Wings

Im sitting on this roof and sobbing as I look at old photos. I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know how to handle anything anymore. It’s so pretty up here and it would be a beautiful last sight. But I don’t want to but I don’t know how to continue. So I’ll sit up here and I’ll decide my fate. Because I’m so confused and alone

Hey Wing, do you remember what I said?

You are not alone.

I'm here for you. If you let Hood bring you back to me I can help better than I can from here. Just hang in there for me, please.

Alright…can you tell him please I can’t much move or think…I’m shaking and hyperventilating

Im sitting on this roof and sobbing as I look at old photos. I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know how to handle anything anymore. It’s so pretty up here and it would be a beautiful last sight. But I don’t want to but I don’t know how to continue. So I’ll sit up here and I’ll decide my fate. Because I’m so confused and alone

Gotham is a very beautiful city from up high

You ever stand on something tall and just like…debate life and everything else

Yeah, kid, maybe let's step to lower ground. Just in case.

No 🫶

Yes.

Nope and my siblings will never know 🫶🫶🫶

Don't be stupid, kiddo. C'mon, get down.

Naur mate

Ignore your siblings. Do this for yourself and get down safely.

If I go down someone will see me and I’m very recognizable so no and I’m fine

You ever stand on something tall and just like…debate life and everything else

Yeah, kid, maybe let's step to lower ground. Just in case.

No 🫶

Yes.

Nope and my siblings will never know 🫶🫶🫶

Don't be stupid, kiddo. C'mon, get down.

Naur mate

So I know that I’m springing this on everyone and I feel really bad but me and Steph got into a huge argument. Genuinely I think that maybe me being nightwing is not good for this city. Plus I think all of my siblings hate me right now soooooo. That and like I literally can’t move anymore because of not resting enough. I won’t be in condition to fight until a month and even then I’ll need physical therapy. There are people stronger and more deserving of my mantle

Is this all coming from your argument with Spoiler? Is not being able to be out in the field getting to you also? I've seen you in action and its hard to believe that anyone could be better at that than you, but if you need to step down—either for a while or indefinitely—I'll support whatever you think is best. God knows you would know better than I would. I just guess I'm still not fully grasping why any of this led to wanting to step down from the mantle.

And as for your siblings, I only know them so well but I don't think—

I'm not seeing what you're seeing to make you think they hate you. I understand that feeling a little bit better though. I thought my brother hated me for the longest time, hell maybe he did, and then.... But yeah, all that to say sometimes sibling relationships are tricky.

I've got you though. I need you to promise me you won't forget that. You're not alone, in this or anything. We'll get through it together.

Im tired of watching them die, of watching them throw themselves into pointless danger for what? For some people to live and wait for the next attack? Only then for some asshole news reporter to blame us or call us monsters. My youngest brother is 14 and I almost lost him yesterday

I lost Red Hood at one point, spoiler, even Red Robin. Thank god they came back but I can’t watch any more people die

I fail to protect them over and over and when I try to help they punch me, scream at me, choke me, and insult me

I’ve only caused more problems lately and I just can’t handle it

I can’t handle being the nightwing everyone wants anymore because I don’t know who I am anymore. I just want to lay here and cry for a bit and just not do anything or maybe something fun just I don’t want to be nightwing. I want to be me.

Gotham's a tough place to live; I can't imagine how much of a toll not just trying to survive each passing day, but actively fighting to try to save the city—to save its people—has to take on you. On all of you.

You do know its not your fault, though, right?

I mean, all the people that have to be saved day in and day out. The fact that the city refuses to do anything but spit out new, twisted threats ... or regurgitate old, predictable ones. Every dollar in property damage amounts to a life saved at some point in your family's career. Every life saved is someone who goes on to carve out their own corner of Gotham or the world and tries to make it better however they can manage. I don't give a fuck what the media says about it, that's the truth the way I see it.

And I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit for how many problems you've solved in the last few days either. You helped the others save Robin. You pretty much single-handedly neutralized Blackbat before she could hurt herself while you had FIFTEEN broken bones. You figured out the connections between all the druggings before anyone else.

We'll keep talking through all this but for now, what is it that you want to do? We need to eat at some point, I know a good pizza place that we could get to deliver. We could get that, or something else if you'd prefer, and just let you unwind for a little?

AUUUUUGH YOURE SO SWEET…Honestly I might leave for a bit because I need to sneak into the manor and get some stuff from my room and stuff…and also sneak into the batcave to return my suit. But after that I would be cool with some pizza and maybe some board games?

Do you want me to come with you? It's okay if not, I can wait here and get the order started; just text me what you want. And board games sound like fun, babe, let's do that.

Also one of us needs to get in touch with Hood. I can call him if you're not up to talking, but he's really worried about you.

….I left through the window while you were in the bathroom and don’t worry I’ll be back quick. Cheese pizza for me please. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh hood can uh wait for a second I’ll figure it out

You ever stand on something tall and just like…debate life and everything else

Yeah, kid, maybe let's step to lower ground. Just in case.

No 🫶

Yes.

Nope and my siblings will never know 🫶🫶🫶

Me vs Intrusive thoughts man……….rrrraaaaaahhh

You ever stand on something tall and just like…debate life and everything else

Yeah, kid, maybe let's step to lower ground. Just in case.

No 🫶

You ever stand on something tall and just like…debate life and everything else

So I know that I’m springing this on everyone and I feel really bad but me and Steph got into a huge argument. Genuinely I think that maybe me being nightwing is not good for this city. Plus I think all of my siblings hate me right now soooooo. That and like I literally can’t move anymore because of not resting enough. I won’t be in condition to fight until a month and even then I’ll need physical therapy. There are people stronger and more deserving of my mantle

Is this all coming from your argument with Spoiler? Is not being able to be out in the field getting to you also? I've seen you in action and its hard to believe that anyone could be better at that than you, but if you need to step down—either for a while or indefinitely—I'll support whatever you think is best. God knows you would know better than I would. I just guess I'm still not fully grasping why any of this led to wanting to step down from the mantle.

And as for your siblings, I only know them so well but I don't think—

I'm not seeing what you're seeing to make you think they hate you. I understand that feeling a little bit better though. I thought my brother hated me for the longest time, hell maybe he did, and then.... But yeah, all that to say sometimes sibling relationships are tricky.

I've got you though. I need you to promise me you won't forget that. You're not alone, in this or anything. We'll get through it together.

Im tired of watching them die, of watching them throw themselves into pointless danger for what? For some people to live and wait for the next attack? Only then for some asshole news reporter to blame us or call us monsters. My youngest brother is 14 and I almost lost him yesterday

I lost Red Hood at one point, spoiler, even Red Robin. Thank god they came back but I can’t watch any more people die

I fail to protect them over and over and when I try to help they punch me, scream at me, choke me, and insult me

I’ve only caused more problems lately and I just can’t handle it

I can’t handle being the nightwing everyone wants anymore because I don’t know who I am anymore. I just want to lay here and cry for a bit and just not do anything or maybe something fun just I don’t want to be nightwing. I want to be me.

Gotham's a tough place to live; I can't imagine how much of a toll not just trying to survive each passing day, but actively fighting to try to save the city—to save its people—has to take on you. On all of you.

You do know its not your fault, though, right?

I mean, all the people that have to be saved day in and day out. The fact that the city refuses to do anything but spit out new, twisted threats ... or regurgitate old, predictable ones. Every dollar in property damage amounts to a life saved at some point in your family's career. Every life saved is someone who goes on to carve out their own corner of Gotham or the world and tries to make it better however they can manage. I don't give a fuck what the media says about it, that's the truth the way I see it.

And I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit for how many problems you've solved in the last few days either. You helped the others save Robin. You pretty much single-handedly neutralized Blackbat before she could hurt herself while you had FIFTEEN broken bones. You figured out the connections between all the druggings before anyone else.

We'll keep talking through all this but for now, what is it that you want to do? We need to eat at some point, I know a good pizza place that we could get to deliver. We could get that, or something else if you'd prefer, and just let you unwind for a little?

AUUUUUGH YOURE SO SWEET…Honestly I might leave for a bit because I need to sneak into the manor and get some stuff from my room and stuff…and also sneak into the batcave to return my suit. But after that I would be cool with some pizza and maybe some board games?

So I know that I’m springing this on everyone and I feel really bad but me and Steph got into a huge argument. Genuinely I think that maybe me being nightwing is not good for this city. Plus I think all of my siblings hate me right now soooooo. That and like I literally can’t move anymore because of not resting enough. I won’t be in condition to fight until a month and even then I’ll need physical therapy. There are people stronger and more deserving of my mantle

Is this all coming from your argument with Spoiler? Is not being able to be out in the field getting to you also? I've seen you in action and its hard to believe that anyone could be better at that than you, but if you need to step down—either for a while or indefinitely—I'll support whatever you think is best. God knows you would know better than I would. I just guess I'm still not fully grasping why any of this led to wanting to step down from the mantle.

And as for your siblings, I only know them so well but I don't think—

I'm not seeing what you're seeing to make you think they hate you. I understand that feeling a little bit better though. I thought my brother hated me for the longest time, hell maybe he did, and then.... But yeah, all that to say sometimes sibling relationships are tricky.

I've got you though. I need you to promise me you won't forget that. You're not alone, in this or anything. We'll get through it together.

Im tired of watching them die, of watching them throw themselves into pointless danger for what? For some people to live and wait for the next attack? Only then for some asshole news reporter to blame us or call us monsters. My youngest brother is 14 and I almost lost him yesterday

I lost Red Hood at one point, spoiler, even Red Robin. Thank god they came back but I can’t watch any more people die

I fail to protect them over and over and when I try to help they punch me, scream at me, choke me, and insult me

I’ve only caused more problems lately and I just can’t handle it

I can’t handle being the nightwing everyone wants anymore because I don’t know who I am anymore. I just want to lay here and cry for a bit and just not do anything or maybe something fun just I don’t want to be nightwing. I want to be me.

Lowkenuinely debating everything about life right now, ooooh live laugh love or some shit 😐✌️

Journal Entry #2 (warning for dark content)

//more looks into Nightwings mental state.

I felt so awful when I was drugged. I didn’t remember much but what I could remember was so awful. I didn’t feel in control of my body but instead this instinctual need for danger. I wanted more. I wanted more of everything. When I drove my bike I thought over and over about how thrilling it would be to just crash. I could barely move or barely breathe. Everything was so twisted and sideways.

I still remember the feeling of the bullet in my head. People thinks that it goes dark immediately but that’s not true. I didn’t feel it at first

All I felt was my head snap to the side and the deafening noise. I remember feeling shocked. My brain trying to process yet nothing happened.

I couldn’t move. Couldn’t feel. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t blink.

My last thought was “have I done enough…to earn the right to die?”

Isn’t that funny?

I feel like I need to earn the right to die even though so many others don’t feel that. I work so hard all day every day and yet it’s still never enough.

How long can someone laugh and smile till they go insane?

How much family can die in front of you before you go insane?

My siblings will call bats dad and yet I can’t…I can’t do it I can’t call him dad. I CANT DO IT BECAUSE HE WOULDNT KILL JOKER AFTER JASON. He didn’t do anything after Jason died. I tried fucking everything and he stopped me every time. HE LET MY BROTHER DIE FOR SOME LUNATIC!

I told myself I forgive him but I don’t. Nor do I forgive myself. He’s done so much wrong and I tell myself it’s because he’s human but that still doesn’t feel enough

I don’t feel enough.

I used to harm myself, a lot. People think my scars come from villains but when Jason died I trained till I bled. I tased myself, stabbed myself, sliced myself, did everything because if I could withstand the torture then I could help him…help someone…help anyone

I just want to help anybody

I just wanted to be useful or something for once in my life

One of my ex’s once told me that I was nothing more then my looks and my facade and maybe they were right. I don’t know who I am underneath everyone.

Im so lost in this endless pit of darkness

I want my mom and my dad

I want my little brother when he smiled so bright

I want my adoptive dad who saw me as his world

I just want my life to be better or for anything to just help me or just for this all to end

Please stay alive. You can stop being Nightwing if it’ll help but please stay alive.

Eeeeeeeerm…no promises?? 💔🤷‍♂️🥀