it was in the bleak december. @noblessing - Tumblr Blog

#NOBLESSING. private, low - activity qrow branwen of RWBY. written by cole ( they / he, 29 ). heavily headcanon based. exploring misfortune and the grief that follows. i write qrow under the belief that he is ruby's father, but i ignore the fndm's take on it. guilt, its burden, and the chance to try again.

affiliated with: scythette, omenlink, roseasunder, todusts.

#jk i just did it in my draft instead of updating the other one

sasasafeier

#tbt /

james vc. qrow control your daughter-niece. she is causing problems.

you know damn well i can't. and that i won't

#so sick when i made the first one i couldnt even spell robyns name right

omenlink

❝ and my brother would never be so weak. ❞ your hand lowers, fingers curling in on themselves. you want to believe that, to believe that qrow has always stood with you even despite his own reservations. but his refusal is proof otherwise. fingers curl properly into a fist as your hand drops back by your side. the disgust marring his face hurts worse than his words ever could. it hurts more than the realization that you've known since you first set foot in beacon that you'd lose him somehow, in some way. you want to cast the blame out. put it on anyone other than yourself.

you know it would just reflect back on yourself. you bite your tongue.

❝ i have considered you, qrow. i always consider you. it's why i put up with this charade for so long, to make you happy. i didn't want it to stretch this far. i didn't want any of it. ❞ you did. you wanted the normalcy and love you received from all of them so badly that it scared you. it scared you each morning you woke up next to taiyang and realized the weight of your own longing hanging over you.

then, the kid made things more complicated. it scared you more than tai did.

you tell qrow none of these things, because none of them matter. you need to leave. with or without your brother, you'll flee. it would be much easier if he'd cooperate, a weight lifted that's been keeping you tethered.

❝ if i leave without you, i won't be coming back for you. ❞

noblessing

‘ i don't believe you. ’ you don't. you can't. the life she's had, the way she grew into the roles given to her — not effortlessly, no, but with time, she found her place. like you hoped she would. you were relieved, seeing her happy. happier than you think she ever was back home. it made you think this is how the rest of your lives would go. the two of you with new - found family, growing away from your past. with new purpose, helping instead of harming.

that belief now, you can see, was childish, to think it was enough. raven can claim it was all a game over and over, as many times as she wants. you know her better than that. you know she would never let it get this far if it was all a game. it just wasn't enough to change her.

‘ you wanted this. maybe not as much as i did, but some part of you wanted all of this. ’ you craved it. longed for it. you have everything you dreamed of, and now your sister wants you to leave it behind. you start to pace in frustration. the disgust is still evident in your voice and tone. a hand slips into your jacket in search of your flask. you take a swig. ‘ your semblance makes that clear. ’ a quiet dig, spiteful but true. ‘ at least be honest about that. ’

you stop in your tracks. another swig, a heavy exhale. the anger and hurt burn more than the liquor. you hate feeling this way. ‘ you know what that place was like for me. ’ maybe she doesn't understand it. what it's like to be shunned. an outcast. and maybe that's the worst part. ‘ between our team, our family, oz — what does home got for you that they don't? ’

#kids please stop fighting

omenlink

where to begin? the history between the two of you and every horrible thing that you have done sits heavy on your shoulders. you can't undo the past, but you can make a better future. it should be an easy enough thing to admit, but, truthfully, you don't know if your pride can handle it. you're working on it, though; how to admit your faults and damage your pride without turning tail and running away. maybe you could learn a thing or two from him. you could learn more than a few things from your niece, but it's such a strange concept to think of her as family. not because she's done anything wrong, but because you have. ❝ i know you're a big kid, qrow. but maybe it's time for me to be one, too. ❞ you mean it's time for you to stop running away and finding solace in your vices. you mean it's time for you to be a mother, be a sister, in all the ways that you failed before. ❝ besides, it's hot. water's better. ❞

more stalling. always stalling. a slow sip of water as you begin to think of where to begin. it would be easier if it wasn't qrow, you think. if it were, instead, someone who you could lie to and look in the eye without shying away. but lying to him has never been easy, and when you meet his eyes, you see your own shame reflected back at you. your mirror in every worst way, but also all the ways that matter.

❝ i'm sorry, ❞ you say, and it slips out in a rush. there is remorse in your voice ( or, you think — remorse and raven do not go hand - in - hand ), even despite the urgency. ❝ i'm sorry for leaving you, i guess. i don't think i would've done things differently, but i'm sorry for it anyway. ❞ it's a bad apology. it's a bad way to start things, especially when you're not sorry for what happened after you left. you're not sorry you did what you thought was right. you are sorry for leaving him alone, and you hope that he knows that. ❝ you can hate me for that, if you want. you can call me selfish, too. i would probably agree with you. but i— we can start there, can't we? ❞

noblessing

she talks and you listen. there hasn't been enough of this between the two of you. listening, not to the words, but what goes unsaid. if you had been more graceful, maybe you could have avoided the arguments and fights you've had. maybe you would still be inseparable, if either of you had ever taken the time to consider the other. or maybe, it wouldn't have changed anything. but that thought is best left in the past — it won't get you anywhere now.

you try to remain neutral while she talks, keep reactions to yourself. you believe the apology, despite knowing if it had come at any other time, you would tell her not to bother with lies. if raven has ever had a natural gift for anything, it's self - preservation. she left for her own safety. you stayed for yours. even if it was a betrayal, she can't be faulted for securing her future. not completely. and neither can you.

there's a long, uncomfortable silence. yeah, we can start here.

‘ you were selfish. ’ you look up at her almost sheepishly. ‘ but so was i. ’ the branwens taught you many things, the importance of self - interest chief among them. raven took to those lessons better, but you didn't exactly escape it. she was born with a more resilient nature; that life always suited her better. your own self - interest took the shape of a bottle.

another sigh and pause. your brow furrows, heavy with consideration. ‘ i don't hate you. ’ you sound sad. and you are, that this claim is so contradictory to your last encounter. we're not family anymore. it broke you to say that, pushed you further into a grave others had to pull you from. you regret those words now. you slump back in your chair. ‘ i told myself i did. believed it for a while, too. ’ the anger you held covered the hurt you felt. ‘ after a while... all i wanted was my sister back. ’

#hey

oh great its YOU again. mr guy who is soooo willing to die on any terms but by his own hand yeah???? uh-huh??? youre sooo cool. i hate you.

ill cheers to that bro

how did you fumble so badly...

pretty easily actually but im sure you can relate

🧍‍♂️

grips you by the shoulders. hello.

omenlink

❝ she smiles like you used to, at her age. ❞ your attention is half on qrow, half on the girl. you'd been mistaken to say she was just like her mother, and you see it now clear as day. the sharp cut of her jaw, the shape of her eyes, and above all the smile, are all qrow. it's warming, in a way. opposite of the way you felt when you realized how much of yourself you'd seen in your own daughter. ❝ i thought she was all summer. don't get me wrong, i see her in ruby too, but... ❞ summer is not an easy topic, and you know this. she's something of a sore spot for you, too, so you trail off. let the words fade like a forgotten memory.

❝ she laughs like you, too. when you actually used to laugh more. ❞ a smile. a small, fleeting, thing but it's a smile all the same. the glass of water resting on the table, cupped between gloved palms, is more of an anchor than anything. gaze turns to it, on the beads of condensation that roll down the surface. you ache for something stronger, but your love for @noblessing is more important than giving into your vices.

your lips press together in a thin line as you hold a breath for a second. exhale slowly, and then, you lift the glass to sip at the water. tasteless. you want the burn of whiskey, but you know qrow's flask has long since run dry. you're proud. he's always been stronger, hasn't he?

❝ sorry. i'm stalling. ❞ you admit, as you set the glass down. there's so much that needs to be said, but after so long, you don't know how to say any of it. ❝ we need to talk. i know we do. it's just— no. we need to talk. about everything, i suppose. ❞

noblessing

‘ yeah, she does. ’ you rub at your face with a hand. ‘ it's... kinda weird, right? ’ you thought you were the only one that could see it, the parts of you she inherited. or maybe, everyone instead chose to focus on the parts of summer. a way for them to remember her — to watch her live on in her daughter. not so different from how you and tai saw raven in yang. you remembered the best of her. and that is what everyone sees in ruby. the best of summer. maybe, if more knew your secret, they would see the best of you, too. like raven does.

you sigh, shifting awkwardly in your seat. nothing was said about your sobriety. it must be obvious. in your face, your composure. you know how different you have been since you put down the bottle. there is more to you, and more to life. raven has seen you at your worst — and, with the gift you have been given, she is seeing you at your best. ‘ i'm a big kid, raven. ’ you motion at her glass with a finger, hands cradling your own. there's laughter to your tone, a trace of a smile as you stare at her. ‘ i can handle seeing you drink. ’

you haven't craved a drop in weeks. other mechanisms have taken its place to sooth your anxiety. fingers fiddle along the edge of the glass, silently tapping or tracing the rim. you shift again, this time avoiding eye contact and instead staring at her glass on the table. ‘ yeah, yeah — we do. ’ you didn't mind her stalling — if only because you know how difficult it has become for the two of you to talk openly. but you want to. you still hate how your last conversation ended. ‘ kinda hard to pick where to start, isn't it? ’

#omenlink #hehe ummmmmm i wrote this so fast i have to piss but didnt want to lose my brain