I've been forced to reevaluate my belief on love these last few months. Self-love, maternal love, and the kind of love that men die for and cry for. I was raised to be independent of any man for any reason. I was raised around failed relationships and a resulting bitter and possibly self-deprecating demeanor. I vowed to never be with a man who abused me, or treated me like I was inferior. I had some abandonment issues and desired love so badly my bones ached.
I fell for some imbeciles and then the bad one happened. It wasn't physical, more underlying indirect comments that slowly morphed who I was; I was transformed into his masterpiece.
I hurt after it was over, but the illusions of true love were shattered by a soulmate. This was the good one. I thought he was my best friend, and he was the soothing balm to my cuts and scratches. He was fresh air. He blew through, caressing and kissing my exposed sensitive heart, only to whirl around and shatter it beyond apparent repair. He took my breath away when he took his love away. I wanted to hold on, but he was impossible to grasp.
Fast forward seven months, one sudden death, one surgery, and one truly broken heart later. Along came a sweet, shy, skittish man. This is the one. Almost the one you dreamed of finding, but better. Nearly the painting you created in your mind, but more vivid. Close to the home you imagined, but filled with so much more warmth and light.
He's the last piece of the puzzle fitting snugly into the middle. He's the fill-in-the blank, finish your sentence, speak your mind one. He's the call to clarify and correct, bring you medicine and food when you're sick, understand when your day has been too long one. He's the loves his mom, wants a family, and wants a warm home one. He's the try to stop me from fixing your sad, keep his promises no matter what, kiss your forehead one. He's the lose sleep for just one more minute with you, just one more kiss please, I can't wait to see you again one. The call me in the middle of the night if you need me, your dog is mine, leave a pillow and blanket over at your place one. He's the damaged, afraid, I don't believe in the magic of love anymore one.
However, you're his surprise delight and his dream come true. He's ready to drop everything and move mountains to make sure you're all right. He's ready to see you and misses you after a day. He loves so much that he is your muse. He's slowly but surely falling for you.
See, love really is a fairytale. It's wondering how in the world it's possible for you to have met a match, a match so close and comfortable it fits like your favorite glove. When he's around, it's a calm contentment, an unspoken understanding, and a silent solidarity. There's a hesitant conviction, that he's the one - because you don't want to be too sure that you're sure. You keep your guard up just in case, waiting for him to fail and then the facade destroyed. But he doesn't. And he won't. Because he is the one.
He is the one who eliminates the game, smashes the establishment, and presents a new future. He's the one you wake up to and fall asleep with. He's the one you see holding your hand, in all good and bad, because he's already seen you at the worst part. He's the one you know will never hurt you, because he strives to be conscious and aware of even the slightest pangs. He's the one who smiles the sweetest smile you've ever seen, and stares at you like you are the moon and the stars and the universe. He sees through to your soul to who you used to be, who you wish to remember, who you still are deep inside.
Love is selfless, striving to express affection, singing praises and appreciation. Love is laughing, listening, and learning. Love is respect, reciprocation, and remembering. Love is a certain knowing, a particular certainty. Love is letting the wall down, taking a chance, and watching a relationship blossom before your eyes into something so unbelievably surreal and seeming previously unattainable. But it's reality. Your reality.
There's a moment, a threshold crossed and there is no more hesitation, no more crushing. It goes from maybe to probably to definitely. You start thinking about the future in terms of years instead of days. You answer every call, every question, every doubt. Thoughts go from 'me' to 'we'. His arms become your safe haven, your deepest desire, your favorite place. It all happens so gradually, and then so quickly.
You think - when your head spins but your hands don't shake and when your heart beats faster the closer he is. You know - when you can be you without limitation or when you wonder how you'd live without him. Most of all, you're convinced - when you're in a crowded room full of your best of friends, and yet a look at him has you feeling like you're the only two in the entire world. You know incontrovertibly that he is the absolute one for you.
That is all. That is everything.
That is true love.
Better than the movies, better than sex, better than your sweetest, most magnificent fantasy.
tangentwithtanner
baratheonpilled
kianamaiart
izzy806
kaledo-art
origamiaround
titsay
stormborns
