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Misplaced Lens Cap
Cosimo Galluzzi
hello vonnie
tumblr dot com
Not today Justin
trying on a metaphor
dirt enthusiast
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styofa doing anything
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Sade Olutola
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i don't do bad sauce passes
One Nice Bug Per Day
todays bird
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Janaina Medeiros
we're not kids anymore.
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@nivdy
If you ever wonder where I went, I'm still here, Just a lot quieter.
The last couple years were tough
Go look at vrisrezi/junerezi/vrisjune/junevrisrezi art I returned to my homestuck phase but I don't have many friends to talk to about it
Vriska eating forever weed brownie
day 28
Do you also habitually add like to your texts like you would if speaking verbally or do I just have autism again
i love when romance is treated like horror. in both aro and allo flavors
simultaneously i love when horror is treated like romance. the house doesnt want you to leave the ghost just wants your attention the corpse just wants your heart etc
So theres a game with a name along the lines of "just okay" or something like that and you're kidnapped by a girl, and its kinda ambiguous how much of her reasoning is obsession and how much is maybe like for money, you learn she is a fan of your art, and like in the bad ends she basically says your art was just okay. Anyhow like one ending leads you into thinking that some Stockholm syndrome shit could be happening, and then right as the mc was given their first chance at freedom they kill her and I think its pretty cool for a visual novel I watched a youtuber play a few years ago
My brain is fried, seasoned, and served man bc how do I see a paw print and lime green and immediately assume jade harley
I moved but I can't say I moved on. I get so close to forgetting, I cast the shell of a person I once was, but my flesh is still tender and I find myself shaking.
Do you still think about me? Or am I some embarassment to your past, a person you spent 15 years with and regret it all now? I don't regret it, I just wish you could've come with me, stayed my friend, grown some. Now you're trapped there, and I feel free but at what cost?
Hey, if you're reading this, you know I'm talking to you, and if you're not who I'm talking to, this post isnt worth your time, so let me cut through the bullshit.
You know I have schizophrenia, right? Thats something we talked about, near the end of it, right? Turns out theres more wrong with me, I'm sure you picked up on that.
The bri you know, that bri, the one you grew up with, they're in my conciousness too, I think, they've just decided to go by brie for my sake. Truth be told, theyre the person you would want to talk about anyway. I'm just a bitter, lonely, exhausted, probably hateful person. I frankly, feel awful thinking about you, but they care about you. They want to write kind words and hear from you, but I can't. Those are their feelings, not mine. I don't want anything to do with you. I want you to stop being someone I have to think of. I want you to stop being someone who matters to me. I want you to stop being the person my paranoid schizophrenic ass worries about, thinking when I go to my parents place, I'm gonna get the call about your suicide. Because I don't know you. I don't know ANYTHING about you. I just know how I feel, and how they respond when they recognise something as being related to you.
I was abused, neglected, things I don't even want to get into, and my mind has cut it all out. I can't feel it, but for some godforsaken reason, the feeling of anxiety when I see you is present. I fucking hope you are as desperate to find me as they are, so you can read this and hell maybe even EXPLAIN why I feel this way. Because I don't think I like you. But I don't know you. And thats not a feeling I get often.
But brie's emotions are there too.
And knowing that makes me feel more sad than anything.
I can understand where brie comes from, I can feel their feelings enough to understand how important you were to them. Whenever I do something I did as a child, I get the feeling of wanting to tell you about it. I reread homestuck, months ago. Did you even know I read homestuck in the first place? Why do I want you to read homestuck? Why do I care at all how you feel about anything? Why do I resonate so much with a fucking troll from a webcomic made in the early 2010s, and her story with greiving her friend? Terezi killed Vriska, then used john to bring her back because she regretted it, but then Vriska just abandoned her again. And Terezi spent years looking for her. She never found Vriska. But I keep fucking finding you.
I'm socially dogshit, I'm emotionally drained, I'm physically strong, and I feel like a fucking teenager figuring out how to live by themself, but I've been alive for 23 years, and I've been living on my own for 3. I doubt you'll read this. I doubt you'd want to finish reading this. But for some reason, I hope you do. I hope youre desperate enough to reach out to a person who doesnt even know you, because theres a person inside aem that does.
But unless you do, I want this to be my last goodbye to you. I want brie to heal. I want to heal. And neither of us can, if were stuck with memories of you.
me when
Sometimes the brain thinks when it shouldn't, and sometimes the brain doesnt think when it should
S e v e n
I hope my wawas know i love them
Idk if this is relatable at all but like over the past few months I've been trying to get back into writing and the worst feeling is having a specific topic that is absolutely central in your mind but every time you go to try and write on it it just doesn't feel up to the standard you'd expect of yourself like "I used to write about my passions endlessly" and now you feel like everything you say comes off flatter and without soul, like you want to make a post, an article, a video anything that hits the "oh it finally makes sense why they've been gone all this time" and you just know that theres no way you'll live up to it, so you consider returning to the void forever and lose any connection you had, but it keeps tugging at you. Telling you to come back and do it again, better than before
Maybe I'm just autistic and overthinking though thats possible
Viscous cycle of assumed gender
[oc] Feelin' Sillay!
Oh yeah and ive become the absolute worst version of myself by actually returning to that which I came from (severe autism homestuck era) so don't ask me about it
I have the extremely bad brain sorgy for abandoning everyone
this is the only time google's stupid ai has ever made my life better in any capacity
extremely minor gripe but when trying to write something academic it is often recommended to omit the second s for words possessive apostrophe s, so in this case, penis's should just be penis' assuming that it's trying to be informational it would make more sense for it to just not add that second s and I understand that this is just a case of a stupid machine writing stupid words without understanding what it's even saying but it makes me slightly annoyed and I felt the need to talk.
I fucking hate having to do this again. it wasn't even that long ago, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do
My landlords fucked me. They promised me that I wouldn't have to pay electricity for the broken heater over the winter months. they told me they wouldn't raise rent until october, when I would hopefully have moved out. they transferred ownership, and left me with 1500 and allison with even more. I can't afford it, she can't either. https://ko-fi.com/nivdy
I'm fucking terrified
