Pondering on the difference between a trend and a movement…
A trend places an emphasis on the final product, those bell bottom jeans you purchased and felt you had attained the ultimate level of coolness. This word, ‘trend,’ does not capture the thought process or potential struggle that led to you “rocking,” or owning anything that made you “more” socially acceptable at the time. The idea of a movement encapsulates everything that the word, trend, fails to depict – highlighting a work in progress, and more often than not, portrays the mind’s battle of an individual moving against the general direction of society. This is why I refer to any female of African descent making the decision to “go natural,” as a movement and NOT a trend.
The battlefield of the mind about what grows on your head
Will my curls be defined? Oh wait, but then you are reminded that your hair texture may not be “worthy” of the description curly, and don’t even begin to visualize ringlets, those terms are reserved for “quality” hair… silky. This does not stop you from spending hours watching YouTube videos, reading blogs in the hope of figuring out what your curl pattern may be, quietly praying: “Oh God, please let it be 4A” (for those who are completely lost, there is this “scale” ranging from 3A – 4A, from fine ringlets to a mass of hair that is considered so “nappy” – I hate that word - that it lacks definition.) What will my family think? How will boys respond (yes, boys, because real men are not fazed by such)? Will my hair ever fall, will it ever swish in the wind, or will it just grow towards the sky? Sigh…
How I overcame fear and plunged into the “natural” pool
So how did I gather the courage to cut off all traces of my chemically straightened hair? I prayed. Is that all? Yep. I prayed, trusted God and took the dive. I am sure some of you are rolling your eyes thinking, “how dramatic.” Before you stop reading, let me explain. There is the one answer that may not excite you much, but was a life changing revelation for me - God cares about EVERYTHING concerning you and me. He knows the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7, Matthew 10:30), you hairdresser can’t tell you that. He cares about your hair struggle.
Then there is the response that requires that I get personal, expose a few weaknesses, mind battles, whatever you want to call them. As a child I was asked a number of questions that I could not answer without getting upset or questioning the intelligence of the questioner…why are you dark? Why are your mum and siblings lighter? Ermm…(background: my mum is mixed, and my dad is a full rich dark Ashanti gentleman, you do your own genetic calculations.) The features of my mum and siblings received praise and approval. As a growing child processing the environment around me, I was left wondering if, perhaps, I should have been born looking “racially ambiguous,” you know… smaller, longer, lighter features. My long permed hair seemed to be the only thing that gave me a slight chance of being associated with “my peoples”. Do you see the turmoil? I was going to cut the one claim I had, the one thing that reduced the questions and confused looks. Let me also add that I had no idea what my curl pattern was as my hair had been permed when I was very young. Referencing the ‘hair scale,’ there was a possibility that the hair budding beneath my straight strands would be a “4C” curl pattern. Surely, at this point I would have no right to identify with this other side that formed part of my identity, where was the physical evidence…proof?
Lessons learned from the “Big Chop”
India Arie’s song, “I am not my hair,” sums it up wonderfully, you are not your hair, you are not your skin, you are the soul that lives within. Allow me to take it a little further than she did. You are God’s precious daughter, prized and deeply loved. You are God’s special treasure (Deuteronomy 26:18) and He has a beautiful plan for your life. Oh no, I am not done… He sent His beloved son to die for you and for me (John 3:16…check your forever 21 bag) so that we can come boldly before Him, free of worry, guilt, self-consciousness, doubt (Hebrews 4:16). An understanding of His love is the best experience you will ever have. Your identity is so much more than your hair, skin and features. You are the daughter of the Most High King, your inheritance can not be described, you are royalty (Ephesian 1 *read the whole thing*, 1 Peter 2:9, John 1:12). As the hair fell to the ground, I laughed and could not help but be overwhelmed with excitement and hope.
I looked in the mirror and saw a mini “fro.” I was not thrilled by the look, but I was prepared to wait…to wait and see what it COULD be. I kept my hair in braids for several months, and for that period, I had no idea what was happening on my head, was it growing rapidly, was it growing at all? Each time I took the braids out, I was fascinated by the growth. This natural hair journey really taught me a lot about patience and also gave me an insight into the way God works. There are seasons when you wonder if God has forgotten you exist, things just feel still, stagnant, BUT just because you don’t see or feel anything doesn’t mean that is the reality. God’s reality is magnificently perplexing, sometimes He works in ways we cannot see, but the fruit, the growth, the gift, the overall result is amazing (James 5:7, Psalm 130: 5). Trust Him.
A call to mothers, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, friends
Women, ladies, girlies, babes, we NEED to be our sister’s keeper! Let’s build each other up, not tear one another down (Ephesians 4:29). This is a call to be distributors of grace. Mothers, mentors, teachers, the call is even greater. The things you say shape your daughter’s perspective and identity. The things you broadcast about other women, about yourself, can be just as powerful and damaging, as though you were speaking directly to your daughter. All women of African descent!.. Let us stop grading hair types and ranking the various complexions we have. You need to tell your daughters that they are beautiful, because the world, and even worse, your comments may tell them otherwise. Stop assuming they already know. Families with all the varying complexions, ranging from dark to light, there is even more work cut out for you. Your daughter has ebony skin... constantly tell her from the bottom of your heart that she is gorgeous. Your children have varying hair types...each “curl pattern” is carefully crafted and is fabulous. Why is there this notion that the hair that requires more attention is of less quality? How does that make sense? True, not everyone can jump out of bed, fluff out their hair, and walk out the door, but how is that an issue? Some of best flowers on our planet require the most attention, look at the orchids, what attention-seeking “diva-ish” flowers; they need charcoal, they need support, and yet they are valued higher than many others. Ladies, it’s time for change.
I know now that I am wonderfully and beautifully made. When I was younger I used to wonder why God would make me darker (did He want people to bombard me with questions?). Maybe He did =). Now I have all kinds of people walking up to me asking about my hair. I can be sure that if I was a few shades lighter the intrigue factor would be close to zero (our world is weird that way). People are left wondering, they walk across the room to ask me questions and seek hair advice. It really is the perfect ice breaker. Even my hair will point to His glory (Big hair for Christ). God can use the things you cringe about for amazing and glorious things. Don’t put Him in a box, His ways are too large and grand to be confined. Don’t cramp His style.
Remember, you are beautiful!
