-- a dangerous kind of cool

nikolai valentine. 25. pansexual. videographer

[nikoxvalentine]

stevie-lawrence: 

Stevie grumbled as she leaned back in her chair looking down at the board. She usually didn’t partake in this game, but something called to her about it. So she hand settled down across from her challenger with a curious smile. “Oooh a bet? That could make things interesting.” She nodded her head as she let her blue eyes meet the strangers. “Alright then, and if I win you have to make a cameo in my next film. Sound fair?” She offered extending her hand. 

“Film?” Niko’s smirk widened into a full fledged grin. “Depends. What’s the genre?” What were the chances he’d run into a fellow film maker? In the middle of a park? In LA you could probably throw a stone and hit one. But here? Small fucking world.

[nikoxvalentine]

lilyxdupree: 

“Yeah, that’s me!” She said with a small smile as she briefly nodded her head. They never really had a chance to get to know each other beyond the occasional hello whenever one of their mutual friends was around, but of course that wouldn’t stop Lily from starting a friendly conversation. “Downgrade?” Lily questioned, taking a look at the girl who was still throwing a fit. “Yeah…it’s certainly a downgrade for the evening. Beaux had to sit this party out, so now I’m stuck with Regina George and the plastics. I love them, but I can’t deny it.” Her face scrunched up slightly, before she let out a soft laugh. “She pre-gamed a little too hard but I’d like to think that I’m pretty good at handling my drinks.” That was a lie. “Anyways, how are you? You kind of just disappeared. One moment I was hearing all about you and then the next, it was like you never existed.” 

Niko smirked widened into more of a grin. He could still hear her bitching as the girls drug her toward the bathrooms. He hoped whatever it was didn’t come out of her skirt. Material looked cheap enough. “He had the right idea, but I won’t hold it against you,” he mused, watching them disappear around the corner. Pre-gamed? Made sense to the point he was impressed. Last he remembered of Lily she was all fresh faced and innocent. Dani had to ‘lend’ her an ID just to get in anywhere. “Yeah? Let’s test that,” Nikolai waved down one of the passing bottle girls and ordered a round of shots. Regina had already left a bad taste in his mouth, but it could be washed away with enough booze. 

“Eh, same shit, different day. I needed somethin fresh, so I took off for a bit,” he said with a shrug before raising his brow playfully, “What about you? I can tell you’re not stayin out of trouble, but what about your nerd?”

[nikoxvalentine]

thedanicastro: 

So many times she had tried to get ahold him – not because she wanted him back but just to check on him, or because it felt weird not to speak to him every day or tell him what dumb stuff happened in her life. The constant gossip he listened to just because she liked other people’s drama rather than her own. 

Then she was able to see a peak of every day that she had missed without him, the beach that he sat on by himself, while still talking to her. She wondered if he had anyone serious that he saw .. when he wasn’t making those vlogs. Then she remembered what Jax just told her after she showed up at his house.

“You met Jax too, hm?” She said it casually, like he hadn’t asked him questions that he shouldn’t have been answering and seeming protective. Dani knew him all too well, she knew that if Niko had met Jax that it was on purpose, that he probably kept tabs on him. The thought made her heart thump in her chest. “What are you doing going around asking the guys that I hook up with if they love me, Ares?” 

It was almost teasing, the way she said it. 

“Every single one.” She chewed on her bottom lip, shifting her weight to one side before she finally went to light the joint between her fingers so she would stop fidgeting. “Nikolai.” She spoke sternly, like she was already reprimanding him by just saying his name. 

“Just because.. just because you cheated on me doesn’t me that we don’t know each other. Unless California changed you. But watching those videos, I don’t think that happened. I really think that you, you know, owe me honesty. You’re lucky I didn’t slice your tires.” Dani nearly huffed, her lips holding the joint as she sucked smoke in through her lungs, dark eyes staring over at him the entire time. Every time she looked at him like this her heart threatened to leave her chest. Those videos meant a possibility that he missed her just as much as she did him, and it wasn’t like her to keep to herself. Not at all.

Taking a step forward, she had to crane her head back to look up at him, “Why did you come back?” 

“Jax?” he raised an eyebrow, though he knew better. Of course the guy would snitch. But he didn’t blame him. Had the roles been reversed, Niko would’ve been pissed. He had no right to be prying. He just had to make sure she wasn’t, he wasn’t takin advantage of her. But the minute he thought of it, he knew that was a lie. If anyone could take of herself, it was Dani. “I was curious. Had to see for myself,” he shrugged. She could guess what. He’d been right by the looks of it. Had it been anything more than hooking up, she would’ve said so. Would’ve ripped him a new one, not teasing.

But this wasn’t the time for it. Not when he’d hurl at the slightest jostle. Not when she’d seen every ounce of his most guarded self. He clenched, itching for a hit of that kush but took another swig of liquor instead. He could feel her eyes burning into him, making his heart rumble and pulse in his ears. His throat dry to the point he wasn’t sure he could speak.

Because how long had he longed to see those eyes again? The videos were proof enough. Each day he gripped that camera, whether he was alone on a beach, a shitty roof top, a cafe, or between his sheets, he imagined her smiling, her curls pouring around her heart shaped face. Or rolling her eyes before muttering something sweet and teasing in her native tongue. Or just her lying next to him, wrapped in nothing but the sheets they’d shared the night before, her brown hues shining with something that vaguely resembled endearment. At one point he’d wanted, longed for, her to see. To understand. And now that he had her here, her full attention on him, he couldn’t fuckin look. 

Not even when she stepped closer, so close he could smell that damn shampoo.

“Does it matter?” he asked, swishing the bottle in his hand. She knew why. She had to. A sigh fell from his lips as his eyes finally flickered to hers, “You wanna hear me say it. Don’t you?” 

“Fine. Life out there was fuckin pointless. Yeah I was doing something, but it didn’t feel like shit without you. I didn’t have a fuckin idea or plan to win you back or anything. I just-- I needed to see you. To know you were around and--” His jaw flexed as he squeezed the neck of the bottle, his knuckles bleached white as he resisted the urge to slam the glass into the concrete as frustration began bubbling up. He needed to shut up. To just fuckin walk away again. Because this? It wasn’t healthy. No matter how much it hurt, he had to let her go. Had to stop pulling her in. Had to stop falling for those big brown eyes.

But fuck. His heart was having none of it.

“I told myself I owed you. But really?” he paused, looking at her again, his voice barely audible over the sounds of the city. “I just really fuckin missed you,”

[nikoxvalentine]

Nikolai: Dropped by the party few days ago

Nikolai: You get your stuff?

[nikoxvalentine]

thedanicastro:

Daniela watched him from under her lashes as he took another swig – he seemed.. broken. She was trying not to assume she knew him anymore, but the videos that she had spend the whole night watching were making her think that she was right. That they were able to act like no time went by. That maybe… 

Maybe. 

That word alone made her heart sting because she was terrified of getting rejected – not that Niko ever had. He ran. But Beaux. Her dumbass started falling for him since he gave her the same comfort that Niko did, and she was turned down. She understood, and she would never hold it against him but it took awhile for her to recover and it was a lesson that Dani could feel, and that she couldn’t always get what she wanted.

As the air hit them she let the cold blow her hair from her face, wrapping her arms around her middle as she tried to adjust to the temperature. Even though he looked a wreck right now; one of his friends would probably be concerned, he was almost reminding her of the night they’d met. A bloodied and bruised Nikolai gazing at her from through a crowd. Making her heart skip just from eye contact. Soon she was falling in love with the way his eyes wrinkled when that crooked grin came on his face.

“Niko –” She was about to say no, but he was already taking it off and nearly putting it on her so she wrapped the much larger jacket around her shoulders, inhaling the scent that was deep inside the jacket. Worn leather, cigarettes and cologne. She missed being engulfed in this smell. So badly. She chewed on her lip, now taking the bottle from him and swigging before handing it back so she could put a joint between her fingers. She didn’t light it yet. Fumbled slightly.

“Listen. I stumbled upon something.” Dani said casually even though her hands were shaking slightly, “I.. your YouTube is still signed in on my desktop,” she lied, not wanting him to know that she was purposely trying to find the last physical thing she had of their relationship after she had burned his sweaters and photos in a rage, “And.. those vlogs,” She had so many words planned before but now they weren’t making sense and she didn’t want to feel stupid. “You were talking to me in them, right? I wasn’t just hearing what I wanted?” 

He didn’t bother asking for a hit as she pulled a joint from the familiar wooden box. One that he swore still smelled of honey suckle and their own little neverland. For once he didn’t feel like smoking. The liquor would make him reckless enough. Maybe he’d call up Johnny. His face and more than a few rips were already fucked. What was one more clash? One where he could let all this pent up sadness and rage seep into his pale knuckles and let it rupture something other than his heart? It would be simple enough. And the high-- fuck. Just being beat on felt fucking good. It was insane. He knew that. But that adrenaline had to be the most addictive thing he’d ever felt aside from--

He shook his head, gritting his teeth a bit. How? How did every fucking thought lead back to her? It was fuckin maddening. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he pressed his arms as close to his body as he could. He didn’t feel the cold, not anymore, but it helped him resist that innate instinct to draw her to him. To walk as though maybe, maybe they were ok. But they weren’t. They hadn’t been for a long time.

Wait-- what? Niko’s mind swiveled, almost giving him whiplash, despite the way he kept his eyes trained in front of him. No he couldn’t look at her. Not when he knew what was on that channel. What she could have-- no had to have seen. Color swirled in his eyes and he felt sick. Dizzy. Nauseous. Like he was standing still in the middle of a stupid carnival ride as it went full force. 

How many were on there. Twenty? Thirty? No-- there had to be more. The were his solace. His sanity. He could look in the camera, into her chocolate eyes and smirk as told her about how he swore he’d seen rihanna at some pop up shop. About how he’d knocked out some cocky asshat’s tooth during a fight. How goddamn stupid he felt about fucking and judging Hailey for shit he was just as guilty of. How much he fucking missed her the smell of her shampoo and the way she blasted her music so loud she couldn’t hear herself think, let alone sign. How beautiful she looked on stage every night, belting out the pain he’d been an idiot to cause. Some were no more than a sentence long and others-- god damn it, he was sure he blubbered like a fuckin baby in one, maybe more. 

Hey Dani... it was always the first line. Sometimes the only. But she-- 

They were personal. 

Intimate.

They weren’t meant to be seen. Not even by her.

Niko had to pause. Forcing back the acid in his throat enough to draw a shaky breath to his burning lungs. 

“How many did you watch?” he asked, finally glancing over at her, arms crossing over his chest. Anything close to a yes would have been cracked. This was his own way of saying it without the bullshit of emotion strangling it. “No-- don’t tell me. I don’t care,” They didn’t change anything. What happened, happened. Nothing could erase it and the only thing he truly felt now, along with guilt, was fucking embarrassment. So much for rock bottom. “It-- they were, are, stupid. I just needed something to get by,” 

[toxicrocket]

Visit Original Link

“The Chain” — Fleetwood Mac

[nikoxvalentine]

@thedanicastro

[nikoxvalentine]

thedanicastro:

It wasn’t like Dani to ever turn down a party – even though she didn’t feel like one at all. The recent push and pull on her feelings had her coped up, working and writing, and doing so on repeat. But she couldn’t miss this. She remembered when she was at the couple’s apartment when the three of them thought of how golden this idea would be for their friends. 

The sweater she wore was at an 3XL – so it reached her knees whilst red socks were just inches down past her skin that was showing on her legs. She usually would have made Piper do something crazy with her eye makeup but she wasn’t even wearing any tonight – she was also choosing to drink Dr. Pepper over fireball whiskey and that was an absolutely rarity for the small latina that was people watching while she tried to stop thinking about those damn videos. ‘Hey, Dani’ – spoken in the beginning of every video that Nikolai had documented for the last year and a half. She had stumbled upon it. Or maybe that wasn’t the right word, she was looking for something, but a night’s worth of vlogs dedicated to her over the last year wasn’t anything like the video of them on the ferris wheel that used to be the only video that honed on his YouTube account.

She swore to herself that this was a lesson right in her face – that it wouldn’t happen for her. The love, the loyalty, the excitement that came with her relationship with the scruffy male was gone and never to be returned. But her heart that had dropped to her stomach the night that he’d shown up again only to knock it out of her chest was pulling at the Niko-made diary.

The music wasn’t helping her head from drowning anymore – so she grabbed her wooden carton and headed toward the door so that she could get it to swim, maybe, figure out what she would do with her discovery. The dates were clear on them and she knew that he couldn’t have put them up all at once, that they were conscious, and she wondered if he even knew that she would see them. Or if they were to be intentionally seen by her, maybe even a while ago. 

Not only did she spot him straight away but the air shifted when she was near him again. She brushed caramel ringlets from her eyes as his name left her lips like he was a ghost or something. She wasn’t even drinking, and there she was acting like he was a hallucination. “You smell like stale cigarette.” Was the next thing to come out of her mouth with a wrinkle of her nose even though her eyes couldn’t stop taking in the new bruises on his face, wanting to ask him if he went back to fighting. But was that really her place? God, she missed him. She didn’t care if it was her place. Her name left his mouth every single day that he had been away – that had to mean something. It had to. Her heart was racing in her ears and they hadn’t even said a word to each other. “I’ll walk you out. I was gonna smoke this.” She lifted her hand, shaking the case slightly. 

Niko’s jaw flexed, his blunted nails instantly digging into his palm. It kept him silent despite the venom brewing. She held no malice to her tone. It was vapid. Maybe that was it. He expected-- more claw. More bite. Anything other than another fuckin comment about his taste in poison. 

But maybe that was her strategy. This was Dani. After their last encounter, after they’d both lost it, why give him the satisfaction? Not that he found any. He just-- the thought was a bat to the knee caps. He wasn’t worth the emotion. Not anymore. And he felt like a dumbass, kneeling in front of her like this. A storm of emotion already brewing behind his whiskey colored eyes wanting something. Anything more than what he was getting. But what right did he have to it? 

None. And it made him feel shittier. Like a spoiled fuckin brat as he withdrew the bottle from her for another swig. The whiskey stung his lips and he wiped them with the back of his unmarred hand. At least they were still in full working order. “Yeah, ok,” he murmured, glancing over her shoulder for any sign of Beaux before he turned. He didn’t need another ghost sneakin up on him. 

He got the door and held it long enough for her to pass him. It was silence aside from the occasional swish of the drink he casually knocked back. But as they hit the first floor lobby, he stepped in front of her, his arm barring the door. “Here-- take this,” he said, passing her the bottle to shrug out of his jacket. He could already feel the chill, but there was a warmth settling in his belly from the whiskey, one he planned on buildin on during his walk home. “It’s fuckin cold and you look like a bloody house-elf,”

[muserhq]

‘He loved you.’ She nodded, “Yes, he did. But, he didn’t love himself. He saw himself as a bad guy, a guy who destroyed the good and ruined everything in his path. So, he forced himself to do just that. To ruin us, destroy what we had.’ ‘Would you go back?’ 'Yes.’ Because as sick as it was, even if he chose to break her again, she would do anything to have him one more time.

g.m. ‡ tales that weren’t meant to be told #14 (via muserhq)

[nikoxvalentine]

@thedanicastro

[nikoxvalentine]

@thedanicastro

In and out. That’s it. He was here to dump Beaux’s stuff with Lily and double back home. No matter how tempting or inviting, he couldn’t stay. Nikolai adjusted the box under his arm, glancing at the mixture of movies, cds, and just random shit he’d collected from his friend over the years. It was stupid. He had to give it back. Holding onto it wouldn’t help. It’d just remind him of a life that wasn’t his anymore. Friends came and went. It was normal. Natural. He’d get the fuck over it. Just like he’d get over-- Not a good comparison. And that was the other thing. Not only was there one mine hovering around, there was potentially a second, much more aggressive one lurking somewhere within the apartment. Because as pissed as Dani could get, she didn’t bail on her friends. Not even when it came to ridiculous parties. With stupid fugly sweaters. 

Taking one last drag on his cigarette, he snuffed it out, tucked it behind his ear, and opened the door. Being this late, he knew it’d be open for easy flow. All he had to do was get far enough in to ditch it. The second he stepped inside, Niko immediately regretted it. There was a sea of people decked out in their ugliest apparel. His jaw twitched, feeling that nagging feeling in his gut. He recognized so many of these faces, some he hadn’t seen since he left and others more...recent, but he didn’t speak to them. Yeah he could pretend things were ok. That he was moving on. But being here was a reminder. A painful one. That maybe he wasn’t. 

Dropping the box by the door, Niko shoved his hands in his pockets and started to the kitchen. Fuck if he wasn’t getting a drink for his trouble. And a strong one. It took less than a second to spy the strongest bottle of liquor and stash it in his black bomber. They wouldn’t miss it and if they did, he’d buy Lily a new one. Bottle tucked in his arm, he weaved through the chattering masses and he was nearly to the door-- 

“Nikolai?”

The sound of her voice stopped him in his tracks and he cursed, not so under his breath as he spun on his heel. His right eye was still swollen, but better, not completely shut at least. His bruises still held deep blue and red violet and indigo hues. A cut lay over his left eyebrow, the bridge of his nose and his lip, well at least that’d gone down enough to toss a sheepish smirk in her direction. “No worries. I’m leaving. I just dropped something off,” he said, nodding to the box near the entrance before pulling the bottle from his jacket to take a swig. Niko passed it to her and took a step backward toward the door. “Here. Give this to Beaux for me,”

[f--o--r--e--v--e--r]

[nikoxvalentine]

@thedanicastro

[nikoxvalentine]

@rosiecallahan

“Don’t,” Niko waved his hand, dismissing her concern before she had a chance to ask. He turned, sniffling a bit from the brisk night air, as he looked into the chrome of a parked car and brushed some of his hair from his face. Even in the dim glow of street lights he could see the sickening plum colored bruising around his swollen eye and the cuts that marred his face. Each time the breeze hit, they stung a bit more, but there was no wincing. No, he was used to being busted up and in a sick sortta way, it felt good. Energizing.

“I appreciate it. I do. But I’m fuckin’ great. Especially since that shit is squashed,” he said, wetting his busted lip before smirking at himself. Yeah, he still felt like shit. Mark didn’t deserve that and he didn’t blame Hailey either. She was just as stupid as him, but it wasn’t her fault. Not completely. At least it was done. He could refocus on other things. Like showing Rosie a good time. 

Snaking his arm around her waist, he drew her into his side. It was quick. He knew if he gave her the chance, she’d try and wiggle free. She probably would anyway, but that was half the fun. “This is my thank you for putting up with my shit. Enjoy it, because this is all you get,” Niko teased, before nodding toward the brightly lit neon in the distance. “See, we’re almost there,”

[nikoxvalentine]

hazelfontana: 

As the female quite casually happened to be by the table Niko was having his game and as she just as casually glanced over, she hadn’t actually expected the man to invite her to a game, but she didn’t mind. “Sure. I do think that’s a pretty vague bet, but I have nothing to worry about, since I am going to crush you,” the female replied and smiled confidently as adrenaline pumped inside of her knowing damn well she wasn’t as good at chess as she made it seem.

His invite had been more of a tease than an actual invitation. She’d been watching him. Staring. He couldn’t tell if she was studying the board or trying to figure out why he was playing alone. Not that that was weird. It was a way to practice. To get out of his own head for minutes. Maybe even hours if he was ruthless. So he made a joke. She sat down. And here they were. “That’s the point. Easier to maneuver later,” he replied, quirking an eyebrow at her taunt. She was confident. Not that it’d help her. But hey, least she was cute. 

“So, you gonna move? Or you frozen from the vague can of worms you just opened?”

[nikoxvalentine]

ian--locke:

We booked a gig for Christmas! it’s gonna be bloody brilliant! It’ll be at The Bowery again and I am so excited.

“Sounds solid, man, congrats,” Niko replied, holding up his beer. He hadn’t intended on running into Ian tonight, but he didn’t hate it. It was good to have some company. “The Bowery was fuckin’ big the last time. You gonna top it?”

[candouxr]

[nikoxvalentine]

@thedanicastro

[nikoxvalentine]

[nikoxvalentine]

Rosie: Because you're a human being, too and you have the right to care. If you weren't worried about her, I'd be questioning your humanity.

Rosie: You admitted you fucked up and that's the biggest hurdle you'll have to jump through. You'll have to grovel if you ever want her to forgive you. Please don't let you liver tap out. You kinda need that to live, you know?

Rosie [unsent]: I don't need you to check it out.

Rosie: Alright. Give me your address

Niko: I'm not groveling.

Niko: There's no talkin to her at all. This is an exile. And life is highly overrated.

Niko: -inserts address- I've got ice and ACE bandages. Alieve helps too.