John had expected more of his coworkers to take the deal. When the return to office emails came, HR had added an opt-in clause to returning employees.
We know that for some of you, returning to work might impact your budgets. Considering the increased cost of commuting, the company is also aware that while working remotely, it is likely that many of you have been living by a more “relaxed” dress code, while working. Since it’s been a few years, and bodies tend to change over that time, there might be an increased cost to employees who have to replace their dress code appropriate wardrobe to return to the office.
For this reason, management has permitted Human Resources to offer employees a solution. If the cost of replacing your workplace appropriate wardrobe is too high, all employees are invited to opt into an exciting new program at our company. Rather than worrying about whether what you are wearing meets our office dress code, and to facilitate the feelings of “working from home,” employees who opt into the Network Undressed and Deliver Excellence (NUDE) Program, are permitted to come to work without their clothing.
John had lost significant weight since he started working from home. Rather than wasting his time small talking at the office, he had been able to fit a fitness regimen into his daily work schedule. His old suits hung off him, and even belted, his slacks barely managed to hold onto his waist.
“I think I might have to opt in,” John told his husband, as they looked over their budget.
They could afford a couple days worth of new clothes, but inflation had gotten so high, that even shopping at Ross, he’d have to spend a small fortune to get enough clothes for a week’s worth of work. And then, he’d have to pay dry cleaning fees, and he’d have to wash twice as many clothes between work clothes and home clothes, so laundry prices would skyrocket. And he’d be spending way more on gas just to get to and from work.
Ultimately, there were no other budget corners he could cut, so he emailed HR and let them know he would be opting into the NUDE Program.
He barely slept the night before he returned to work. He tossed and turned, terrified and horny. Even after his husband sucked him off, he still couldn’t get his swollen penis to calm down, as he thought about the fact that in the morning, he’d be required to undress at the office, and spend his entire first day back, completely naked in front of coworkers he hadn’t seen in-person for years.
And he’d have to spend the next day working naked around them too. And the next. And the next. Until he retired in twenty years. Twenty years.
When his alarm went off, he showered, and slipped on boxers, sweatpants, and t-shirt. He’d undress once he was in the office.
But of course, when he got to the office, security wouldn’t let him in.
“We’re sorry sir, but you’ve opted into the NUDE Program,” the security guard said, grinning evilly.
John watched as several coworkers walked past him, all fully dressed in suits and ties.
“I did,” John said, trying to avoid making eye contact with his coworkers who were lining up on the inside of the glass doors to watch.
“If you’d read the policy, you’d understand that the program requires you to come to work without your clothing.” Security said.
“I was planning on undressing once I got to my desk,” John said.
“But that means you came to work with your clothing,” security said. “Policy specifically says without.”
“So you expect me to strip down out in the parking lot?” John asked.
“No,” security said. “I expect you to strip down at home, and leave your clothes at home.”
“You expect me to drive all the way to work naked?”
“Or ride the bus, or walk, or bike,” the security agent said.
“You can’t be serious,” John shook his head. “I’d get arrested.”
“Take it up with HR,” Security said. “I’ve been told I can only buzz you in if you leave your clothing with me. Any clothing brought on company property by volunteers in the NUDE Program will be considered company property, so you can either strip or be stripped.”
John grumbled, but he knew there would be know way to voice his concerns to HR if he didn’t comply, so he slipped off his t-shirt, aware of the faces pressed to the glass, watching his skin come into view. He made eye contact with the man who’d had the cubicle next to his before the remote work policy. The man wolf-whistled through the glass.
“This is humiliating,” John said to the security guard, preparing himself to ditch the pants and boxers.
“You’re the one who opted in,” the security guard said, shrugging.
John knew it would do him no good to delay. He pushed down his sweats and boxers at the same time, and stepped out, fully naked in front of his coworkers.
It was humiliating, as he felt the sun and the breeze and the eyes of his coworkers in the windows, and the security guard next to him, all directly on his penis, which flopped back and forth in it’s new freedom.
He fought the urge to cover up. Being on display was humiliating, but he didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing he was humiliated. It took everything in him to keep his arms at his sides, but he managed it.
“John, you must not have read the whole policy,” Devin, John’s HR rep told him, as John sat, still totally naked across from Devin in Devin’s office.
“I read it!” John insisted.
“Not according to the security guard,” Devin said shaking his head.
“I knew I had to come to work naked,” John said. “But I could get arrested for public indecency if I actually come to work naked.”
“We’ve already talked to City Council, and they passed a city ordinance last week,” Devin said, shrugging it off. “For business purposes, public decency laws are suspended. Meaning, anyone naked for the purposes of their employment gets a free pass.”
“You can’t be serious,” John said.
“Oh, I’m serious,” Devin replied. “And it’s good exposure, forgive the pun, for our company to have you be seen around town naked. After all, you’re the only one who opted into the NUDE Program.”
“Wait, you mean I’m going to be the only one walking around bare ass naked in the office?”
“Careful with the word choice, John,” Devin said. “Just because you’re naked doesn’t give you a reason to use inappropriate language. But, yes. You’re our only NUDE Program employee.”
“And I don’t suppose I get a private office because of that?” John asked.
“Hardly,” Devin replied. “Your desk is center of the floor now. For company morale, of course.”
John shook his head, as out of words as he was out of clothing.
“One last thing, John,” Devin said, grinning a little cruelly. “We have a three strikes clause in the policy. If you get a third strike, we are permitted to seize all clothing assets of anyone participating in the NUDE Program.”
“That can’t be legal,” John said.
“I assure you it is,” Devin said. “And this morning you are already up to two strikes. First, you showed up clothed, which is a clear strike, and second you were late for work, after you had your disagreement with Security.”
John stared at Devin open-mouthed.
“You know,” Devin said, his grin widening, “I could write you up for the foul language you used in my office this morning too.”
John felt his stomach plummet.
“But where’s the fucking fun in that?” Devin asked. “Good luck today, John. Any misstep, any misstep at all, and you won’t just be naked here at work. You’ll be naked everywhere.”
