My Life
My life has been less than ideal, and I have reached the point where I have no motivation to do most of what I should do. Yes I still go to work but the pain of my past and the tears I hide inside on a constant basis make it so that I don't want to go outside. All I feel is pain and regret when I do, looking at everyone else and the lives they are building for themselves. All I have is really nothing. No future, no self worth, no motivation and no self-respect. All I would rather do is sit in my bedroom and fuck around on a computer because its easier and it means I don't have to try to interact with people. I have always been seen as a loud person but honestly I am not. I am very quiet and afraid to speak up. Even at my size I would rather be quiet and stay out of the way of alot of shit. I am resigned to my loneliness and pain because I know if I try I will just be exposed to more pain, more pain that I have already dealt with time and time again. Rejection and regret haunts me and to do nothing is easier because it means I won't be exposed to more and hurt myself farther. I hate what my life has become and I don't see it getting better. To quote A-Ha: "I reached inside myself today Thinking there's got to be some way To keep my troubles distant" What I found was nothing and every time I look I will continue to find nothing
