Another Year Closer to 30
Besides the Chinese superstitions, my parents have actually told me a piece of truth... your twenties do zip by just like that (insert finger snap).
The beginning of my twenties wasn’t that great. 2015 was not my best year either. I reflect on why I evaluate and assess each year and what qualifications am I basing it all on. What I’m finding to be more true in my life is that I dislike changes, especially the changes that are out of my control. I type the list below for documentation.
Changes in the last 12 months:
Family moved away
Best friend got married
Co-workers’ roles shifted, some left roles
Stepped into new responsibilities in new role
A good friend and roommate moved to another city for her boyfriend
Switched to a new church community
One long-time student graduated
Moved to a new house
Got 2 more nephews
My previous’ church small group dissolved
Close friend in Austin got married and moved
A new supervisor stepped in
One co-worker left
Two new co-workers
Was out of the country for 6 weeks
Very good friend moved for a job in another city
Good friends getting into serious relationships, a.k.a. less time for friendships.
"Moved.”
As I am writing this list, the emotions of each bullet point all begin to flood back into the present. I think I’ve verbalized some of these things to people but now after writing them, I’m wondering how I survived 2015. The effects of these changes are now hitting me because I never really processed them well. I didn’t pray over them... I didn’t pray for myself and wasn’t real with God when I felt these frustrations. Mentally, all of this took a toll on me and I didn’t even know. Spiritually, I embraced the busyness so that I could show that nothing could affect my work in ministry. I used God as a way to show others and most of all myself that He is has given me strength, but I twisted His words to fit my own independent agenda. And so I bow before Him now.
Father, Friend, Jehovah, Emmanuel, Messiah.... I’m sorry. Lately, my back has been facing you and you, you’re there waiting for me. I thought so highly of myself, the world revolving around me. I thought I could handle everything, I thought I could just control everything. I thought I was you. I’m sorry. You are my Jesus, my Savior. How can I turn to myself as a god when you are the only one who is perfect in my life? I ask for forgiveness, and I repent, turning my face to you. I come to you broken-hearted by the disappointments of the world. Heal my heart, Friend, make it clean.












