My boyfriend is very depressed. he refuses to get help from therapy. (i used to be depressed a few years ago, he helped me through that.) i try to help him everyday, but my efforts get shut down and then he talks badly about himself. i get frustrated, i don't mean to. he ended things a few days ago because he "didn't want to hurt me." i understood, but obviously seeing someone you love go through this hurts. anyway, now he's telling me he needs time, and to decide about us. what should i do?
Respect his decision. If he needs time alone, give it to him. The thing is you can influence others and facilitate them with change, but you cannot MAKE them change. They will only change when they DECIDE to change. They will only decide to change when they have INCENTIVE, such as a better life.Awareness is vital in helping others change. We can also use it to leverage change. However, this still might not create the change you want. For example, if someone hurts another person and you make them aware of their behaviour, they will not change if they refuse to see a problem with their actions. You can try and convince them, but this will probably create resistance.Questions are powerful because they narrow our focus to find a solution and they can make us self-aware of something we may have been ignoring. For example, when you’re about to react to someone, simply being asked this question, could change your reaction entirely: "Is your reaction going to bring you closer to happiness?" If you have a religious friend and they continuously commit adultery, asking a question about whether they think God would be proud of them, could spark a change in them, too.You must always remember that change begins with you. Lead by example – it’s the only way people will take you seriously. Show them how it’s done and how better life can be, once the change is made.Finally, it’s important to remember that everyone is on their own journey and no one is perfect. We all have our individual beliefs. People go about life in their separate ways. Respect others. You don’t have to approve of their actions, but you should try and accept their humanity. Speaking to others in the language of kindness is a great way to create change. Often, I find that if we just love people, instead of directly trying to change them, they will change themselves.
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