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[nineteenjourney]

Things about stray kids that somehow comforts me a lot is they really have the best comforting lyrics.

No one has ever say this to me. Not even the man that i'd loved for years.

As a person who seems like an open book, but also someone who keeps lot of secrets, i feel related to these lyrics. Because i've always said that i'm okay, when it's actually suffocating for me to live day by day.

Like every night, before i close my eyes, something that always comes to my mind is "will i ever open my eyes again?"

"do i have to open my eyes again?"

"can't i just sleep for a long long time until all of my sadness sweeps away?"

[bubblegeon]

They say that to see is to want.

[kdramacaptures]

Nevertheless

[nineteenjourney]

[nineteenjourney]

[nineteenjourney]

I might be smiling and happy, but i dont know why i'm feeling so empty deep inside. Like, something inside me is missing.

I shoud've stop caring, i should've stop looking into wyd. But, i just can't.

[nineteenjourney]

[nineteenjourney]

About The First Time

About the first time i fall in love with you

I dont know if you still remember that night

After we finished with our "Rapat Acara"

I had to meet up with my brother at Jatos

And i asked you to walk with me because it was past 9pm and i was so scared to walk by my own

And surprisingly you said, "okay"

That time, was the very first time i realized

I fall for you

At that time, i kept it to myself because people said you already had someone in your heart

It was... 5 years ago then? It's been 5 years, time flies.

I hope you spend your last day in 2020 with your loved one.

Be happy, dew.

[nineteenjourney]

[nineteenjourney]

She wakes up everynight, screaming

Another nightmares

Another memories

Tears are falling on her cheeks

Her chest feels so tight, it feels like being stabed by a knife

It takes her minutes to finally breath again

And telling to herself, "Everything's gonna be fine. You'll over it oneday. It's fine."

[nineteenjourney]

Breaking up has never been so hard for me. Not before today. I'm the one who'll give up easily and then move on. Because i never believe in any second chances.

But today's break up really brokes me to the point i cry myself for hours, and i even tell my parents about what happened today. It's also surprising for them that this time it's really makes my heart broken.

Ofc, i've been loving someone for 4 years. Everything we've been going through, everything we've been dreaming of, it has to stop because if we keep this relationship, we'd end up hurting each others.

But to know that the world that you've been trying so hard to pretects fall aparts in minute, it really depressed me to the point i dont want to live anymore. But then, i have to live.

I keep on thinking, "what if i didnt make that decisions, will everything still the same? Will we still going on?" Idk. It's only leaving me with tons load of regrets. But then what? After regretting everything? We have nothing left, only scars that remains.

So, goodbye. As much as i love you, as much as i want you to be happy, i have to learn to let go and love myself more. I also deserves my own happiness. So, this is really the end of us, and i'm really saying goodbye. Please be happy, you're a great man with a great heart. It's my fault i gave up on us. It's my fault i gave up on us. It's my fault i gave up on us. So please be happy.

[conscious-love]

[nineteenjourney]

If you ever wondering why i choose this username, it's bcs ddak han saram in korean means "That only one person"

[nineteenjourney]

If we’re born again, if we love again

Let’s not do this again

Let’s meet a little less, let’s hope a little less

Let’s not make many promises

So even if we say goodbye

We can turn away without much pain

Let’s only make light memories that we can throw away

In each other’s hearts

Now I know that a love too deep

Brings a sad ending

My love, I’ll pray for your next love

That it won’t be like us, that it’ll be without pain

Na na, please be happier than me

Even if a lot of time passes and we forget each other

Let’s reminisce our past days, ooh

If we can say that this was love

Then that’s all we need

Now I know that a love too deep

Brings a sad ending

My love, I’ll pray for your next love

That it won’t be like us, that it’ll be without pain

Na na, please be happier than me

Na na, I hope the sky knows my heart

[nineteenjourney]

Play the song while you listen

Sometimes, I was jealous of the person

Who doesn’t love you

The only thing I could say today when you were crying

Was “it’s OK, everything will be OK”

You silently seeped into this season

Don’t just take a break here

Keep staying here

‘She no longer needs me’

The more I want you

The heavier my reality gets

What if my rash confession makes everything harder?

But still, I can’t take it anymore

I want to run to you right now

Because all of my moments want you

If we could take out all the emotions

In our hearts

There would be no fear that wanders

Between misunderstanding and understanding

You filled up my day that was scentless

Don’t just take a break here

Keep staying here

‘She no longer needs me’

The more I want you

The rougher my reality gets

What if my rash confession makes everything harder?

But still, I can’t take it anymore

I want to run to you right now

Because all of my moments want you

The world keeps making me take

One step away from you

But why do tears keep coming?

‘She no longer needs me’

I want you more

Though this reality is heavy and rough

I love you, I love you, I’ll tell you all of my heart

Share your scars with me

I’m running to you right now

Because all of my moments want you

Believe me

All of my moments are facing you

[nineteenjourney]

11 Desember 2020

Hai.. kamu. Jujur rasanya gatau apa yg mau ditulis dan gimana ngucapinnya. Aku tau kamu pasti ga pengen aku ngucapin apa-apa karena rasanya ironi bgt dengan apa yg aku ucapkan tahun lalu.

Aku tidak akan mengucapkan selamat. Mungkin pos ini hanya akan berisi doa - doa ku untuk kamu yang selalu aku panjatkan tiap hati sebelum aku tidur.

Semoga kamu menjadi kamu yang semakin percaya diri. Waktu induksi kemarin jujur aku kagum melihat kamu yang menerangkan segalanya dengan percaya diri. Itu betul betul kamu yang selama ini aku lihat, sisi keren kamu yang sering bikin aku terpesona, yaaa walau kadang aku suka ngetawain kamu karena kamu lucu, tapi kamu yang percaya diri seperti ini membuat aku diam diam bangga. Hahaha siapa aku?????

Semoga kamu semakin dewasa juga. Jelas sekali antara kamu dan aku siapa yang terlihat lebih dewasa dalam menyikapi sesuatu. Kamu yang selalu banyak menasehati aku dalam banyak keluh kesah hidup aku, semoga kamu semakin dewasa.

Semoga rezekimu selalu berlimpah. Rezeki materi dan non materi. Rezeki berupa kesehatan, keselamatan, kebahagiaan dan banyak lagi. Rezeki dalam materi juga semoga cepat bisa punya rumah impian yang selalu kamu idam-idamkan itu. Rezeki karir juga, apapun kegelisahan dan kebimbangan kamu apapun dan dimanapun karir kamu, aku harap bisa menjadi tempat terbaik untuk kamu.

Be happy dew, with all of the things you have right now, and all of the things that you want to achieve in this age. I promise you, i'll support you no matter what. Please, Be happy.