T&F Thursday
being completely honest and communicating is really hard. i know it's needed and need to remind myself i'm lying when i don't say how i'm really feeling.
i'm really glad he's finally admitting it might mean divorce. and can do it without crying. the communicating and reconnecting will be best for whatever outcome there is.
setting boundaries is going to be SO hard. i've just done whatever for so long now. want is so intertwined with dislike i can't tell the two apart. do i feel indifferent about this for distracted reasons, disconnected reasons, or is there serious dislike there that i've just allowed to feel indifferent
I really don't want to start another medication that's another nervous system depressant. but I also feel like that's selfish.
he says i'm not broken but we're literally trying to fix something that could be wrong with me because of my brain. if it's not that then it's that my brain is different on se.uality and that feels broken too even if it's not.
i'm really glad he's getting help. i'm sorry this is what it took to get him to talk to someone, but i'm glad he is. the fact that he never told me he was s.... in louisiana hurts. god what a shitshow that time was there. in addition to it just being louisiana. i completely block out how unhappy i was there. it's easy to do because i was so busy with the kids and whatever.
i actually don't know if i want to wait another two weeks for therapy. but also knowing he doesn't approve of my therapist also makes it hard to be like "hey i'm going to go talk to my therapist."
i'm feeling sufficiently overwhelmed and tired. i know hard is necessary but geez. this involves conflict, confrontation, honesty and i'm not good at any of those.
















