[nicole-parker]

his words

“you can’t even do one fucking thing right”

replay over and over

until they become my own

3.5.2018

[nicole-parker]

A List of 10 Things I Believe to Be True

1. People are like the sky. They’re always changing, always looked up to. No matter the color, no matter the mood, there will always be someone admiring.

2. Music sounds better played through headphones.

3. There’s not a place on Earth it hasn’t rained.

4. Sweaty hands are bad for holding.

5. Yellow is a happy color.

6. There are monsters hidden in beauty, and beauty can radiate from monsters.

7. The book is always better than the movie.

8. Alcohol burns your throat, but extinguishes fear.

9. The only thing that last forever is death.

10. People look the most beautiful waking up.

[nicole-parker]

To Love Me

To love me

Is to love the hurricanes that

Threaten and wipe away

The homes and families caught

In its path.

To love me

Is to love the fires that

burn down whole forests

Till it’s nothing but embers

And ash.

To love me

Is to love all the

Disasters in the world.

To love me

Is to love the drops of sun

That filter through the trees

And warm your skin

On a beautiful summer day.

To love me

Is to love the breeze that

Whispers in your ear

And kisses your cheek

When the sky turns grey.

To love me

Is to love the

Blissful moments of life

To love me

Is to love a tornado.

All the hot and cold

Good and bad

Twisting against each other

Into something

Promisingly destructive.

[nicole-parker]

Most People Dream

Most people dream of holding someone else

I dream of the day I can

finally hold myself together.

Most people dream of days

waking up to someone they love.

I do too.

Most people dream of money.

I long for happiness

and freedom.

Most people dream of growing old.

I’d prefer a short life of euphoria

than a long life in pain.

Most people dream of having children.

How am I supposed to take care of someone else

when I can’t even take care of myself?

[nicole-parker]

i didn’t love you.

it was you who loved me.

so why is it now

that you’re gone,

i’m the one

missing you?

missing our calls,

your guitar.

i never gave you

a second thought

so why is it now,

most things i do

remind me of you?

your laugh,

your art.

i only write about

people i love.

so why is it now

all my poems

are about you?

your dreams,

our memories.

maybe i was wrong.

maybe i don’t really

know what love is.

was i wrong?

[nicole-parker]

there are monsters hidden

even in beauty,

and beauty radiates

even from monsters

beautiful monsters// nap

[nicole-parker]

Is addiction still bad if it helps?

independently dependent// nap

[better-off-deadx]

A part of me wants to get better. The other part wants to die.

(via better-off-deadx)

[the-sad-boy]

Habits - 10/07/17 12:29am

[nicole-parker]

when i say i love you most i don’t mean i love you more than you love me. i mean i love you more than i love the way the sunlight filters through the trees in all their beauty. i mean i love you more than i love my coffee in the morning and all the shows i binge. i mean i love the sound of your voice more than i love the songs i blare, and the color of your eyes more than the sky on a stormy day. i mean i love you more than i love my favorite book, and chocolate on bad days. mean i love you more than i love myself. i love you the most.

i hope you know this is about you// nap

[nicole-parker]

Most of all, I hate that it was you who made me better. That it was you who showed me to push back the fear and be myself. I hate that it was you who helped build me up, all to just tear me back down once again.

i hate that i loved you// nap

[nicole-parker]

How cliché to compare one’s eyes to the stars, but oh were they the same. Her deep, dark brown eyes held stories like the constellations splattered across the night sky. Flecks of gold sparkled gallantly against the dark, and they were distant. So very distant.

Star Eyes// nap

[promisesofamazing]

And she’s everything you wouldn’t want in a girl. She’s smart, and she can barely finish a book because she’s already planned on what book she wants to read next so she starts to read that book and forgets to finish the other. She’s crazy passionate about the earth and the well being of animals. My god does she love animals. She talks to them as if they could talk back. She cares about people even if they turn her a cold shoulder. She is all for the people and thinks that women should be treated with the same respect as what a man gets. She loves to talk about anything and everything. She’ll tell you about the stars and everything you need to know about dogs and horses. She’s the kind of girl you wouldn’t want. Not because she’s ugly because my god she is beautiful. And not just her physical appearance but her soul. It’s the purest and most raw and magical thing you’ll ever see. She’s the kind of girl you don’t want to touch in a physical way or emotional way. Not because she can’t handle it, because she can. She’s the closest thing you ever get to magic, I mean if you believe in that kind of crap. I sure didn’t until I met her in the coffee shop on 11th street. She was wearing all black and she had the most beautiful brown hair that would fall perfectly in front of her face even when she did pull it behind her ear. Anyways I didn’t touch her in anyway. I just admired her from the other side of the coffee shop. I guess I was a little afraid because I could already feel her existence was something that shouldn’t be messed with and I didn’t wanna screw her up. But I did. Her brown doe eyes locked on with mine and it felt like magic. Again not that I believe in it in that moment. The point is she’s not the kind of girl you want because she’s everything you could ever want in a “perfect girl” if there’s such a thing. She’s not the kind of girl you want because when you touch her for the first time it feels like snow falling and everything in between love. She’s not the kind of girl you want because when you break her heart you’ll see she won’t be the same. She won’t sing in the shower and she won’t radiate warmth from her smile when she looks at you. Like I said she’s magic and everything in between love and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t love her knowing I had all the power in the world to destroy her. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t love her because she’s not the kind of girl who you just fall in love with. No, she’s the kind of girl who you fall in love with because she makes you see that everyone is equal and that animals do have feelings. She’s the kind of girl you fall in love with because you love the way she gets along with your mother and your father adores her. She’s the kind of girl who makes you believe in magic. She’s the kind of girl who makes you see that you have all the power in the world to do whatever you want if you believe and try hard enough. She’s the kind of girl who could be broken so easily if you hit the right spots and when you do.. when you do break her heart it leaves you feeling every bad word in the dictionary. It leaves you with a bitter taste every time you try and talk about her. It leaves you with nothing but a haunting memory of girl who cares more about everyone and everything because no one cared about her. She is not the kind of girl you wanna fall in love with because when you break her heart you’ll never be able to rid the taste of her strawberry lips from yours. You won’t be able to enjoy summer because it will remind you of the time you both sat under a big oak tree near a pond while she read books to you. Shes not the kind of girl you want because when you both part ways and head back home to the grey sheets of your bed it will flash you back to the time you first saw her naked and how you were so scared to touch something so raw and beautiful. She’s not the girl you want to fall in love with because you won’t be able to sleep at night when you part ways because you’re so busy wondering if she is loving someone else. So you see, she is not the kind of girl you want because she is just to damn magical to be real. Or maybe she is and you shouldn’t take my advice and tell me to go to hell but then again you’ll feel like hell when she cries for the first time because of you. So maybe she is the kind of girl you want but maybe she isn’t. Not because she doesn’t deserve love but because she deserves to be loved right, as if there’s a right way to love. My point is she’s herself and in this lifetime? That is something extraordinary and something that extraordinary deserves to be left wild.

Leave her wild (via promisesofamazing)

[nicole-parker]

Love is so many things - None of which we had

(nap)

[xo-to-infinity-and-beyond]

hello lovelys, I. thank you all sososo much for reading my writing II. i apologize for not posting much, ive been in a dry spell. III. ive been alot happier lately and havent been too inspired IV. i dont care for the boy i wrote about anymore. eventually you can move on. V. i believe in you. / you can get through anything youre going through VI. stay safe

-for everyone who reads my writing (a.j.)

[wnq-writers]

I had spent every wish on you. And now I understand why they say to be careful about what you wish for.

biznattch (via wnq-writers)

[nicole-parker]

It was not your words, but your silence that shattered me.

I miss you// nicoleparker// nap