i'm alive

Noah Ethan Carson || 26

[kieranjacksons-blog]

date night

[noahecarson-blog1]

kieranjacksons:

In a way, he was definitely asking Noah to Netflix and chill with him in the fanciest way possible. Kieran didn’t want to just treat it like a one night stand. He wanted to take him to his favorite places around the city; show him where he grew up; watch the stars and maybe talk under them. Under that cool exterior, Kieran was a bit of a romantic. He dreamed of the relationships where he was able to treat the other with the kindness they deserved. Showering them in gifts and gestures that he could only wish for. He did it because he knew they always deserved it. The pause from his sarcastic remark to his answer gave his heart to beat in his stomach. He had an inkling he had already accepted, but he just wanted to make sure. 

He gave a sigh of relief when he actually said yes, and then at his second words, a small smile grew on the others face. It was always nice to be reassured. “I…yeah,” Kieran replied a little hesitant. “I mean yes, I did.” He couldn’t help the fear of insecurities that crept in when it came to relationships. His smile grew at his wink, and he couldn’t help the soft blush that appeared on his face. “Alright then um I’ll pick you up at your place at eight? Does that sound alright?”

Eight o’clock, he had just gotten home from work at nearly seven due to the stupid traffic and now he was in a bit of a panic because he only had an hour left to get ready. An hour wasn’t nearly enough time for him and as Noah showered, he found himself to be caught in a cliche of a dilemma: what to wear. He’s pretty sure Kieran has seen him in everything he has and technically without anything as well; he has to be careful to keep those particularly ‘not safe for work’ thoughts at bay because he definitely doesn’t have time for that. 

He barely has his pants on and is throwing every shirt left and right when his doorbell rings. Noah slips on a light blue button up, hoping it’s suitable enough and he’s racing to the front of his place to open the door. “You’re early.” He chuckled, though with a quick glance to his watch, Kieran is actually right on time. Of course he is, Noah isn’t too surprised though. “Am I dressed okay? Or do I need to change?”

[kieranjacksons-blog]

date night

[noahecarson-blog1]

kieranjacksons:

“Sorry, didn’t mean to disturb you or anything,” Kieran replied with a shy smile, motioning with his head down to the stack of papers he had on his desk. He wanted to ask a few questions on how his job was going and everything, but he knew all he was doing was just stalling from the question he was afraid to ask. He was afraid of being rejected from the other even if Kieran knew that they liked each other. Plus there was the whole aspect of the jobs they had to deal with if they did start dating. What if they couldn’t work together because of that? What if he got kicked out? Even worst, what if Noah thought this was all just a fling? The last part of it hurt the most. For emotional Kieran, he knew he always got invested too fast but he was determined not to mess it up at least this time. He wasn’t going to get attached so quickly so when Noah tore away, he wouldn’t be a mess. The detective always did a great job hiding it, but that’s when he had Noah. What if it was about him? Kieran swallowed slightly and looked away from him for a second to gather his confidence. “I uh.. well, after what happened and um a couple nights ago,” the detective started. “I was wondering if you wanted to um go on a date tonight? Or y’know a simple hang out. Like a movie or food or something.. chill..” He leaned back against the desk. “Y’know chill.” 

"My my, Kieran Jacksons, are you asking me to Netflix and chill with you?” Noah teased yet the smirk on his face grew wider. This was definitely another first for him because even though they lived in a very progressive century, he still was the one who asked people out on dates. It made him feel giddy and before he could get swept up in his happiness, he took a cautious glance around to make sure they weren’t being eavesdropped. It wasn’t that Noah was ashamed, he still had no idea who he was or how he felt but he would never be embarrassed, but he couldn’t let outside forces make it more difficult on his self-journey or what he could have with Kieran. 

“Yes, if you didn’t catch my answer in my remark then I must be losing my touch but of course I’d go on a date with you. You know you mean more to me than just a hook-up, right?” Noah couldn’t help but ask seriously regarding his last point. He was a gentleman, always was no matter what the rest of the precinct thought and especially when it came to someone he cared about. Kieran deserved more than just a fling and to be honest, Noah could see himself being something more with him.  “Besides, how could anyone say no to a stud like you?” He winked.

[kieranjacksons-blog]

date night

Kieran was nervous. After their rendevous, a couple nights before, he thought it was probably wise to take the other out on a real date. That’s what people did when they liked each other right? They went out on dates. At least that’s what he remembered doing. It had been a really long time since he had been out with anyone. Let alone someone he worked with. Noah was different though because he was charasmatic in a way that made him disregard his rule for dating coworkers in fear that it would end badly. He was drawn to those blue eyes filled with such adventure, and he couldn’t help himself with he saw the other become so passionate about his work. It almost seemed like something out of his wildest fairytales that a date didn’t even seem possible for him. He had to make it perfect but knowing Kieran, he’d probably screw it up in some way. Not sure how, but he definitely would. He was deep in thought at his desk across from Noah that he didn’t realize it was time to head home. Someone patting his shoulder got him out of his head and back into work. “Yeah, yeah I’m heading home,” Kieran said to the other, waving him off. He walked over slowly to Noah, leaning against his desk. “Hey, um, you busy tonight?”  @aarontveitrps

[noahecarson-blog1]

This had to be H.R.’s worst nightmare. Actually, the moment Noah joined the precinct he had become their worst nightmare and now he was just adding to a list of the many things Human Resources would go nuts over. Though it amused him to do so, this was one of the many times he found himself worrying because his job was his life, but Kieran also was an important part too. He’d never be able to choose one over the other and he hoped it wouldn’t have to come to that. 

Shaking the fear out of his head, he focused on finishing the stack of forms he had on his desk. His eyes drifted over to the man that took over his thoughts, every so often, before Noah would quickly catch himself and bring his attention back to his papers. The day seemed to breeze by far too quickly for his liking, mostly because he knew that meant less time to stare at Kieran, and he pouted for a moment before he saw Kieran walk over to his desk. A small smirk spread across his face as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah, I am. What’s up?”

[kieranjacksons-blog]

It was true. Kieran would not want Noah any other way. The teasing, the witty banter - all of it had become part of the young detective’s life and one that he enjoyed living. He smiled at the gentle kiss to the back of his neck, a shudder falling down his spine. He leaned forward to lean his forehead against the other’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist. “I do now. I like like you too,” he murmured softly, his fingers running up and down the dip of his spine. “I’ve liked liked you for a long time.” He chuckled. “I had such a school boy crush.”

[noahecarson-blog1]

“I’m real glad.” Noah chuckled back. “Awwww little Kiery had a crush on me. Did you write Kieran Carson in your little police notebook?” He teased, pulling his partner closer to him. He didn’t say much after that, just enjoying the moment in knowing that he had Kieran in his arms and that he was okay. Noah knew he would never let Kieran get into harm’s way like that ever again.

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Kieran shot him a look of distaste and rolled his eyes dramatically. “Haha, you’re funny, Carson,” He grunted just jumping into the shower without caring about the temperature of the water. He wasn’t one to care that much about temperature of the water anyway. He let himself soak into the water for a moment to get everything off his body then leaned his head back against the wall of the shower, closing his eyes to just savor the moment of everything. “That was…quite an evening,” He replied with a small chuckle. “Enjoyable though.”

[noahecarson-blog1]

“You know you wouldn’t have me any other way Jacksons.” He retorted, following Kieran’s lead and stepping inside the shower behind him. Noah wrapped his arms around the other’s waist, pressing a small kiss to the back of his neck. “I have to agree, definitely didn’t plan on this happening but I’m not complaining.” It was nice to have an intimate moment with the brunette, even when they were both still naked. Noah could feel his heart beating hard in his chest from the utter adoration he felt and it only grew stronger the more he was around Kieran. “I like like you, ya know that?”

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Kieran breathed heavily as he laid down on the bed, trying to catch his breath. Watching the other come completely undone in front of him almost spurred him on for another round.. He didn’t know what it was about Noah, but he wanted more. He wanted everything the other had to offer. He took another minute to just take in everything when the other climbed off of him and walked to the shower. He chuckled softly as he glanced over watching the other wiggle his butt. “I’m coming I’m coming,” he replied, getting up from the bed the follow the other into the shower. It was weird, when the other thought how this evening would go this was not what he thought. He thought it would be just some deep talks about life, instead here he was talking a shower with his partner and wanting to push him against the wall for more. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

It felt as if a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders and though there was still some confusion leftover, he knew he didn’t need to rush to figure it out. Kieran made it possible for him to just enjoy things and to take his time. And it wasn’t like this was some stranger, this was his partner, the one who knew him best with the amount of hours they’ve worked together and spent even outside of the field. “You definitely were.” Noah teased with a smirk, making sure the water was just the right temperature. 

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Kieran gasped when he grabbed his length, Noah’s hand stroking up and down drove him close to the edge. He matched the others speed against his erection his moans coming out more in short breaths. He was coming closer and closer to coming undone, and any moment he felt like he was about to burst. He toes curled at the edge, his mouth was agape, his head was swirling - all of it were signs that he was about to come completely undone and fast. Noah’s dirty talking only spurred him on more as he pulled the other close to to attach his lips. “Yes,” he hummed against his lips, biting down against his lower lips. Then he couldn’t hold it back anymore, his back arched against the sheets and he moaned Noah’s name loud against the sheets, his hands grasping for something to hold on to as he came completely undone. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

Noah watched as Kieran’s whole expression changed, his hips fucking harder into the other’s grasp and he could only groan when he’s pulled in for another kiss. He pulled away to watch as the brunette came and with a few more thrusts he’s tipped over the edge, his eyes close as his orgasm hits him and he couldn’t help but moan again and again. It seemed to last forever but once it was over, Noah let out a shaky breath and he finally opened his eyes, looking down at Kieran and his dick twitches at the sight. There’s a hickey placed high on his neck, his lips look more swollen and red than before, and his body was covered with cum. He never knew that that would be a turn on but apparently, he was almost ready for a round two. “C’mon, let’s go get you cleaned up.” Noah chuckled instead, getting up to go turn on the shower. He glanced over his shoulder, looking at Kieran one last time before wiggling his butt. “You coming or what?”

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Kieran moaned continuously to the others mouth as he felt the other hard against his hips. It was enough to send him almost over the edge. His embarrassment was put to the side though when the other kept going, and his mind left him. Everything was just a jumbled part of emotions in his head. His breathing became much shorter as the other moaned into his mouth. He moved his hand down to his hard erection, slowly stroking it with his hand. He had fully let all his instinct take over. He learned if he thought too much about anything like this, it would be ruined and he did not want this to be ruined. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

“Fuck.” Noah gasped when Kieran wrapped a hand around his dick, jerking him off almost teasingly slow. He thrusted into his grasp, his moaning getting louder and he was so damn close, teetering on the edge of his orgasm. In a purely instinctual thought, he took hold of Kieran’s erection, his grip changing as his hand stroked up and down the length of his cock. He used the techniques that would usually get himself off and the sight of Kieran coming more and more undone had Noah wanting to hear him moan his name again. “You like that? You like having a hard cock in your hand?”

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Kieran chuckled at the others statement, wanting to both hit him with a pillow but also kiss him more. Of course, he had been with other men, but not like Noah. They were more awkward, more secretive, while with Noah everything was wild and ruled by emotions. Some people he had been with were scared, and were not out yet. He remembered he used to be that kid once, but he was much more confident now. He pulled away from his lips to kick off the rest of his boxers then pull him back down to kiss him, his fingers tugging gently at his blonde locks. He moaned gently against his lips as their bodies touched, wanting so much more of them to touch. “Noah,” he slurred out gently, immediately blushing deeply. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

Noah paused his movements, lifting himself so Kieran could kick off his boxers and he was on him again, grinding their hips together. His pace slipped when his name was moaned and it had him kissing Kieran that much harder. He was so close to his orgasm and he needed it so desperately, he didn’t have time to be embarrassed from how quick it was. He was getting used to the fact that the brunette just had that effect on his body. His thrusting grew more erratic, moaning into Kieran’s mouth endlessly.

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Kieran merely let out a small laugh at the other’s statement and grinned when he pushed him on top. He grinned his fingers tracing the others chest muscles curiously. He couldn’t believe he was kissing Noah of all people, and he would be damned if he didn’t enjoy it to its fullest potential. “If you want it off um you’re going to have to well get it off,” He teased chuckling before pulling him down to kiss him feverishly, his arm already pulling his neck toward him to get him closer. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

“But you’ve put me in a position where I can’t because I’m too busy kissing you.” Noah murmured in between kisses before he laughed. With the girls he dated, he never had fun during anything sexual, it was always hot and steamy. But he was enjoying the fact that with Kieran, it still was hot and steamy but also fun and lighthearted. He still had no clue what he was doing and was mostly following what he think was right, which seemed to be working out pretty well, and if Kieran’s moans were anything to go by then he was going in the right direction. His hands moved towards his boxers, tugging them down as much as he can without letting his lips part from the brunette’s.

[kieranjacksons-blog]

His heavy breathings and moans were sending him wild. Who knew after so long of being partners they would be all over each other right now? Kieran let out a frustrated groan when he pulled apart and smiled slightly at his statement. “Let’s go,” he murmured, unwrapping his legs from around him and pulled him toward the bedroom. He stopped outside to take off his work khakis and toss them on the couch then made his way inside. In just his boxers, everything was much more apparent against the soft cloth. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

“Jesus fucking christ.” Noah whistled softly, his dick twitching in his shorts at Kieran’s body. “Off, I want it all off.” He muttered as he slid off his gym shorts and boxer briefs in one go, pushing Kieran onto the bed and getting on top. Noah was cursing at himself because if he had let himself realize his attraction to the younger man earlier, then they definitely could have been doing this more. And in an odd position, his heart warmed at the thought that they were going to get to now, do all this and a lot more. 

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Hearing the other moan, sent a shiver down his spine as he moved forward to grasp the other around the back his nails digging into the other as he worked on his neck. His hips immediately mimiced the other, as his hips bucked against the other. He needed the friction and he needed to feel the other against him. The bulge in his pants started to grow as his fingers intertwined in the other hair as he started down his chest and butt. He arched his back in pleasure when he nipped at his skin. He couldn’t remember the last time that he felt this amazing. Each part of his skin was tingling and every ounce of his body was asking for more. He needed more of Noah’s skin against his and needed to hear his moans. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

He pulled away just so he could look up and see how absolutely wrecked Kieran looked and he knew he probably looked the same. Noah need to get even closer to him and with just a few articles of clothing left he knew he wanted them off. But he didn’t want to stop their pace and it frustrated him that he let out a groan. “I really really like what we’re doing but we need to pause because I need to take these damn shorts off and I need you to take your pants off”, he said breathlessly. 

[kieranjacksons-blog]

At the acceptance of the date, Kieran couldn’t help but smile ever so slightly. He couldn’t wait, but figuring out where they were going was going to be the hardest part. He leaned forward to kiss him gently, before glancing down and chuckling slightly. “Well, um.. how about we finish what we started first..” He murmured softly as he moved to wrap his legs around the others waist and threw off his shirt to the side so they could feel each other’s skin. He cupped the other’s cheek gently, easily getting back into the groove. His hormones hadn’t died at all even when they had broken it off, but like Kieran, he was a gentleman, and he was only inclined with the other so obviously gave him permission. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

Noah’s mouth parted so he could lick his suddenly dry lips as he watched Kieran strip off his shirt. His hormones had his whole body heating up and he could only moan before attaching his lips to the spot that he had been previously working on before. His hips thrusted up in a desperate attempt to get more friction and more of Kieran moaning. Noah kissed his way down, nipping gently at the brunette’s skin while kneading his ass with his hands. 

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Hearing him sound like he was in complete disbelief, left him with a small chuckle. He turned toward him, his hand reaching out to his and grasping it tightly. “You know, you don’t have to figure out what you are, or what you are right at this moment. You don’t have to know who you are or what you’re doing right now. What’s important is that if you really liked what we did back there then I really like what we did too, okay? I really… really lo-liked making out with there, and I would like to do it again.” He smiled gently. “I like like you, and if you want, I’d love to take you out on a real date. Somewhere to get this started.”

[noahecarson-blog1]

Noah had to admit, the feeling of Kieran so close and squeezing his hand made him feel less stressed and worried. His words only helped that much more and he found himself chuckling again. “I would love to go on a date with you, there’s nothing that I want more right now.” Though that was a partial lie because his erection was still prominent and his hormones still hadn’t died down that much. But Noah was a gentleman, regardless of what the rest of the department thought, he was not one to ruin romantic moments with his hormones and now was not going to be ruined. 

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Kieran paced around the room, his phone going to voicemail and his eyes down with an intent look of confusion on his face. He glanced back over at him his eyes wide with hurt mixed with fading lust.  Though the more Kieran looked at him, the more he wanted to go back over and tackle Noah against the couch and go back to what they were doing a few minutes ago. His hair, the messy floppy blonde mess that he had so much fun running his hands through and his red swollen lips that he had enjoyed kissing almost urged him to go back and take him, but he didn’t. The fear of messing something up was too strong. He tried to register what he was saying. That maybe his childhood boy crush was admitting that he might have a crush on him back. He sighed at the others last statement, and walked back over, sitting down next to him. It was weird sitting there after everything that just happened. 

“I’ll stay then,” he murmured softly, glancing up at him. “I have something to admit though.” He smiled almost sorrowfully. “I’m gay, and I’ve had a crush on you for awhile.”

[noahecarson-blog1]

He looked at Kieran nervously, waiting for his response while his stomach seemed to churn. A sigh of relief came when the younger man went to sit by him. There was the temptation to reach out again but Noah didn’t want to ruin it and push his luck. “You are?” The moment the words left his mouth, he couldn’t help but laugh in amusement at his stupidity. “I don’t know what I am anymore. I like girls, but I also really really loved what we just did. And when you had the gun by your head and I thought I was going to lose you, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I think I like you, like, like like you.”

[kieranjacksons-blog]

His hips grinding up against his was enough to illicit a continuous stream of moans against his lips. Immediately though as Noah started on his neck, Kieran’s phone started to ring taking him out of his trance and losing his grace, falling over against the table. He was breathing heavily, sitting up to gain consciousness and his breath then everything came hitting him at once. Noah was half naked under up, and they were just making out like teenagers in the back of the car. He wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t feel good, but holy shit, that wasn’t why he came over. He came over to make sure Noah was okay not to make out with him. “Holy shit,” Kieran muttered standing up and staring at the other. “Holy shit, Noah, I’m gay. You’re not.” 

[noahecarson-blog1]

Noah let out a disgruntled groan when they were interrupted and it seemed to be a slap to his face as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. The realization of what they were doing finally turned his mind back on and his confusion seemed to hit him like a knee to his stomach. “I-” He was at a lost for words as he took in the sight of Kieran, standing there with his hair disheveled and his lips still red from all the kissing. “I don’t know anymore. The only thing I do know is that I look at you and I get a weird feeling in my stomach and what we were just doing was definitely something I want more of.” He thought he was straight, his whole life he had only been with girls and he never looked at a guy like the way he was now looking at Kieran. It confused the hell out of Noah but everything he thought he knew was clearly changing. “And what I do know is that I want you to stay.”

[kieranjacksons-blog]

Hearing the others breathy moan against his lips was enough for Kieran to lose all sense of his sanity. He had been lost to the lust in his eyes, and the hormones had taken over his body. He bit gently on the others bottom lip, as he captured his lips again against his, already missing the sense of the other against his lips. He couldn’t remember the last time he had done this with someone, and it had felt amazing to let go. That’s what he liked about Noah, he helped him let go of his pre-planned ideals and lead into recklessness. He leaned into the bulge in Noah’s pants, brushing his own against him in a rhythmic motion. A low moan escaped his lips as he felt the others hands against his shirt. He liked having the other against his skin. 

[noahecarson-blog1]

The drag of Kieran’s teeth had him raking his nails against his back. The friction had Noah’s body shuddering and the moan Kieran let out was like music to his ears. He wanted to hear it again and his hands moved to grip the other man’s ass, grinding his hips up harder than they already were. He felt like a teenager again as they grinded together and he could feel himself getting more wound up. Noah broke apart from their kiss to latch onto a spot on Kieran’s neck, sucking and nipping his teeth at the skin without breaking it.