NIKITA

so be it

[nikitaa1]

I'm super organised so I have a lot of albums in my gallery all sorted by person and things etc like one for my family, one for me, one for sky and other stuff like for poetry and quotes etc etc. right? And i have this album for poetry in which I have a collection of over a thousand poetry that I found beautiful and the only thing other than poetry in that is the pictures I took of our family's old dresser which we have since sent out to trash because it's old and unusable atp. But I kept special pictures of the places where my and my sister have written our names and other silly things in crayons. Which I think is poetry in itself. Also, i have a picture framed that's on my bedside table of our old wardrobe where my sister carved her name.

That is what I consider everlasting deathlessness. My sister is no more but her soul is most definitely with me.

[nikitaa1]

yesterday evening I was vibing to Olivia Rodrigo's bad idea, right and get him back and my brother was nodding along and I was like SLAYY HE LIKES IT! And then he really heard the lyrics and bro said, "what do you mean?? i am my father's daughter so maybe i could fix him?! It's not your job to fix him!" And I just laughed.

At the end, dude said, "Don't listen to this Olivia girl!" 😭😭😭

[nikitaa1]

As soon as I start looking at my art with hopes of sharing it with the world or commercializing it, I start to hate what I do and am unable to make good art. Soon as I think this is for me, it looks like gold and I'm super motivated. What do I do?

GET HELP!

[nikitaa1]

I only respect people who show a certain level of whimsy. It's a good starting point in judging a person to be compatible. I met this lady who frowned when I said sorry to the table for bumping into it. Not my type, clearly.

[nikitaa1]

For the sake of fuck,

You don't need to adapt or accept any social media post that is correct and gives a good argument over your own opinion of the matter.

Let's clarify a few things:

No, I do not mean this over social issues such as gender equality, sexuality and basic human rights!

You can and should and i encourage that you evaluate your own opinions and it is healthy to do so.

This message is not an argument over people being assholes to other people solely because of their race, sexuality, gender or gender preferences, legal or financial status, socio-economic status and past life experiences.

What I did mean, however, can be best explained by an example.

"I saw a post on social media saying that this girl decided that she has no dream home or dream car because she has now decided that she will not wait for a home or a car to decide whether or not she has arrived at certain success or achieved an end goal. She goes on to say that choice and preferences change and hence, now she is only going to focus on being joyful and following her goals."

For me, this was upsetting at first, because i personally obsess over my dream home and dream life a lot. And at this current position in my life, that is my source of hope. My source of a future to look forward to. And i was upset because her argument was logical and in opposition to my own personal beliefs and opinions. But then, after thinking about it, i decided that it might be right for her but that doesn't make my opinion wrong for me. And what I am currently thinking might not be something that you agree with, so please, don't change your opinion just because mine is also correct. We can both be correct. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[nikitaa1]

So my mom was like, "Take the chair to the balcony, I want to sit outside.".

Naturally, i pick up my chair and say, "This is mine. Carry yours." And she stupidly goes, "Are you also going to sit?".

I looked at her for like five seconds and then I said, "No. I'll stand on the chair." And then I proceeded to stand on the chair in front of the entire rich bitch colony for like 15 minutes.

It's me I stan and worship. Thank you.

[nikitaa1]

Really makes me laugh. I'm out here posting stuff i can't be brave enough to say who I want to. Nobody even reads this shit. Not being pathetic. Neither self- deprecating. Just aware.

Y'all, i wish you guys had texted me. Am i that easy to ignore? Shouldn't have done that, babe.

I don't understand. I don't know. Frankly, I don't care.

This whole post will make sense only to me.

-🐦‍⬛

[nikitaa1]

Is Life supposed to be this difficult or is it just me?

[nikitaa1]

Next some isky-pesky-musky is gonna say Twitter, sorry, fuck that, "X" is now called "Y". Short for "Y r u like this?" Because isky-pesky-musky is going through another one of his phases.

"Y", "Y r u like this?" Isky-pesky-musky?

[nikitaa1]

And here’s what I think — it doesn’t matter how brutal the thing was that happened to someone. What matters is how deeply they feel. Emotional pain isn’t about the act. It’s about the capacity. The depth of the heart. How wide you open the door when love walks in.

I felt everything. All of it. Too much of it. But it was mine. All mine. My love. My proof. My ache. My cathedral.

[nikitaa1]

Title: “Everyone Shut Up: The Selena, Justin & Hailey Discourse Needs a Reality Check”

Let’s begin with one sacred truth: no one knows what actually happened between Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, and Hailey Bieber—and yet, the internet speaks with more confidence than a white man in a meeting.

So sit down, sip something warm, and let’s unpack the mess with nuance, receipts, and the kind of empathy this fandom war desperately needs.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

The Origin Story (A.K.A. The Teenage Soap Opera We Grew Up On)

Selena and Justin were the couple. The 2010s version of Jack & Rose, with a dash of Disney Channel sparkle and paparazzi flashbulbs. To the outside world, it looked like magic.

But here’s the thing: we didn’t grow up with them. We grew up watching them. And the version we saw was as curated as an Instagram grid.

Behind the scenes? According to interviews, song lyrics, documentaries, and public meltdowns, their relationship was tumultuous and deeply emotional. Toxic in parts, painful in others, and formative for both.

This was not a Nicholas Sparks novel. This was two very young, very famous, very adored kids figuring out love under a microscope.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Justin Bieber: From “Boyfriend” to Breakdown

Let’s talk about Justin.

The boy was famous by 13, sexualized at 14, and memed at 15. The world cheered when he succeeded and howled when he stumbled.

•2013–2014: Arrested for DUI, caught peeing in a mop bucket, egging a neighbor’s house.

•Labeled a “punk” by late-night hosts and boomers everywhere.

What no one saw clearly at the time? This was a kid spiraling.

Later, Justin said in interviews that he was using heavy drugs, was suicidal, and felt utterly alone. The internet’s response? Memes. Laugh tracks. “He deserves it.” We watched a young man break down in real time—and called it “entertainment.” And we wonder why he became guarded and awkward in public.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Selena Gomez: The Girl Who Survived—and Thrived

Selena, meanwhile, went through hell.

•Battled lupus, underwent a kidney transplant.

•Suffered public heartbreak and anxiety.

•Was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

•Had breakdowns of her own—and still showed up.

And you know what she did that changed everything? She spoke about it. Loudly. Openly. Raw and tender. She made mental health advocacy a core part of her persona.

Of course the world fell in love with her all over again.

She became the internet’s gentle, wounded, healed queen. The empathetic survivor. The opposite of the “bad boy who broke her.”

And that’s where the internet started casting roles in a play that should’ve never been performed.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Enter Hailey Bieber: The Accidental Villain

Did she steal Justin?

Did she copy Selena?

Did she plan this from the womb like an evil Barbie scheming world domination?

The internet said: yes.

Reality?

•Hailey and Justin had been in and out of contact for years.

•They dated. Reconnected. Got married quickly (some say too quickly, sure).

•Hailey didn’t steal anyone. Justin wasn’t property. He was an adult who made a choice.

And yet?

Hailey Bieber has been villainized, harassed, and dissected for literally existing.

•Accused of copying Selena’s nails, tattoos, outfits, skincare line.

•Edited into videos with dramatic music to make her look obsessed.

•Called a “mean girl” based on one TikTok with Kendall Jenner that might have been shady—or might’ve just been… a TikTok.

Even eyebrow drama was enough to trend worldwide.

People have zero proof of malicious intent, but still run wild with stories because they want to believe Hailey is the evil stepmother.

And what’s worse? No one lets her live in peace. Even when she literally asks people to stop sending her death threats.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Why Is Justin Still a Clown in the Court of Public Opinion?

Honestly? Because he doesn’t perform his healing for you.

He doesn’t post vulnerable videos. He doesn’t cry on Instagram Live. He’s found religion, privacy, and Hailey. And to a lot of the internet, that reads as “distant,” “cold,” or “arrogant.” Also, he stopped being the boyfriend we projected our dreams onto. And some fans will never forgive him for that.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

And About Selena’s Engagement...

When Selena recently got engaged (or allegedly), Justin posted something people thought was mocking. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t. The internet grabbed one frame and wrote an entire screenplay.

•That’s the real problem here. We treat clips as character testimony.

•We treat Instagram likes as war declarations.

•We think we know the whole story, but all we have are scraps.

•And then we go to war over them.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Mainstream = Cringe Syndrome (And Why It Hurts Real People)

The Bieber/Gomez fandom war is a textbook case of Mainstream = Cringe Syndrome.

•Justin was the poster boy for teenage girls. So the world made fun of him.

•Selena was Disney-perfect. So people doubted her depth.

•Hailey was rich, blonde, and married the heartthrob. So she must be the villain.

We reduce real humans to vibes.

And when they stop vibing the way we like—we turn on them.

It’s toxic. It’s exhausting. And it’s deeply unfair.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

The Truth You Don’t Want to Hear

• Justin is not a demon. He’s a deeply scarred man trying to do better.

• Selena is not a saint. She’s just as capable of pettiness and complexity.

• Hailey is not a villain. She’s a woman who married someone she loves—and got caught in the crossfire of a decade-long fandom war.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Final Thought: Maybe We Should Grow Up?

• Imagine spiraling in real life, and the world turns it into memes.

• Imagine being a wife, and people send you daily hate because they liked your husband’s ex.

• Imagine healing—and people turning your worst moments into a personality quiz.

This isn’t drama. This is trauma dressed up as entertainment.

So let’s stop projecting. Stop judging. And maybe—just maybe—let people be humans instead of headlines.

Because, in the end? None of us were in that relationship. But all of us owe them some goddamn peace.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

If you’re still here, thanks for reading. Reblog if you’re tired of the fanfiction and ready for a little humanity.

—Written by a girl who saw through the circus and chose compassion instead.

-🐦‍⬛

[nikitaa1]

Okay so like—maybe I snapped. Maybe I had one too many matcha lattes and accidentally opened the comments section. My bad. But why is the internet so obsessed with turning every female creator into a public property with a user manual? I swear, the moment a girl dares to glow up, speak up, clap back, or—God forbid—get a boob job, people act like she burned the constitution. And I’m just sitting here, with my emotional support hoodie and a rage migraine, wondering: when did we decide that personal growth is betrayal? When did female autonomy become public offense? Why is every girl online either a saint or a sellout? No in-between. I’m so over this. Like fully, aggressively, “make-an-essay-and-quote-it-on-Tumblr” over this. So here. Enjoy the thesis, besties.

On Clara Dao:

The Clara Dao discourse reveals more about the public’s unresolved projection complex than it does about Clara herself. To dissect the backlash through a lens of socio-psychological behavior, it becomes evident that many individuals tethered their own body image recovery journey to her personal choices—creating a parasocial dependence wherein her perceived authenticity was conflated with collective healing. Her decision to undergo a breast augmentation is not a betrayal of self-love or naturalism; it is, in fact, an embodiment of bodily autonomy. One can embrace radical acceptance and still wish to edit aspects of themselves—not out of internalized hatred, but nuanced self-direction. Growth, as both a scientific and emotional phenomenon, is non-linear. To accuse her of being a hypocrite is to deny her personhood and human complexity. Clara was never a brand; she is a breathing person. And persons are allowed to evolve.

Moreover, this demand for moral constancy—this insatiable appetite to freeze influencers in the era they first rose to fame—suggests a subconscious resistance to female transformation. Particularly transformations that involve power, visibility, and desire. Clara’s aesthetic change becomes threatening not because she lied (she didn’t), but because she dared to want more. Her platform may have helped others love their bodies, but that never meant she signed a social contract to remain unchanged for the sake of public comfort. This expectation is both emotionally parasitic and ethically absurd. The truth is, Clara Dao owes no one the stagnation of her former self. She owes only herself the permission to evolve.

On Lala Sadi:

The vitriol toward Lala Sadi reeks of performative moralism disguised as cultural critique. What people call “inauthentic” or “too much” is actually a coded rejection of female enthusiasm, exuberance, and non-linear emotional narratives. We live in a digital ecosystem where a woman being loud, passionate, or dramatic is criminalized under the pretense of “annoyance” or “dishonesty”—as if performativity isn’t the nature of content creation itself. Lala’s content has matured. Her voice now holds more depth, more self-awareness, and yet she remains unapologetically herself—which, ironically, is exactly what everyone demanded of her. But when real emotion doesn’t align with the public’s projection of what “real” should look like, they call it fake. She was never a liar. People just don't know what it means to be a full, layered, chaotic woman on the internet.

On Apoorva Mukhija:

Apoorva Mukhija, or “The Rebel Kid,” is not the villain of her narrative—she is its most brutal casualty. What occurred on that stage was not “banter” or “harmless teasing.” It was a microcosm of a deeply embedded misogynistic power dynamic, where a woman reacting at all becomes a moral infraction. The way her assertiveness was reframed into aggression reveals society’s deeply conditioned fear of the angry woman—a woman who speaks up, who doesn’t laugh off humiliation, who doesn’t self-deprecate to cushion male egos. The threats she received—death, rape, acid—are not just online “hate.” They are gendered terrorism. They are meant to frighten women into silence and submission. This isn't drama. This is the digital enactment of patriarchal control.

Furthermore, the hypocrisy here is bone-deep. When men clap back or “roast” others on the internet, they’re crowned as clever and bold. When women do it, especially in response to something violating, they’re painted as vindictive and attention-seeking. Apoorva didn’t attack someone for the sake of virality—she defended herself when disrespected publicly. And yet somehow, her defense became the crime. This is moral distortion at its finest. It’s the public convincing itself that women must earn the right to be angry. That women must be pleasantly oppressed. What people wanted wasn’t an apology—they wanted to punish her for not making herself smaller in a moment that demanded strength.

Finally, let us speak of the silence. The influencers, the male creators, the audience that laughed or stayed quiet or rebranded their complicity as neutrality. Their indifference was not passive—it was violently loud. Apoorva stood alone. She was devoured for breaking character in a play that demands women smile through pain. But she didn’t. And that, more than anything, was her crime. That she refused to be a good girl. That she raised her voice, stood her ground, and exposed an entire system with one moment of unapologetic fire.

[nikitaa1]

Like, idk dad? Ever thought that maybe your high cholesterol is not due to oil but because you never rest? Maybe just once, after waking up, you should slowly make tea and talk softly to mom? Maybe, just try singing songs you used to during your childhood? Maybe try remembering your mother and honour her memories by writing her a letter? Maybe you should be angry at your father for what he didn't do? Idk dad, how about you go on that boys trip instead of worrying for everyone in the family? Really, we would like it better if you loved yourself like you love us. Or are you "too adult" for that now?

Honestly, you destroying yourself over us is not love. And it doesn't make us like you more. When you love someone, sometimes they love you back just as much, Dad. You don't have to give up an arm and a leg for our love. We love you when you love you.

[nikitaa1]

Somebody just gift me my dream closet, my skincare, haircare, all my necessary gadgets and a therapy session and I will beat God in one on one combat for you. I'm literally not even kidding.

[nikitaa1]

I am a strange girl with strange needs.

Once I shall like to sleep on a cloud, once I shall like to live in a hollow, magical oak tree, once drink a fey wine, once play the violin to the doves, once fly through the land of clouds, once sleep an entire day, once kiss a beautiful boy with eyes of promises and hands of mischief, once sleep naked under the moon in a meadow of wildflowers during a storm, once ride a horse, once curtsy to a just king and queen, once dance in a ball full of masked creatures, once wear the biggest dress to exist of starlight, once compose a song that echoes for centuries, once swim in a turmoil filled ocean, once laze with a piano playing, once kill a man, once summon a rebel, once meet God, once talk to her, once run away from my home, once yell at my father, once save a life, once write a book, once meet an ancient witch, onec go to Hogwarts, once giggle to a tomorrow that never comes, once dance with a best friend, once feed a monster, once fall in love, once meet creatures of the deep, once uncover a secret, once reveal a fraud, once see two of crows, once be acknowledged by a raven, once see magic, once travel through realms, once be peaceful, once concot a potion, once dye my hair, once cry for him, once for her, once for me, once for them, once for all of them, once for It, once dance in a circle with women around a fire, once revisit my childhood, once get scolded for that one thing, once have my innocence, once meet someone under starlight, once live in a castle, once feel fury, once have something going on for me, once live, once live, once live, once live, please, once live.

[nikitaa1]

The spectrum and the shades of life, aren't they love and fear? And isn't curiosity our brush?

While everything else is shade in this spectrum of energy, isn't it? I mean, isn't joy love fully realized? Isn't anger fear reacting to pain? Isn't jealousy curiosity in the fear spectrum of the scale, like, "Why not me?"? Isn't compassion curiosity in the love spectrum?

How can any energy be wrong when love is the foundation and fear is the shade? And if curiosity is our brush, through which we paint the picture of our life, then how come we blame a God for our destiny?

Isn't it all about finding meaning in this nonsense jumble of memories, energy and endless motion?

-🐦‍⬛

[nikitaa1]

happy birthday, ash. take care.