EVEN MORE ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF
ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to lighten up the situation at hand.
CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.
SPECIFY muse for multimuses.
“ It’s sea shanty time once again my fellow bastards of the ocean! ”
“ Partner, I reckon that I ain’t been feeling very yeehaw lately. ”
“ I don’t study; I consult the lore. ”
“ Yeah, I understand women — they all want daggers and swords. It’s all quite simple, really. ”
“ Lord forgive me but I may have to make a nonessential purchase. ”
“ Those are bold words for someone in stabbing range. ”
“ Yes I’m a gatekeeper and a hater. I’m also God’s most favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world. ”
“ My primary motivations are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. ”
“ Man — if I had a sword, I wouldn’t be worried about shit. ”
“ It’s not blood that runs through these veins but glitter gel pen ink. ”
“ If I was in a Jane Austen novel, I would be the one sent to the seaside for my health. ”
“ Half of me is a hopeless romantic, and the other half of me is … well … an asshole. ”
“ I am the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know. ”
“ I hope I give off the vibe to all animals that I am their ally and their friend. ”
“ I see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. Why is that? ”
“ Normalize letting me talk without making any sense. ”
“ Don’t care, didn’t ask, plus my psychic visions have predicted the outcome of this encounter. ”
“ I could be so much worse. For example, I could start acting like my father. ”
“ Sorry for acting so strange and irregular; It will happen again. ”
“ i love sitting in my room.....alone....a girl in her cave....scheming and plotting and drinking tea. ”
“ These man made horrors are beyond YOUR comprehension. I get it though. ”
“ I’m a goth girl on the inside. On the outside? A father figure. ”
“ I don’t need to face reality; I’m not just that type of girl. ”
“ DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A frickle-frackle? ”
“ I’m about to cha cha real smooth off a fucking cliff. ”
“ Sorry I told you about my trauma. Do you still think I’m hot? ”
“ My priorities aren’t straight and neither am I. ”
“ I have felt permanently guilty for no reason since I was like eight years old. ”
“ Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, you fool! I’ve been the same height since I was twelve years old! ”
“ I was born for shock value. ”
“ Good morning! God has let me live another day and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem. ”
“ Oh, I slept miserably because I was tormented by terrible visions all night. I hope none of them were prophetic! ”
“ Be the surreal nonsense that you want to see in the world. ”
“ Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot. ”
“ My hobbies include knowing things and being right. ”
“ This is good advice, but don’t tell me what to do. ”
“ I hate the idea of authority. What the fuck is someone being superior to me? Bitch I’m gonna take your kneecaps. ”
“ Stop forgiving my crimes! I worked so hard on those! ”
“ My hobbies? Uhhhh, symbolism mostly. Metaphors and implications and the like. ”
“ I may not have any braincells, but I make up for it by having many heart cells. ”
“ I can’t mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one guys! ”
“ Not all your life decisions have to be smart. Some can be purely for cinematic value. ”
“ Sometimes I wish I looked more fragile and feminine like a dainty flower, but I do enjoy looking like I hate everyone. ”
“ Any dream can be a prophetic dream if you’re willing to do some really weird shit. ”
“ girl help there is not enough enrichment in my enclosure. ”
“ BRO, you NEED to stop SUMMONING DEMONS in the FRAT HOUSE. ”
“ I just gave your address to some spiders! ”
“ I disappoint my father as a hobby now. ”
“ I think that the dark circles under my eyes add to my aesthetic actually. ”
“ Good news! I’ve successfully replaced all of my emotions with jokes! ”
“ I have half a braincell left and I’m very scared to use it! ”
“ Listen, son — in this world, it’s either yeet or be yeeted. ”
“ I appreciate the advice, but I think that I’m old enough to make my own bad decisions. ”
“ I’m disappointed in me too. Y’all aren’t special. ”
“ Running from your demons is the best exercise! ”
“ Sorry; I can’t commit any crimes with you. My mom says that I have to study. ”
“ Time flies when you don’t know what the fuck is going on. ”
“ If I run out of tacos, I can no longer maintain my human form. ”
“ Bestie, I don’t think that I can girlboss under these conditions. ”
“ Yeah I’ve had combat training; I can do anxiety attacks! ”
“ Swag is earned, not learned. ”
“ Contrary to popular belief, violence solves a lot. ”
“ I CANNOT STAND YOU ALL so I will SIT DOWN. ”
“ Please God no … I don’t need any more character development right now! ”
“ If you can’t beat ‘em, yeet ‘em. ”
“ Do not put me in a situation. I’m at my limit and I am very tired. ”
“ I may be depressed, but at least I’m not basic. ”
“ It’s MY LIFE and I’ll sabotage it myself, thank you. ”
“ Think twice? Bold of you to assume that I think once. ”
“ At the next inconvenience, I will start biting people. ”
“ Oops I think that I just experienced an emotion. ”
“ Did you know that rats spelled backwards is star? ”
“ One day, I’ll be reincarnated as a pigeon, and I’ll shit on your head. ”
“ On the outside, I’m a baddie — but on the inside, I’m a saddie. ”
“ My grandma bullies me through the Ouija board. ”
“ I’m a cool person if you can just look past my personality. ”
“ Beetles don’t have to do taxes, and I think that is a beautiful way to live. ”
“ I hope that you get your character development arc soon. ”
“ Those are some nice kneecaps … It’d be a shame if someone stole them … ”
“ I’ve wanted to be a trophy wife ever since I was a little boy. ”
“ I’m done being baby; I want POWER ”
“ Wait, “Just Standing There Ominously” doesn’t count as socializing? ”
“ Yes I am smart, and yes, I am stupid. It’s called being flexible. ”
“ I am NOT delusional!!!!! I am OPTIMISTIC! ”
“ I deserve compensation for not being the menace to society that i could be, like i'm skipping out on a lot of fun here. ”
“ Do not ask me if you should or shouldn't do something !!! Before I am a friend I am an enabler !!! ”
“ i am the WORLDS PRETTYIST PINK PRINCESS and im gonna KILL YOU WITH MY HUGE FUCKING HAMMER ”
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