Love is all around ❤️☺️🏳️🌈 -J

if i look back, i am lost
almost home
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

Andulka

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@niamar
Love is all around ❤️☺️🏳️🌈 -J
Depression isn’t just an all-consuming sadness; it’s numbing too. When I was depressed, I grew numb to the highs and lows of a normal day. The good moments failed to lift my mood; while the low moments tended to feel stagnant. And even worse than being numb to my own emotions, I became numb to those around me.
Michelle Stepp, “Illogical Truth” (via twloha)
Hits close to home!
Start Again
It's time for me to start again. To find those things that bring me joy and to embrace them. I've been leading with numbness. Like a very long nap. I have to start trying. Making an effort.. even if it means forcing myself to do 1 more new thing.
So today I signed up for duolingo to refresh my French. Oui! And I also made two (2!) Scrubs. A honey sugar peppermint lip scrub and a sugar lavender body scrub. If I challenge myself to do new things every day I will eventually get out of this funk.
Change starts today.
Kinda Heartwarming Morning
A client informed me that he was looking for care for his two young daughters. He told me that his wife had gone back to work while he stayed home with the children. He said that now they were struggling because her income was not enough.
As the interview progressed, he became very emotional when I told him that currently we do not have space for his children. He asked me to do anything I can to try to get them in. He told me that they needed to find a school so he could go back to work and his wife could continue working as well. He told me that he would hate to ask his wife to stay home because she had been so unhappy. He was willing to make all these changes for her sake but now they were struggling. I found it commendable that he would have so much love for her.
I guess I am naive, but I always had this crazy idea that amazing sex was born out of so much more than physical attraction and desire. The most intense sexual experiences came from being in love with another human being. For me, love ranges from the mature familiarity of time, to the newness of a newly budding romance. This, coupled with the fact that I must really know a person before engaging in the deeply intimate act of love-making, and I thought I had it all figured out. As long as there was a mutual feeling of love, the great sex would surely follow.
How wrong was I!
It amazes me to think that a person could possibly be the most amazing experience of my life and yet he could harbor but sheer attraction to me. For someone to *make* me feel that loved and desired, there apparently needs to be none of those feelings present. One can actually be fooled into feeling loved by a person who simply enjoys the feel of another’s body.
I do not understand this “male privilege" bullshit.
What. Fucking. Privileges. Do. Men. Have.???????
Name them. I swear, I challenge you to name these “male privileges" and be able to prove them.
Come on, I fucking dare you.
Name them!
Oh boy. Well, as a man, I’ll tell you my male privilege.
My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.
I can be confident in the fact that my co-workers won’t think that I was hired/promoted because of my sex - despite the fact that it’s probably true.
If I ever am promoted when a woman of my peers is better suited for the job, it is because of my sex.
If i ever fail at my job or career, it won’t be seen as a blacklist against my sex’s capabilities.
I am far less likely to face sexual harassment than my female peers.
If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.
If I am a teen or an adult, and I stay out of prison, my odds of getting raped are relatively low.
On average, I’m taught that walking alone after dark by myself is less than dangerous than it is for my female peers.
If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be questioned.
If I do have children but I do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be questioned.
If I have children and I do care for them, I’ll be praised even if my care is only marginally competent.
If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.
If I seek political office, my relationship with my children or who I deem to take care of them will more often not be scrutinized by the press.
My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious the position, the more this is true.
When i seek out “the person in charge", it is likely that they will be someone of my own sex. The higher the position, the more often this is true.
As a child, chances are I am encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters.
As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.
As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often.
If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones. (Nobody’s going to ask if I’m upset because I’m menstruating.)
I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.
If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.
If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.
I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.
Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is little to no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.”
I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability.
My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring.
The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time.
If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. The same goes for other expensive merchandise.
If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.
I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.
I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)
I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.
My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.
I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.
The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.
Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.
Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.
If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks.
If I have children with my girlfriend or wife, I can expect her to do most of the basic childcare such as changing diapers and feeding.
If I have children with my wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.
Assuming I am heterosexual, magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily-clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.
In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. If I am over-weight, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than over-weight women do.
If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover.
Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.”
Sexual harassment on the street virtually never happens to me. I do not need to plot my movements through public space in order to avoid being sexually harassed, or to mitigate sexual harassment.
On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.
On average, I will have the privilege of not knowing about my male privilege.
And lastly, I am taken as a more credible feminist than my female peers, despite the fact that the feminist movement is not liberating to my sex.
This is male privilege.
THIS. THIS IS HOW YOU BE A MALE FEMINIST.
Progress lost
When you wake up feeling confident that today will be a little better and have hope that it will hurt less and less each day. Then he decides to call and remind you that he has an incredible hold in your life and that this will all take longer than you thought.
Dreams
I used to smile the morning after dreaming with you. I always found it interesting that even in a subconscious level my mind was thinking about you. I loved telling you and hearing your disbelief. You never believed me, but I always reassured you that you have been the first person that I dreamt about on a regular basis. Now these dreams are nightmarish in design. I'm afraid. I fear for that blissful moment the next morning when I find myself basking in the pleasurable of you.. right before I remember that you are no longer a part of me. Even though I avoid thinking and feeling, my subconscious finds a way to liberate me during the darkest hours of the night. To remind me of all the love and all the sweetness. I only dream about the good things. And I wonder. I always wonder. Do you dream of me too?
Tainted
Your presence everywhere. Your words pour out of thin air and place themselves in all the old places. A touch. Your hand on the back of my neck. A gesture. A lifetime of memory encapsulated in a single smell. Your laugh still ringing in my ears.
You are everywhere. Always. Creeping into my mind’s eye just as I begin to let go. Not a day goes by without you making an appearance. Not an hour goes by without you. And yet you are gone. Your choice was to leave and my choice is to endure.
But how much longer will I, can I, deal ?
And I’ll live a thousand more
My beautiful mandala.
From Dan, at 10 Volt Ink, Coventry, England. <3
Que fucking desesperación estar rodeado de personas que le caen mal a uno.
Mad Max: Fury Road - Comic-Con First Look [HD] So unbelievable excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CANNOT WAIT.
Friends
I crave the closeness of others. In my heart of hearts there is a need to be surrounded by people. But I have such a difficult time opening up and bonding with them that it has made me into a cold and unlikable woman. If I was skinny/beautiful I might be able to open up.. Is my dream but I know is also a lie. I just cannot survive in public situations with strangers. I'm terrified of judgement. I'm terrified of embarrassment. I'm also convinced my unattractiveness is so apparent that people are repelled by me.. Or will be. All of these combined fears have convinced me that I should just not try to be nice and open and friendly. That I should make myself invisible and disAppear as soon as possible. Hence why I'm also alone. Why I haven't made new friends in years. Why this cycle of depression is just getting worse. Why I make bad decisions and turn to people who've only hurt me in the past.. But who I feel comfortable with. Putting this into words makes it real. Now.. To deal with it.
"Some redneck asshole, and an even bigger asshole for a brother"
i love it when other fandoms complain about character deaths
and the walking dead fandom just sits there like
everyone we love dies.
Anxiously awaiting!!!