Hello there beautiful!

Hi, I'm Emma. I live in Scotland and one day I'm going to complete my Bucket List. I have M.E/CFS and posts about it go here.

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Home when it's sunny is 10/10

Also, still snow on the hills when it's 26°! I know that's how like things work because they're so high up but it blows my mind!

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We have a meeting tomorrow with the doctors to discuss the letter they sent about the "mistakes happen" with my dad and I'm stressed!

Idk what it's gonna be like, I'm worried I get upset and don't get my point across, I'm worried they just placate us and my mum gets angry (she's at angry grief stage now it seems) my dad says he's going to come and will just say "it's all bullshit" because he's had a stroke and can get Way with saying things like that 😂😂

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My dad got out of hospital at the weekend, they think its a virus more than anything. Apparently he's feeling better but he hasn't messaged which is weird. He went to watch his team play football last night though 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm doing a charity walk with Andy at the weekend which is apparently easy but it's 14miles so I may actually die. I think it's probably too much for me but it was either do it or spend the weekend alone and my brains not okay for that I don't think. I don't have much planned next week so it should be okay. Its by the sea and we're staying in a hotel 2 nights so it's just a nice weekend away hopefully! I'm hoping the hotel room has a bath too!

On Monday night we went to asda to charge andys car and sat in the car watching the football on his phone while it charged and it felt like such a long evening? Like in a good way! Was nice being "outside" as it got dark too.

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I'm meant to be going to Glasgow this weekend to see my friend

She sent me a voice note on Wednesday night about something her boyfriend had done blah blah, I replied like sorry don't have thenbrain to reply right now, my dad's been taken back into hospital and waiting to for answers etc

Shes read it and not replied?? Like not even a oh gosh hope eberythings okay?

I don't even want to go see her at the weekend now I just want to vegetate or actually go home because I could use my tickets to Glasgow then just get a train or bus from Glasgow up but I'd feel bad. Andys like do it, she hasn't even asked how your dad is?

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So my dad's currently in a&e with chest pain, dizziness, nausea, headache, high BP and very irregular fast heart beat

Ideal

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What's a good present for a 2 year old??

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My mum got a letter from the hospital today that starts "[dad] has been through a life changing experience... he was extremely unwell and could have died... it is possible that this stroke might have been prevented if he was started on anticoagulation after his first admittance with AF on 21/12 and we are sorry that this didn't happen"

It's then 8 pages long about why they did what they did but... is that them admitting they made an avoidable mistake??

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but you see her on instagram and it was never really said that you guys aren’t friends but one day she stopped answering and you stopped texting and it’s not like the wound is a cavern but it is a diagram of what if in red letters. you want to tell her nice lipstick that’s a good color but the last time you spoke it was stilted and awkward 

how do you say goodbye, you know? it’s not an unfriend and block kind of situation. but you watch the people you once loved go on and have a life and you’re outside of it. and it’s bittersweet because of course it’s okay that you’re both thriving. but she used to be who you’d call if you needed to cry. she used to be who’d you’d be binge watching the new series with. you used to be hers, in a way, even if that way wasn’t permanent. and now she’s someone else and so are you and your friendship is clicking heart shapes next to pictures where she smiles next to people you’ve never met. you know where her birthmark is. she knows where you’ve buried your dead.

the poets and the singers and the authors write about romantic love when it ends. but nobody tells you how to get over a friend.

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Just drove past an ambulance with its blue lights on and started crying?? Lol maybe some trauma there after all

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I had a dream last night that involved a guy I dated in high school and then I've woken up to a follower request from him, so weird

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Nessie!

And the cutest/biggest community library I've come across!

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The party was actually quite cute, just snacks and vibes with basically my parents friends 😂

Look at my tiny wee granny and the sign my cousin made for us

My aunties an absolute bitch though and I'm done with her. She brought her exitable dog, who immediately came in, jumped up on the TV unit then knocked my dad's drink over breaking his like Stanley type cup lid and staw and I went "on no dad, your cup!" And she went under her breath like it's only a cup, don't know what your over reaction is... so I was like I was just saying its broken 🤷🏻‍♀️ and she was like "being dramatic as per" so I was like dunno why you're being rude you literally just arrived? And then her and her partner ignored me the rest of the afternoon? As she was leaving they both said bye to everyone around me and just ignored me so I went to the door and went bye, thanks for coming! And they shut the door on me?? Honestly why? Like who brings an excitable dog to a gathering with 30 people in a tiny house when it's raining and we can't be outside anyway? Apparently she was telling everyone I made them put their dog in the car 😒 my brother told them to and my dad went "why did you bring the dog!?" Dunno why her issue is just with me. It's annoyed me more because I'm annoyed by it and it upset me how they ignored me? Ugh familes. Said to andy she's not coming to the wedding, I'll invite my cousin but not her because she ignored me the last tome we had a family gathering too and shouted at me last Christmas because I told her she was being racist and that it was racist to say she wouldn't go somewhere that was and I quote "full of black people like parts of London because its not safe" 😐

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We're on the way to my parents and it's taken 8 hours so far and we're still 40 mins away 😭 it usually takes us like 7 all in. It doesn't even make sense why, it took us an hour to go 11 miles before and thej there was just nothing, no road works, no accident juts cars going slow for the craic??

We also saw a car on fire but there wasn't even traffic issues there!

Andys dad's come up with us too which is cute but it's stressing me out lol

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I'm so fed up of being snotty!!!

I can breathe through my nose why is it that i can when it's constantly running/needing blown!!! Ugh

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I got up at 5am to come to a wedding in Spain (where its raining and cold) and its now 9pm here and I'm so tired I feel sick

I'm just sitting in a corner by the toilet with my loops in having some "quiet" time

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Re the wedding, idk what to wear, I was gonna wear the blue sleevless dress but it's in a church so need the cover for the church part and then the forecast in bilbao is like 9° so cold? And I'm not sure which bag/shoe combo??

So then I thought maybe reuse this dress from before because its thick material so potentially warm? But again need the fascinator apparently because traditioanl wedding?

I don't know what vibe to go for!!!

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Im sad and idk why

I've had this cold thing which isn't helping but I think everything is just a lot

My mums spoken to a solicitor too who says they'd be happy to take my dad's case forward as there's potential for a claim (I think they mean they think there is as its no win no fee so they wouldn't do it if they weren't confident?) And that's possibly adding to it? I felt like they'd messed up but if a "professional" is also saying that? Mum got a call on Friday too from the hospital to say they'd had like a big meeting thing and following on from my dad's case changes have been made, more training is in place etc etc. And some mistakes were possibly made but could have been because of x y and z

Idk, it's nearly Easter holidays. I'm going to bilbao for a wedding on Saturday and rhe forecast is terrible

We're going home the next weekend and my mums planned an engagement party it's v cute but it's stressing me