WORDS AND WHATNOT

I like reading and telling stories.

[ninthehuman]

Beginnings

To be honest, I'm not good with beginnings. When presented with a blank sheet of paper and asked to bare my heart out into the canvass, the first thing I'd probably do is panic. Perhaps that's one of the many reasons why it took me quite some time to compose this message.

As I said, I'm not good with beginnings.

I guess part of the reason why I'm not comfortable with beginnings is because I don't like not knowing what lies ahead after every start. You begin a race but you don't know if you'll win or lose or stumble or fall. You enter a relationship but you're not sure if you're bound to last or eventually break up in a few months. You jump on a rollercoaster but you don't know if you'll enjoy it or you'll vomit in the middle of the ride or wet your pants. When I'm not sure what an outcome will be then I wouldn't even bother starting along that path anymore.

Which is why, and I'm sure so many can relate to this, it was very difficult for me to try and begin reviewing for the boards. First off because I didn't know where to begin fitting five years worth of topics with some extra bonus information into my head all in three months time no less! Secondly, I didn't know what to expect and I hate not knowing. But I had to persevere, we all had to. And everyday I'm thankful for the many support systems whom I gathered strength from while reviewing. 

Days before we took our exam, we underwent a little stress debriefing session to calm our nerves and prepare us for the big day. Our facilitator helped get us to pour our thoughts and anxieties during the session. She thought, better we let it out then than on the day of the exam. I remember she said something that has struck me as I listened to her that day, struck me as I took the exam and continues to stick through even up to this very day. It went something along the lines of this, “Life offers no reassurance. Well, there is insurance but even that itself is not something that life can offer assuredly.” It proved the fact that life will always be full of uncertainty. But it's okay. After all, we wake up each day not knowing what lies ahead, but we power through anyway hoping beyond hope that nothing bad happens or that everything goes our way. And at the end of the day when we retire to our beds, there is a sense of satisfaction in knowing that we ended the day the way we begun it -- uncertain but alive and kicking.

I'm not good with beginnings, but I'm starting to find comfort in every start. Beginnings, I've ascertained, have the greatest influence in every journey you are about to partake. Given your warrant, it can make you or break you; propel you or repel you.

This OTRP/PTRP title is just the start of so many opportunities out there helping us to enrich our profession and the people to whom we provide our services to. We, among so many, have been blessed with the power to touch the lives and hearts of PWDs given these four letters at the end of our names. I hope that when we begin to practice our professions, we will practice not by theories alone but by heart and soul. After all, we are not treating robots, we are treating humans who feel the same way we do. Eleanor Clark Slagle, the mother of OT, once acclaimed, "The integrity of the profession is in our hands." We are the voice of our profession, so let us start by raising the flag and making differences in lives everywhere in our practice.

This, I believe, is the end of a worthwhile journey and the beginning of an even more exciting advancement in our lives. The future may be full of uncertainty, but in spite of that there is so much to look forward to. And with our profession, the possibilities are endless.

As I've repeated over and over, I'm not good with beginnings, but now I'm not afraid to try to begin. This time, I hope you are too.

[This is an excerpt from the speech I delivered during our oath taking ceremony. I may have cut some segments out and I may have borrowed some ideas from my previous posts. I may have also peed my pants a little while speaking in front of a large gathering of people. ‘’MAY HAVE’’]

[ninthehuman]

I don’t understand the whole point of being drunk. Don’t get me wrong, every now and then I get my occasional alcohol fix with friends, but even then it doesn’t end well for me most of the time. See, I have a very low tolerance for alcohol so you can bet that my summary of a drunken night out usually ends up with me either sleeping throughout the entirety of it, dancing hysterically like a madman, or throwing up. And let’s not forget the raging hangover that follows the next day. Sometimes I’m thankful that we forget the things that happen to us during our inebriated state. 

Most of my friends say they drink for the very same reason that they want to stay asleep, so that they can forget about the world for just a moment and focus on being groggy, unfazed, and... well, happy. I, however, find it hard to equate intoxication with happiness what with all the consecutive messes I’ve found myself in while drunk. 

But there’s no denying that we live to constantly search for the meaning of happiness even if it leads to us chugging an entire bottle of whisky to find the answer. And sometimes, we become too caught up in the search that we forget to experience happiness itself. 

I read somewhere that happiness means different things for different people. There are some who find the occasional peck on the cheek, expected phone call, or surprise gift just among a few of the things that make them happy. Last night, in the midst of my drunken haze, I found my own meaning of happiness in the comfort of finding other people experience theirs (with a little help from Mr. Booze of course). And while personally, being drunk is not an idea I will always easily warm up to, it’s the collective state of drunken joy with unexpected company that I find extraordinarily redefining.

Or, I don’t know, maybe it’s just the leftover alcohol in my system talking.

[ninthehuman]

There is a certain kind of satisfaction in hearing the words you want to hear. 

For some (or most I believe), the words “I love you” may send shivers racing down their spine and condemn them into a state of euphoria. Others may find themselves in that exact same feeling of rapture when told that they’ve been accepted into the institution they were hoping to get themselves into. Still, there are others who find themselves warped into a much better aspect of reality just upon the utterance of the words “I miss you.”

I believe it was a few weeks ago when I searched for that familiar feeling at the bottom of a bottle of vodka. Instead of the satisfaction of security, you had given me the benefit of the doubt which, in effect, almost made me give up on the idea of love. The idea of us. The idea of you.

But then, last night, in my lethargic daze, you surprised me with a simple message. 

There is a certain kind of satisfaction in hearing the words you want to hear. Sometimes, something as simple as the word “hi” can set off a person’s day in the best way possible. For me, it was the two words you said last night that made me believe again in the possibility of life, love, and comfort. 

“Be mine.”

[ninthehuman]

Hi.

I think I was burrowed deep in my book when you found me. I had just finished half of a chapter when I heard your voice catch my attention. Silly me. I hope you didn’t find me rude when I didn’t turn immediately as you called my name. 

How many times did you call my name? I was expecting an irritated look to greet me as I looked up, but I found the widest, goofiest smile plastered on the brightest face instead. It felt as if I was approached by a divine entity of some sort or that a character from the book I was reading just leaped right out and materialized in front of me. 

Ha, imagine that. The deity of goofy smiles. I’d burn a rib eye steak at your altar any day.  

I must have had my mouth gaping open the whole time because your expression shifted to that of a look of confusion instead. Taking that as a signal to reorient myself back to reality, I nodded immediately. I hope you didn’t find me awkward and non-verbal. Most of the time, I’m not like this in social situations. Give me a bottle of beer and I’d willingly chug it down in under a minute given the proper amount of prodding. Throw me a “knock knock” and I’d ride along with the joke without hesitation.

Have an attractive stranger approach me in the middle of a trance...

I’m sorry. I trailed off and got way ahead of myself. 

Forgive me if I didn’t notice your lips move in response to my nod. Your words were racing to catch up to the fluid movements of your mouth as you spoke. (Boy, were those lips fast.) And though I did not catch everything you said, one phrase definitely made all the world’s sense to me: 

“...I’m the one you’re looking for?” 

I wish it had ended with that moment. I wish the world had a polaroid camera on hand and captured that exact moment in time so I could frame it or make it into a refrigerator magnet or something. 

Half-dazed and half-in-the-middle-of-a-trance, I nodded like a fool and followed you into a small room. I always imagined meeting someone like you in a more romantic scenery — by the boardwalk overlooking the sunset, on a patio in a small French café , in an African safari. But as pointed out by one of the great novelists of our time, the world is not a wish-granting factory. So I cherished the time we spent in that small overstuffed closet space.

We talked for what was merely just 30 minutes that felt like hours on end. Thirty minutes I will never get back, but would trade nothing else in the world for. Talking with you was easy; almost as easy as breathing. I noticed our dynamics together was breathtaking. There were moments when my responses skittered just a little too far from the central thought, but you still found a way to reroute my thoughts into proper alignment. We would have rocked a whole coliseum of people with just our conversation, you and I. You took extra delight in what I had to say and when your eyes shone with interest in my ideas, my heart fell in its cavity.

(Cue in chorus of girls sighing)

I’d like to say our meeting was destined. I read somewhere that the people that come into our lives are chosen beforehand by the universe, like a pre-order mailing entry. But as our session together ended, sealed by your signature grin, I realized something, and I curse myself for realizing this a little too late. To you our meeting was simply what it was — a meeting. A task to be ticked off the schedule. A completed assignment. A daily mission accomplished.

Somewhere along our “fated” meet, I realize, I overthought everything. I have that tendency to do that sometimes most of the time. Now I’m even starting to think that this post is meant more for me than for you. 

I don’t even know what did it for me. The heart crushing shake that came from truth itself. Maybe it was the way you shook my hand after our talk that, instead of sending jolts of electricity through my bones, gave me a hard slap back to reality. Or it could have been the way you ushered me through the door on the way out. A valiant gesture of humility that broadcasted a whole other story.

Or...

Wait, I think I know now.

You said “bye” when I said “see you again.” A conflicting exchange stamped with a word that communicated its clear intent: leave.

Still, there’s a part of me that sincerely hoped you meant otherwise.

[ninthehuman]

Love, for me, is formulaic. 

It goes like this: boy and girl meet, Cupid strikes an arrow, and poof, sparks fly. Sometimes, Cupid misses and the variables become a little bit distorted. Just a little bit to add a twist, but everything still makes sense. Boy and boy, girl and girl, doesn’t matter. Bottom line is that love is the combination of two different people into one extraordinary union.

Nowadays, I’ve noticed the formula become a lot more complicated than usual what with an added “third variable” into the equation. And I can’t completely point any finger at anyone because it’s our human nature that prevents us from feeling full contentment from the things that are handed to us. We are constantly craving for something. It’s our primordial need. Sometimes though, the thing that we crave the most is not something we should have.

Perhaps mass media has had some role to play in this complication. TV shows have sauntered away from the traditional view of love and transpired into the altogether more  — for lack of a better word  — ‘enjoyable’ third party love affairs. After all, I’ve heard it said that mass media paints a portrait off of the fantasies that we create.

Huh. Go figure, I guess.

But what has happened to the traditional view of love? What ever happened to the idea of love as pointed out by Olive Penderghast in Easy A? (If you haven’t seen it then I highly recommend you do right now) It enrages me to see so many people tirelessly hop from one lover to another in just a flash as if they were skimming through the pages of a book in one night without even imbibing the content. 

In today’s times, I guess most people are more concerned with the quantity of love rather than the quality of it. 

Maybe I won’t ever truly understand why love has become so underrated these days. However, I’m thankful that I’ve had my fair share of heartaches to know that love is a priceless entity that’s completely worth enduring for with the person you started the journey with in the first place. There is no third seat in the two-person rollercoaster ride that is love. And that’s what makes the whole ride satisfying — knowing that someone proved you worthy enough to be stuck around with in spite of your ups and downs the whole time and that, in the back of your head, you know you would do the same thing for them over and over again.

[ninthehuman]

How do I unlove you?

How do I tear you off my mind 

without wailing from the excruciating pain 

of trying to unhinge you off my frame?

Should I begin by picking you 

piece by piece like taking 

small bits of lint off a large strip of velcro 

or do I go ahead and pull you off 

like ripping a spine off its axis?

I remember you told me 

during our routine walks, 

that science has proven 

that everything leaves 

a mark in its place. 

Fingerprints, 

dust particles, 

memories.

Then tell me 

if science has proven 

these marks to vanish 

in a snap of a finger

or fade with the passing of time.

Perhaps that will give me 

a more sensible answer 

as to how the fuck do I unlove you. 

[ninthehuman]

We go through life championing each of our own battles, risking ourselves in the process just to prove to the universe that we are capable of riding our brazen chariot to victory in spite of all the adversities we face on a day-to-day basis.

But the fact of the matter is we are not superheroes. We are not made up of steel, gold, silver, or some other strong otherworldly metallic element. We did not rise up from the River Styx completely invulnerable to any form of harm. We are not held together by a network of complex machineries & computer interface programs that allow us to automatically engage into battle mode, completely ready to charge.

Most often the not, we are not the readiest warriors in the raging battles that go on in our lives. Sometimes even, with all the chaos that goes on in our lives, we go through the everyday battle with the same banged up piece of armor that we had the day before or the day before that or the day before the day before...

Well, you get the point.

It took me twenty one years with a special one year’s worth of extra smelting under the fire to realize that not all of our victories in life come from pure, undisputed triumphs. Sometimes, just getting through the daily grind, knowing that the next day may offer a much greater challenge than before is enough to claim as a victory. 

After all, at the end of the day, it is not how unscathed you are, but rather how totally fucked up you look and still be able to say, “I’m okay. What’s for tomorrow?”

[ninthehuman]

When Harry Potter Becomes Relevant in Life

I promised myself I’d go on a full-blown Harry Potter marathon after the board exam but ended up watching only one (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix). Hahahaha my laziness and attention span knows no bounds 

Surprisingly, I garnered a lot of insights from the film. Who knew Harry Potter could be enjoyed on such a relatable level. 

For instance: education. In the film, the Ministry of Magic tried to meddle with the educational program of Hogwarts and instituted laws which made learning very... not fun. The ministry placed emphasis on teaching “theories” of magic instead of using a practical approach to learning magic which really strained the students’ zest to learn (assuming that there is a “zest to learn” because who wouldn’t want to go to school if they’re teaching you how to harness your magical abilities). 

Sounds familiar? Because it is. 

I think the main problem with the educational system in the non-magical world of muggletopia is not the lack of magic, potions, and charms-based lessons in the curriculum (however I still believe this would highly enhance the learning process), but rather the lack of practical methods and opportunities in applying what students learn in school. We’re given hours and hours of droning lectures discussing theories that have an applicability-to-the-real-world-factor of close to nil. Tell me, since when am I ever going to be able to apply my knowledge of calculus and trigonometry aside from in answering exams? You can’t expect us to buy from the market using long formulas riddled with integers. In a nutshell, we’re taught about the whole idea of fishing without actually learning how to properly hold a fishing pole or reel the fish in for the catch. Theories are important, but without applications then who knows how students will get to fend themselves off in the real world. Plus, studies and past experiences have shown that learning is a lot more fun when the students are more engaged in practice as opposed to being passive listeners all day.

Also, I’ve never really realized this because I was still way younger back when I watched Order of the Phoenix and all I cared about was the magic and the special effects, but the fifth film tackled some serious concepts like government. 

Over his paranoia of being possibly replaced by Dumbledore as the head minister of magic (which was highly unlikely), Cornelius Fudge did everything in his power to shield the public from knowing that Voldemort was returning. At first, you’d think it was valiant until you knew the deeper reason behind why he did that. He even went so far as to indict Harry Potter for treason and lying. 

This shows how power and position can influence distorted thinking which is still very evident in the world we live in today. Corruption, I guess, runs in the veins of both muggles and wizards. Many government officials try to twist the story around in order to stay in position and save face. And the icing on the cake is the various means they use to try to win the public over. These include a) using pathetic sob stories that highlight their rise from travesty to triumph; b) ridiculously priced giveaways; and of course c) media masking or asking the media to either sugarcoat their images or acid wash their opponents’. Whatever it is, the government will always have an insidious agenda and so many books and novels have put this special concept in the spotlight. As for me, I’d rather they consume themselves in the fire that their sparks have ignited than let myself do.

In spite of the serious shades that the Harry Potter films have painted, it is undeniable that the boy who has lived has truly lived on to be a legend of our era. I will not deny myself the chance to express my pride for having experienced such a marvelous and magical saga of adventure, friendship, bravery, and heart. I grew up with Harry Potter and I’m thankful to have spent the last 10 (? not sure I kept track anymore haha) years or so riding the amazing ride and seeing how he and his friends grew up and fought the tides. I truly wish JK Rowling would have expanded on the series, but as with everything, all things must come to an end. Deep down though, I know inside of me that the magic lives on. 

Finite incantatem.

[ninthehuman]

I was watching Order of the Phoenix today and I fell in love with this beautiful quote from Sirius Black. 

It reminded me of this article I read somewhere explaining how the first thought that passes through our heads is what we are conditioned to think but it is our second thought that defines who we truly are as a person. Say, for example, if I was brought up to think of blondes as dumb, then I will most certainly go through most of my life carrying that schema. But if it was not innately in my character to judge people based on predisposed notions, then I would try to shove the thought away every time I meet a blonde-haired person. 

Scary isn’t it? How everybody has just as much of a potential to be a bad person as he/she has of being a good one. We are wired to think that way. Fortunately, we are not programmed in the same way that robots are. We have our own free will and we decide how to enact it. Plus, robots can’t feel the same way we do. 

So don’t beat yourself up too much for the first impressions that cross your mind because that’s an effect of the countless stereotypes we live with in this world. Instead, focus all your energy on the way you react or overcome the power of these conditioned thoughts because this dictates how you are in life.

[escafeism]

1. Stop assuming about other peoples’ feelings for you even they’re sending signals. Let them tell you directly. Being broken because of wrong assumption is devastating. 2. Do not expect. Let things happen. The moment you expect things will go smoothly according to plan, they didn’t. And all you’ll have is a heavy heart. Just remember best things happen when you least expect them. 3. When words are superfluous and pains are too much to contain, cry. There’s nothing wrong in crying whether you’re a boy or a girl. Tears are made to roll down your cheeks. And to make you feel better. 4. Remember this: Do not depend your happiness to things or to a single person in this world. Learn how to have happiness on your own. So the moment they’re gone, you will not be left truly destructed. And mind you, true happiness comes from within. 5. Tell people how you truly feel. If you’re annoyed, tell them— in the nicest way. If you miss them, express it to them. It feels good to let your feelings out. You don’t have all the time on earth so don’t leave them wondering how much they mean to you. 6. Eat healthy foods. Be green. Health is wealth. I know how good those snacks taste but your body suffers a lot from those guilty pleasures. Your body is your temple— you better take care of it. I bet, you don’t want to grow old carrying those unwanted diseases. 7. Save the earth for the next generation. Remember that sooner or later, you will be gone. Allow others to experience the beauty you’ve experienced here when you’re still breathing. Plant trees. Recycle papers and other stuff. Earth is worth saving. 8. Keep in mind that stars don’t shine without darkness and storms passed. You are strong. You are marvelous. You can survive the relentless battles of life. 9. Do remarkable and memorable things to increase your worth and value as a person. I bet you don’t want to stay as is. You desire to grow as a being. Start taking initiatives. It will be paid off in the end. 10. Value your family, your friends and your partner because they’re the people who nurtured you from the very beginning. They’re the ones who didn’t leave you no matter what.

10 Lessons I figured out as I aged (via escafeism)

[ninthehuman]

During my last year of college (see: internship year), we were highly discouraged by our instructor to use the term “unable” when documenting patient findings. For him, it discredited what potential our patients had in store for therapy. We were encouraged to magnify their assets instead.

To accentuate the positive and eliminate (or at least downplay) the negative. 

So for instance, instead of writing “Patient was unable to button his polo shirt” we wrote, “Patient was able to button 1 out of 5 buttons.” This highlighted the fact that the patient is still capable of buttoning at least one button and that’s good enough a place to start focusing all efforts in therapy. 

The great thing about being an occupational therapist is that you learn to appreciate the small improvements in your patient’s journey. No matter how tiny that improvement may be. I remember jumping like a crazed jackal when I heard one of my kid patients vocalize “gah” while holding his hand out as a signal to indicate his wants and needs for the very first time. 

For us OTs, sweating about the small stuff is what matters most. My outlook in therapy and patient care made me realize that life follows the same principle. Why waste such viable energy in worrying about the large wad of ugly things that’s happening in your life when you can pick out the little instances of happiness that make you grateful that you’re alive?

There are a multitude of things in this world that require your attention. The trick is to know which ones you need to invest most, if not all of your energy into. 

Accentuate the positive. Eliminate the negative. 

[ninthehuman]

Maturity Beckons

There comes a special point in your life when you feel like you could hurl yourself at the world, take life by the arms and drag it across the pavement screaming “LET’S DO THIS!”

I call it adulthood. 

Growing up for me was very — for lack of a better word — claustrophobic. At a very young age, I learned to look at life from behind the protective barrier of my parents’… er, protection. Ever seen the movie Bubble Boy? (look it up if you haven’t yet) That’s pretty much me in a nutshell. And I guess even up to now, it still is.

Being the eldest AND youngest child of the family (read: the only child), my parents felt it safe to keep me within a mile radius of their presence. Everywhere I went I had to update them and there has never been a single gathering with my friends wherein my phone did not ring from my parents’ calls. You’d think that as an only child, I grew up spoiled but I’d rather you think again. I was never that way as a child. I was just extremely nurtured. 

Erik Erikson, in his theory of emotional development, asserted that there is a special period within our lifespan known as “Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt” wherein the individual learns to either gather the guts to be independent or be the complete opposite. And this is supposed to happen at a very early age (see: 3 to 5 years old if I’m not mistaken). Mind you, Mr. Erikson, but I may have tilted myself over to the unfortunate end of the spectrum. 

Sometimes, I wish I was given more autonomy than expected.

I know, I know. It’s a selfish request. How can I complain when there are others out there who haven’t even felt the comforting nurture and love that their parents could offer. But believe me if you were in my shoes, the attention could get on your nerves sometimes. It’s like an annoying ball-and-chain attached to me wherever I go.

However, life has a funny way of letting you eat your words. Over the past few days, I have been very busy applying for a position in different rehab centers across Cebu. Because let’s be honest, what else could possibly signal the start of adulthood other than being actually employed? To put it out there, I was itching to get a job. 

Boy, was I completely unprepared. To summarize the chaos that has happened these past few days, if it weren’t for my parents’ guidance and direction, I wouldn’t have known where to send my application to, how the job process goes, and how important it is to make connections in the field of employment and hiring. 

Oh life, you and your sneaky means of showing me what maturity and growing up really is like. 

I suppose now, maturity comes when disinhibition goes. When you actually learn to let go of your immature and irrational thinking and learn to accept the judgment and experience of those before you, then you can say you’re at least a tad bit maturer. Hey, we’ve been taught in our OT theories before that children learn by imitation. As it applies, if we stop being so self-centered and start imitating more mature individuals around us then maybe we will eventually become the person we are so interested in becoming. 

As for my parents, we’re still a bit heated at each other, but it’s more of a dissipated vapor now than a bubbling cauldron of steaming molten lava. I’d rather not digress further on the issue, but to say the least, there was an evident conflict of Immaturity vs. Maturity (hey why don’t you add this to your theory Mr. Erikson haha). The important thing is that I learned that there is still SO MUCH to learn about growing up. 

From now on, I declare to never have a narrow view on adulthood ever again.

Over and out. 

[ninthehuman]

A Message of Courage (and updates)

Okay. Let me start things off with an apology as I haven’t been very loyal to this blog in such a long time. My last legit post was one year ago and if I’m not mistaken, I believe it was even a retrieved post from my drafts folder from over two years ago. But hey, that’s what the last few years of college life has done to me. It has made me sour, anhedonic, and uninspired. I haven’t even had enough time to imbibe all my readings for my exams and accomplish all the necessary requirements given the set deadline, how much more update my blog. Then there came internship/fifth year where deadlines and work consumed me. I guess I could spend several pages ranting about the stress and “has beens” of my remaining college years, but for this post, I choose not to elaborate further. For this post, I choose to claim (with sounding glory) the years of hard work, prayers and effort I have invested into my five good (and sometimes bad) years of studying Occupational Therapy. Because finally, I can say I’ve made it.

Recent update (as of August 2015): I have officially become an OTRP (Occupational Therapist Registered, Philippines) and I get to add these sweet four initials at the end of my name as a reward and sign of my credibility. After five years of studying and grating my head for long late hours, I am officially official. I’m a professional. 

Wow, thoughts. How do I begin to describe this? First: scary. To think it seemed like just yesterday when I was learning to tie my shoes and now I get to go off into the world and make a name for myself and my profession. Wow. Imagine being tossed into a pitch black abyss and feeling as if the only thing you are sure of is the uncertainty that lies beyond. Because as far as my metaphor-constructing skills go, that’s what it feels like for me. It’s scary but there’s still that smidgen of excitement that wells up inside of me at the thought of that happening. 

I remember, three days before our board exam, we had to undergo a stress debriefing activity. The facilitator helped us acknowledge our anxiety and doubts about the exam which honestly really helped a lot as it calmed us down and got our minds in check. There was a point during the session where I will never forget what the facilitator said: “Life offers no reassurance. Well, there is insurance but even that itself is not something that life can offer assuredly.” 

Or something like that.

Regardless of how very verbatim I’ve quoted her, her point sticks through. There is no tangible evidence in this world to assure you of the things that are going to happen to you in the future (well unless of course you are a psychic or a brilliant time-travelling-machine inventor of some sort but that is still up for further debate and discussion). And that is okay. I will repeat: IT IS OKAY TO BE AFRAID OF THE FUTURE. Simply because everyone feels the same way. Like the annoying itch that you just can’t localize and scratch away immediately, uncertainty and fright will always be variables in the formula that is life. 

But so is hope and courage. 

With everything that has happened, these two variables have remained constant in my life ever since and will remain with me up until I’ve spent my last remaining energy hoping and biding my strength and maybe even a little bit more. It will not make sense of me to tell you that it’s going to be okay when times (will) get tough because honestly everything gets worse before it gets better. And that’s okay. However, I hope that with everything life throws at you, you will learn to pick yourself up, wipe the dust off your feet and loudly exclaim “Ha! Is that all you’ve got?!” at life with a big victorious smile on your face.

Storms pass, be sure you’re there when the sun rises! :-)

[phanjam]

I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone.

Dan Howell (via jeanlucdiscard)

[iwilleatyourenglish]

everyone has said and done problematic things in their lifetime. that’s a result of the society we live in, not necessarily a reflection of their character.

what is a reflection of their character is how they react to being informed of the negativity within their behavior and statements, and whether or not they choose to change their behavior.

[ninthehuman]

I think the saddest people always appear, or at least try to appear, the happiest because they have to remind themselves that there is still that part of them that exists — a part that lies buried beneath the weight of the debris that’s pulling them down.

[ninthehuman]

My week in photographs