everyone feels stupid and inept at times. That doesn’t mean we’re stupid. Our feelings aren’t facts. So try to be objective - and seek out the real truth.

3. Don’t demand perfection. It is good to set goals and have high standards for yourself. However, it’s unhealthy to obsess over every little thing. You’ll simply waste a lot of time and never feel quite satisfied. And all of us are human and make lots of mistakes.

4. Take a look at the rules you have imposed upon yourself. Are you saying to yourself: “I have to always get it right”;”I should never ask for help”; or “It is bad to make mistakes”? These are misguided rules that undermine your self-esteem. They set you up for failure as they close the door to help.

5. Change the tapes in your head. Instead of constantly repeating faulty self-destructive thoughts (such as “Wait till they discover just how useless I am”) replace it with a thought that builds esteem and confidence. (Such as, “I’m better at this now as I know what I am doing … It’s so much easier when you’ve been here for a while.”)

6. Don’t look to others to affirm your success. Don’t look to other people to rate and judge your work. Set your own personal goals, and mark your progress and success.

7. Fake it till you make it. Almost every individual who succeed in life has a period when they’re acting, as they don’t feel confident. It doesn’t mean that they’re a failure, a fake or a fraud. It means that they’re still learning, and are not afraid to try.

[neverwhere-me]

i’ve met someone who’s made me feel sea sick

[theliteraryjournals]

You’re simply stubborn. You think you don’t want to be like any one else. You always have been that way, and you always will be. But just think how it would be if every one else looked at things as you do — what would the world be like?

F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (via wordsnquotes)

[24kblk]

[wordsnquotes]

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.

Lemony Snicket, Horseradish (via wordsnquotes)

[wordsnquotes]

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.

C.S. Lewis (via wordsnquotes)

[wordsnquotes]

We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths; In feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart-throbs. He most lives Who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best.

Aristotle (via wordsnquotes)

[wordsnquotes]

The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something [they] may never get.

Joana Hoffman (via wordsnquotes)

[wnq-music]

I balance every sad moment with a happy moment. That kind of helps day to day. It helps me get through.

Paul McCartney (via wnq-music)

[jalebis-n-jimmychoos]

life gets so much better when you realize you can literally do whatever the fuck you want if you dont care what anyone thinks about you