public diary of public enemy @newtranslation - Tumblr Blog

everyone mad on the tl today (4 very good reason)

MONK MODE BITCH

rules:

build good habits

dont buy cheap underwear anymore

dont keep stuff that doesnt bring you joy

spend more money

spend less money

doing that thing again, ive only gotten right once or twice and it still wasnt perfect

im reinventing myself again

im gonna probably spend a lot of money to do it

or im not, but im reinventing myself again

starting with buying the pair of shoes that are certain to change my life

aomething about the manic introspection means i have a deep desire to chat again but only to myself! too bad i have not had interesting thoughts in a long time. also wheres the japanese nivea stick!

im gonna have some personal onsen time when i get home, and maybe an exfoiliation procedure. i also want to make some bag charms and a tote bag maybe. who knows, i'll likely get home and collapse into a heap. a lethargic beautiful heap.

3/27/2025

another third of the year through another long list to not maybe possible do?

surf

swim

love again

paddleboard

bike

life

sunscreen

moisturize

love

love again and again

finding that joy has been so hard, but i have to remember all the unfettered fun ive had tegardless of my depth of mento illnass.

i wish to surf more and again, i wish to be less stressed, these past two years have not been kind to me. LESS STRESSSSSSSSS, less hanging out with people idc about, less dumb as fuck conversations, i dont want to be a part of these fuckos!!! they say dumb rude things and are dumb rude people, obsessed with themselves for no reason because theyre quite boring and Im projecting but sincerely, i dont want to be around folks like that anymore.

i miss biking, i miss swimming, i miss snowboarding, i miss skylar, i miss michelle, i miss feeling something and talking to people i love talking to.

3/27/2026

at another emotional precipice again, a new numb? or a new feeling i can not identify. i choose joy, i live for happiness, and i am no longer chasing feelings i know will become unsatisfactory. as much as i hate to say it, the intense emotional maturity that has developed recently is really nice to feel. like i don't feel bad?

i don't want to voice my feelings aloud at the moment, I am unkind in my mind, about this currently. i can not currently identify where my selfishness and my self end and begin. I want to be alone right now, I think it's a huge cope! but i have been coping for a long time now. I have enjoyed the fruits of the everyone's labours and it doesn't mean i have to stick around to prune the tree. ? how selfish of me! i am not selfish though, i give myself again and again, and i will give myself over again and again. I am a large sacrifice to myself and this earth. i am also kind of over giving facebook money! im kind of over my social media in general. i feel wildly disingenous and i feel as though ive completely lost a teenage spark that once existed in me.

i also do not know what the point of hanging out with losers is... i dont share much in common with these assholes and i dont want to. theyre all white, boring, and suckle on each other's inanity. i can choose joy and still be a caustic substance. i'm so sick of being nice to these freaks.

1five1two

'Moon Dreams'. Mark Harrison.

2-15-2026 so i have something i need to get off my chest.... i have a whole heart i want to get off my chest

i want to barf, i should be single, i get so motherfucking sad thinking about it, and i shouldnt think about it. i want to barf knowing i shouldnt think about it. i want possibility again. i think ive accidentally shut myself out of my whole life. im not having fun right now.

2/5/2026

not being patheitc anymore!!! in insanely beautiful new orleans and im in a gorgeous attic space listening to the parade go by and chappel roan pink pony club is playing and every marching band is so intensely delightful and loud and they are beating with the fervor of my heart and i feel like im in the most magical place ive ever been, its so intensely perfect, the big band, the dancers, the floats, the lights!!!! i got here by pure magic (aka money but IDC!!!!)

im so lonely and i dont know who to tell or what to do about it, i'm so lonely. i don't like any of the people currently around me, i feel greedy and unfulfilled at the same time, why do i hate everyone so much, why cant i stop, i cant help but feel like i should become a hermit truly. i cant seem to make friends i love and want and enjoy to be around and who seem to want the same of me. i should get a dog and move in with roommates who are never home and i should build a life alone with some animals i barely take care of. i barely take care of myself. i am disposed, i wish i could dispose of myself. its okay, i keep going until i die. i wish lots of ugly things, too ugly for words. i hate myself so deeply and i hate the way i interact with everyone, i hate interacting with people and them. what is wrong with me.

indulgeinselfcare

1/7/2026

brush teeth

low stimuli time

girl boss

more

1/3/2026

hmmmmmm i want to simply describe what i want happen in 2026, i can feel myself genuinely trying and getting better, these past six years have not for nothing, nothing has been for nothing, everything that has happened is not a fault within myself but a fact of being alive. i deserve empathy from myself, i can be kind to myself through the retrospective lens. I want to shower myself with kindness, and I want to stop engaging with people and behaviors that make me act out and feel ashamed.

I will practice kindness and above all i must practice more detachment for the small stressors or I must work harder to forgo them. Changing what happens is far better than letting it go everytime. I need to cultivate stronger friendships out here with more women, and

stlamb

putumayo doctor blouse made of 100% cotton gauze material, 2003

12/30/2025

I must protect my peace. peace will be protected.

12/25ishkinda26/2025

whoops almost wrote 2026, sheesh

dont worry the time will come soon enough

i am happy again, i had a wonderful christmas evening with my best of friends, d. seabass, maxwell, maximilliano, and prince ottis! now im cuddled into bed with my princess diana and i had a lovely evening where i made ribs, potatoes, salad and cake! we played cambio after and then shoveled and shoveled and was delirious and im gonna wake up in a few hours and shovel again

i am choosing myself, i am choosing happiness, it is never too late, it is never too late.

i am choosing myself, it is never too late!

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public diary of public enemy