A Case For White Relationship Divestment: Part 3
Up to this point, dear homies, I have been laying the groundwork for this last entry, which will hopefully offer some concrete steps that people of color (POC) can take mentally, spiritually, emotionally and materially to divest ourselves from white relationships and white-dominated institutions and organizations. Happy divesting!
Part 1: Why Divestment?Ā here.
Part 2: An Extremely Incomplete Case Study here.
PART 3: OKAY, BUT HOW?!?!?!
1) Remember that all connections change over time, so as you center yourself and your people over white people, those white people currently in your life will naturally move farther and farther outside of your inner circles. You could go ahead and explode all your relationships with white people right right now, but I donāt recommend it unless your situation is so desperate that you canāt imagine any other option.
2) Remind yourself that this is a long, incremental process. If you feel overwhelmed, try to take it one step at a time. Seek support. If all you have are excuses and defensiveness in reaction to what Iām saying, then donāt worry about it. This wasnāt written for you right now and nobodyās judging you. Everyone else: letās not get into weird fights/shade/judgment over who is the most āpureā in their divestment, okay? Cuz thatās just rooted in racial purity logic anyway.Ā
3) Start easy, with what I call āthe slow fadeā (this tactic works for non-white people too). Some white people are not that central to your life so you probably donāt need to expend any energy on getting rid of them. Like, just stop expending energy on them. Donāt call them, donāt invite them to things, donāt accept their invitations, donāt take anything they try to offer you no matter how tempting or free-seeming, donāt like their posts, donāt hang out with them individually, donāt laugh at their bad jokes. Just let them fade away. If they confront you about itā¦
4) āI choose to no longer build with white people.ā Say that shit out loud. To yourself first, then to your POC friends, then to the white people in your life. Carry out a ritual to make it so. Enact it.
5) āI choose to center the needs and interests of my people above the needs and interests of white people and white supremacy.ā Say it out loud. Say it to others. Carry out a ritual to make it so. Enact it.
6) Have a gathering that is POC-only. Or plan to go to a POC-only event and talk about it around your white relations. Any of your white relations who have so many feelings about this event that they need to tell you about them should be on your āDivest from ASAPā list. Those who can keep their mouths shut or possibly even manage a genuine āsounds cool, have funā go on the āKeep for Nowā list. If they gush about how much they support POC space and how they strive to be a white ally, they go on the āMaybe Sooner Rather Laterā list. Iām just kidding about that last oneā¦ maybe?
7) Actively build and maintain connections to other POC and POC communities that are invested in POC-centered spaces, actions, and projects (remember that in some communities, āPOC-centeredā wonāt be explicit, it will just BE).
8) If you say you have no choice but to rely on white people for your needs, then that is probably true. Right now. It does not have to be true forever. Some of us certainly have many needs because of being broke or sick or otherwise struggling. Worrying about the race of the person who is supporting you might seem irrelevant. Donāt beat yourself up about that. However, it doesnāt mean that you cannot also be working towards building strong, mutually-beneficial relations with POC so that when you are ready to divest from those white relationships, you will be okay. In fact, let it be known amongst your POC circles that this is your intention and share the things that you are getting from white people/s that you feel you cannot get anywhere else right now. Your POC relations may be able to help you get the resources or things that you need.
9) If you are going to choose to be in relationship with white people, you are pretty much accepting that you will experience racist treatment at times. Preparing for that inevitability may be helpful. Be clear about your boundaries with the white people who are in your life. What information, experiences, activities, and people in your life are they allowed access to? How do you expect them to interact with you? How must they respond when they do or say racist things and you call them to the carpet? Make it crystal clear, so that if/when they cross these boundaries, it makes it easier to divest. Also, it makes it fair. Individual white people donāt deserve our bitter vengeance just because they are white. They earn it through their individual bad behavior.
10) Give yourself time and space to grieve the connections you are giving up. Because those connections were real and they were what you needed at the time. Iām hesitant even to say that you should give up ANY relationships that you enjoy or that make you happy. If you truly are happy in your relationship with a white person, fuck what I have to say. But if you have those little creeping doubts in your mind or something aināt quite right, you know why you are still reading this.
ON THE OTHER HAND AND IN CONCLUSIONā¦
Those of us who are able and willing to engage in various types of relationships with white people may actually have a responsibility to do so. I havenāt decided if that is 100% true yet, at least for myself. As a light-skinned, middle class, mixed Asian-appearing person who does not fear for my life on a daily basis, it is certainly my duty to tell people who are lighter/whiter than me to get their shit right for the benefit of myself and those darker than me. It follows then, that it makes sense for someone like me to selectively engage in mutually beneficial relationships with some white people and white-passing people of color in the interest of the collective well-being of me and mine. Iām not there yet right now though. Sorry. Working on it...
I highly recommend that all people of color divest themselves of white relationships at some point in their lives. Or at least invest in creating and maintaining POC-only spaces, relationships and communities that are free from the influence of white people. I have never been more in love with myself and my peoples than when I realized that we are capable of doing anything and everything without the āhelpā or approval of white people. Perhaps you may think it is possible to have this sense of self-worth without divesting yourself from white relationships but I strongly beg to differ.
Hopefully you will find resonance with my journey of white divestment. I manifest the day when autonomous communities of people of color flourish on this land once again and lead the path towards the Oneness and higher consciousness that pony-tailed new age white men play at on their fair trade yoga mats.
So it is written and so it shall be.
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