New Mayhem

A fanfic in process. Read the ABOUT page for context if you're new!

[newmayhem]

Welcome to New Mayhem!

This project is my fanfiction reimagining of the classic (and highly underrated) YA vampire novel, In the Forests of the Night by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. This book was super formative for me when I first discovered it in my early teens and now as an adult (and as an artist who wants to develop her storytelling skills) I really wanted to not only revisit this story but also engage with it in a more dynamic way.

So I’m going to rewrite it in my own style. I don’t know all the details yet, so this blog is kind of meant to capture all of my writing notes and ideas. It’s more process than product, and you’re invited to watch it all unfold!

Some posts will be analyses of the original text, others will be explaining the changes that I'm making to the story, and others will be purely informational posts with finalized background info about the characters and the world that I'll update regularly and then refer to when writing. Because some I am planning on adding my own original scenes to flesh out the story, I'm hoping to be able to post those as well.

DISCLAIMER:

I don’t own In the Forest of the Night or any of the other Den of Shadows books and I am in no way affiliated with Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. This is purely a fan project, just large-scale fanfiction in progress. That said, I most likely won’t be posting a lot of the actual chapters that I rewrite because I anticipate that a lot of it will still retain parts of the original work. But I strongly encourage everyone to buy the book and follow along!

[newmayhem]

Ha'Shmla Dictionary

Disclaimer: None of this is mine, everything was collected from Amelia Atwater-Rhodes’ old websites, the wiki, and the old message boards. Anything written in the first person is a direct quote from Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. For all the entries in the The Den of Shadows Reference series, check the tag or this page.

This dictionary in particular is courtesy of @sleepyspoonie​.

Keep reading

[ptvemitil]

I’ve taken this post, reread the books in total, and done some of my own translating. I will include a Google Drive link to my translations and studies of Ahnleh, so that others may join in the practice of Nesera. I am still working on the doc, so check back weekly for updates. I will note, some of their religious symbols were mis-labeled, so I will include a picture of them correctly labeled when I have the time.

Ahnleh

ha’Shmla Dictionary Note to Self- finish translating intros to Falcondance and Wolfcry ak, em, eh Interjections ak’varlheah - A common

[newmayhem]

WHY did no one tell me that Teen Creeps finally did an episode on ITFOTN last year?!

Literally, I spent my entire first year of listening to that podcast spamming their suggestions form trying to get them to review any of the Den of Shadows books! And then after I get too busy to keep up with my podcasts, they finally do it!

I was pretty pleasantly surprised that they liked it so much, but it’s also cool to get a true newcomer/outsider’s pov on these books since I’ve been so in it for decades. I feel like as a long-time fan who has written essays longer than the book itself (probably) and is working on a ‘fix-it fic’ of sorts, at times I get too caught up in trying to check my nostalgia in order to look at the books through a more critical lens.

It’s nice to be reminded that this was actually a really good debut, especially for such a young writer.

Also, it’s interesting to see how it’s received by readers who don’t know any the lore or word of god stuff or any of the books that come after. There’s also some dramatic irony too because a lot of their questions just won’t get (or maybe haven’t yet been) explored in future books.

[newmayhem]

Chapter 8 (snippet)

As always, I’ll keep using original names if I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations and stuff, but I’ll be referring to everyone by their new names in all other situations.

Don't get used to these weekly posts, I only have a couple more of these left in the vault and they all need a ton of work!

Like I noted in my previous post, my writing is in black and any text from the original is in blue.

This is my version of the first few pages of ITFOTN Chapter 8, which is the part where Risika wakes up as a vampire. I'm skipping around a bit because this part is still very focused on Risika and I also didn't really have to do any research for it. I only wrote the first few pages of the chapter just because I was mainly challenging myself to expand on the sensory details to make it more immersive, and also the rest of the original still aligned with where I wanted to take this fic.

---

When I was child, I would often imagine what dying felt like. What did my young mother feel as her own life slipped away mere minutes after she gave us life? I hoped that it was peaceful, that the sound of our cries gave her relief, that the pain of childbirth faded when she saw a beautiful light and was welcomed through the gates of heaven where years and years later, I would see her again.

And then, I woke. I opened my eyes to pure darkness. No light, no heaven, no hellfire. Not even the rhythm of my own heartbeat or the soft hiss of air filling up my lungs. That could only mean…

The realization of it sent a bolt of panic through me and yet I still felt nothing. My heart did not skip a beat because it did not beat. There was no sharp intake of breath because I did not breathe. I could not flinch and I could not scream, but I knew that I was scared. You must believe me when I tell you that I was scared. All that talk, that useless talk of eternal damnation could never hold a candle to the terror of infinite nothingness.

I remembered a death, and I remembered that it had been I who had died, but I did not remember who that “I” was.

Hours, maybe even days had passed. I couldn’t tell if I was standing, or sitting, or floating through the ether. The pain had long ago ceased and the fear had faded, but my bones were heavy and I was so, so tired.

Slowly, the darkness lifted. I could begin to feel the surface beneath me. It was smooth and plush. I let my hand glide along the fabrics—embroidered silk, velvet, all finer than anything that had ever touched my skin before. I was lying on a bed, the softest bed I ever could have dreamed of.

My vision sharpened and I could finally make out the details of the room. The walls were deep burgundy and decorated with gilded molding that extended onto the high ceiling. Painted on the ceiling was a map of the world surrounded by scenes of a wolf pack. There were mirrors everywhere, but no windows, and so much gold that I felt as if I had been shrunken down and placed inside a princess’ jewelry box. My eyes darted back and forth, catching every brushstroke, every notch, every thread, every last glimmer of gold. There was so much to see and the longer I looked, the more nauseas I felt. I had seen such colors before, but never as vividly as this. The room was supposed to be dimly lit, the only source of light being a single taper candle by the bed, but I saw everything as clearly as if it were illuminated by the mid-day sun.

I strained against what felt like invisible ties holding me and carefully lifted myself up. My muscles seized and my joints popped with each movement, no matter how small, until finally, I was upright. I flexed my fingers and my toes and tried to massage away the stiffness as I took tentative breaths. With each inhale, came the faintest scent. Was it the beeswax of the candle? The furniture polish? No, this scent was cold. Hard. Glass? 

There was a new taste in my mouth. It was sweet, vaguely familiar, barely there, and yet the presence was so strong. I ran my tongue along my teeth in pursuit of that taste until a sharp pain interrupted me. I had cut my tongue on my own teeth—canines that tapered into points. 

Cautiously, I stood up and approached one of the many mirrors surrounding me. I knew that I was the girl reflected in the glass. Her hair was still my black hair, and her body had my body's shape, but her movements were strange. She was not graceful, but when she walked she seemed to glide effortlessly. Her eyes were black as midnight, her brown skin dull as death.

---

I wanted to open this way not to make her a creepy child or anything like that, but because growing up without a mother was probably a very formative part of Risika's experience and it’s something I want to explore more in this fic. I also wanted to include a bit of foreshadowing? dramatic irony? because in the end, she actually did reunite with her mother but was only really able to do it because she died.

In the last sentence of the first paragraph, I kind of wanted it to feel like she's getting a little bit sardonic as the sentence runs on. So I tried to give it a rhythm where it starts to feel like a little kid trying to finish telling a story and you're half expecting it to end with 'and they all lived happily ever after'. Kind of like she’s mocking her child self for believing such a fairy tale.

In the first few drafts of this, I wrote her as being way calmer, almost no real reaction to to realization that she was dead. I think I was focusing really hard on trying to convey the idea that even though she was conscious and her mind was still there, for that moment, her body was truly dead and useless. But then, I reread the original text and a big part of this scene is about how terrified she is at the idea of being dead, which makes way more sense.

tbqh, I'm not sure how good of a job I did at conveying that fear. A big challenge that I came up against was how to describe the fear she was feeling without being able to refer to how her body was reacting, because her body wasn't reacting, because she was dead. So then I kind of tried to lean into that and lean into how disturbing and bizarre it would feel to be afraid and distressed and to know that you're afraid and distressed but not being able to feel it in your body, because as much as your bodily movements are a manifestation of your thoughts and emotions, your thoughts and emotions are influenced by what your body's doing. And so I included the line "You must believe me when I tell you that I was scared," because there's nothing else she can say to convince us of what she was feeling. And then I also wanted it to be a play on the fact that she's an unreliable narrator and as readers, we're all kind of at her mercy.

With the last line of that paragraph, I wanted to hint at Roksana pushing back against the Catholic teachings she grew up with, feeling betrayed by them, and also planting the possibility that one of the reasons why she didn't just kill herself or let herself die was because she didn't want to feel this terror of nothingness again (and not necessarily because she was afraid of being sent to hell, which she would probably believe was a more acceptable reason (whereas being afraid of the nothingness is something she'd think of as cowardly and she'd use it as more evidence against herself that she's less righteous and less pious than her saintly brother)).

The next couple of paragraphs, I'm describing the setting, which is a room in Ather's house. I decided to diverge pretty drastically from the original text here. In the original, the room that Risika wakes up isn't some peasant's shack, by any means (after all, glass and mirrors were expensive at that time, Risika even says so (and it feels even more ostentatious now that I think about it because Ather basically had a room full of expensive mirrors that she could never use herself, or rather, she keeps it around for the sole purpose of flexing on her fledgelings)), but ahar's description of it made it feel very plain and I really wanted to get more into sensory details. I wanted to play up the contrast between the absolute sensory deprivation of death and the sensory overload of un-life.

Because Ather has been described as someone who likes her fledgelings to be stronger than her, I took it as her being the type of person who likes to show off her power, not necessarily to brag about it or to inspire envy, but moreso to inspire awe and possibly to act as a deterrent to anyone who thinks they can mess with her. So it makes sense for her to have a home that looks and feels expensive and powerful. And so I kept the wall to wall mirrors but also added some gold and some more ornamentation.

The wolf pack painted on the ceiling is, of course, a nod to Ather's past as a wolf shifter. The map of the world is kind of just to fill up the space. I thought it made sense because she probably has been around the world.

The princess' jewelry box thing is there mostly because I like the imagery but also, I wanted to convey that Roksana feels small and insignificant and, well, like someone shrunk her down and tossed her somewhere.

The single candle was just because I was trying to illustrate how superhuman her senses became after the change and then I remembered the Backlist + Chill episode when they were talking about how silly it sounded when Risika described the vampire cafe as just having one single candle in the corner. So I wanted to do that here in a way that sounded less silly.

In the paragraph describing the bedding, I wanted to hint at Roksana potentially developing a taste for the luxury that being a vampire could offer her and having that be another source of internal conflict and self loathing (I go into that a little bit here).

I wanted the walls to be burgundy because I wanted it to feel womb-like since Roksana's basically being born again. Also…mommy issues? We can put a pin in this, but taking it back to the first paragraph, could there be a connection between Roksana's feelings about being a vampire and how she must've, in some way, been haunted by the knowledge that her mother sacrificed her own life in giving birth to her? That her being alive means someone else had to die?

[newmayhem]

Chapter 1 (snippet)

As always, I’ll keep using original names if I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations and stuff, but I’ll be referring to everyone by their new names in all other situations.

So when I first started this blog, I wasn’t really intending to post any of my actual writing of the fic (or at least, not for a very long time) since I know I’m not a very good writer and I’m a little self conscious about it, but I realized that I was kind of using that as an excuse to do everything but what I really wanted to do, which was write the damn fic! So I did end up writing a few things a while back and I was recently rereading some of it doesn’t seem too bad! I think it might actually be fun to post some snippets along with commentary about what I was intending and why I made certain choices. Constructive feedback is very welcome!

Before I get into it, just a couple more disclaimers in addition to the usual stuff:

A lot of these snippets are expanding on ahar’s original text. Anything that pulls directly from the original is in blue and my own writing is in black.

As you probably know by now, I race-lifted Risika (and other characters) for this fic. Just wanted to be transparent that this isn’t Own Voices. While I am a POC, I’m not specifically Latine, Indigenous American, or Afro-descended. I try to tread carefully, but if you’re a member of these communities and see any glaring mistakes or misrepresentations, please reach out!

—

I relinquish my human form for that of a hawk.

I could bring myself to my home, to anywhere in the world, instantly with my mind, but I enjoy the sensation of flying. Of all the animals, the birds are perhaps the most free, as they are able to move through the air and there is so little that can stop their flight.

The sun had disappeared below the horizon hours ago and there are no thermals to ride by the time I take flight. This long journey home would be all up to me. I stretch out my wings and launch myself into the air. The tension releases and my mind quiets as I propel myself past wild greenery and high above the mountains in a long and winding path. It takes a couple of hours and I land only once, to feed, but I am able to reach the fading lights of my city just as the sun begins to rise.

I soar through the balcony that opens into my bedroom, slowing down as I ease back into human form. My body extends to its full length, red plumage melds into smooth sepia skin, and long hair the color of ink flows from my head in loose curls. Today I wear black jeans and a black silk blouse. I do not always wear black, but that was the color of my mood today.

I do not care for the new, quickly built towns humans are so fond of scraping up out of steel and concrete, so I live in Puebla, México, a city with history, a town that has seen struggle. Before the Spanish arrived, this place was known as Cuetlaxcoapan - where serpents change their skin. Puebla has an aura - one that says "This place is built on bones."

To be honest, I never thought I’d have the guts to come back here.

I live alone in the historic district, in one of Puebla's ‘original’ houses built by the Spaniards. I moved here only a few months ago. The place has seen better days, but I don’t mind it. I don’t mind that until I moved in, it had been converted into some tacky hostel for ‘digital nomads’, or that the ground floor is occupied by a café that fills with incessant chatter in the morning rush. The mango colored façade decorated with curling ornaments was charming enough, and a far cry from the small dirt floor house I grew up in on the outskirts of town. Having a nice view of the Catedral isn't so bad, either.

---

Firstly, I want to note that the first person present feels really natural, but it gets tricky to write in if I think about it too hard.

I really like ahar’s opening a lot, so I didn’t change much in terms of structure. Since I race-lifted Risika, I also had to change up the setting but I didn’t want it to be a mad libs situation.

I added a paragraph to describe her flight home in some more detail just because I found it a little contradictory that the og text starts with her turning into a hawk, talking about how she’d rather take the time to fly than take herself home instantly…but then in the very next paragraph she’s back home in her human form. I also wanted to mention thermals as an homage to Animorphs (my other 90s nostalgic fave).

I changed up how I described her appearance just to make it flow a little better. I’m not a huge fan of the mirror trope.

I changed her outfit from a black t-shirt to a black silk blouse because, well, see this post here.

I was originally going to have her say “It’s a cliché, I know, but I can’t help what suits my mood.”, but it felt a little too confident and self aware for her so early on in the book.

The last couple of paragraphs are, of course, describing the new setting I chose. I decided on Puebla because, like Concord, it’s a city that has a lot of historical significance and likes to lean into its history. That said, I ended up diverging from the og where it says the town has an aura that says “This land is ours, and we will fight to keep it that way” just because even though I see where ahar was going with that (hinting at Risika’s resistance to moving on), it’s just not the vibe I get from Puebla. So I took the opportunity to introduce another relevant theme that I really wanted to explore here, which is that of trying to build a future on a past that’s filled with violence and trauma without being consumed by it. Also, literally, the area of modern-day Puebla was used for the Flower Wars (which were used by the Aztecs to capture soldiers for human sacrifice).

Also, the serpents changing their skin part is true, but also an homage to Megan Thee Stallion (ft. Spiritbox) and I felt like it really fit with the theme of transformation and letting go of past trauma.

And then I added a line about Roksana not thinking she’d ever come back because it makes more sense to me that the events of the story would be initiated when she returned to her hometown after a long time away rather than her having been there all along.

I wanted this last paragraph to reference Puebla a little more specifically and speak to not just its history of being colonized by Spain but also how it’s currently being colonized by tourists and digital nomads (although, this was written way before the protests started). I wanted to connect that with Roksana’s very personal struggle of trying to reclaim her what’s hers.

[ispyspookymansion]

“weird and unhealthy relationship that cant be categorized neatly as sexual or romantic or platonic but has a defining air of devotion and obsession to it” wins sound of the summer for the 13th year in a row

[newmayhem]

Wardrobe & Styling: Roksana Part 3

As always, I’ll keep using original names if I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations and stuff, but I’ll be referring to everyone by their new names in all other situations.

SO sorry that this took me about a billion years! I wasn’t originally going to make outfits for ALL of her present-day scenes but then I realized that each of these outfits says something different and interesting about her character development so I ended up doing them all anyway. Excuse the lack of pictures here, I might go back and add them later, but just wanted to get this out the door!

(ICYMI, I mapped out the timeline here for reference)

NIGHT 1 (Roksana trespasses on Andros’ territory while hunting and kills his servant)

So in the original text, Risika tells us that her venturing into Aubrey's territory was purely accidental…which makes sense for her to claim, but I think that a cool way to spin this would be to have her clothing imply the opposite.

Like, I don't think this was purely accidental but I also don't think it was straight-up premeditated. The way I'm playing it, Roksana has been circling Andros’ territory practically since she came back to Mexico. I think she's actually had to let go of prey before because she didn't want to go into his territory and it’s been a point of festering resentment for her, but this night, for some reason, she just made an impulsive decision to just go for it.

She's mainly wearing black

Black long sleeved mesh t-shirt over black bandeau - I like the contrast between being covered but also showing skin because it reflects the ambiguity of this situation

Black linen joggers with black embroidery - Ordinary and a bit basic from a distance, but intricate and complex up close

Black platform sneakers - I feel like platform sneakers are inherently contradictory since sneakers are usually made for mobility, functionality, and, well, sneakiness while platforms are the exact opposite.

Her hair is straight, parted to the side, kind of covers her face like a curtain, symbolically keeping us from knowing her true intentions.

Minimal makeup, just some lightly smudged eyeliner

NIGHT 3 (Roksana doesn't hunt on Andros’ territory again, but she does stop by to leave a response to his threat)

She's dressing for an audience this time. She knows she's being watched. She's nervous but she needs to appear brave. She's making a conscious break from her previous policy of just avoiding Andros and not taking his bait.

A bit cliche, but let's put her in a little bit of red here but have it be kind of concealed. I think she'd be a little more covered up, trying to be more protective of herself after having done something so risky. No accessories because she's not trying to attract any additional attention to herself because this is meant to be a very targeted message.

Dark red velvet long sleeve square neck body suit - The structure and material feel slightly more formal and history-inspired

Wide leg black cargo pants - Casual and practical to balance out how formal the rest of the outfit is

Black lace-up combat boots - Also a bit cliché, but oddly traditional? She’s not looking for a fight, but she’s ready if a fight happens to find her

Her hair is now wavy (which is closer to her natural texture) and worn down (to still conceal her a little)

She’s wearing slightly more makeup than normal—brown lipstick and a warm toned smoky eye—but still on the neutral side

Long black denim trench coat worn open - Another cliché. It lets her take up more space while still remaining concealed.

NIGHT 5 (Roksana at Ambrosia)

This is an important outfit (especially back to back with the next one) because it shows us what she's like when she's in vampire spaces where she's not planning/expecting to encounter Andros. So like, she says that she's not a part of vampire society and she isn't, but she obviously makes sure to keep up with it (in the book, Risika's always talking about ‘my kind does this', 'my kind does that’, ‘this is what Aubrey's like’). So I think she does go to these vampire establishments pretty regularly, not to socialize, but rather, to keep her ear to the ground because she probably knows that being looped in to what's happening is going to help her survive. I also think she's a bit morbidly fascinated by vampire society and politics, but we can talk about that later.

So, given all this, I think she's going to try to be as inconspicuous as possible. Nothing normie, but also nothing over the top (especially if it might get her compliments. She's there to eavesdrop, not to network). Think high school-aged Evanescence/Within Temptation fangirl circa 2003 but with money and restraint.

Black corset top over a black high neck lacy blouse with a slight bell sleeve or something like this

Black skinny jeans

Black over the knee boots with a low heel

No jewelry

Basic goth girl makeup—dark eyeliner, dark lips

Hair is straight and parted in the middle

She's more covered up and taking up much less space with this outfit.

NIGHT 5 (at the human cafe)

I like the idea of her dressing up way differently when she goes into human spaces. Maybe she softens up the edges a bit. She wears lighter colors and lighter fabrics (which would probably make sense on a practical level because it would be way hotter during the day). Maybe she wears dresses when she pretends to be human. If that's the case, I'm thinking something by Mirror Palais (high femme and heavily influenced by catholic colonial-era latin american fashion). I think even though she's experienced enough that she's jaded about the nature of humanity as well, she still kind of associates being delicate and innocent to being human and she also associates being human with her past. It's very different from how she normally dresses, but her preferences (minimal, bare, natural) still show through.

The Maria dress (in leite) by Mirror Palais (below-the-knee length, off-the-shoulder, form fitting white cotton eyelet lace dress with a sweetheart neckline and a couple of front closures on the bodice that leave some gaps)

A BIG white sun hat even though the sun has barely risen

Strappy, flat, barely there leather sandals with gold details

Dainty gold bracelet

Rosary-inspired pearl Y-chain necklace

Her hair worn down in soft, romantic waves

Going for the no-makeup makeup look this time (which actually ends up being more makeup than she normally wears because she needs more blush and bronzer to mimic a living human’s complexion)

This is also kind of similar to what I imagine the last outfit she wore as a human was (I'm thinking a white cotton/linen chemise and her rosary, no shoes)

NIGHT 6 (Roksana deliberately hunts on Andros’ territory again + finds Tora dead**)**

Long dark brown leather duster

Flared dark brown leather pants

Wood bottom platform sandals with chunky leather straps

Dark red cropped halter top

Gold hoop earrings

Reddish brown lipstick and a light dusting of gold shimmery eyeshadow

Hair is straight and tied up in a high ponytail

She's dressed slightly more conspicuously here. She's getting bolder both in her actions and in her presentation. There's a pop of color, a pop of gold. The long coat has her taking up more space, the wooden shoes make it so that she's heard as much as she's seen, and her hair is up and away from her face so she's more easily identifiable. Though she's still wearing mostly dark colors, she's no longer wearing all black to blend in with the night.

I wanted her to wear more overtly organic materials here (leather, wood, metal) to show that in acting out against Andros, she’s leaning more into her nature.

NIGHT 7 (Roksana goes to Ambrosia and talks to Jager after Tora's death)

Tora's death has flipped a switch in her. She's not trying to draw attention to herself, but she's longer hiding now that she has nothing else to lose. She's less layered up here and is only wearing a couple of simple but visually strong pieces.

Dark orange palazzo pants

Cropped square neck black tank top

Three thick gold cuban chain necklaces layered from smallest to largest

Wooden hoop earrings

Dark red lipstick, thick winged eyeliner

The same wood bottom platform sandals from the night before

Hair is still in a high ponytail here, but wavy this time

I kind of wanted this to also play off of her human outfit a little. It's similar in its simplicity and in how it favors organic materials but it's also opposite in how bold it is (esp the thick gold chains here compared to the dainty gold bracelet and the solid dark colored pants and top vs the white eyelet lace dress). I want to show her at the opposite extreme (Roksana at her most ‘vampire’) and that regardless of if she’s in ‘human mode’ or ‘vampire mode’, these are just different interpretations of the same core concepts.

NIGHT 8 (Sleepwear)

Cropped undyed linen tank top

Matching linen pants

Hair down, wavy, no accessories, no makeup

This is her in her most natural and vulnerable state. She’s wearing something to her taste (organic materials, natural colors) but in its most basic, unadulterated form. Comfortable enough to sleep in but also practical enough for her to fight or flee in (to show that she’s always on guard, especially now that things with Andros have escalated and he’s shown that he’s been in her home before).

NIGHT 8 (The fight)

Gold brocade corset top

Matching gold brocade pants (straight leg, cropped)

Strappy sandals with a chunky heel in a slightly darker shade of gold

A thick gold bangle on one wrist and a matching gold armband on the opposite arm

For makeup, she's wearing a coppery shimmery eyeshadow and a sheer peachy lipgloss with a little bit of glitter

Her hair is loose, voluminous, in its natural wavy state, and parted to the side to make it look even bigger

Tiger stripe tattoo along her upper back, shoulder, and arm

I wanted to dress her in gold as a nod to the original Risika. The metallic-ness not only gives it a more futuristic vibe (to show that she’s no longer being weighed down by her past), but also makes it feel like she's wearing armor (the gold sandals are also supposed to be reminiscent of gladiator sandals). She's meant to be very eye-catching as a way to show that she's ready to be seen, she's ready for the attention, she's ready to win. She's also meant to be very light-catching as a nod to her heritage and to allude to her firepower. The tiger stripes, of course, show that she embraces her predatory nature now. As I noted in part 1, the original stripes in her hair won’t work with Roksana’s hair texture, so I went for a tattoo instead, which also does double duty in aligning her closer to Andros, who has many tattoos.

[newmayhem]

Persephone parallels

As always, I’ll keep using original names if I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations and stuff, but I’ll be referring to everyone by their new names in all other situations.

I know this probably wasn't intentional (because I feel like if it was, ahar would've noted it somewhere), but has anyone else noticed the parallels between Risika's story and the myth of Persephone?

They were both innocent young women forcibly separated from their powerful mothers, lured into the underworld with a flower, made to stay there against their will because of the red things they ingested, and then eventually became one of the underworld's most powerful/feared beings.

I think it might be interesting to lean into this parallel in my fic. It could be a way to explore how Roksana kind of has one foot in the vampire world and one foot in the human world (or rather, she's stuck in the vampire world and can't fully let go of the human world), or how she's been cut off from the protection and power of her mother and her lineage.

Food for thought. Might circle back to this later.

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[newmayhem]

Wardrobe & Styling: Risika PT2

As always, I’ll keep using original names if I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations and stuff, but I’ll be referring to everyone by their new names in all other situations.

So, uh, sorry for taking so long on this 😅 I didn't realize how many different outfit possibilities there would be!

While part 1 was an overview of her general fashion sense and style trajectory, this one will delve into Roksana's specific outfits. I'm going to kick things off with her ‘Meet’ outfit to set the tone and then skip back to go over the historical outfits before circling back around in part 3 (because I guess this is going to be a 3 parter now) to go over her modern-day outfits.

Also, the scenes with the asterisks are original scenes that I (potentially) want to add to my version.

Opening scene ‘meet’ outfit (NIGHT 2)

Black square-neck crop top that's got a fitted bodice and flowy sleeves that gather at the wrist

Wide leg high waisted black jeans

Chunky black leather platform combat boots with lots of buckles

No accessories except her silver garnet ring

Minimal makeup—just some eyeliner, brown eyeshadow, and dark red lips

She wears her hair loose and wavy

Since this is the first time we're seeing her, I wanted this to be a very typical outfit of hers, something she would just throw on and not think much about. Like in the OG, she's kind of meant to look like a ‘stereotypical’ vampire here, which I like because at the same time, she's telling us all the ways that vampires aren't actually the way that popular media portrays them. She even insists that she's only wearing all black because it suits her mood. I see this as representative of how she's constantly trying to convince herself that she's not really like a vampire even as she's behaving in ways that are very vampiric. At this point, she's denying her own lived experience in favor of an ideal.

I wanted her to wear all black with little to no accessories here because right now she's still a mystery to us, she's only giving us broad strokes, no real details for us to latch onto.

I also wanted there to be some interplay between fitted/structured and sheer/opaque to reference her internal contradictions (her desire for freedom vs her need for comfort) and the slight mismatch between what she tells us and what we're seeing.

Veracruz

I'm still not qualified to speak on working class women's fashion in early 18th century Mexico, but I think Remedios needs a ‘meet’ outfit as well so I'm just going to make my best guess and update once I get more information.

This scene doesn't exist in ITFOTN, so I'm referencing Chapter 19 of DSTF, in which Rachel goes with her dad to look for her mother's family members.

She's in a city she's never been to before and expecting to meet relatives whom she's never met before, so she's wearing her best clothes (but not so nice as to draw unwanted attention) along with her mother's rebozo.

Her skirt is a solid dark red orange, kind of a rust color, and her bodice is matching. She's wearing very practical shoes because she's traveling, but she made extra effort to clean them and keep them clean during the journey.

She’s wearing her hair in a single neat french braid, with maybe a bit of volume at the crown (which is how I imagine a more practical working class interpretation of the tall hairstyle that was popular for western women in the 1690s would look like), tied off with a blue ribbon (to match the rebozo) and with the tail draped over her shoulder (as opposed to hanging down her back).

I want her dressed in warm earthy and reddish colors here as a reference to her human-ness and to hint at her subconscious recognition of/connection to her fire/witch heritage. That said, I wanted the rebozo (that belonged to her mother) to be blue so that it would stand out from her other clothing items and also to symbolize a touch of the supernatural.

I also imagine that most of the clothes she owned were her mother's old clothes (and because of the ~20-year trend cycle, they wouldn't have even had to be altered all that much to fit the current fashion).

First feeding

So this is actually going to be what she's wearing after her first feeding when Ather takes her through New Mayhem. I imagine Ather taking Roksana to her first feeding still in her night dress because she knows it has the potential to get messy.

Ather has her servants dress Roksana up in some of her old clothes. These clothes are much finer than anything Roksana’s worn up until then.

The dress Ather chooses for her is a mantua gown (which was fashionable in the 1690s going into the 1700s) made of black silk with some silver embroidered details. She also wears a pair of very impractical heeled shoes that match the gown perfectly. Even though it's a beautiful dress, it looks awkward on her because Ather is a little bit taller than her and not as curvy, so the fit is weird.

Ather is not so keen on lending out her jewels, though, so no jewelry for Roksana this time around.

The servants combed out her hair and put it up in a half updo with some face framing curls.

I chose this because it's so different from what she would've been wearing as a human. It's luxurious, fashionable, and more expensive than anything she ever could've afforded in her entire mortal lifetime. The color black symbolizes vampirism (kind of playing on her Meet outfit) and back in the day (around this time period, maybe a little earlier), it was the color of the Spanish royal court, so it also implies that she's now part of vampire royalty (as a member of one of the most powerful bloodlines). And the silver embroidery is to represent, well, Silver. The awkward fit, of course, shows that she's not at all comfortable with her new role. She's probably stumbling over her own feet because the shoes are so impractical and she hasn't gotten the hang of controlling her new vampire physicality yet (unlike her meet outfit, where she's also wearing impractical shoes but by now she can move in them just fine).

As for Ather's intentions, it's noted in the canon that she relies on the strength and reputation of her fledglings to protect herself, so of course, this is going to come through in this outfit that she's showing her newest fledgling off in. She'd want to present Roksana as an extension of herself, so she wants Roksana to be fashionable and dressed in a way that shows off her (Ather's) power and status but she's not actually fully invested (hence, no jewels), which reflects how she was as a blood mother.

Debut party*

So this is an entirely original scene that I wanted to add so we could see Roksana interacting more with the vampire world before she goes rogue. The setup is that Ather wants to throw a party to show off her new fledgling and get everyone’s mind off of how Malvada has just burned to the ground (but mostly, she just wants to have a party).

I'm setting this a few days to a week after Roksana was changed. By this point, the newness has worn off a bit and Ather's more interested in the party than she is in Roksana, so she just allows Roksana to choose whatever for herself from among her old dresses. Roksana chooses a dark red gown with gold embroidery. It has a long bodice, full skirt, an off the shoulder neckline, and long sleeves that puff out close to the wrist—a style that was popular in the ~1660s Spanish Baroque era. And she's wearing matching gold slippers. Ather also lets Roksana have a pair of rather simple gold earrings and a matching gold pendant necklace that she wouldn't mind losing.

She's wearing a little more makeup—rouge on her cheeks and lips, some kohl lining her eyes.

Her hair is worn loose, in her natural waves, maybe with some red ribbons on the sides of her head (which also seemed to be a popular Spanish Baroque style).

I chose these colors because obviously, the red is for blood, but I also wanted her to shimmer and glow in the candle light, alluding to her connection to the Tlahuilli (Light) line. The gold embroidery details also symbolizes how the opulence of the new world she's in is starting to infect her.

These clothes fit her better this time around (because Ather's servants had time to tailor them), which is supposed to represent how disturbingly well she seems to fit in with vampire society.

The style of the dress and her hair is a little outdated to show that even early on, Roksana still wants to hold onto the past/something more familiar (I'm not sure if the timeline works out, but maybe the dress was a similar style to the fancier dresses her mom left behind).

I wanted Roksana to be the one to dress herself here because I wanted to put her in a weird position where she's tempted by all the opulence around her and at this point, she's willingly trying it on rather than having it forced upon her. I wanted to see her deal with the guilt of not rejecting this stuff outright the way she imagines her brother would've. The intention is that in this scene she becomes disgusted with herself and how easily she fell into all this decadence, which is what causes her to run away.

Roksana on the run*

So like I said above, in my version, Roksana runs away from Ather during her debut party (Ather's not all that invested, so she doesn't even realize the girl's gone until a few days later). She runs away still dressed in her party outfit, which is not only not very practical for life on the run, but she also doesn't like how it reminds her of how she seemed to enjoy all the vampire luxury she experienced, so she gets rid of it the first chance she can. Being from a working/lower class family though, she wasn't going to just dump it and let it go to waste.

I'm thinking she comes across a home where there's laundry hung out to dry and some livestock. By that time, Roksana's probably hungry, so she drinks from one of the large animals, steals some clothes from the line (without much care for what they were or how they fit), and then leaves the dress behind as ‘payment’, keeping the jewels on her just in case.

She probably keeps these stolen clothes for a while (since vampires probably don't sweat or secrete oils) and trades them whenever she comes across something more fitting.

I think out of habit, she probably wears women's clothes for a while, but then switches to men's clothes not too long after both for mobility and because she didn't want to be seen as a target for being a woman traveling in the wilderness alone. Her switch to men's clothes could also indicate that she doesn't intend to return to human society any time soon (I'm not sure about what the norms were for gendered clothing in that time and place specifically, but I'm thinking that it would at least attract more attention than she'd be comfortable with).

Roksana returns home

So I have two different ideas of how I want this scene to go and I would style her differently depending on which one I go with.

In the canon, when she comes back home to check on her family, she's wearing men’s clothes because getting around in skirts was annoying and her hair is a mess because she hasn't bothered to maintain it, which probably speaks to her distressed and hopeless state of mind at the time. I think this sort of unkemptness also signals that she didn't have any intention of interacting with or being seen by her family and she just wanted to torture herself by watching them move on without her. I think this is a really compelling angle and if I'm sticking with it, I'll keep her in men's clothes and messy hair. The clothes, she probably would've stolen from a clothesline (at this point, she's not even willing to feed regularly so I don't think she'd have it in her to steal from her meals) so they wouldn't be the type of thing she'd pick out based on style, but I do think she'd try to alter them to fit her better since the whole reason for wearing them instead of women's clothes was for mobility (and in my headcanon, she and her sister did some work mending clothes on the side to help support the family). In contrast to how messy her hair is, I think she'd actually take pretty good care of her clothes because she wouldn't want to have to go through the trouble of stealing new ones all the time.

The second idea is to change it so that she's in denial about her vampirism and she actually does return home with the intention of going back to her human life (which is kinda tragic in its own way). If I go with this one, I would have her wearing the same type of clothes that she used to wear when she was human, styling her hair the same way she used to style it, and I would even have her putting on some makeup so that her complexion isn't dull as death and she can mimic that lively human glow.

First fight with Andros

So in my version, I thought it would make more sense to have this interaction happen after the whole stepmother thing. idk, the order of those two scenes in the og text never really made sense to me, but that's a discussion for a different post.

I'm not sure why, but I kind of pictured her wearing a green dress here. Like she's camouflaged in the trees that she's hanging out on. If I do decide to go with putting her in menswear in the stepmother scene, I think having her wear a dress here might be a good way to show that in addition to begrudgingly accepting the fact that she needs to feed on people regularly in order to survive, she's also getting used to being a vampire and having vampire powers/vampire physicality that make it much easier for her to get around regardless of what she's wearing. I think it would also show that she's becoming more of a hunter (rather than a scavenger) because a reason for why she would wear women's clothes would be to blend in with humans so she can better hunt them (or maybe even, in contrast to one of her motives for initially switching to men’s clothing, she's using it to lure in men who would intend to harm a lone woman, which would fit in with the canon that at this point she's cool with eating people as long as they're bad people). And then it also raises the question of where she got this dress—did she steal it off of one of her victims? Let's make it a nice fancy dress (like this one (featured in Jan Abel Wassenbergh's Portrait of Louise Christina Trip) but green) because I like to think of her eating the rich!

As for her hair, I want it to be big! It wouldn't be unkempt like the last time we saw her, but it also wouldn't be necessarily styled or neatly contained in a french braid like it was when she was human.

She wears shoes whenever she has to go into town, but otherwise, she prefers to go barefoot.

It's like being away from human society has allowed her/forced her to connect more with nature and with the earth, which isn't exactly a bad thing for her.

---

So that's it for now! Hopefully the next post doesn't take as long!

[newmayhem]

Timeline

So I was working on Part 2 of Roksana's wardrobe post and realized that in order to know how many outfits to plan out, I need to know the timeline of events for the scenes that happen in modern day (and, I mean, a timeline would generally be very helpful (shoutout @seedsofwinter !)). So here's what I sketched out. I based this on the canon sequence of events but stretched things out a little bit to account for travel time (now that it's not all happening in the same tristate area and Tristes can't teleport like vampires can). Also, why does so much of this book just consists of Risika falling asleep, having a flashback, waking up, doing ONE THING and then going back to sleep, lol?

Anyway, this isn't set in stone, I might update it as I continue working on the story.

BEFORE

Roksana returns to Puebla (let's say about a month out from the start of the book)

Ale arrives in Puebla (maybe a couple weeks after Roksana arrives)

NIGHT 1

(This actually happens the night before the start of the book, but we'll call it Night 1 because it's basically when the action starts)

Roksana trespasses on Andros’ territory while hunting and kills his servant (~12AM)

Andros is alerted to Roksana’s trespassing (~1AM)

NIGHT 2

Andros breaks into Roksana’s home and leaves a rose (~12AM)

Roksana returns home and discovers the rose (~4AM) (This is when the book begins)

NIGHT 3

Roksana doesn't hunt on Andros’ territory again, but she does leave a response to the rose (~12AM) (In the og text, she leaves the burnt florist card in a plastic bag at his cafe…which sounds silly, so I'll have to find something more dramatic for her to do here. Maybe she nails a viper to his door or something (because in ITFOTN, the viper is kind of a recurring motif that symbolizes Aubrey)

Andros discovers Roksana's response (~1AM)

(Ale tries searching for Roksana in CDMX)

NIGHT 4

Ale looks for Roksana at Andros’ cafe; Andros kicks him out (~1AM)

NIGHT 5

(Ale leaves Mexico and flies to São Paolo (idk, maybe the vampire that fed on him told him to look there). For the next few nights, he stakes out known vampire spots)

Roksana goes to Ambrosia and hears about the Triste in Andros’ cafe (~12AM)

Roksana confronts another of Andros’ servants outside her home (~4AM)

Roksana stops into a human cafe (~8AM)

NIGHT 6

Roksana deliberately hunts on Andros’ territory (~9PM)

Andros kills Tora (~9PM)

Roksana finds Tora dead (~10PM)

NIGHT 7

Roksana goes to Ambrosia and talks to Jager (~12AM)

NIGHT 8

Andros and Roksana talk in her room (~6PM)

Roksana fights Andros (~3AM)

[newmayhem]

Wardrobe & Styling: Risika PT1

As always, I’ll keep using original names if I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations and stuff, but I’ll be referring to everyone by their new names in all other situations.

Welp, I guess I'm officially back! In a nutshell, work got really busy and I got distracted by a few other hyperfixations (and I also got a bit self conscious now that I realize this blog actually kind of has an audience). I was going to do a big post explaining what I’ve been up to, but I it was taking too long and I didn’t feel like it, so I guess I’m going to just jump right back in!

I recently started watching a lot of youtube videos about fashion and costuming in movies and tv shows, so I thought it might be cool to do a short series about how I’d dress these characters for my version of the story. Starting, of course, with our girl Risika!

Canon outfits

We don’t get a lot of detailed clothing/outfit descriptions in general, but here’s what we have for her:

Chapter 1 (Now) - Black jeans and a black t-shirt

She doesn’t always wear black, but that was the color of her mood that day.

She also says in this chapter that she wears a silver ring set with a garnet stone

Chapter 15 (1704) - Mens clothes and tangled, unkempt hair

Wearing long skirts was getting too cumbersome for her

Chapter 18 (Now) - Black tank top → cropped body hugging gold tank top with black jeans

Generally keeps her hair its natural old gold color until the end when she adds black stripes to it.

Going off of just this, it seems like Risika is pretty utilitarian when it comes to clothing choices. Very simple, no frills (literally), mostly/exclusively black (contrary to her own narration)…up until when she’s dressing for her fight with Aubrey.

I take this to symbolize Risika’s character journey from being depressed, antisocial, and wanting to hide away from the vampire world (or at least pass through it unnoticed) to embracing her predatory nature and being comfortable with being seen and making her mark as a part of vampire society.

My Version

I want to stay along these same lines as the canon, but add some more nuance and details.

Generally, Roksana favors earth tones and natural materials (to show how attached she is to nature and humanity). She doesn't like things clinging to her too much but she also doesn't like things that are so baggy or flowy that they get in the way (to show her yearning for freedom).

She hates button-ups (too stiff and formal); she likes dresses and skirts in theory, but doesn't often reach for them on a regular day.

For the most part, she likes to keep things simple for her main apparel pieces—solid colors, basic shapes. Shoes and accessories is where she likes to have more ornamentation.

She tends to keep her accessorizing to a minimum because she likes to be able to move unencumbered. She hates carrying bags or wearing hats but she has a pretty extensive shoe repertoire. Her shoes are practical but well-crafted and even ornate.

When it comes to jewelry, gold is her preferred metal. She's not super into precious stones or pearls. She likes wooden or clay beads and semi-precious stones like jasper, jade, or lapis lazuli.

These days, she doesn't wear much makeup, but during time periods where heavy makeup was a thing, she'd wear it in order to blend in.

She typically styles her hair in whatever is fashionable at the time, but prefers to wear it down in its naturally curly/wavy state.

She's more interested in how things feel as opposed to how they look, so comfort, mobility, breathability, and texture are very important to her. She doesn't like feeling trapped.

I really want her wardrobe to speak to her innate longing for freedom and her resilience as well as her connection to the past. I also thought it might be interesting to hint at a secret craving for luxury (a contrast to the idealized image she has of her saintly brother in order to make her feel even more guilty and self hating after she becomes a vampire) and a desire for comfort (or rather, to stay in her comfort zone) but at the same time always being prepared to flee.

1701

I'm still researching the specifics of what was worn at this time/place (it's been surprisingly really difficult to find info about late 17th/early 18th century fashion in Mexico) so I'll probably do a more detailed followup post later on, but Roksana would basically be wearing whatever other people of her social class were wearing in terms of silhouette, fabrics, etc. I don't she would have much flexibility when it comes to self expression at this time (clothing was expensive to make so she probably wouldn't be very trendy or experimental as a working class woman). I think she would favor solid colors over prints and she'd wear almost exclusively earth tones except for a blue rebozo (a long woven shawl of Mexican origin; image below) that was her mother's (blue to represent a touch of the supernatural). No jewelry, either, except for her rosary (although, I'm not sure if this actually counts as jewelry) that was passed down through her father's family.

Because she was raised without her mother and apart from her mother's family, aside from the rebozo, her clothing wouldn't really have many indigenous or African elements to it.

NOW

While she's not into metallics and synthetics, I do picture her style as kind of reminiscent of Y2K era R&B singers, especially in terms of silhouette (small, fitted tops, big pants, chunky shoes), but there are also some goth elements like corset tops, square or high necklines, the occasional puff or bell sleeve. She loves crop tops! For bottoms, she liked wide leg pants, utility/cargo pants, and joggers.

STYLE NARRATIVE

Closer to the beginning of the story, Roksana's outfits are very subdued. It's like she's constantly trying to camouflage. She's also wearing more historical looking clothes to show that she's kind of trapped in the past.

Towards the end, she starts to incorporate some bolder, more eye-catching elements, especially metallics, which also feel more futuristic, like she's finally ready to move forward and she's ready to be seen.

She also starts to dress a little more like Andros, who I picture as having very bold style.

Also, because in my version her hair is dark and curly/wavy, the tiger stripes in her hair aren't going to work out so well, so I was thinking of giving her tattoos, like tiger stripes along one arm, her shoulder and down her back (I have no reference photos for this because everything I could find on pinterest and google images looks stupid). This would not only symbolize her embracing being a predator, but it also shows that she's becoming a little more like Andros (who has tons of tattoos).

This post is already getting too long, so stay tuned for Part 2 where I go into specific outfits!

[newmayhem]

So I just found out the other day that the Backlist + Chill podcast is ending after their next season so now I’m coming out of my unintentional hiatus for a hot second to give them their flowers! I chickened out on the Maeve’ra season and haven’t had a chance to listen to any of the most recent episodes but this was one of my favorite podcasts of all time and I’m going to miss it so much 😭. I think I started listening right at the beginning of their run because they were the only YA nostalgia book podcasts that even mentioned Den of Shadows. Every time a new episode dropped, I would literally plan my whole week around it. It was always really fun to rediscover (and sometimes be disappointed by) my old faves but most times, I didn’t even care about whatever books they were reviewing (I haven't read most of them), I’d just listen along because the reviews and banter are hilarious and their cohost chemistry is the best and they have a fun theme song. Their twitter account is also pretty great because I’m a Cliff Nielsen enthusiast and I love it when they post old book covers.

Also, idk if the dates actually line up, but I’m pretty sure they inspired me to get back into the Den of Shadows and start this project and blog in the first place (which I’m pretty sure ended up indirectly manifesting Dare Seize the Fire and ahar’s Patreon). So thank you, Backlist + Chill! (@seedsofwinter (idk if Cyna has a tumblr too, but please share this with her as well!))

[newmayhem]

Season Intro: The Maeve'ra | Patreon

Official Post from Backlist and Chill

Woohoo! This'll be my very first time reading the Maeve'ra so I'm happy that I'll be following along with B+C! not sure if I should be excited or scared for this one, lol...

[kvothes]

day sixteen of 🌷national poetry month!🌷 which of these “classic” poems by old white guys actually slaps the most

stopping by woods on a snowy evening, frost

the love song of j. alfred prufrock, eliot

the red wheelbarrow, williams

the rime of the ancient mariner, coleridge

the raven, poe

do not go gentle into that good night, thomas

the tyger, blake

invictus, henley

ozymandias, shelley

[insert shakespeare sonnet here]

Voting ended onApr 17, 2023

i dearly love all of these but they are not what i reach for first when teaching—i favor contemporary poetry!

[newmayhem]

Post-Dare Seize the Fire Headcanons

Coming in hot with some new (updated?) headcanons now that Dare Seize the Fire is finished!

SPOILERS AHEAD, obviously (but if you haven't read it already, go do it now! It's all up on Patreon for free (or will be by next week at least)!):

No one told Ather about this, so they all think she's completely in the dark and has no idea that Risika is Lila's actual child (because somehow everyone thinks she's weak and oblivious), but she figured it out on her own pretty quickly. She kept her mouth shut, though, because she didn't care enough to get into it (and figured the truth will come out eventually anyway).

Alexander takes the revelation much better than Risika does (though he's shocked and needs time to process, and he's devastated at the revelation that both his mother and his sister are vampires). This is because he's had a much easier time of things. His magic came easier; he was privy to more of the story than Risika was; while Pandora was a harsh mentor, he knew the reason for why she was treating him so harshly and he probably got regular (implicit) assurance that he was strong and powerful; only Pandora was lying by omission to him (as opposed to Risika having a bunch of people who knew her/were in proximity to her, who knew the truth and were actively keeping it from her). Still, while recognizes that his mother left them in order to protect them, he is disgusted by the fact that 1) she had an affair with a vampire in the first place (and so he blames her and her youthful indiscretions as the cause of all this), and 2) she seems to have conspired with Aubrey to ‘corrupt’ Risika. In the end, while he does acknowledge and love Lila as his mother, he cannot forgive her.

Risika takes this very badly. In the span of an hour, her entire life and worldview has been turned upside down. She's the very last person in the entire world to know the full truth of this and she feels betrayed. She resents that so many people seemed to have banded together to decide what was good for her and what information about herself she should and shouldn't be privy to, and she had no say in any of it. Even her victory feels hollow, like she had just fulfilled her role as a pawn in someone else's game. Both of them, her mother and her brother, knew that she was out there and they left her completely alone. Her brother seems to have preferred it if she had died instead of giving in to her vampire needs or defending herself against Aubrey. Her own mother allowed her to suffer at the hands of Aubrey (though Lila said that she never would've allowed it if she knew the lengths he would go to). Hell, even Jager, the one vampire that she was sort of on ok terms with, was basically lying to her face the entire time. Even the one reliable fact she had to grasp onto for all these years, that Aubrey was her enemy and that once she defeated him, she would be free, is completely subverted. I think coming out of this conversation, Risika was ready to fight Aubrey again and kill him this time, but she thought better of it and instead, impulsively decided to go after Kaleo (which, I think, ends up being the incident that Brina references in Promises to Keep).

Even though Aubrey's interest in Risika began mainly as an interest in her power (cultivating it, claiming it for himself, etc. I'm still not sure) and then turned into being about righting a wrong/keeping his word, I think that after literal centuries of looking out for her and interfering with her (I’m sure it was more than those two other times mentioned in ITFOTN) and basically getting to know her from afar, Aubrey gradually developed a strong respect for her and genuinely does care about her (full disclosure, I'm a hardcore Aubrey/Risika shipper, so I think he eventually falls in love but doesn't realize it until after she wins the fight (which is either too late or exactly appropriate depending on how you look at it)).

Though Aubrey kind of laments in Chapter 21 that he didn't run into Alexander first (since his powers were much stronger and more apparent than Risika's), the more Aubrey gets to know Risika, the more assured he is that she's the stronger of the two (both in terms of power and character) and it's a shame that so many had written her off in the beginning (the first thing Lila said to him after finding out about Risika was to ask what happened to Alexander and he wasn't privy for her reasons behind that).

And along those same lines, though he's only observed/interacted with Alexander a few times after he 'killed’ him (when he kicked Alexander out of his vampire cafe and when he (probably) was eavesdropping on Alexander's reunion with Risika), from those few times, his disdain for Alexander only grows (as is the case, I'm sure, for most people who interact with Alexander).

Kaei is the de facto mayor of New Mayhem and Silver is secretly afraid of her.

[newmayhem]

Dare Seize the Fire first impressions

Lila is a great narrator. I love her voice and how thoroughly she's retroactively reading Kaleo to filth

@ Kaleo

Second impressions: Will Backlist & Chill be covering this? Eventually? Please?(!)