your birthdays are different now that he’s with you.
You don't remember why, but the birthday parties stopped after you turned 18.
Moving out from home for college, you thought you'd spend your birthday with new faces, over the top parties where your mom would definitely scold you for.
You tried waiting up until 12 a.m. that very night.
Waiting.
Maybe your friends would come with a cake? You see those things happen a lot with other people. However once the time showcased on your phone strikes 12, the door was oddly quiet.
One minute passed, and then two.
Half an hour passes, no one comes.
Your phone, however, already has notifications from the ones you knew for a very long time, high school friends, cousins, siblings.
But no one really showed up.
With a heavy heart, you slept it off with a new knowledge that perhaps this might be how your birthday will go from now on.
Another year passed, 19. Your last teen.
Maybe this time it'll be different? Still miles away from your family however this is pretty big for anyone.
Right?
You waited at 12 again, hoping for a different outcome but as time passes by you were left to whisper yourself a happy birthday and turn to sleep.
During the day, everyone wished you a happy birthday. Something that they found our a few minutes prior, or even seconds. You won't know.
You smile and mutter a small thanks.
Your parents video called you, both singing happy birthday with a fond smile on their faces. You notice their hair greyer. Wrinkles noticable.
You wished to be home.
Ordering yourself tiramisu (small in size, prince student-friendly) and and milk tea as a little treat, you honestly feel content.
Not your happiest, but content.
That didn't stop your wandering eyes, nor the voices screaming at you in your head.
No gifts again?
You're buying cake...for yourself?
It's your last teen, no flowers?
Have you even gotten flowers before?
You brushed it off, "I'm at that age where's everything dramatic." You scoff at yourself.
Years passed, now you're way older. In your twenties. Stable job, healthy circle of friends, and a loving boyfriend.
Wait, boyfriend?
Lee Heeseung confessed to you at the end of your undergraduate year, during graduation and ever since then, life has been great.
No unnecessary drama, no messy feelings. He's there when you need him, for casual dates, late night movie session and even during failed job interviews leaving you sobbing in his arms.
The first few months were shy, a little timid. To the both of you, this is your first real relationship. Not a situationship where everything feels unsure.
You still remember the first time he visits your apartment, keeping your eyes on you, as if it's a sin if he looked around. It was hilarious, his face.
And tonight, it's your birthday.
Specifically, half an hour before your birthday.
You already have a set routine, self-care. Shower a little longer, thorough with steps. Your skincare done.
You didn't plan to stay up until this late, but work kept you long and you only arrive home around 10 p.m.
Tomorrow, it's the weekends. A good day in for your birthday.
When the clock strikes 12, you heard your doorbell rang.
You tilt your head in confusion, you don't plan to have visitors. Especially at midnight.
You put on your home slippers as you got off bed, walking to your front door. You peek through the peephole and the sight made you freeze.
Heeseung.
With a large bouquet and cake in his hand.
You immediately open, "Hee?!" He replies with a grin, "Happy Birthday, my sweet girl."
You slam your body against him, into a tight hug making him let out a small oof.
"Why? Your apartment is almost 45 minutes away! Didn't you say you're working overtime today? Why aren't you wearing layers? It's cold!"
He laughs, "Woah, calm down, baby." He kisses your temple with a soft smile on his face. "Who says anything about missing my girl's birthday?"
"You could've just meet me tomorrow!"
"I wanna be the first one. This year onwards." He hums, before bringing your face close to plant a soft kiss on your lips. "Happy Birthday,"
You smile, "Thank you, Hee."
You bring him inside as he kicks his shoe off, walking towards the living room, setting the cake on the coffee table. "Tiramisu?"
"You know it."
He hands you the bouquet. "For you,"
Him and his flowers, you melt everytime.
The first time was during his confession, graduation happened and he steals you away from your parents, handing you your first ever flower.
Comes the first date, the second one and his "just because" flowers.
He sits beside you, cross-legged. Lighting up the candle, and turns to you. "Sing?" He asks, prioritizing your comfortability.
With a smile, you nod. and he immediately sings the birthday song.
On the last part, he kisses your cheek. "Make a wish." You squint your eye, hands clasped and you whisper in your heart.
Please make me spend my whole life with this man.
You blow the candle and he cheers, kissing you again. He really loves kissing, never wanting to stop sometimes.
This is the first birthday you spend with him, it's...refreshing. Like this year alone makes up the years you have spent it alone.
That what you notice Heeseung does to your life. As if all the bad things happened are prerequisites for this life you have now.
"I have the whole day planned tomorrow, of course," He smirks. "But it's up to you, day in or day out?"
"You had it planned for both?" Your eyes widen.
"Who do you take me for, baby?"
a/n: a little self-indulgent fic as my birthday was just a few days ago! if you had yours too or coming, happy birthday !
summary: summer. italy. the 2000s. two strangers from opposite sides of the world. they only shared a few weeks together— a handful of late nights, endless laughter, and words lost between languages. but unlike most, some loves don’t disappear when summer ends.
themes: so much romance, fluff, smut, so much angst oh my god, strangers to lovers, love at first sight, summer romance, established relationship, y/n is reminiscing, intense love it's sick, slight language barrier, yearning, limited time, lowk soulmates, taehyung is a sweetheart, confessions, right person wrong time
warnings: smut, (minors DNI 18+) drinking, i cried while writing the ending...so
there are certain summers that never really leave you. most of them blur together after awhile— sunburnt afternoons, crowded streets, cheap liquor, music drifting through open windows.
they fade in the way old pictures do, slowly loosing their color until all they have to offer are soft outlines of memories.
but that summer in italy never faded.
you remembered everything about it. from the way the air smelled like cigarettes and espresso, and the golden light that lit up narrow alleyways every evening that made the city glow.
and the fountain in milan.
it was small, tucked into a quiet piazza you had wandered into by accident on your second day there. water spilled lazily over worn marble, catching the last light of the sunset. people passed through the square without really noticing it, but you remember thinking it felt like the kind of place meant for slowing down.
that's where you met him.
sitting on the edge of the fountain, letting the cool mist of the water hit your legs after walking all afternoon. the sky had turned that soft shade of orange and pink that only seems to exist for a few minutes before the night settles in.
you were tracing the lines of the fountain with your fingers when you felt it—that strange, unexplainable feeling of being watched. nothing uneasy... just aware.
when you looked up, he was standing on the other side of the fountain.
tall, quiet, hands resting loosely in the pockets of his jacket. the fading sunlight caught in his fluffy black hair and softened the edges of his face, turning everything around him golden for a moment. he was in his early twenties like you, his features sharp and soft at the same time.
he didn't look like he was from here. you could tell in the way he moved through the square, pausing to take everything in—the buildings, the people, the fading light. like he was trying to memorize the moment.
he was looking straight at you. not in a quick, passing way like strangers usually do. he was really looking.
your eyes met across the fountain, and something your chest shifted so suddenly it almost startled you.
it was the strangest feeling—like recognition without explanation. like you had somehow arrived in the same moment from opposite ends of the world. he didn’t look away, and neither did you. something about the eye contact you exchanged made your breath catch so lightly you barely noticed it.
for a few seconds, the sounds of the piazza—the water, the laughter, the distant music drifting from somewhere down the street—seemed to fade into the background. there was just the quiet space between you. and the feeling, sharp and electric, that something had just begun.
at the time, you didn’t know his name. you didn’t know he was from south korea, or that you would only have a few weeks before the summer ended.
all you knew was that when he smiled at you—small, almost shy—something warm and unfamiliar spread through your chest.
the kind of feeling someone doesn't forget. the kind that makes you wonder, years later, how your life might have been different if you had looked away first. but neither of you did.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
august 2003
for a moment neither of you moved. the sky had deepened into that soft shade between sunset and evening, when everything in the city turns warm and dim.
then he did something small that made your heart jump. he let out a laugh. not loudly—just a soft, surprised laugh under his breath, like he had caught himself staring for too long.
he ran a hand through his hair and glanced away for a second before looking back at you again, a little sheepish. that's when he walked over.
you watched him circle around the fountain slowly, like he was giving himself time to decide whether he should actually come talk to you.
when he reached the side where you were sitting, he stopped a few feet away. “hi,” he said. his voice was gentle but deep, a mysterious accent curled around the word in a way that made it sound softer somehow.
“hi,” you answered.
for a second, he looked relieved that you replied. then he leaned back slightly against the stone edge of the fountain, close enough now that you could see the way the last light of the sunset caught in his eyes.
“you are… visiting?” he asked carefully.
you nodded. “yeah. from the states.”
something bright flickered across his face. “ah,” he said, smiling a little wider now. “america.”
there was a pause. not an awkward one exactly—just the kind that happens when two strangers are trying to figure each other out.
“and you?” you asked with a smile.
he hesitated for half a second. “i’m from south korea,” he said finally, tapping his chest lightly with his hand.
something about the way he said it made you smile. “wow,” you said softly. “that’s… far.”
he laughed again, this time with a little more ease. “yes,” he said. “very far.”
for a small moment, you both looked out at the water pouring over the fountain, the city around you beginning to glow with evening lights. then he glanced at you again, almost curious. “you like italy?” he asked.
you shrugged slightly. "i think i do now.”
he tilted his head. “now?”
you smiled without thinking. "yeah."
and for the first time since you'd started talking, he looked directly at you again in that same quiet way he had across the fountain. like he understood something unspoken between you, even though you had only just met.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the sky had turned into a dark blue by the time you realized how long you'd been sitting there. somewhere down the street a musician had started playing a guitar, the music drifting through the warm night air.
he glanced at the sound, then back at you. “walk?” he asked, gesturing toward the street with a small, hopeful smile.
you hesitated for half a second. you had no idea where you were going. you barely knew this man—you'd only spoken a handful of sentences to each other. but somehow, it didn’t feel strange at all.
“okay,” you agreed. his smile widened, quick and bright.
you fell into step beside each other, leaving the quiet piazza behind as you wandered deeper into the city.
small restaurants spilled light and conversation onto the sidewalks, people lingering at outdoor tables with glasses of wine. scooters hummed past you every few minutes while the smell of fresh bread drifted through the air from somewhere nearby.
every so often he would point something out. “beautiful,” he said once, nodding toward an old building lit up against the dark sky. his english was good, but his unfamiliarity with speaking out loud to an american coated his sentences with shyness and nerves.
“what’s your name?” you asked after a while.
he looked at you, a little surprised, like the thought hadn’t occurred to him yet. "taehyung," he said.
you repeated it somewhat terribly at first, earning you a soft laugh from him. his laugh lit a fire inside your stomach and you tried again, cheeks red until you got it right.
"yours?" he asked with a smile, coming down from your shared fit of laughter.
"y/n," you replied.
"y/n..." he repeated with hesitation, accent swirling over the pronunciation. "pretty. never heard before."
you felt your face get hot. you kept walking like that—talking in slow sentences, laughing when one of you misunderstood the other. sometimes, there were long pauses when neither of you knew what to say next, but they never felt uncomfortable.
eventually, you turned a corner and found yourselves in front of a small bar tucked between two old buildings. music poured out through the open doors—something upbeat and loud, people laughing inside. he stopped walking.
“you like… drink?” he asked.
you raised an eyebrow. “you’re asking if I like drinking?”
he grinned, clearly pleased he’d gotten the sentence right. “yes.”
"yeah," you laughed. "i like drinking."
inside, the bar the air was warm and loud, filled with conversation and music. someone was clapping along to the song playing through the speakers, and a group of people near the counter were dancing in the tiny space between tables.
you squeezed in at the bar together, shoulder to shoulder. he ordered for you both in careful, but pristine italian. you were undoubtedly impressed. you just met this man and he had already spoken three different languages.
when the drinks came, he lifted his glass toward you. “to…” he paused, thinking hard. “to meeting,” he finished with a grin.
you smiled and tapped your glass lightly against his. "to meeting.”
the music got louder, people started dancing closer to you, and before you knew it you two were laughing like you'd known each other longer than just a couple hours.
"you ever been to the states?" you asked, to which he shook his head.
"i want to go sometime," he replied, a dreamy smile on his face.
at some point while you were almost done with your drink, he grabbed your hand to pull you toward the small open space where people were dancing. it happened so naturally that you barely had time to act. "come," he said, a large, cheeky smile plastered across his face.
"i don't know this song," you laughed.
"that's okay," he said, his hand was still wrapped around yours, warm and steady. when you reached the middle of the small crowd, he let go just long enough to turn and face you.
for a second, you both hesitated. then he placed one hand lightly at your waist. the touch was careful at first, like he was giving you time to pull away if you wanted to. you didn’t.
the music shifted into something slower, softer. he moved a little closer. not enough to startle you, but just enough that you could feel the warmth of him through the thin fabric of your dress.
“like this?” he asked quietly, glancing down at both your shoes.
you nodded. "like this.”
you started moving together slowly, almost instinctively. neither of you were dancing in any structured way--you were just swaying gently to the music, steps small and unhurried. but it felt strangely easy, like you had done this before.
his hand rested at the small of your back now, steady and warm. your hand had found its way to his shoulder without you even realizing it, and your fingers were still loosely intertwined.
every so often, he would look down to make sure he wasn’t stepping on your feet. every time he looked back up, you caught him watching you again, the noise of the bar fading into the background.
all you could really focus on was the quiet rhythm of the music and the way he was looking at you—soft, curious, like he was trying to memorize it.
“you dance… good,” he said eventually, a little breathless.
you laughed. “i’m barely dancing.”
he smiled. “still good.”
he spun you once when the music picked up again, laughing when you nearly lost your balance. his grip on you tightened just slightly, steadying you before pulling you back toward him.
you ended up closer than before. close enough that you could see the tiny crease in his eyebrow when he smiled. close enough that the rest of the room seemed to disappear entirely. it was the kind of quiet closeness you only get after knowing someone for years.
but you had only met a few hours ago.
he must have felt it too, because his expression softened in that same thoughtful way you had noticed earlier by the fountain. neither of you spoke, just kept moving slowly with the music, his hand still resting at your back, fingers still loosely tangled together.
and when you think about that night, you realized that was the moment everything changed. not the first glance across the fountain. not the walk through the city.
it was standing there in that crowded little bar, swaying to music neither of you knew, feeling like somehow you had stepped into a version of time where you had always known each other.
and maybe, for that one summer, you did.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
by the time you two stepped outside, the city had finally come to a quiet and the summer air felt cooler now, the heat of the day fading from the stone streets.
the music from the bar behind you spilled out in muffled waves, but everything else felt still. the two of you just stood there. taehyung looked at you like he had something to say. instead, he just smiled.
"walk more?" he asked.
you nodded. "i'm not ready for this night to end yet."
something in his expression softened at that. "me too."
you both started down the street together again, slower this time. the city at night felt different—quieter, more intimate. most of the restaurants had dimmed their lights, and couples lingered at the last few outdoor tables with half-finished glasses of wine.
your shoulders brushed occasionally as you walked, neither of you moving away. after a while he asked, “you travel alone?”
“yeah,” you admitted. something you wouldn’t normally do to a man you just met. “just this summer.”
he nodded thoughtfully. “i'm here to visit,” he said. “my cousin lives here.”
“and after?”
“i go back to korea.” there was something about the way he said it that made the reality of it settle quietly between both of you. korea. the word felt impossibly far away. you walked farther in silence.
eventually you ended up in another small square, one right in front of your hotel. a few dim streetlights cast soft yellow circles across the cobblestones.
you sat down on the low stone edge of a planter, stretching your legs slightly after all the walking. he stood in front of you for a moment, height almost blocking your vision before sitting beside you. close. close enough that your knees brushed.
“your name,” he said suddenly, looking at you again. “say it again?”
you told him again as he repeated it slowly this time, careful with every syllable. the way it sounded in his voice made something warm spread through your chest.
“you say mine better now,” he said with a small smile.
“i practiced,” you teased.
he laughed. something about the way he laughed tugged at your heartstrings. it was different. it was authentic— unashamed. it was different from the boys back home who tried so hard to act nonchalant. he laughed like every word you said was overly enjoyable to him. it made you giggle.
the quiet between you felt heavier now, charged with something neither of you had quite acknowledged yet.
when you turned your head, you realized he was already looking at you. brown eyes boring into yours like he had been trying to decide something. your breath caught slightly.
you were close enough now that you could feel the faint rise and fall of his chest when he breathed. close enough that if either of you leaned forward even a little...
neither of you moved. but the space between you felt electric. it was almost making you dizzy.
his eyes dropped briefly to your lips before lifting again. a nervous smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “i think,” he said slowly, searching for the words, “maybe… tonight was very good.”
you laughed softly. "yeah. i think so too."
for a second longer you stayed there like that—too close, the air between you thick with the kind of tension that makes your heart beat louder than usual.
and then he leaned back slightly, running a hand through his hair like he was trying to shake the moment away. “tomorrow,” he said after a pause, looking at me again. “you're free?”
your heart skipped. “yeah."
he smiled again. and somehow the promise of seeing him again tomorrow felt even more exciting than if you had kissed right then.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
you woke up the next morning still thinking about him.
for a moment you thought maybe the night before had felt bigger in my memory than it really was. maybe it was a dream. because sometimes, things that happen while on vacation feel more intense than they actually are.
but then, you checked the small slip of paper sitting on the table beside your bed. his handwriting was careful, a little uneven in places.
a time and a place. with his name again, just in case you forgot how to spell it. you smiled to yourself without realizing you were doing so.
when you arrived at the piazza that afternoon, he was already there.
leaning against the edge of the fountain like he had been the night before, hands in the pockets of his jacket, watching the people move through the square. but the moment he spotted you, his whole face brightened. “hi,” he said.
“hi," you smiled.
for a second, you both just stood there smiling at each other like you had forgotten how to start a normal conversation. then he said, almost casually, “you want to see something beautiful today?”
you laughed. "that sounds mysterious.”
“trust me,” he said. and for some reason, you did.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the train ride was short, but the whole time, taehyung kept glancing out the window like he was waiting for a moment he recognized. when you finally stepped off at the small station, the air felt different.
you walked down a narrow street lined with pale buildings and flower boxes until suddenly the road opened up. and there it was.
the one and only, lake como stretched out in front of you like glass, greenery and flowers blooming along the edges of the glittery water that reflected the pale blue sky and the mountains rising around it.
you stopped walking without realizing it. “oh my god," you exhaled softly.
he watched your reaction more than the view in front of you two. “you like it?”
“i love it,” you gushed. “i didn't think i'd get to see it.”
“first time?”
“yeah.”
he smiled, looking pleased with himself. “good.”
you wandered along the edge of the lake for a while, past small docks and quiet cafés where people sat drinking wine in the afternoon sun. the whole place felt peaceful in a way the city never was.
eventually, you both found a quiet stretch of stone steps leading down to the water.
you sat there side by side, your feet just a few inches above the gentle ripples of the bright blue lake. the mountains reflected in the water, boats drifting slowly in the distance, the warm breeze moving softly through the trees.
it felt like time had slowed down, like it barely existed.
“you travel a lot?” he asked after a while.
“not really,” you said. “this is the first time I’ve done something like this.”
he nodded thoughtfully. “good choice.”
"yeah." you giggled. "i think so too."
you turned to look at him and realized he was already watching you. his eyes carefully scanning your expression, the kind of look that makes you suddenly aware of how close someone is sitting. your heart started beating a little faster.
“you're quiet today,” he said.
“i'm just... taking it all in.”
“the lake?” he asked.
you smiled. “partly.”
something about that made him laugh softly, the sound lingering in the air before he shifted closer. you both held the eye contact as he carefully tucked a loose piece of hair behind your ear— away from your face, like he needed to see every inch of it. your breath caught and this time, he noticed.
"can i?" he asked quietly. you nodded before he could even finish the sentence, and the space between you closed.
the kiss was soft at first, like you were both trying to make sure the moment was real. nonetheless, it sent sparks throughout both of your bodies, igniting something between you two. suddenly, it felt like this was meant to happen.
you both melted into the kiss as his hand cupped your cheek lightly while yours curved instinctively into the front of his shirt.
the world around you seemed to go silent-- the lake, the distant chatter, the gentle waves of the water. it felt like it all disappeared. like you were the only two people there.
when you finally pulled apart, you both laughed a little, slightly breathless. “well,” you said, catching your breath.
“well,” he echoed, looking out across the lake again. he shook his head with a small smile. “now this place... even more beautiful.”
you nudged his shoulder. “you're cheesy.”
“a little only,” he replied.
but when he glanced back at you again, the look in his eyes was softer than before. like something between you was blooming.
and sitting there beside him with the sun reflecting off the water, you realized something you probably should have been more careful about.
you didn’t want this day to end.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the idea to rent the boat had been his. you hadn’t even noticed the small dock until he pointed to it.
“let's go?” he asked, nodding toward the little motorboats tied along the water’s edge before gently taking a hold of your hand.
“are we allowed to just… take one?” you asked.
he laughed loudly. “we rent.”
“oh. right.”
a few minutes later, you were gliding slowly out across lake como, the water stretching endlessly around you while the small towns along the shore grew smaller in the distance.
you sat at the front of the boat, one hand trailing just above the surface of the lake. the water sparkled in the late afternoon sun, and the mountains surrounding you looked unreal.
“you’re smiling,” he commented from behind you.
you turned around. “i can’t help it. this is… ridiculous.”
“ridiculous?”
“in the best way,” you said. “yesterday, i was wandering around alone in the city. today, i'm on a boat on lake como with someone i met at a fountain.”
he grinned. “life is... a surprise.”
“that’s one way to put it.”
the boat drifted farther out toward the middle of the lake before he slowed the motor. the quiet out here felt different from the city. no traffic, no crowds— just the gentle sound of the water brushing against the sides of the boat and the distant hum of birds somewhere along the mountains.
by the time the sun started lowering behind the peaks, the whole lake had turned golden, kissed with pinks and oranges. you leaned back against the side of the boat, watching the light ripple across the water.
“it’s beautiful,” you said softly. he nodded with a smile.
then after a moment he asked, “why travel alone?”
you glanced at him. "why not?”
he smiled faintly. “not an answer.”
you laughed. "fair.” for a second, you didn't know how honest you wanted to be. but the quiet of the lake and the comfort that beamed off of him made it feel easier.
“i guess i just… needed something different,” you exhaled. “life at home was starting to feel predictable.”
he tilted his head slightly. “you run away?”
“maybe a little,” you admitted.
“what from?”
you shrugged. “nothing dramatic. just the feeling that i was doing everything i was supposed to do without actually enjoying any of it.”
he watched you carefully while you spoke.
“school. work. plans. it's so repetitive," you sighed.
“and now?”
you gestured around the two of you. “now, I’m sitting in the middle of a lake in italy with a man i met yesterday.”
that made him laugh quietly. "better plan."
"much better."
“what about you?” you asked. “why are you here?”
he leaned back against the seat, staring out across the water. "my aunt and cousin,” he said. “they said i should visit.”
“and you just decide to spend time with me instead?”
he shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips, struggling to fight another laugh. “why not?"
“you're very spontaneous.”
“maybe.”
you studied him for a moment. “you seem like someone who doesn’t do things halfway.”
that made him glance back at you. “what does that mean?”
“i don’t know,” you said. “you just seem… intense.”
he laughed again. “intense?”
"a little."
he didn't deny it. the boat rocked gently beneath you as the sun dipped lower. eventually he moved closer, sitting beside you at the front, shoulders brushing.
“you're happy you came here?” he asked quietly.
you turned to him. “very.”
his gaze lingered on yours for a second longer than usual. then his large hand found yours again, fingers sliding between yours naturally, like they had done it a hundred times before. your heart thumped through your chest as heat creeped up your face.
the lake had grown darker now, the last light of sunset reflecting across the water in soft streaks. you both didn't talk for some time, the quiet felt full of something unspoken.
“you know,” he said softly, “i think maybe... best day of my trip.”
your heart fluttered slightly. "me too."
then, almost absentmindedly, his thumb brushed gently across the back of your hand. the gesture was small. but the warmth of it was enough to send a wave of electricity through you.
the sky deepened into purple and gold around you as the sun finally disappeared behind the mountains.
and sitting there in the fading light on the quiet water of lake como, you had the strange feeling that you were living inside a moment you would remember for the rest of your life.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the restaurant he chose sat right along the edge of the water.
from the terrace, you could still see the darkening outline of the mountains around the lake, the reflections stretching across the dark water like soft shadows. lanterns hung above the outdoor tables, casting warm golden light over the small crowd of people eating and talking quietly.
when the waiter led the both of you to your table, you realized the lake was only a few feet away. “this place is beautiful,” you said.
he pulled your chair out before you took a seat. he went to take a seat across from you, smiling. “not as beautiful.”
you looked up at him. “what?”
he shrugged a little, suddenly looking almost shy. “you.”
your face warmed immediately. “you're just saying that.”
he shook his head, resting his elbows lightly on the table. “no." his voice almost stern. "i thought it yesterday too.”
for a moment, neither of you looked away, eye colors practically melting into one another. the candle between you flickered softly in the breeze, but everything else felt strangely still.
eventually, you laughed nervously and picked up your menu. “you’re distracting me.”
he grinned. “good.”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
dinner stretched on longer than it should have. partly because the food was good, but mostly because neither of you wanted to stop talking. or looking at each other. sometimes, you'd pause mid-conversation and realize you were both just staring.
“you do that a lot,” you teased at one point.
“what?”
“look at me like that.”
he tilted his head slightly. “like what?”
“like you’re trying to figure something out.”
he thought about it for a second. “maybe i am.”
“and what have you figured out so far?”
he leaned back in his chair, studying you again with that thoughtful expression. “that... i like you,” he said simply.
the flat honesty of it caught you off guard, but your heart skipped a beat. "you only met me yesterday."
"yes," he agreed.
"and you already decided that?"
he smiled. "you made it easy to decide."
you tried to laugh it off, but the warmth spreading through your chest made it difficult. the waiter brought another bottle of wine, and the conversation drifted to lighter things—music, travel, stories from home.
but the feeling between you never really faded. every time your hands brushed reaching for the same glass or plate, the touch lingered a second too long. the sparks traveled through your bodies.
every time your eyes met, neither of you looked away first.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
by the time you two got off the train, the evening air of the summer had finally cooled and the town grew quiet.
the walk back was different from the one earlier that day. this time, the silence stretched, but the distance between you two was almost closed entirely. your hands found each others immediately as you stepped onto the street.
after walking for awhile without speaking, he stopped suddenly. you turned to him. "what's wrong?"
"nothing." he said softly. but he didn't move. you two were standing close again, enough that you could feel his warmth and smell his cologne against the cold, night air.
“you're quiet,” you said.
“i’m thinking.”
“about what?”
he looked down at you, the faintest smile tugging at his mouth. “that if i don’t kiss you now, i might regret it.”
your breath caught and the moment stretched for half a second. you stepped closer and that was all it took. his hand slid to your waist as he pulled you toward him, and the kiss came suddenly—stronger than earlier, like all the tension from the entire day had finally snapped.
the world around you disappeared. like you and him were the only ones to exist in that moment. the empty street and the music that hummed quietly somewhere in the distance; it all faded into the background as the kiss deepened, slower but somehow more intense.
when you finally pulled apart, you were both a little breathless. he rested his forehead lightly against yours, laughing under his breath.
“i think,” he said softly, “this day was dangerous.”
you smiled. “why?”
his eyes poured into yours. “because now, i don’t want it to end.” and standing there in the warm summer night, you realized you didn’t want it to end either.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
by the time you reached your hotel, the streets were completely bare. the warm hum of the town had faded into something quieter—just the distant sound of water against the docks and the occasional echo of your footsteps down the street.
you slowed as you reached the entrance. the lantern above the door cast a soft golden light over the stone walls, and suddenly you became very aware of how close he was standing.
you turned, and for a moment, you both just looked at each other. the whole day seemed to settle between you two at once—the lake, the boat ride, the sunset, the dinner where neither of you could stop staring.
taehyung's hand brushed lightly against yours before his slim fingers closed around it. “you’re thinking,” he said softly.
“maybe.”
“about what?”
you laughed nervously, glancing toward the hotel entrance behind you. “that i should probably say goodnight.”
“probably,” he agreed. but neither of you moved. instead, he stepped a little closer. the small movement sent a quiet rush of warmth through your chest.
“you know,” he said, his voice lower now, “i’ve been trying to be very... polite tonight.”
“oh?” you said.
“yes.”
“and why is that?”
his thumb brushed slowly across the back of your hand. “if i wasn’t,” he said, “i would kiss you again.”
your breath caught. “you could have done that anyway.”
a slow smile appeared on his face. “good to know.”
the space between you disappeared almost instantly. his hand slid softly to your waist as he pulled you closer. when he kissed you this time, it felt deeper than before—slow and warm, like he had been thinking about doing it all evening.
after what felt like hours, you both pulled away, smiling as you each tried to catch your breath back. you turned and headed for the doors behind you while taehyung held it open for you.
you stepped into the empty, dimly lit hotel lobby without letting go of each other's hands. luckily, your room was only a short walk down the hallway. when you reached your door, you suddenly felt nervous again. he noticed. “you okay?” he asked softly.
you nodded, fumbling slightly with the key. “yeah.” the door clicked open. you stepped inside and he followed, closing it quietly behind him.
you both just stood there in the soft lamplight of the room, the same charged silence filling the space between you again. then, he stepped closer. his hand lifted gently to brush a strand of hair away from your face again, his fingers lingering for a second at your cheek.
“you’re beautiful,” he said quietly.
the way the words left his tongue with meaning made your heart race. before you could think of anything to say back, his hand slid to your waist again, drawing you closer to his chest.
taehyung kissed you once more that night, deeper this time. but it wasn't rushed at all, like he wanted to take all the time in the world with you. his touch was gentle, but there was something confident in the way he held you, like he already knew this was meant to be.
the room felt warmer suddenly. like the rest of the world had vanished somewhere beyond the window.
and for a moment, standing there in the soft light of your hotel room, the only thing that seemed real was the feeling of his hands around you and the quiet, undeniable pull between you.
your fingers clutched his shirt eagerly, pulling him closer to your height. he took it as a signal to deepen the kiss, one of his hands resting firmly at your hips while the other was lost in your hair. he was so close now that his nose brushed against yours while your lips continued to collide.
“i don't think i have ever wanted to kiss someone this much," he breathed as you pulled apart only briefly for air. you laughed softly, blush warming up your cheeks. "neither have i."
the sight made his heart skip, the sound of your laughter fading when he kissed you again, slower this time. "see?" he whispered against your lips. "you make it hard to behave."
you shyly giggled when suddenly, your back gently hit the wall as he kissed you again. your palms explored his hair, falling to his clothed chest and down his abdomen that felt like it was made out of steel. he grunted, smiling into the kiss before softly tugging your lower lip between his teeth.
you made a noise to which he hummed, effortlessly sliding his tongue into your mouth. you responded, attempting to fight his tongue off with yours before failing. you could almost moan as he hungrily explored your mouth. his hands slid lower down your body before pulling away, a string of saliva connecting you two before disappearing with gravity.
"this is okay?" he asked softly, breathless.
you nodded, also trying to find your breath. "yes."
then, he slid his big palms below you before suddenly picking you up, legs straddling his waist. you yelped, caught off guard before erupting in laughter which earned a big smile from him. he kissed you again, his hands resting below your ass. the kiss didn't break as he softly put you down on the bed.
he hummed into the kiss. "you taste like wine."
you broke the kiss. "oh, shut up." your head tilted back in laughter, but taehyung saw it as an opportunity. he grabbed your thighs and slid you closer to him before pressing a soft kiss behind your ear.
then another one. "i mean it." his voice was deep as he placed another one. the kisses got lower and sloppier, becoming more wet and open-mouthed as he trailed down your neck before stopping at your collarbone where he started to suck at your skin lightly.
you moaned, unable to keep it in anymore and he noticeably sucked in a breath at the sound. you intertwined your fingers with his long ones before guiding them down to the hem of your top.
"are you sure?" he asked one last time, his fingers resting lazily at the bottom, tracing lightly against your stomach. before you could respond, one of his hands came up to your cheek. he gently guided your chin up to look at him fully.
"yes, taehyung. i'm sure," you said, eyes big and doe-eyed, looking right into his. he smiled, passion swirling between his pupils as he placed a light peck on your lips, his fingers curling into your top before you pulled it off.
taehyung didn't hesitate to openly admire your exposed upper body, his eyes scanning you with a hint of darkness as you grabbed him closer, engulfing him into another kiss. he was on top of you at this point, his large figure blocking your view as he kissed you with need, kissed you like he's been waiting for this his whole life.
his hands traveled across your body like it was his already, cupping your boobs and sliding his hand up and down your inner thighs. you were already a wet, whimpering mess underneath him as he inserted his knee between your legs, putting the slightest pressure on your clothed pussy.
you tugged at his shirt eagerly, manicured nails fumbling to get the buttons un-done. he laughed into the kiss before pulling away and finishing what you started, discarding the fabric somewhere in your room.
your jaw dropped. for a young man in his early twenties, you could already tell that he spent half of his time back home in korea at the gym. his shoulders were incredibly broad, muscles big and swell on his arms while his six-pack of abs practically gleamed in the light of the night.
you couldn't help but run your hands all over his chest as he came back to the bed to hover over you again. "you like?" he smirked.
you nodded before quickly pulling him into another kiss. it wasn't long before taehyung leaned lower, pressing his hard, clothed cock against your pussy. you moaned out as he trailed his fingers over your area, smirking at the wetness already present.
his hand hooked at the top of your skirt, giving you one last look to which you nodded. before you knew it, you were completely exposed underneath the man you met two days ago. but it just felt right. because by the way he looked at you, you knew you didn't have anything to hide or be ashamed of.
"you're so beautiful... do you know that?" he murmured against your lips. you whimpered in response, his words making your head dizzy. he began to rub his thick fingers against your panties before pulling them to the side and entering one inside of you.
you cried out in a moan, which caused taehyung to immediately litter you in soft kisses. it had been so long. "you're okay... i got you baby.”
he gently caressed your face with one hand, his brown eyes holding your gaze intensely. your pussy clenched around him at the nickname that rolled off his tongue as he added another finger, your wetness practically spilling out as he thrusted his fingers in and out.
before you could even process it, taehyung was pulling away from you, his free hand pulling your panties to the side and dipping his head straight into your core. your thighs nearly crushed his head in a mix of pleasure and shock, immediately moaning his name while he started with gentle licks, veiny hands softly prying your legs back open.
his three fingers continued to plunge inside of you while his tongue hungrily explored your walls, preparing you for something much larger. you gripped at his hair, absentmindedly pulling him deeper into you. he laid his tongue flat against your folds before licking a long, slow strip up. you groaned as he picked his pace up again.
he could feel your walls clenching around him as he guided you to your release, his thumb circling your clit while your back arched off of the mattress in pleasure. soon, your orgasm ripped through you like lightning, and taehyung's fingers were covered in your slick before he licked the rest away with ease. something about that made you squirm underneath him.
"did such a good job," he huffed, licking at his lips.
"taehyung, i need you," you moaned breathlessly, hands trailing up his leg to rest over his hardness. you greedily palmed at his cock that was now twitching under your touch.
"i need you too." he groaned, intertwining your hand with his to place a kiss at the top. he quickly climbed off the bed and tugged his belt off with ease, his pants hitting the ground with a soft thud. there it was, a large imprint of his cock angrily bulging through his boxers.
"you have no idea what you're doing to me," he muttered, voice so low you could almost swear you felt the vibration from it. he stood at the edge of the bed while you took him in, peering up at him as your fingers teasingly trailed up from the tip of his cock to the rim of his briefs.
finally, after what felt like hours of getting lost in each other's eyes, you pulled down his boxers, letting his member spring out freely in front of you. it twisted up, almost hitting his metal abs while leaking with pre-cum. he admired you from above while you gawked at it's true size, sitting at the edge of the bed.
it wasn't long before you wrapped your hand around it, slowly trying to take the width into your mouth. he groaned loudly as your lips enclosed around his cock, trying your best to fit in every inch, but failing. his fingers found themselves in your hair as he guided your head back and forth, hissing in pleasure.
you looked up at him after a few minutes, darkness twirling around his brown eyes before he pulled you off gently. he held your face lightly in his hands, pressing a kiss to your forehead before laying you down on the bed. "need to be inside."
you gasped for air as he climbed on top of you, engulfing you in one last kiss before lining himself at your entrance. the kiss was slow this time, infatuation and desire flowing through the both of you. you noticeably winced as his tip slowly broke in through your entrance.
he cooed in your ear as he pushed it in further, your walls almost sucking him in immediately as he practically split you open. you cried out, not at all used to his size. he quickly came to a stop, letting you take it in before proceeding any further.
"look at me," he whispered. your shut eyes opened, gaping up at his face that was barely inches away from yours. he looked at you in awe, like you were made out of glass that he was too scared to break. "stay with me baby."
finally, you let him move and he slid himself all the way in, breaking past your entrance and hitting the back of your walls with his tip. your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him in closer and sinking his cock deeper into you. your walls squeezed around him, earning a deep, guttural moan from him.
"tell me if… too much," he breathed, hot breath spilling down your neck as he peppered kisses behind your ear.
"no," you blurted, gasping for air. "feels so right."
after a few careful thrusts, taehyung quickly picked up his pace. the lewd sound of skin to skin slapping filled the room as stars filled your vision. his tip repeatedly hit the back of your pussy at an angle, bulge visibly fucking you when you looked at your stomach. your nails dug into him, leaving sharp red lines along his sturdy back.
he pulled out almost all the way before ramming himself back inside of you again, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head. every thrust sent waves of euphoria through your bodies, sweat combining as he dragged his body against yours. his cock explored your insides like he had done it a million times before. like you were made for each other.
"taehyung," you cried. "don't fucking stop."
he practically growled in your ear in response. his pace was ruthless, his wide cock stretching and dragging along your walls as you whimpered endlessly beneath him. pressure began to build up in your core, tight and hotter than it ever felt in your entire life. every plunge of taehyung's cock pushed you farther into exhilaration.
"need you to come," he said, hands gripping tighter at your waist to push himself farther into you, his thick eyebrows furrowing together in concentration. "on me baby."
and for the second time that night, your orgasm ripped through you like a tsunami, walls tightening around taehyung's cock like a vacuum. you moaned out his name, clutching onto his body like you couldn't let go. "need it inside, taehyung." you cried brokenly.
he groaned at your words, cursing in korean while licking a stripe from your ear down to your neck with his tongue. your release created a slosh of wetness around his dick as he kept thrusting into you, eventually letting himself go and spilling his hot seed inside of you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. his body twitched against yours as your heart beats fell into sync.
mixed, hot cum sunk into the sheets of your hotel bed as taehyung landed beside you, smile wide as he attacked your face with gentle kisses. you erupted in breathless giggles as he pulled you closer to his chest, nuzzling his nose in the crevice of your neck.
“today with you…" he started, voice low as he caressed your face with his thumb fondly. "i won't forget it.”
"me neither," you smiled.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the first thing you noticed was the sunlight. it slipped through the thin hotel curtains in pale gold lines, warming the quiet room and the rumpled sheets around you.
your mind was still somewhere between sleep and memory—the lake, the dinner, the walk through the quiet streets.
then, you felt an arm shift slightly around your waist. you blinked and suddenly, everything came rushing back. taehyung was still asleep beside you, one arm still loosely draped over you.
the soft morning light made him look different somehow. less mysterious than the night before. he looked calmer and younger, almost. a strand of his hair had fallen across his forehead, and his breathing was slow and steady.
it was supposed to feel strange—waking up next to someone you had only met two days ago. yet it didn’t feel strange at all. like this was exactly where you were supposed to be.
as if sensing you move, he shifted slightly and opened his eyes. for a second, he looked confused. then, he saw you, a slow smile spreading across his face. “morning,” he murmured, voice still rough with sleep.
“morning," you smiled.
he rubbed a hand across his face, blinking at the sunlight. “you're staring at me.”
you laughed softly. “you were staring at me yesterday.”
“that is different.”
“how?”
he thought about it for a second. “yesterday... i was trying to figure you out.”
“and today?”
he looked at you again, his expression softer now. “today, i’m just happy you’re still here.”
something warm spread through your chest at that. outside, somewhere down the street, a bike buzzed past and a church bell rang faintly in the distance. the town was waking up, but neither of you moved.
instead, he reached out and brushed his fingers lightly along your arm, like he was making sure you were real. “you sleep okay?” he asked.
“yeah,” you said. “you?”
he nodded. then after a moment he said, half-teasing, “you snore a little."
you sat up immediately. “i do not.”
he laughed loudly, pulling you gently back down beside him. “relax,” he said, smiling. “joking.”
you nudged his shoulder. “you’re mean in the morning.”
“a little only.”
you laid there quietly for a moment, the sunlight slowly filling the room. then he glanced at the window. “what are we doing today?”
you shrugged. “i don’t know.”
he looked back at you, smiling again. "good."
"why?"
“yesterday we had no plan,” he laced his fingers through yours lazily before pressing a small kiss on top. “and it was the best day.”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the café was only a short walk from the hotel. tiny tables spilled onto the sidewalk, shaded by colorful umbrellas, and the smell of espresso and fresh bread filled the air.
you two squeezed into a small table by the street. soon enough, a waiter brought two cappuccinos and a basket of warm pastries.
you hadn’t realized how hungry you were until the first bite. taehyung watched you with a smile. “what?” you asked.
“you look happy.”
“i am happy,” you said. “i’m in italy eating pastries.”
he leaned back slightly in his chair. “with me.”
you raised an eyebrow. “don’t get cocky now.”
he laughed softly. but his eyes stayed on yours longer than necessary. every so often, his hand would drift across the small table, brushing your fingers, like he couldn’t quite stop himself.
at one point, he said quietly, “you’re very beautiful in the morning.”
you laughed. “i definitely am not.”
“you are.” the way he said it made it hard to argue.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
by the time you got back to the hotel, the streets were busier. but the moment the lobby door closed behind you two, the bustling noise of the city faded away.
there was something in the air again—the same charged silence from the night before. when you reached your door, you barely had time to unlock it before he gently pulled you closer against him.
“you always walk slow?” he murmured.
“maybe i like the suspense.”
he laughed quietly. inside the room, the sunlight had grown warmer, spilling across the floor. for a moment, you just stood there again, close enough that you could feel the warmth of him. his hand slid lightly around your waist.
“you know,” he said softly, “i was trying to behave again.”
“again?” you teased.
“yes.”
“and how’s that going?”
his smile was slow. "not very good."
the kiss came naturally after that—soft at first, like neither of you were in a hurry. the kind of slow, lingering closeness that makes time feel like it’s stretching. his hand brushed gently along your back while you laughed quietly against his shoulder.
“you’re distracting,” you said.
“you invited me back.”
“true.”
the room filled with soft laughter and quiet whispers as noon blurred slowly into something warmer and more intimate. eventually you ended up tangled in the sheets again, taehyung thrusting into you from behind, spilling tender words into your ear once more.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
later, when the room had gone quiet again, you both ended up sitting near the open window. the warm breeze from the water drifted through the curtains. below you, the town moved slowly through the afternoon—people walking, scooters passing, distant voices echoing through the streets.
he sat beside you on the edge of the bed, looking out the window. “you leave when?” he asked suddenly.
the question caught you off guard. “two weeks,” you said, to which he nodded slowly. “and you?”
“few days after.”
the words hung in the air between you. for the first time since you met, something about the moment felt fragile. temporary.
you glanced at him as you felt your stomach churn. "you're thinking again."
he smiled faintly. "always."
"about what now?"
he looked at you now, expression softer than before. "that i met you in the wrong country."
your heart fluttered at that and he studied your face. then he reached over and laced his fingers with yours again.
outside the window, the sunlight shimmered across the water of the distant lake. and sitting there beside him, you had the quiet, unsettling feeling that this summer—this strange, perfect moment in time—was already beginning to slip away.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
a few nights later, you found yourselves on a hill overlooking the town. someone at a bar had told you two about it earlier that day—a quiet viewpoint where locals sometimes came to watch the stars once the lights below dimmed. the walk up had been steep, but when you both reached the top, you understood why people came.
the whole town stretched below you in warm golden lights, the dark water shimmering faintly in the distance. above, the sky was impossibly clear. more stars than you had seen in years.
you sat on the low stone wall near the edge of the overlook, your shoulders touching as you both looked up.
for a while neither of you spoke, the quiet felt peaceful, but different from before. he was the first one to break the silence.
“you leave soon,” he said softly.
you nodded. “less than a week.”
he stared up at the sky for a moment longer before he let out a quiet breath. “i'm going to miss you.”
the words came out simple. honest. it made your chest tighten. “i’m going to miss you too,” you said.
he glanced over at you then, his expression thoughtful. “you know what's strange?”
“what?”
“we only meet… what, seven days ago?”
"eight,” you said quietly.
he laughed under his breath. “eight days,” he repeated. “and it feels… longer.”
“i know.” the truth of it sat heavily between you. down below, somewhere in the town, faint music drifted through the warm night air.
you leaned back slightly on your hands, looking up at the stars again. “do you ever wish time could just pause?”
he turned his head toward you, quickly averting his gaze from the stars to you, like you were the view he would endlessly choose over the stars. “right now?”
“yeah," you said quietly, fiddling with your thumbs. “so this moment doesn’t end.”
for a second he didn’t answer. then, his hand reached over, gently taking yours. his fingers laced with yours easily now, like they had done it a hundred times already.
“i think,” he said slowly, “if time stopped now… i would be okay with that.”
you smiled softly. “you wouldn’t get bored?”
"not if you were here."
you felt your heartstrings pull at your chest. the quiet stretched again, but this time it felt heavier. after a moment, he shifted closer, resting his shoulder lightly against yours.
“maybe we meet again someday,” he said.
“maybe,” you said. but the way you both said it sounded more like a hope than a plan.
the stars above you glittered against the dark sky. and sitting there beside him, fingers intertwined, you realized something that made your chest ache a little.
this summer—this strange, beautiful, impossible little story you had stumbled into—was never meant to last forever. but somehow that made every moment feel even more important.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
that night, neither of you wanted to go back right away.
you stayed at the viewpoint long after the stars had fully taken over the sky, long after the town below had gone quieter and the air had turned cooler. his hand stayed wrapped around yours, warm and steady, and every so often his thumb moved softly across your skin like he was thinking too much to be still.
on the walk back, you barely spoke. not because there was nothing to say. because there was too much.
the silence between you felt full—of the last few days, of all the things you still hadn’t said, of the quiet understanding that time was moving whether we wanted it to or not.
by the time you reached your hotel, your heart was beating too fast. he stopped with you at the door, and for a second, neither of you moved. the light above the entrance cast a soft gold over his face, catching the tiredness in his eyes, and the softness there too.
“you’re quiet,” he said.
you looked down for a moment, then back at him. “i don’t want this week to be over.”
something in his expression shifted. “me too,” he said quietly. that was all it took.
he stepped closer and kissed you, and this time it felt different from every other kiss before it—deeper, heavier, like all the restraint between you had finally worn thin. your hands found him instinctively, one against his chest, the other sliding up to his jaw, and he held you like he’d been wanting to for hours. maybe days.
the door opened behind you clumsily, and you both half-laughed into the kiss, stumbling inside without really breaking apart.
the room was dim except for the lamp near the bed. the second the door clicked shut, the quiet seemed to close around you.
he looked at you for one breathless second, like he was checking that this was still real, that you still wanted him there. you did.
he saw that immediately, his hand came to your waist again, slow and sure, and the next kiss was gentler somehow, even though the tension behind it burned hotter. he kissed you like he was trying to memorize you—patient, affectionate, impossible to misunderstand.
“you’re beautiful,” he murmured against my mouth.
the words made your chest tighten. you laughed softly, a little shaky. “you always say that.”
“because it’s true.” his forehead rested briefly against yours, both of you catching your breath, but neither moved away. the closeness only made everything worse—his hands, your pulse, the way the whole room seemed charged with something warm and dangerous.
“i’m trying to be good,” he said quietly.
you smiled. “are you?”
he looked at you with that small, unfair smile. “not really.”
you laughed again, but it disappeared when he kissed you once more, slower now, deeper, drawing you in until you forgot whatever you were about say. your hands slid around him; his brushed along your back, then lingered at your waist, pulling you closer until there wasn’t any space left at all.
everything about the moment felt heightened—the warmth of the room, the soft rustle of clothes, the lamp light against the wall, the sound of your breathing in the quiet of the night.
there was no hurry in the way he touched you, no carelessness. just a kind of focus that made your whole body feel warm. he was still flirty, still teasing in little moments, but softer too, like the closeness meant something to him now beyond the thrill of it.
at one point, he pulled back just enough to look at you, his hand brushing lightly along my cheek. “what?” you whispered.
he shook his head once, smiling faintly. “i think you made this difficult for me.”
you smiled, even though your heart was threatening to beat right out of my chest. “me?”
“yes, you.”
“how?”
he leaned in again, voice low by your ear. “you make me want to stay.”
your breath caught. that nearly undid you more than the kisses had.
when you looked at him again, the teasing had softened. what was left in his face was something quieter, more honest, and somehow that made the moment feel even more intimate than anything else. so, you kissed him first that time. slowly. and whatever small distance that was left between you disappeared for good.
"i don't want to waste a second with you," he murmured into the kiss.
the night blurred after that into warmth and half-finished sentences, into soft laughter and breathless pauses, into the kind of closeness that makes time feel strange. outside, the town kept sleeping, the dark lake somewhere beyond the window, the stars still hanging over everything. but inside the room, it felt like the whole world had narrowed down to only this—to his hands, his voice, the way he said your name like it meant more than it should have after only a few days.
later, when the room finally went quiet, you lay close to him in the dark, both naked in the sheets as your head rested against him while the curtains moved softly in the night breeze. his fingers moved lazily against your arm, and he let out a quiet breath.
“i’m really going to miss you,” he said.
the words landed differently this time. you lifted your head to look at him, but in the dark, you could only make out the shape of his face, the outline of him against the pillow.
"I'm going to really miss you too," you whispered, swallowing the wrenched feeling in your throat. his hand found yours under the sheets, holding it tightly.
and somewhere in the silence that followed, with the window open and the summer night slipping slowly toward morning, you realized this was the part that would stay with you later.
not just the passion or just the wanting. but the tenderness after. and the way he held you like leaving had already begun to hurt.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
six days later~
you wake up before him in that gray early-morning light where your heart automatically felt heavy. the room is quiet except for the city outside your window and his breathing beside you. and for a few seconds, before reality catches up, you let yourself pretend this is normal. that this is just what mornings with him are. that there will be another one tomorrow.
but then, you remembered.
your flight. the time. and the fact that this is it.
he wakes up slowly, still warm and sleepy, one arm heavy around your waist like he kept you beside him even in his sleep. he looks at you like he already knows what kind of morning this is. no teasing, no easy smile at first.
you try to make it lighter. “don’t look at me like that,” with a little laugh that almost works.
he brushes your hair away from your face and says, very softly, “like what?”
"like you're making this harder," you whisper.
he smiles a little, but it's heavy with sadness. "it was always going to be hard."
you stay close in bed, talking in low voices like if you keep speaking softly enough, the morning won’t fully arrive. he traces shapes on your arm while you memorize everything; the slope of his shoulder, the sound of his voice, the way he says your name. both pretending you aren't counting down.
then, you ask him the kind of question people only ask when they’re desperate to keep a piece of someone. “will you remember me?”
the moment the words left you, you almost wished you could take them back. they sounded so small compared to what you really meant. will this matter to you when i’m gone? will i still exist somewhere in you? will i survive in your life after i leave it?
and he looks almost offended by it, but tenderly. like the question broke his heart a little. “don’t ask that.”
“why?”
his jaw tightened just slightly. he looked away for a second, then back at you, and his hand slid from your cheek into your hair, cradling the back of your head. “because you know i will.”
it should have settled something in you. but instead, it only made your chest ache harder, because he said it so simply, like it was obvious, like there had never been any possibility that you would not stay with him in some permanent, invisible way.
you started crying, quietly, which was worse than if you had sobbed. he moved closer without a word until your foreheads touched, and you felt him exhale against your lips. his thumb brushed under your eye, catching tears that would only be replaced by more.
“hey,” he murmured, like he was trying to soothe something frightened. little did you know, his heart was breaking into a million pieces at the sight of your tears. “hey.”
you hated that this was happening. you hated that he mattered enough for leaving to feel like being peeled out of your own life. you hated that you had known him for such a short time and somehow, he had made himself essential to you anyway, as if your heart had taken one look at him and made a decision without your permission.
“you make me feel insane,” you whispered, and that made him laugh once, softly, though you could hear the sadness in it.
“i know.”
you let out a shaky breath. “no, i mean it.”
“i know,” he said again, quieter this time.
you stayed like that, forehead to forehead, not kissing, not speaking, just breathing the same air. you could feel his hand trembling just slightly where it held your face, and that nearly broke you more than anything else.
he was trying so hard to be steady for you. trying so hard to keep the moment gentle.
and then, before you could say anything else, before you could decide whether you were brave enough to ruin this with the truth, he said it.
“i love you.”
he didn't dress it up. he didn't hesitate, either. he just said it like it had been waiting there all along, like it had reached the point where staying hidden hurt more than being spoken.
you stared at him, tears coming to a stop from the shock.
for one suspended second, the whole room seemed to go still around you. the traffic outside, the people below, the morning itself—it all receded. there was only his face inches from yours, his eyes searching yours as if he had given you the most fragile thing he had and was waiting to see what you would do with it.
apart of you had always known.
not because either of you had said it, not because you had promised anything, but because of the way he looked at you when he thought you weren't paying attention. because of how gently he had learned you. because of the way silence with him had never felt empty. because loving him had become the easiest and most dangerous thing you had ever done.
still, hearing it then, with the morning already taking shape around you, with no time left, felt almost unbearable.
your mouth trembled before the words came out. “i love you too.”
he closed his eyes just for a second, like you saying it back had struck somewhere deeper than he had prepared for. then, he kissed you.
not urgently. not desperately. just slowly, with one hand still at your face and the other finding your waist beneath the sheets, holding you as though tenderness itself could become a form of staying. you kissed him back with tears still wet on your cheeks, and he kissed you like he didn't mind them, like grief and love belonged together this morning, and there was no point trying to separate them.
when you pulled apart, you tucked your face into his neck because you couldn't bear the look in his eyes again so soon. his arms came around you immediately, drawing you against his chest until there was no space left between you.
you stayed like that for a long time.
maybe minutes. maybe an hour. time had become strange with him. too fast when you wanted more of it, too slow when you were afraid of what came next.
his hand moved up and down your back in a slow rhythm, and you listened to his heartbeat beneath your ear, steady and alive and unfairly calm. you wondered how many mornings from now you would wake and reach for the memory of this one like a bruise. you wondered if loving someone briefly, always felt this permanent.
outside, the city kept waking up. inside, you held each other tighter.
you wanted to tell him not to let you go. you wanted to say you would miss him in ways that would embarrass you if put into words. you wanted to ask him what was going to happen to all this love once there was nowhere for it to go.
instead, you lifted your head and looked at him.
his lashes were still dark with sleep. his hair was a mess. there was a faint mark near his collarbone from where you had kissed him the night before, and seeing it there made something sharp and helpless twist through you. proof. evidence. something to suggest that this had really happened, that he had really been yours for a little while.
you touched it lightly with your fingertips.
he gave you a sad smile. “what?”
you shook your head. “just looking at you.”
his smile deepened, but only barely. “you been doing that a lot.”
“i know.”
“and?”
you tried to answer, but your throat tightened too quickly. he seemed to understand anyway. he always did.
he leaned in and kissed your forehead, then the corner of your eye, then the edge of your mouth; each kiss quiet and deliberate, as if he were trying to leave something behind on your skin that wouldn't fade once you were gone.
you thought, then, that maybe this was what real heartbreak was. not shouting, not drama, not collapse. just this. a soft room. a pale morning. the person you love holding you as if they would keep you if they could, and both of you knowing they cannot.
eventually, you would have to get out of bed. you would have to pack the last of your things and look at him one last time. eventually, one of you would have to leave first.
but not yet. so you curled in closer, and he pulled the blanket higher around you, and you laid there in the fading quiet of your last morning together, saying nothing at all.
because he had already said it. because you had said it back. because sometimes love didn't save you. sometimes it only made losing each other more beautiful.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
by the time you got to the station, you already hated it.
you hated the crowds. you hated the sound of rolling suitcases over the concrete. you hated the bright board overhead with its neat rows of departures, as if leaving could ever be that simple—just a time, a platform, a destination. you hated the way people moved around you two with coffees in their hands and places to be, like this was an ordinary morning and not the end of something that had changed you down to the bone.
most of all, you hated that he was the one carrying your bags.
they weren't even that heavy, you could have carried it yourself. but he had taken them from you the second you both stepped out of the cab, slinging them over his shoulder without asking, and you had let him because there was something unbearable in watching him do ordinary things for you one last time.
you walked side by side through the station, not touching at first. not because you didn't want to; but because touching made it too real.
the huge glass ceiling let in a pale, washed-out morning light, the kind that made everything look too exposed. people hurried past you in bursts of movement and sound, their voices overlapping with the far announcement of arrivals and departures in a language you had only just begun to grow fond of. somewhere nearby, a child laughed. somewhere else, someone was crying. the whole station was full of motion, of reunion and departure and impatience, and somehow that made your silence feel even heavier.
you kept glancing at him. he looked unfairly composed.
dark jacket. sleep-rumpled hair he had not fully fixed for once. one hand wrapped around the strap of your bags, the other tucked into his pocket. his jaw was set in that quiet way it got when he was feeling more than he wanted anyone to see. if you had not known him by then—if you had not spent weeks learning the smallest shifts in his face, the meanings behind his silences—you might have believed he was calm.
but you knew him. you knew the stillness in him was effort. you knew he was holding himself together with both hands.
once you reached the platform that your ticket read, you both came to a devastating stop. neither of you moved before he glanced at you.
"you okay?" he asked too quietly.
the question was ridiculous. it almost made you laugh. instead, you looked away toward the tracks, blinking too quickly. “no.”
your voice came out smaller than you meant it to. honest in the worst possible way. he was quiet for a second.
then, you felt his hand at the back of your arm, warm and steady, guiding you gently out of the main rush of people and closer to one of the pillars near the platform entrance, where the crowd thinned just enough to let you have the illusion of privacy.
the train was already there. that was the cruel part. it had arrived before you were ready, all silver and blue and humming softly against the platform, as if it had been waiting patiently to take you away from him. you stared at it with immediate resentment.
“don’t look at it like that,” he murmured.
you turned to him. “like what?”
“like you want to fight it.”
despite everything, you let out a small laugh. “i do.”
that made the corner of his mouth lift.
god, you loved him.
you loved him in that moment with such useless force it made your chest feel thin, like your ribs could no longer hold everything inside you properly. you loved the tired softness in his eyes. you loved the way he was trying to make this easier for you even though you could tell it was wrecking him too. you loved that he was standing there pretending to be steadier than he felt because he thought you needed him to be.
but you wished he would stop. you wished he would break with you. yours eyes dropped to your bags still hanging from his shoulder.
“you don’t have to carry that anymore,” you said quietly.
he looked at you for a moment before sliding the straps off and setting the bags beside your feet. neither of you reached for them after that. they sat between you two like another thing waiting to leave.
an announcement crackled overhead, something about boarding, something about time, something you refused to fully listen to. around you two, people began to move with more urgency toward the train doors, the station shifting into that particular rhythm that meant goodbye was no longer theoretical. it was happening. it was here.
you could feel yourself starting to lose the fight against tears again, heavy wads of water pooling at your waterline.
you pressed your lips together and looked down, but that only made it worse, because then all you could see were both of your shoes pointed toward each other on the concrete, close but not touching. ridiculously normal. like any other couple about to say goodbye after a weekend away. like there was any world in which this was casual.
his fingers tipped your chin up. “hey.” that one word nearly shattered you. your eyes met his.
he looked tired now. not sleepy—wrecked. like this morning had finally reached him too. there was something helpless in the way he was looking at you, and you realized then that he did not know how to do this either. he was just better at hiding it.
“i don’t know how to leave you,” you whispered. his hand stayed on your face. for a second, he said nothing. his thumb moved once over your cheekbone, and you could feel how carefully he was trying to breathe.
“i know,” he said at last. that was all. not it’ll be okay. not don’t say that. just the truth.
you let out a shaking breath that turned into a laugh and then almost into a sob. “that’s all you have to say?”
a sad smile touched his mouth. “no.”
“then what?”
his gaze dropped briefly to your lips before lifting back to your eyes. around you, the station kept moving. more footsteps. another announcement. a whistle from somewhere farther down the platform. but inside that small space between you two, everything had gone painfully still. then he said, very quietly, “come here.”
you stepped into him like there had never been another place for you to go, and his arms came around you instantly, hard enough to make your breath catch. it wasn't gentle this time, it was tight.
he held you like someone trying not to lose something already slipping away, one hand spread wide over your back, the other cradling the back of your head, pressing you close into his chest.
you buried your face in his jacket and inhaled. he smelled like cold air, soap, and the cologne you had gotten used to finding on your sheets, your sweaters, on your skin hours after he was gone. familiar already. dangerous already. you wrapped your arms around him and held on as tightly as you could, like there was still some bargain left to make with the universe if you just refused to loosen your grip.
he kissed your hair. then your temple. then he pressed his mouth against the side of your head and just stayed there. you could feel his heartbeat, fast and heavy beneath your cheek. so he was not calm. this was ruining him too.
when you finally pulled back enough to look at him, his hands stayed on your waist, like even that small amount of distance was unacceptable. your face was wet. you didn't know when you had started crying again.
he looked at you with that raw, unguarded expression you had only ever seen in private, and something in him seemed to give way.
“listen to me,” he said.
you nodded because you couldn't do anything else. his jaw tightened, and for one terrible second, you thought he might stop there, might decide whatever he wanted to say was too much, too late, too dangerous. but he didn't.
“this doesn’t get to become something small just because it ended fast.”
you stared at him. he swallowed once, hard.
“you don’t get to leave here and act like this was some... pretty little thing that happened to you in another country.” his voice had gone lower, rougher now, emotion breaking through despite himself. “you don’t get to pretend i didn’t—” he stopped, exhaled sharply, then tried again. “you matter to me.”
the tears came harder after that. not because you doubted it.
because hearing him say it so plainly made it real in a way you couldn't protect yourself from. because some part of you had still been afraid that once you stepped onto the train, all of this would begin to dissolve immediately, turning into memory too fast, into something dreamlike and impossible to prove.
but this—his face, his voice, the way his hands trembled slightly at your waist—was proof. you let out a shaky breath. “you matter to me too.”
his eyes searched yours, almost angry with feeling. “too?”
you laughed through tears, and he huffed a breath that might have been a laugh too, despite everything. “i love you,” you said.
you didn't plan on saying it again. maybe you should have saved it. maybe you should have let the morning keep it. but standing there with the train waiting with his hands on you and no future you could point to with certainty, the words rose up all on their own.
his whole face changed— enough for you to see how deeply it landed. he leaned down and kissed you. right there on the platform, with people passing and announcements overhead and the train waiting to take you away from him.
it wasn't a polite goodbye kiss.
it was slow at first, heartbreakingly slow, his hand sliding from your waist to the side of your neck, his thumb under your jaw like he needed to feel that you were real for one second longer. then, you kissed him back with all the grief you had, all the love, all the helplessness, and something in the kiss deepened—still tender, still careful, but fuller now, almost desperate beneath the softness. like neither of you knew how to stop once you had started.
when you broke apart, your foreheads touched for half a second. he exhaled against your mouth. “i love you too,” he said.
the words went through you like light through glass. beautiful but sharp, ruining. another boarding announcement sounded. louder this time. final.
you closed your eyes. “no,” you whispered.
he let out the saddest little laugh you had ever heard. “i know.”
he stepped back first, but only barely, his hands sliding slowly from your waist like even that small release cost him something. then he reached down, picked up your bags, and handed it to you.
that nearly hurt more than the kiss. you took them from him with both hands. your fingers brushed his.
"write to me,” you said, even though you knew letters were too slow for feelings like this. even though you knew wanting things didn't make them possible.
“i will.”
“promise?”
his expression tightened. then he nodded once. “yeah. i promise.”
the conductor called for final boarding. this was it.
there should have been some final perfect thing to say. something literary and aching and worthy of the kind of love that had grown too fast and too real between you. but all you could think, looking at him one last time on that crowded platform, was how badly you did not want a world that did not have him standing in front of you.
so, what you said was, “i don’t want to go.”
his eyes flickered shut for the briefest second. when they opened again, they were shining, water threatening to drop from his lash line.
“i know,” he said. then, softer—“but go.” his voice almost cracked.
and that was what broke you. not because it was cold, but because it was love. because he wouldn't ask you to stay if staying would ruin your life. because he loved you enough to let the train take you home.
you kissed him once more, quickly this time because you knew if you made it longer, you would never leave. then you turned before your body could change its mind. he let go of you, the familiar warmth of his body escaping yours for the last time.
you got on the train without looking back at first. because you simply couldn't bear to.
you made it through the door, down the narrow aisle, to the window seat with shaking hands and a pulse so loud you could barely hear anything else. your bags slipped from your shoulder onto the floor. you sat. breathed once. twice. then, you looked up.
he was still there. exactly where you had left him. one hand in his coat pocket, the other hanging by his side. not moving. not pretending to move on yet. just looking up at your window like he could still see you clearly through the glass.
you put your hand up before you could stop yourself. his mouth tightened in that almost-smile you knew so well, the one that always looked like he was feeling too much to fully make it happen. then, he lifted his hand too.
the train jerked beneath you. slowly, painfully, it began to move.
he stayed where he was as the platform started to slide away as the distance opened like a wound between you. you watched him get smaller through the glass, watched the shape of him blur, not because he was too far now, but because your eyes were too full of tears to hold him properly.
still, you kept looking. even after he became only a dark figure among others. even after the platform gave way to tracks and iron beams and the station began to disappear.
you kept looking long after there was nothing left to see.
because some selfish, foolish part of you believed that if you stared hard enough, you could keep him. but the train carried you forward anyway.
and all you could do was sit there with your hand still half-raised, your mouth trembling, and the taste of him still on your lips, thinking the most devastating thought of your life:
you had found him.
and now you were leaving him behind.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
an: oh my god this was terribly painful to write. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did- I've been craving nothing more than to write something incredibly angsty.
ꫂ᭪݁ SUMMARY. Across seven lifetimes you and Jungwon find each other again and again. Every time, the pull is undeniable. Every time, he promises that he’ll find you in the next life. But the moon has watched you love and lose each other over and over for centuries. This time, can you finally break the cycle? Or is your love destined to be eternal and heartbreaking in equal measure in every sense of the world?
ꫂ᭪݁ WORD COUNT. 30.6k
ꫂ᭪݁ WARNINGS. explicit sexual content (18+ MDNI), penetrative sex, oral sex (m and f), praise, first time, loss of virginity (m and f), major character death multiple times, war and military themes, depictions of violence, descriptions of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, tuberculosis, cancer, drowning, war, building collapse, themes of grief, car accident and hospitalization, terminal illness, strong language, emotional distress, references historical traumas
ꫂ᭪݁ PLAYLIST. What The Moon Remembers
ꫂ᭪݁ LAC4YGAL NOTE. this broke me to write them loosing each other over and over but the final life is so precious. it took me ages to figure out how I wanted to go about this idea but I think I maybe nailed it??!! listen to the playlist as you read; it adds so much more! reblogs, likes, comments and feedback are always appreciated and keep me writing. I hope you love this as much as I did writing it, enjoy!🤍
ꫂ᭪݁ TAGLIST. @kristynaaah @yuudaiinhs @urlocalengene @woninlove @n4n4files @jimineepaboya @grdientlips (just ask to be added to perm taglist lovelies)
ꫂ᭪݁ MY MASTERLIST.
1770 — Jungwon’s POV
The pain is what wakes him. It’s everywhere— his chest, his side, his leg— a white-hot burning that makes breathing feel like dragging shards of glass through his lungs. Jungwon tries to move and immediately regrets it, a groan escaping through clenched teeth.
“Easy.” A voice cuts through the haze, soft but firm. “Don’t try to sit up yet.” He forces his eyes open, squinting against the dim candlelight. The ceiling above him is canvas, stained and sagging. A medical tent, he realizes slowly. The smell hits him next— blood, infection, unwashed bodies, death. He’s in a field hospital.
The battle. Right. There was a battle. He remembers musket fire, smoke so thick he couldn’t see three feet ahead, the screaming of men and horses. He remembers pain exploding in his chest, the ground rushing up to meet him, thinking this is it as the world went dark. But he’s not dead. Apparently.
“Welcome back to the land of the living, soldier.” Jungwon turns his head— slowly, because even that hurts— and sees her for the first time.
She’s young, probably close to his age, with tired eyes and capable hands currently wringing out a cloth in a basin of water. Her dress is simple, stained with blood that he hopes isn’t all his, and her hair is pulled back in a practical bun with loose strands escaping around her face. She’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. “How bad is it?” he manages, his voice rough and unfamiliar.
She glances at him, and something flickers in her expression— pity, maybe, or resignation. “You’ve been unconscious for two days. Musket ball to the chest, missed your heart by maybe an inch. Another in your leg. You’ve lost a lot of blood.”
“But I’ll live?” He tries for a smile. “You’re not just keeping me comfortable while I die, are you?”
“That depends entirely on whether infection sets in.” She wrings out the cloth and moves closer, pressing it gently to his forehead. It’s blessedly cool. “And on whether you follow my instructions and rest instead of trying to be charming.”
“I can’t help being charming,” Jungwon says. “It’s a curse.”
Despite herself, she almost smiles. Almost. “Save your energy. You’re going to need it.”
Over the next few days, Jungwon learns three things. One: Getting shot hurts significantly worse than he’d imagined, and he’d imagined it would be pretty terrible.
Two: Field hospitals are hell on earth— the sounds of men dying, the smell of rot and gunpowder, the constant stream of new wounded being carried in on stretchers.
Three: The nurse— he learns her name eventually, after asking three times because she keeps deflecting— is the only good thing about being here.
She tends to his wounds twice a day, changing bandages with gentle efficiency, checking for signs of infection. She brings him water when he asks, broth when he can stomach it, and occasionally reads to him from a battered copy of poetry she keeps in her apron pocket when the nights are long and he can’t sleep through the pain. “You don’t have to do that,” he says one night, when she’s been reading for nearly an hour.
She looks up from the book, candlelight catching in her eyes. “Do what?”
“Stay with me. I know you have other patients.”
“The others are sleeping.” She marks her place with one finger. “And you’re the only one who actually appreciates poetry. Most of the men just want me to write letters to their wives.”
“Do you do that?”
“When they ask.” Her voice softens. “When they can still speak clearly enough to dictate.” The implication hangs heavy between them. When they’re not too far gone.
“Will you write a letter for me?” Jungwon asks. “If it comes to that?”
She’s quiet for a moment. Then: “It won’t come to that. You’re going to be fine.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do, actually. I’ve been doing this for two years. I know who makes it and who doesn’t.” She meets his eyes, fierce and certain. “You’re going to make it.”
He wants to believe her. God, he wants to believe her. “When I do,” he says, emboldened by fever or stupidity or both, “I’m going to take you on a date. Dinner, dancing, the whole thing.”
She shakes her head, but she’s smiling now— a real smile that transforms her whole face. “You don’t even know me.”
“I’d like to.” He reaches for her hand, and after a brief hesitation, she lets him take it. Her fingers are cool and steady against his. “I’d like to know everything about you.”
“You’re delirious.”
“Maybe. But I still mean it.” She squeezes his hand gently before pulling away to return to her rounds. But the next night, she comes back. And the night after that.
They talk, in those stolen moments between her duties. He learns that she’s a farmer’s daughter, that she learned nursing from her mother, that she came to the war because her brother was fighting and she wanted to help. He tells her about his life before— the apprenticeship he left behind, the family he hasn’t seen in months, the future he’d planned that seems impossibly distant now. “What will you do?” she asks one night. “After the war?”
“If we win? I don’t know. Go home, I suppose. Try to remember what peace feels like.” He shifts carefully, trying to find a position that doesn’t hurt. “What about you?”
“The same, I think. Go home. Try to forget all of this.” She gestures vaguely at the tent, the rows of wounded men, the ever-present specter of death.
“I won’t forget you,” Jungwon says quietly.
She looks at him for a long moment, something unreadable in her expression. “You should. It would be easier.”
“I don’t want easier. I want—” He stops, unsure how to finish that sentence.
“What do you want?” Her voice is barely above a whisper.
You, he thinks but doesn’t say. I want you. I want to survive this. I want to take you dancing like I promised. I want a future where we’re not surrounded by death and blood and the smell of gunpowder.
“I want to see you smile again,” he says instead. “Like you did the other night. A real smile, not the one you give the patients.”
She does smile then, soft and sad. “You’re a foolish man, soldier.”
“Jungwon,” he corrects. “My name is Jungwon.”
“I know.” She stands, smoothing her apron. “Get some rest, Jungwon. Doctor’s orders.”
“You’re not a doctor.”
“Close enough.”
The days blur together. Jungwon’s strength slowly returns— he can sit up without help now, can eat solid food, can even stand for a few minutes at a time with support. The wounds are healing, she tells him, better than expected. No infection. He’s lucky. He doesn’t feel lucky. He feels like he’s been given a second chance and doesn’t know what to do with it. “When can I leave?” he asks one morning.
She’s changing his bandages, her touch gentle but impersonal. “When you can walk unassisted. When the doctor clears you. When there’s somewhere for you to go.”
“Will you miss me?” He’s only half-joking.
“Terribly,” she says, but there’s something true underneath the sarcasm. “Who else will I read poetry to at midnight?”
“You could read to the other patients.”
“They don’t listen like you do.” She finishes with the bandage and sits back. “There. You’re healing well. Another week, maybe two, and you’ll be back to fighting shape.” The thought of going back to battle makes his stomach turn. Going back to the killing, the chaos, the constant fear. But what choice does he have? The war isn’t over. His unit will want him back.
“What if I don’t go back?” he asks quietly.
She looks at him sharply. “They’d call that desertion.”
“What if I don’t care?”
“Jungwon—”
“I could stay here. Help with the wounded. I’m no good as a soldier anyway— I got myself shot in the first real battle.”
“You’re talking nonsense.” But her voice is gentler now. “The fever—”
“I’m not feverish. I’m just…” He trails off, struggling to articulate the feeling. “I’m tired. I’m tired of war. I’m tired of watching boys die. I’m tired of pretending I’m brave when all I want is to go home.”
She’s quiet for a long moment. Then she reaches out and takes his hand, holding it between both of hers. “You are brave,” she says firmly. “Being afraid doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you human.”
“I don’t feel brave.”
“No one ever does.” She squeezes his hand. “But you’re still here. You’re still fighting. That takes courage.”
He looks down at their joined hands, her fingers small and delicate against his calloused palms. He wants to tell her that she’s the reason he’s still fighting, that the thought of seeing her each day is the only thing that makes the pain bearable, that he’s started imagining a future that includes her in it. But before he can find the words, she pulls away and stands.
“Rest,” she says. “I’ll check on you later.” He watches her move through the tent, stopping at each bedside, offering water or adjusting bandages or simply sitting with the men who have no one else. She’s good at this, he realizes. Good at offering comfort in a place where there’s so little of it to be found. He wonders if she knows how extraordinary she is.
That night, she comes to his bedside with her book of poetry, like she has every night for the past two weeks. “Can’t sleep?” she asks, settling into the chair beside him.
“Hurts less when I’m distracted,” he admits. “And your voice helps.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere.”
“It got you to stay, didn’t it?”
She shakes her head, but she’s smiling as she opens the book. “Where did we leave off?”
“The one about the soldier and his love,” Jungwon says. “The sad one.”
“They’re all sad.”
“Read it anyway.” She does, her voice low and melodic in the quiet tent. Around them, men sleep or moan in pain or whisper prayers to gods who seem very far away. But in this small circle of candlelight, it’s just the two of them.
When she finishes, Jungwon doesn’t want her to leave. “Stay,” he says. “Just a little longer.” She should say no. She should check on the other patients, get some sleep herself, maintain the professional distance she’s supposed to keep. Instead, she stays.
“Tell me something,” he says. “Something real. Not about the war or medicine or any of this. Tell me about you.”
She’s quiet for a moment, considering. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. Anything. What makes you happy?”
“Small things,” she says eventually. “The first warm day of spring. Fresh bread. The sound of rain on the roof.” She pauses. “My mother’s garden. She grows roses, and in summer the whole house smells like them.”
“That sounds beautiful.”
“It is. Was.” Her voice catches slightly. “I don’t know if I’ll ever see it again.”
“You will,” Jungwon says with more confidence than he feels. “This war will end. You’ll go home to your mother’s roses. You’ll—” He stops, because he doesn’t know what her future holds. He barely knows what his own does.
“What about you?” she asks. “What makes you happy?”
He thinks about it. “Music. My sister plays the pianoforte, and sometimes in the evenings we’d sing together. And stargazing. There’s something about looking up at the stars that makes everything else feel smaller, more manageable.”
“I like that,” she murmurs. “The idea that we’re small. That all of this—” she gestures vaguely “—is small in the grand scheme of things.”
“Do you think the stars care about our little human wars?”
“I doubt it.” She tilts her head, considering. “But maybe the moon does. It’s closer, more personal. Maybe it watches us and remembers.”
Something about those words sends a shiver through him, though he couldn’t say why. “The moon remembers,” he repeats softly. “I like that.”
She stands then, and he feels the loss of her presence acutely. “Where are you going?”
“Just to the window,” she says. “I want to show you something.” She crosses to the side of the tent and opens the canvas flap that serves as a window, tying it back to let in the night air. Cool autumn wind rushes in, carrying the scent of woodsmoke and distant rain.
And there, hanging low in the sky, is the moon. Full and bright and impossibly beautiful. “Oh,” Jungwon breathes. She returns to his bedside, and together they look out at the moon in silence. “It’s lovely,” he says finally.
“It is.” She’s still gazing at it, her face soft in the silvery light. “When I was young, my mother used to tell me that the moon was a guardian. That it watched over travelers and lovers and anyone who needed guidance in the dark.”
“Do you believe that?”
“I don’t know. But I like the idea of it. That something up there is watching. That we’re not alone.”
Jungwon reaches for her hand again, and this time she doesn’t pull away. They sit like that for a long moment, hands clasped, looking at the moon. “Do you think the moon remembers us?” he asks suddenly.
She turns to look at him, confused. “What?”
“The moon. Do you think it remembers us? All the people who have looked up at it, throughout all of history?”
“That’s…” She trails off, searching for words. “That’s a strange question.”
“I know. But do you think it does?”
She considers it seriously. “Maybe. Maybe it keeps track of all the stories. All the lovers and soldiers and lost souls who’ve ever gazed up at it.”
“Then it will remember this,” Jungwon says quietly. “Remember us. This moment.”
“Why would this moment matter?”
“Because I want it to.” He squeezes her hand gently. “Because someday, when this is all over, I want to believe that something in the universe will remember that we were here. That we mattered.”
She’s looking at him with such tenderness that his breath catches. “You matter,” she whispers. “To me, you matter.”
And then she leans down and kisses him. It’s soft, gentle, over almost before it begins. But when she pulls back, they’re both trembling. “I shouldn’t have done that,” she says.
“I’m glad you did.”
“Jungwon—”
“When I’m better,” he interrupts, “I’m going to take you dancing. Like I promised. And I’m going to kiss you properly, somewhere that isn’t a hospital tent that smells like death.”
She laughs, and it sounds like tears. “You’re incorrigible.”
“I’m in love with you.” The words hang in the air between them, bold and terrifying and true. She doesn’t say it back. But she doesn’t let go of his hand either.
“Rest,” she says eventually, her voice unsteady. “You need to rest.”
“Will you stay?”
“For a little while.” She stays until he falls asleep, her hand in his, the moon watching through the open window.
For three more days, things are good. Better than good. She still maintains her professional distance during the day, but at night she comes to him with her book and her gentle hands and occasionally, when they’re alone, her lips.
He’s getting stronger. Can walk the length of the tent with only minimal pain. The doctor says another week, maybe two, and he’ll be fit enough to rejoin his unit. Neither of them talks about what happens then.
On the fourth night, something changes. Jungwon wakes in the middle of the night to find her beside him, like always. But something’s different. He feels… off. Feverish, maybe, though his skin is cool to the touch. “You should be sleeping,” she murmurs, noticing he’s awake.
“Couldn’t.” He shifts, and pain lances through his chest. “Feels different tonight.”
“Where does it hurt?”
“Everywhere. Nowhere. I don’t know.” He tries to sit up and finds he can’t. “I think… I think I’m more tired than I realized.”
Concern flashes across her face. She places her hand on his forehead, checking for fever. “You’re not warm.”
“I know. I just…” He trails off, struggling to explain the feeling. Like something inside him is winding down. Like a clock running out of time. “Stay with me?”
“I’m here.” She takes his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good. That’s good.” He closes his eyes for a moment, then opens them again. “Can you open the window? I want to see the moon.” She does, and the silvery light spills across his bed.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs. “Just like before.”
“Just like before,” she agrees, but her voice is strained.
“I want you to know,” Jungwon says slowly, each word taking effort, “that these past few weeks have been the happiest of my life.”
“Don’t.” Her voice breaks. “Don’t talk like that.”
“I mean it. Getting shot was the best thing that ever happened to me, because it brought me to you.”
Tears are streaming down her face now. “Jungwon, please—”
“Listen.” He squeezes her hand with what strength he has left. “If I don’t make it—”
“You’re going to make it. You have to make it. You promised me a dance, remember?”
“I remember.” He smiles, and it costs him. “But if I don’t… if something happens…”
“Nothing is going to happen.”
“But if it does.” He’s fading, he can feel it, like sand slipping through fingers. “I need you to know that I’ll find you in the next life.”
She’s sobbing now. “What are you talking about? There is no next life, there’s only this one, and you’re going to be fine—”
“I’ll find you,” he says again, and he means it with every fiber of his being. “However long it takes. Whatever it costs. I’ll find you.”
“Jungwon—”
“Promise me you’ll remember. Promise me you’ll look for me too.”
“I promise,” she chokes out, even though she doesn’t understand, even though she thinks he’s delirious. “I promise.”
“Good.” His eyes are getting heavy. “That’s good. I’m just going to rest for a minute. Just… just a minute…”
“No, stay awake. Please stay awake. I need to get the doctor—“ But she can’t bring herself to let go of his hand. Can’t bring herself to leave him, even to get help.
“It’s okay,” he whispers. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not afraid.”
“I’m terrified,” she admits.
“Don’t be. I’ll see you again. I know I will.” He looks at her one more time, trying to memorize her face. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Did I tell you that?”
“No.”
“Well, you are. And I love you. I’ll always love you.”
“I love you too,” she sobs. “I love you, please don’t go—” But his eyes are already closing, his hand going slack in hers. “Jungwon? Jungwon!” She’s screaming for the doctor, for anyone, but she knows it’s too late. She can see it in the stillness of his chest, the absence of breath. He’s gone.
She collapses over him, sobbing, and outside the moon continues its silent vigil, remembering everything, bearing witness to yet another story of love and loss.
In the morning, they’ll take his body away. They’ll bury him in an unmarked grave with dozens of other soldiers whose names will be forgotten.
But she’ll remember. She’ll remember his smile, his promises, the way he looked at the moon and asked if it remembered them. She’ll remember for the rest of her life. And somewhere, somehow, the moon remembers too.
1850 — Your POV
The wedding is beautiful in the way that expensive things often are— beautiful and cold and utterly devoid of warmth.
You stand at the altar in a dress that cost more than most people earn in a year, ivory silk and French lace that weighs you down like chains. The church is full of people you barely know, friends of your father’s mostly, society figures who’ve come to witness the union of two respectable families. You don’t look at the man beside you. Your husband. The word feels foreign, wrong.
The ceremony passes in a blur. You say the words when prompted, mechanical and hollow. I do. I will. Till death do us part. Death seems very far away.
When it’s over, when you’ve signed the papers that make you his property in the eyes of God and the law, you’re ushered into a carriage for the journey to his— your— estate. And you still haven’t looked at him properly.
“Are you well?” he asks quietly as the carriage lurches into motion.It’s the first time he’s spoken directly to you all day. His voice is pleasant enough, polite, carefully neutral.
“Quite well, thank you.” Your own voice sounds distant to your ears. “And you?”
“Well enough.” Silence descends again. You stare out the window at the countryside rolling past, green and lush and utterly indifferent to your misery.
This is your life now. Mrs. Yang Jungwon. Wife to a man you’ve met exactly three times before today— once at the engagement announcement, once at a chaperoned dinner, and once in passing at a social function where you’d exchanged perhaps a dozen words.
You know almost nothing about him except what your father told you: good family, substantial fortune, respectable reputation. A suitable match. No one asked if you wanted to be suitably matched.
The estate, when you arrive, is massive and imposing. Gray stone, manicured gardens, the kind of old money grandeur that’s meant to intimidate. It works. “Welcome home,” Jungwon says as he helps you down from the carriage. Home. The word rings hollow.
The staff is assembled to greet you— housekeeper, butler, lady’s maid, cook, and various others whose names you immediately forget. They curtsy and bow, welcoming the new lady of the house, and you smile because it’s expected.
“Mrs. Choi will show you to your rooms,” Jungwon says. “I imagine you’ll want to rest after the journey.” Your rooms. Separate rooms. Of course.
“Thank you,” you murmur. Mrs. Choi, the housekeeper, is a stern-faced woman in her fifties who leads you up a grand staircase and down a long hallway to a suite of rooms that will be yours. Bedroom, dressing room, private sitting room. All decorated in shades of cream and gold, elegant and expensive and utterly impersonal.
“Dinner is at eight,” Mrs. Choi informs you. “Ring if you need anything.”
And then you’re alone. You sink onto the bed— your bed— and stare at the ceiling. This is it. This is your life now. You’ll live in this house with this stranger, produce heirs if you can manage it, and grow old in separate bedrooms. You don’t cry. You’re too numb for tears.
The first weeks of marriage establish a pattern. You see Jungwon at breakfast and dinner. The meals are formal, served in a dining room far too large for two people. Conversation is stilted and polite. He asks about your day. You ask about his. Neither of you says anything of substance.
At night, you retire to your separate rooms. He’s made no move to consummate the marriage, and you’re grateful for it. The thought of that kind of intimacy with a stranger makes your skin crawl.
You fill your days with the expected activities of a lady of the house— consulting with the cook about menus, reviewing household accounts, receiving calls from neighbors who want to inspect the new bride. It’s all terribly boring.
Jungwon seems equally miserable, though he’s better at hiding it. He spends most of his time in his study, managing the estate or whatever it is men do in their studies. Sometimes you hear him playing the pianoforte in the music room late at night, melancholy pieces that drift through the halls like ghosts. You don’t disturb him.
A month passes. Then two. You’re reading in the library one afternoon when he finds you there. “I’m sorry,” he says, hovering in the doorway. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”
“It’s your library.” You close the book. “You can hardly intrude.”
“I suppose.” But he doesn’t leave. Instead, he moves closer, looking at the spines on the shelves with genuine interest. “What are you reading?”
You show him the cover. “Byron.”
His eyebrows rise. “Not the usual choice for a lady.”
“I’m not the usual lady.”
“Clearly.” And for the first time since the wedding, he almost smiles. “I like Byron too. Though I prefer Wordsworth.”
“Wordsworth is lovely, but Byron has more passion.”
“Passion is overrated. Give me quiet reflection any day.”
“That sounds desperately boring.”
“Perhaps I am desperately boring.”You study him properly for the first time. He’s handsome, you suppose, in a classical way. Dark hair, serious eyes, the kind of refined features that look good in portraits. But there’s something sad about him too, a resigned quality that mirrors your own feelings.
“Why did you agree to this?” you ask suddenly. “The marriage. If you didn’t want it.”
He’s quiet for a long moment. “How do you know I didn’t want it?”
“Because you’re as miserable as I am.”
He doesn’t deny it. “My father arranged it. Said it was time I settled down, secured the family line. I’m the only son, so…” He trails off with a shrug.
“So you had no more choice than I did.”
“No.” He meets your eyes. “I’m sorry. For both of us.” It’s the most honest conversation you’ve had.
“We’re rather pathetic, aren’t we?” you say. “Two people with everything anyone could want, absolutely miserable.”
“Quite pathetic,” he agrees. And then he does smile, small and wry. “But at least we have good taste in poetry.” It’s not much. But it’s something.
After that, things shift slightly. You start having breakfast together in the smaller morning room instead of the formal dining room. The conversation is still careful, but less strained. You discover he has a dry sense of humor that catches you off guard. He discovers you have opinions about things women aren’t supposed to have opinions about— politics, philosophy, the appalling state of labor conditions in the factories. “You’re very radical,” he observes one morning over tea.
“And you’re very traditional.”
“Not by choice.”
“None of us are anything by choice, apparently.” He laughs at that, and the sound surprises both of you.
You start spending time together outside of meals. Reading in the library simultaneously, taking walks around the grounds, playing cards in the evening. It’s not romance, but it’s companionship. Friendship, almost.
You learn things about him. That he wanted to be a physician but his father forbade it, said it was beneath their station. That he plays the pianoforte to calm his mind when he can’t sleep. That he has nightmares sometimes, though he won’t say about what.
He learns things about you too. That you wanted to attend university but of course that was impossible. That you’re terrified of thunderstorms. That you once punched a boy who tried to kiss you without permission, and your father was furious but your mother was secretly proud. “I would have liked to meet your mother,” Jungwon says one evening.
“She would have liked you.” You pause. “I think she would have been glad I ended up with someone kind, at least.”
“Kind seems like damning with faint praise.”
“It’s more than most women get.” He can’t argue with that.
Three months into the marriage, something changes. You’re coming back from a walk in the gardens when a thunderstorm rolls in suddenly, violent and loud. You make it to the house but you’re soaked through, trembling not from cold but from fear.
Jungwon finds you in the entrance hall, dripping water onto the marble. “Are you alright?” He’s at your side immediately, concerned.
“Fine. Just— the storm—” Thunder cracks overhead and you flinch badly. Without thinking, he pulls you against him, one hand coming up to cup the back of your head.
“It’s alright,” he murmurs. “You’re safe. It’s just noise.” You bury your face against his shoulder, embarrassed by your fear but unable to help it. He’s warm and solid and he smells like sandalwood and old books.
“I’m sorry,” you mumble into his waistcoat.
“Don’t be.” His hand moves in soothing circles on your back. “Everyone’s afraid of something.”
You stay like that until the worst of the storm passes, wrapped in his arms, feeling his heartbeat steady against your cheek. When you finally pull back, you’re both acutely aware of how close you are. His hands are still on your waist. Your fingers are twisted in his shirt. “I should change,” you say quietly. “Before I catch cold.”
“Yes. Of course.” But he doesn’t let go immediately.
“Jungwon—”
“I know.” He steps back, dropping his hands. “I’ll have Mrs. Choi draw you a bath.”
That night, you can’t stop thinking about how it felt to be held by him. How natural it seemed. How much you didn’t want him to let go. This is dangerous territory even though you’re married to him. But you can feel yourself falling.
After the storm, you can’t seem to go back to polite distance. You start sitting closer together when you read. Hands brushing when you pass the teapot. Long looks across the dinner table that make your pulse race.
One evening, you’re playing the pianoforte— badly, you’re the first to admit— and he comes to sit beside you on the bench. “May I?” he asks.
You slide over to make room. He begins to play, something soft and lovely that you don’t recognize. His hands move over the keys with practiced ease. “That’s beautiful,” you murmur.
“It’s Chopin. Nocturne in E-flat major.”
“Play it again?” He does, and this time you watch his hands instead of the keys. Beautiful hands, long fingers, careful and precise.
When he finishes, he doesn’t move away. “You’re staring,” he says softly.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He turns to look at you, and his face is very close to yours. “I stare at you all the time.”
Your breath catches. “You do?”
“Constantly. I thought you’d noticed.”
“I… no. I didn’t.”
“Well. Now you know.”
The air between you feels electric. You’re very aware of his thigh pressed against yours on the bench, the warmth of his body, the way his eyes drop to your lips. “We should—” you start.
“Yes,” he agrees. Neither of you moves.
“This is madness,” you whisper.
“Probably.”
“We barely know each other.”
“I know.” His hand comes up to cup your face, thumb brushing your cheekbone. “But I’d like to. Know you, I mean. If you’ll let me.”
“Yes.” The word comes out breathless. “Yes, I—”
He kisses you. It’s soft at first, tentative, giving you every opportunity to pull away. But you don’t. Instead, you lean into him, your hand coming up to rest on his chest, and the kiss deepens. When you finally break apart, you’re both breathing hard.
“I should go,” you say, even though you don’t want to.
“Stay.” His forehead rests against yours. “Please stay. I know we didn’t choose this. I know we started as strangers. But I…” He pulls back to look at you. “I’m falling in love with you. Is that insane?”
Your heart is pounding. “If it is, then I’m insane too.”
He kisses you again, deeper this time, and you feel something unlock in your chest. Permission to feel this. Permission to want. “Come with me,” he murmurs against your lips.
“Where?”
“To my room. If you want. We don’t have to— I just want to be near you.” You should say no. This is too fast, too sudden, even though you’re married and have every right. But you take his hand.
His bedroom is larger than yours, decorated in deep greens and dark wood. Masculine and elegant. The bed is massive, four-poster, imposing. “Second thoughts?” he asks, seeing you hesitate.
“No. Maybe. I don’t know.” You laugh nervously. “I’ve never… that is, I don’t know what I’m supposed to…”
Understanding dawns on his face. “Ah. Your mother didn’t—”
“She died before we could have that conversation.”
“I see.” He moves closer, taking both your hands. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“I want to.” And you do. God help you, you do. “I just… don’t know how.”
“Neither do I, really.” At your surprised look, he shrugs. “I’ve had opportunities, but I never… it didn’t feel right. With anyone else.”
“And this feels right? With me?”
“Everything feels right with you.” He kisses you again, slow and sweet, walking you backwards until your legs hit the bed. You sit, and he kneels in front of you, looking up with such tenderness it makes you ache. “We’ll figure it out together,” he promises. “And if you want to stop at any point—”
“I won’t.” You cup his face. “I trust you.”
What follows is gentle and awkward and lovely. He helps you out of your dress with shaking hands, fumbling with buttons and laces until you’re both laughing. You help him with his waistcoat, his shirt, until you’re both down to undergarments and the laughter has faded into something heavier. “You’re beautiful,” he breathes, looking at you in your chemise.
“So are you.” He’s all lean muscle and smooth skin when he strips off his undershirt. You reach out to touch his chest, feeling his heart racing under your palm.
“Nervous?” you ask.
“Terrified.” But he’s smiling. “You?”
“Same.”
He lays you back on the bed, covering your body with his, and for a moment you just look at each other. “I love you,” you whisper.
“I love you too.”
The first touch of his skin against yours makes you gasp. He’s warm and solid and careful, so careful with you. “Tell me what feels good,” he murmurs, pressing kisses along your jaw, your neck.
“I don’t know yet.”
“Then we’ll find out.” His hands are gentle as they explore your body over the thin chemise. Learning the shape of you, the places that make you shiver. When he brushes over your breast, you arch into the touch.
“There?” he asks.
“Yes. There.” He does it again, more deliberately this time, and pleasure sparks through you. His mouth follows his hands, kissing across your collarbone, down to the swell of your breasts still covered by fabric.
“Can I…?” He tugs at the hem of your chemise. You sit up enough to let him pull it over your head, and then you’re bare before him. For a moment, he just looks.
“Stop staring,” you mumble, fighting the urge to cover yourself.
“Can’t help it.” His voice is rough. “You’re perfect.” His mouth finds your breast, tongue swirling around your nipple, and you cry out at the sensation. He takes his time, lavishing attention on both breasts until you’re squirming beneath him.
“Please,” you gasp, though you’re not sure what you’re asking for.
“I’ve got you.” His hand slides down your stomach, over the curve of your hip, coming to rest on your thigh. He pauses there, giving you time to object. You spread your legs instead. “God,” he breathes. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
His fingers find you, exploring carefully. You’re wet, embarrassingly so, and he makes a sound low in his throat. “Is this alright?”
“Yes. God, yes.”
He strokes through your folds, learning what makes you gasp and moan. When he finds that sensitive bundle of nerves at the apex of your sex, you nearly come off the bed. “There,” you pant. “Right there, please—”
He circles your clit with careful pressure, watching your face as pleasure builds. His other hand is braced beside your head, supporting his weight, and you can see how much this is affecting him too— the flush on his cheeks, the way his pupils have blown wide.
“You’re so beautiful like this,” he murmurs. “So responsive.”
One finger slides inside you and you clench around the intrusion. It’s strange but not unpleasant, a fullness you’ve never felt before. “Okay?” he asks.
“More. Please, more.”
He adds a second finger, working them in and out while his thumb continues its maddening circles on your clit. The pleasure builds and builds, tension coiling low in your belly. “I think—” you gasp. “I think something’s happening—”
“Let it happen. I’ve got you.”
His fingers curl inside you, hitting some spot that makes stars burst behind your eyes, and you shatter. Your back arches, a cry torn from your throat as your cunt pulses around his fingers. He works you through it, gentle and steady, until you collapse back against the bed.
“That was—” You can’t find words. “What was that?”
“Pleasure.” He’s grinning now, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. “Did you like it?”
“I think I might die if we never do that again.” He laughs and kisses you, and you can taste your own arousal on his lips.
“Your turn,” you say when you can speak again.
“You don’t have to—”
“I want to.” You reach for the fastenings of his trousers. “Show me?” He helps you strip him of the last of his clothing, and then he’s bare before you. His cock is hard, flushed and leaking, and you’re struck by how vulnerable he looks like this. You wrap your hand around him experimentally, and he hisses. “Too much?”
“No. Perfect. You’re perfect.”
You stroke him slowly, learning the weight of him in your hand, the way his hips buck when you twist your wrist just so.
“I want—” He breaks off, breathing hard. “Can I be inside you?”
“Yes.” You’ve never wanted anything more. “Please.”
He positions himself between your thighs, the head of his cock nudging at your entrance. He’s shaking. “This might hurt,” he warns. “I’ll go slow.”
He pushes in gradually, giving you time to adjust. There’s a pinch of pain as he breaches you, and you grip his shoulders.
“Breathe,” he murmurs. “Just breathe.” He goes deeper, inch by careful inch, until he’s fully seated inside you. The fullness is overwhelming, bordering on too much, but underneath the discomfort is something else. Something that feels right.
“Okay?” he grits out, clearly struggling to hold still.
“Okay. You can move.”
He does, pulling out slowly before pushing back in. The pain fades with each stroke, replaced by a building pleasure. You wrap your legs around his waist, changing the angle, and he hits something inside you that makes you moan.
“There,” you gasp. “Just like that.”
He finds a rhythm, steady and deep, his hips rolling against yours. One hand slides between your bodies to find your clit again, and the combined sensations are almost too much. “You feel so good,” he pants. “So perfect. Like you were made for me.”
“Maybe I was.” You’re babbling now, lost in pleasure. “Maybe we were made for each other.”
“Yes. God, yes.” His thrusts become more urgent, less controlled. You can feel him getting close, his cock swelling inside you, and you clench down deliberately. “Fuck,” he gasps. “I’m—I’m going to—”
“Do it. Inside me.”
He does with a broken moan, his hips stuttering as he spills deep inside you. The feeling of his cock pulsing, the warmth flooding you, pushes you over the edge again. Your cunt clenches around him as you come, milking him through his orgasm. He collapses beside you, pulling out carefully, and gathers you into his arms.
For a long moment, neither of you speaks. You just lie there, sweaty and satisfied and stunned by what just happened. “That was—” he starts.
“Incredible,” you finish.
“I was going to say ‘better than I imagined’ but incredible works too.”
You laugh and press a kiss to his chest. “You imagined it?”
“Constantly. For weeks. I was going mad with wanting you.”
“You could have said something.”
“And risk you thinking I was some beast who only wanted you for that?” He strokes your hair. “I wanted you to choose me. To want me back.”
“I do.” You look up at him. “Want you, I mean. All of you. Not just the physical parts, though those are very nice.”
He grins. “Very nice?”
“Exceptional. Earth-shattering. Is that better?”
“Much.”
You settle against him, content in a way you’ve never been before. This wasn’t what you expected when you walked down that aisle three months ago. You thought you’d be trapped in a loveless marriage, going through the motions for the rest of your life. Instead, you’ve found this. Found him.
“I love you,” you whisper.
“I love you too.” He kisses the top of your head. “My wife.” The word doesn’t sound wrong anymore.
The next few months are the happiest of your life.
You and Jungwon are inseparable. You spend your days together— riding, reading, walking the grounds. The nights are for other things, learning each other’s bodies with increasing confidence and creativity. You make love in his bed, in your bed, once daringly in the library. He learns all the ways to make you fall apart, and you learn what makes him lose control. It’s intoxicating, this intimacy. This partnership.
“I can’t believe I thought I’d be miserable,” you tell him one morning, wrapped in his arms after a particularly energetic session.
“I can’t believe I almost let you sleep in separate bedrooms for the rest of our lives.”
“What changed your mind?”
“That storm. Holding you.” He pulls you closer. “I couldn’t pretend anymore that I didn’t want this. Want you.”
“I’m glad you stopped pretending.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Do you think we would have found this eventually? If not for the storm?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe we would have stayed strangers forever.” You trace patterns on his chest. “I’m grateful we didn’t have to find out.”
Winter arrives, bringing cold rain and early darkness. Jungwon has been coughing more lately, but you don’t think much of it. Everyone gets sick in winter. But it doesn’t get better.
One morning in late December, you wake to find blood on his handkerchief. “It’s nothing,” he insists when you confront him. “Just a cough.”
“That’s not just a cough.”
“I’ll see the physician if it makes you feel better.” It doesn’t make you feel better. Especially when the physician comes and takes one look at Jungwon and his face goes carefully blank.
“Tuberculosis,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.” The word hits like a physical blow.
“How long?” you ask, because Jungwon seems incapable of speech.
“Impossible to say. Months, perhaps. Maybe a year with rest and good care.” A year. Maybe.
After the physician leaves, you find Jungwon in the library, staring out the window at nothing. “We’ll get through this,” you say, taking his hand.
“Don’t.” His voice is hollow. “Don’t pretend this is something we can fix.”
“I’m not pretending. I’m fighting.”
“There’s nothing to fight.” He turns to look at you, and there are tears on his face. “I’m dying. And I finally—” His voice breaks. “I finally found something worth living for.” You pull him into your arms and let him cry.
The next months are a cruel inversion of your happiness. You care for him as he weakens, watching helplessly as the vibrant man you love fades into someone pale and frail.
He tries to stay strong for you. Jokes when he can manage it, reads to you when he has the breath, makes love to you when his body allows it though you tell him he doesn’t have to.
“I want to,” he insists. “While I still can. While I can still make you feel good.” Those moments are bittersweet. Tender and desperate, both of you trying to memorize every touch, every sound.
By spring, he’s confined to bed most days. You spend hours sitting with him, reading or just holding his hand. One night in April, you open the window to let in the fresh air. The moon is full and bright, hanging low in the sky. “Beautiful,” Jungwon murmurs from the bed.
You return to his side. “The moon?”
“Everything.” He’s looking at you, not the sky. “You’re beautiful. This life we built, however brief. Beautiful.” You take his hand, fighting back tears.
He turns his gaze to the moon, a small smile on his lips. “Do you think the moon remembers us?”
The question is strange, out of place. “What?”
“The moon. Do you think it remembers us? All the people who’ve looked up at it throughout time?”
You don’t understand why he’s asking this, but you answer honestly. “I’d like to think so. That all our stories, all our love, is remembered somewhere.”
“Good.” He squeezes your hand weakly. “Then it will remember this. Remember us. How much I love you.”
“Don’t.” Your voice breaks. “Don’t talk like you’re saying goodbye.”
“I have to.” He’s struggling to breathe now, each word an effort. “Have to tell you. In case… in case there’s something after this.”
“Jungwon—”
“I’ll find you.” He says it with utter conviction. “In the next life, if there is one. I’ll find you. However long it takes.”
Tears are streaming down your face. “Don’t leave me.”
“I don’t want to.” He lifts your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “But I don’t think I have a choice.”
You climb into the bed beside him, careful of his fragile body, and hold him as gently as you can. “I love you,” you whisper. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” His breathing is getting shallower. “Thank you. For making me happy. For letting me love you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“I do.” He’s fading, you can feel it. “You saved me. From a life of duty and emptiness. You gave me joy.”
“You gave me the same.”
He smiles, peaceful despite the pain. “Then we’re even.” His eyes close.
“Jungwon?” Panic claws at your throat. “Jungwon, don’t—”
“Just resting,” he murmurs. “So tired.”
“I know. But stay with me. Please stay with me.”
“Always.” His grip on your hand is so weak now. “Every life. Every lifetime. I’ll find you.” Those are the last words he speaks.
He dies as the sun rises, the moon fading into daylight, and you’re left holding an empty shell of the man who taught you what love could be. You don’t leave his side for hours. Can’t bring yourself to let go.
When they finally take him away, you return to the window. The moon is gone now, but you look up at the sky anyway.
“Remember us,” you whisper. “Please remember us.” Somewhere in the vast indifference of the universe, maybe it does.
1912 — Jungwon’s POV
The ship is bigger than anything Jungwon has ever seen. He stands on the dock in Southampton, neck craned back to take in the sheer scale of the RMS Titanic, and feels impossibly small. Four massive funnels reach toward the sky, the hull gleaming white and black in the April sun. Unsinkable, they’re calling it. The ship that even God himself couldn’t sink.
Jungwon doesn’t believe in unsinkable ships, but he believes in new beginnings. America. That’s where this floating palace is headed, and Jungwon along with it. He’s got a third-class ticket, everything he owns in a single worn suitcase, and hopes for a job in New York that might actually pay enough to live on.
England has nothing left for him— no family, no prospects, no future worth staying for. So: America. And the Titanic to get him there.
The third-class gangway is crowded with people like him— immigrants, workers, dreamers. The smell of unwashed bodies and cheap tobacco mingles with salt air. Jungwon shoulders his suitcase and joins the queue, shuffling forward slowly.
“Papers,” the officer barks when Jungwon reaches the front. He hands them over— passport, ticket, health certificate. Everything in order. The officer barely glances at them before waving him through. And then he’s aboard.
The third-class accommodations are exactly what he expected— cramped quarters, narrow bunks stacked three high, thin blankets that smell of mothballs. He’s sharing the cabin with five other men, none of whom speak English. They communicate in gestures and broken phrases, sorting out who gets which bunk. Jungwon ends up with a middle one. It’ll do. It’s only four days to New York.
He leaves his suitcase on the bunk and goes exploring. Third-class passengers aren’t supposed to wander into the upper decks, but the ship is massive and the crew can’t be everywhere. Jungwon has never been good at following rules.
He climbs stairs, follows hallways, nods politely at stewards who eye him suspiciously but don’t actually stop him. The ship is a maze of opulence and machinery— plush carpets giving way to metal floors, crystal chandeliers to bare electric bulbs.
He finds his way to the Boat Deck, where the lifeboats hang in their davits and the ocean stretches endless in every direction. The ship has pulled away from port now, Southampton shrinking behind them. The coast of England is a gray line on the horizon. Goodbye, he thinks. Good riddance.
He’s leaning against the railing, breathing in cold salt air, when he sees her. She’s first class— that much is obvious from the dress alone. Pale blue silk, cinched waist, a hat that probably cost more than his ticket. She’s standing near the stern with a man in an expensive suit, and even from a distance Jungwon can tell she doesn’t want to be there.
Her posture is stiff, uncomfortable. The man— her husband? fiancé?— has his hand possessively on her elbow, gesturing at the horizon like he owns it. She nods along, dutiful and detached.
And then she turns her head, just slightly, and her eyes meet Jungwon’s across the deck. The world stops. It’s not love at first sight— Jungwon doesn’t believe in that. But it’s something. Recognition, maybe, though he’s never seen her before in his life. A pull, deep in his chest, like a hook catching and refusing to let go.
She holds his gaze for three heartbeats. Four. Five. Then the man says something and she looks away, the moment broken. Jungwon should leave. Should go back to third class where he belongs, forget about the beautiful woman in the blue dress. He doesn’t.
He sees her again that evening in the third-class general room. Which is impossible, because first-class passengers don’t come down to third class. Ever. It’s practically a law.
But there she is, hovering in the doorway, looking around with wide eyes at the crowded, noisy space. Someone’s playing an accordion, children are running underfoot, people are drinking and laughing and speaking in a dozen different languages. She looks completely out of place and utterly enchanted. Jungwon makes his way through the crowd toward her.
“Lost?” he asks. She startles, turning to look at him. Up close, she’s even more beautiful— dark eyes, delicate features, a strand of hair escaping from beneath her hat.
“I—” She glances behind her, nervous. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“Probably not. Want to stay anyway?”
A smile tugs at her lips. “Maybe. Just for a moment.”
“Come on.” He offers his hand. “I’ll give you the grand tour. It’ll take about thirty seconds.” She laughs and takes his hand.
He shows her the general room, the modest dining area, the stairs leading down to the berths. She asks questions— where is he from, where is he going, what does he hope to find in America. He answers honestly, charmed by her genuine interest. “What about you?” he asks. “What brings you to third class?”
“Curiosity. And…” She hesitates. “Escape, I suppose.”
“From what?”
“A man with too much money and not enough imagination.” She says it lightly, but there’s bitterness underneath. “My fiancé. He thinks he owns me.”
“Does he?”
“Not yet. The wedding isn’t until we reach New York.”
Something cold settles in Jungwon’s stomach. “You don’t want to marry him.”
“No. But I don’t have much choice.”
“There’s always a choice.”
“Not for women like me.” She pulls her hand from his, wrapping her arms around herself. “I should go. He’ll notice I’m gone.”
“Wait.” Jungwon doesn’t know what he’s doing, only that he can’t let her leave yet. “What’s your name?” She shouldn’t tell him. It’s improper, dangerous even. But she does anyway. And Jungwon commits it to memory like a prayer.
They keep running into each other. Or rather, she keeps finding excuses to slip away from her fiancé and come find Jungwon. It’s reckless and stupid and neither of them can stop.
She comes down to third class when she can, staying for stolen minutes in hallways and quiet corners. They talk about everything— books, dreams, the lives they wish they could have. She tells him about growing up in a gilded cage, groomed from birth to marry well and look pretty. He tells her about growing up with nothing, fighting for every scrap.
“I envy you,” she says one night. They’re on the aft deck, hidden from view behind a lifeboat. It’s late, most passengers asleep. The stars are brilliant overhead.
“Envy me?” Jungwon laughs. “I have nothing.”
“You have freedom. You can go anywhere, be anyone. I’ve never had that.”
“You could. Come to America with me. Really with me, not with him.”
“Don’t.” But she doesn’t move away when he steps closer. “Don’t give me hope for things that can’t happen.”
“Why can’t they?”
“Because I’m engaged. Because he’d ruin you if he found out. Because—” Jungwon kisses her. It’s impulsive and foolish and she should push him away, should slap him, should run back to her fiancé and forget this ever happened. She kisses him back instead.
It’s desperate and messy and perfect. His hands in her hair, her fingers clutching his shirt. Four days they’ve been on this ship and it feels like a lifetime, feels like they’ve known each other forever.
When they break apart, they’re both breathing hard. “Come to my cabin,” he says. “Please.”
“I can’t—”
“I know. But please. Just tonight. Let me have tonight.”
She should say no. She should walk away while she still can. “Yes,” she whispers instead. “Yes.”
His cabin is empty— his bunkmates still in the general room, drinking and playing cards. Jungwon locks the door behind them, and for a moment they just stand there, looking at each other. “We don’t have to,” he says. “If you don’t want—”
“I want.” She’s already working at the buttons of her dress. “Help me?”
His hands shake as he helps her undress, revealing layers of silk and lace and finally, skin. She’s beautiful, all soft curves and pale flesh, and he can’t believe this is real.
She undresses him too, fingers fumbling with buttons and buckles until they’re both bare. The cabin is cramped and cold, but neither of them cares. “Have you—” he starts.
“No. Have you?”
“No.” They laugh, nervous and giddy, and then he’s guiding her to the narrow bunk, covering her body with his.
“Tell me if I hurt you,” he murmurs, kissing her neck.
“You won’t.”
He takes his time, exploring her body with hands and mouth. Learning what makes her gasp, what makes her arch into his touch. When he slides his hand between her thighs and finds her wet, she moans. “Jungwon—”
“I know. I’ve got you.”
He strokes her clit, watching her face as pleasure builds. She’s gorgeous like this— flushed and wanting, all artifice stripped away. When she comes apart under his fingers, he feels like he’s witnessing something holy.
“Inside me,” she pants. “Please, I need—”
He positions himself at her entrance, the head of his cock nudging against her wetness. “This might hurt,” he warns.
“I don’t care.” He pushes in slowly, feeling her stretch around him. She winces and he freezes.
“Don’t stop,” she grits out. “Keep going.” He does, inch by inch, until he’s fully inside her. The feeling is overwhelming— tight and hot and perfect. He has to hold still for a moment, fighting the urge to move.
“Okay?” he manages.
“Okay. More than okay. Move, please—” He does, pulling out slowly before pushing back in. Finding a rhythm, careful and deep. Her legs wrap around his waist, heels digging into his back.
“Yes,” she gasps. “Like that, just like that—”
The bunk creaks beneath them, the sound embarrassingly loud in the small cabin. But Jungwon can’t bring himself to care. All that matters is this— her body beneath his, the way she’s looking at him like he’s everything.
“I’m close,” he warns. “I need to—”
“Inside me. Don’t pull out.”
“But—”
“I don’t care. I want to feel you.” That’s all it takes. He buries himself deep and comes with a groan, spilling inside her. The feeling of his cock pulsing, of his release filling her, pushes her over the edge. She comes around him with a cry, her cunt clenching and fluttering. They collapse together in the narrow bunk, sweaty and satisfied and stunned by what just happened. “I love you,” she whispers against his chest.
“I love you too.” He kisses the top of her head. “Come with me. To New York. Leave him and come with me.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. We’ll figure it out. We’ll—”
“Shh.” She presses a finger to his lips. “Let’s not think about tomorrow yet. Let’s just have tonight.”
So they do. They make love again, slower this time. Learning each other, memorizing every touch. And afterward, they lie tangled together, talking in whispers about impossible futures.
Through the porthole, the moon hangs low over the water, full and bright. “Look,” she says, pointing. “The moon.”
Jungwon follows her gaze. “It’s beautiful.”
“Do you think the moon remembers us?” she asks suddenly. “All the people who’ve looked up at it throughout time?”
The question is strange, but somehow it doesn’t feel strange. “I don’t know. Why?”
“I just… I want something to remember this. Remember us. In case—” She stops, shaking her head. “Never mind. I’m being foolish.”
“You’re not.” He pulls her closer. “And yes. I think the moon remembers. I think it’s watched a million love stories just like ours.”
“This isn’t a love story. Love stories have happy endings.”
“Ours will too.” He says it with conviction he doesn’t quite feel. “We’ll make it work. We’ll—”
She kisses him, cutting off the words. They make love once more, desperate and clinging, like they’re trying to fight off the dawn.
When she finally leaves, slipping back to first class before sunrise, Jungwon lies in the bunk that still smells like her and tries not to think about losing her.
The next day, April 14th, dawns cold and clear. Jungwon doesn’t see her all morning, all afternoon. He walks the decks, hoping for a glimpse, but third class and first class might as well be different worlds.
By evening, he’s restless and frustrated. He shouldn’t have let her go. Should have convinced her to stay, to run away with him right then.
He’s in the general room after dinner, nursing a beer and trying not to think about her, when the ship shudders. It’s subtle— a grinding sensation, a slight lurch. Most people don’t even notice. But Jungwon feels it in his bones, a wrongness that makes his skin prickle. Around him, the conversation continues. The accordion plays. Children laugh. But something is wrong.
It’s another twenty minutes before the crew starts coming through, telling everyone to put on life belts and head to the Boat Deck. Their voices are calm, almost casual. Just a precaution. Nothing to worry about. Jungwon doesn’t believe them.
He grabs his coat and joins the stream of people heading upstairs. The corridors are crowded, confused. Why are they doing this? It’s freezing outside. The ship is fine. But when Jungwon reaches the deck, he sees the ice. Chunks of it, scattered across the forward deck like broken glass. And the ship— the unsinkable ship— is listing. Tilting forward, just barely, but
Crew members are uncovering lifeboats, their movements quick and efficient. Women and children are being loaded first, separating families, causing chaos. Jungwon scans the crowd frantically, looking for her. There are hundreds of people on deck now, maybe thousands. First class mixing with second and third, all the careful social hierarchies breaking down in the face of disaster.
He pushes through the crowd, searching. She has to be here somewhere. She has to— there. She’s near one of the lifeboats, her fiancé gripping her arm. She’s arguing with him, trying to pull away, and Jungwon’s heart seizes. He fights his way toward her.
“—not getting in without you!” she’s saying, tears streaming down her face.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” her fiancé snaps. “The ship is sinking. Get in the boat.”
“I won’t leave you—”
“You will if I tell you to—”
“Let her go.” Jungwon doesn’t recognize his own voice. It’s hard, angry, nothing like the gentle tone he used with her last night.
The fiancé turns, sees him, and his face twists with contempt. “Who the hell are you?”
“Someone who actually cares about her. Let. Her. Go.”
“You’re that third-class rat she’s been sneaking off to see.” The fiancé’s grip tightens on her arm and she winces. “I should have known. Guards!”
“Stop it!” She wrenches free, stumbling toward Jungwon. “Stop it, both of you!”
Jungwon catches her, steadying her. Up close, he can see the terror in her eyes. “The ship,” she whispers. “It’s really sinking, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Then we need to— we have to—“ She looks around wildly at the chaos, the lifeboats being lowered, the growing tilt of the deck.
“Get on a boat,” Jungwon says. “Now. While there’s still room.”
“Not without you.”
“There’s no room for me. Women and children only.” He cups her face, memorizing her features. “Please. Get on the boat.”
“No. No, I won’t—” Her fiancé grabs her again, and this time he’s stronger, more forceful. He drags her toward the lifeboat despite her struggles.
“Jungwon!” she screams. He tries to follow but a crew member blocks his way.
“Back, sir. Women and children only.”
“That’s my—” But what is she? Not his wife. Not even really his lover, except for one stolen night. “Please, she needs me—”
“Step back or I’ll have you removed.”
Through the crowd, Jungwon watches helplessly as her fiancé forces her into the lifeboat. She’s fighting, crying, calling Jungwon’s name. Their eyes meet across the distance. I love you, he mouths. The lifeboat starts to lower.
“NO!” She’s leaning over the edge, reaching for him. “Jungwon, please! PLEASE!” But the boat drops away, down toward the black water, and she’s gone.
Jungwon stands frozen, watching the lifeboat pull away from the dying ship. She’s safe. That’s what matters. She’s safe.
The Titanic groans beneath his feet, the bow sinking lower. Around him, people are screaming now, the reality of the situation setting in. Not enough boats. Not enough time. He’s going to die here. The thought is strangely calm.
He makes his way to the stern, which is rising now as the bow sinks. The deck is tilting at a dangerous angle, people clinging to railings, crying and praying. Jungwon finds a spot near the back and looks up at the sky. The stars are brilliant, the moon nearly full. Beautiful.
He thinks about last night. Her body beneath his, the way she said his name. The plans they made that will never happen now. “I’ll find you in the next life,” he whispers to the moon, to the stars, to whatever might be listening.
The ship shudders violently. Somewhere below, something breaks with a sound like thunder. The stern is rising higher now, nearly vertical.
People are jumping, falling, screaming as they plummet into the icy water. Jungwon holds on, watching it all with strange detachment.
This is how he dies. Not in a fight, not of old age, but here on a ship that was supposed to be unsinkable, thinking about a woman he knew for four days. The ship breaks. He feels it— the hull splitting, metal screaming as the bow tears away and sinks. The stern bobs for a moment, and Jungwon thinks maybe, maybe—
Then it goes down. The water is so cold it stops his heart. He tries to swim but his limbs won’t cooperate, the freezing temperature shutting down his body piece by piece. Around him, people are screaming, thrashing, dying. He stops fighting.
As the water closes over his head, his last thought is of her. Of dark eyes and soft skin and a single night that felt like forever. I’ll find you, he thinks again. I promise. I’ll find you. The moon watches as he drowns.
In the lifeboat, she’s still screaming his name. Her fiancé tries to restrain her, tries to calm her down, but she’s hysterical. She saw the ship break. Saw it go down. Saw hundreds of people disappear into the black water. Including Jungwon. “He’s gone,” her fiancé says, not unkindly. “I’m sorry, but he’s gone.”
“No.” She’s shaking her head, denial and grief warring in her chest. “No, he can’t be. He promised. He said—” But she can’t remember what he said. Only that it felt important. That it felt true.
They’re rescued hours later by the Carpathia. She and her fiancé are wrapped in blankets, given hot soup, processed like cargo. She goes through the motions, numb and hollow.
Her fiancé tries to comfort her, tries to pretend the last four days didn’t happen. They’ll still marry when they reach New York, he says. Put this tragedy behind them. Move forward. She nods because she doesn’t have the energy to argue. But she knows the truth. She died on that ship too. The woman she was, the woman Jungwon made her feel like she could be— that woman drowned in the Atlantic. What’s left is just a shell.
On the Carpathia’s deck that night, she looks up at the moon. The same moon that watched them make love, that heard her ask if it would remember.
“Please,” she whispers. “Please remember him. Remember us.” The moon offers no answer. But somewhere, somehow, she thinks it heard.
1969 — Your POV
June 15, 1969 Dear Diary, I hate that I’m starting this like some teenage girl, but Mom gave me this journal and said writing might help. Help with what, I’m not sure. The fear? The waiting? The bone-deep terror that comes with loving someone who’s about to go to war? Jungwon got his draft notice today. He came home from the post office with this look on his face— not surprised, exactly, but resigned. Like he’d been waiting for this moment and now it’s finally here. First son. That’s what the letter said, like that explains everything. Like being born first means you’re obligated to die first too. We’ve been together for two years. Two perfect, beautiful years. We met at a protest, of all places— both of us marching against this stupid war, and now he has to go fight in it. The irony would be funny if it wasn’t so fucking tragic. He leaves in eight weeks. Sixty days. That’s all we have left. I don’t know how to do this. How to count down the days until I lose him. How to smile and be strong when all I want to do is scream. But I’ll try. For him, I’ll try.
You remember the day you met him with perfect clarity. August 1967. Washington D.C. The March on the Pentagon. You’d gone with friends from college, piled into someone’s beat-up Volkswagen van with hand-painted peace signs on the sides. The whole drive down you’d sung protest songs and shared joints and felt like you were part of something important.
The crowd was massive— thousands of people, maybe tens of thousands. You’d never seen anything like it. Everyone young and angry and alive, waving signs and chanting. “Hell no, we won’t go!” “Make love, not war!” The energy was electric.
You’d lost your friends somewhere in the chaos. Didn’t matter— you were swept up in the crowd, moving with the mass of bodies toward the Pentagon. The police were there in riot gear, a wall of shields and batons, and the crowd pressed forward anyway.
That’s when you saw him. He was near the front, dark hair falling in his eyes, wearing a denim jacket covered in pins and patches. He was shouting something at the police line, passionate and fearless, and you thought: I want to know him.
When the police charged, everything descended into chaos. People running, screaming, tear gas filling the air. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see. Someone grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the worst of it. It was him.
“Come on!” he shouted over the noise, tugging you through the crowd. You ran together, lungs burning, until you were several blocks away. Safe. You collapsed against a building, coughing and laughing and high on adrenaline.
“You okay?” he asked, looking you over with genuine concern.
“I think so. Thank you. For—” You gestured vaguely back toward the chaos.
“Couldn’t leave a fellow revolutionary to get trampled.” He grinned, and it transformed his whole face. “I’m Jungwon.” You told him your name, and he repeated it like he was memorizing it.
You spent the rest of the day together. Found your respective friends eventually, but kept gravitating back to each other. Talking about the war, about politics, about music and books and dreams for a better world. He was smart and funny and so passionate about everything he believed in. By the time you had to leave, you’d given him your number. He called three days later.
Your first date was at a coffee shop in Greenwich Village, the kind of place with poetry readings and folk music and cigarette smoke thick in the air. You talked for six hours straight, until the owner kicked you out at closing.
Your second date was a concert in Central Park. Simon and Garfunkel. You sat on a blanket and he held your hand and you thought you might be falling in love.
Your third date ended in his tiny apartment in the East Village, with his hands in your hair and your legs wrapped around his waist and the certainty that this was it. This was everything.
Two years later, you’ve built a life together. It’s not much— a small apartment, mismatched furniture, more books than shelf space— but it’s yours. You work at a bookstore. He’s in his second year of college, studying literature because he loves it even though his parents think it’s impractical.
You go to protests together, make love to Motown records, cook dinners that are more ambition than skill. You talk about the future— maybe moving to San Francisco, maybe joining a commune, maybe just existing in this little bubble of happiness forever.
And then the draft notice came.
June 20, 1969. We went to the recruitment office today to see if there was any way out of this. Deferment, conscientious objector status, anything. There isn’t. The officer— this smug asshole with a crew cut and a flag pin— looked at Jungwon like he was dirt. Said being a first son means he has a duty to serve. Said if he tries to dodge, they’ll find him. Said a lot of boys would be grateful for the opportunity to serve their country. Jungwon didn’t say anything. Just nodded and took the papers and walked out. I wanted to scream at that officer. Wanted to tell him that this isn’t service, it’s murder. That we’re sending boys to die in a jungle halfway around the world for a war nobody even understands anymore. That Jungwon has already served— served the cause of peace, served humanity by refusing to hate people he’s never met. But I didn’t say anything either. On the way home, Jungwon finally spoke. He said he was scared. That’s all. Just those two words. And then he started crying, right there on the subway, and I held him while strangers pretended not to notice. I’m scared too. Terrified. But I can’t let him see that. Only fifty-two days left.
July 4, 1969 Independence Day. The irony isn’t lost on us. We went to a protest in the park instead of watching fireworks. Smaller crowd than usual— a lot of people are getting tired, I think. Tired of marching and shouting and nothing changing. The war keeps grinding on. Boys keep dying. But we went anyway. Held our signs. Chanted until our throats were raw. Afterward, we walked home through the city. It was late, past midnight, and the streets were mostly empty. Jungwon stopped suddenly and pulled me into an alley. He said he wants to remember this. Us. Me. Before everything changes. And then he kissed me, deep and desperate, and we made love right there against a brick wall. It was reckless and uncomfortable and perfect. When we got home, we stayed up until dawn making love again, slower this time. Memorizing each other. Thirty-eight days.
The countdown is torture. Every morning you wake up and think: one day less. One day closer to losing him.
You try to make the most of the time you have left. You go to all your favorite places— the coffee shop where you had your first date, the record store where you spent hours flipping through albums, the park where you’ve had a hundred picnics. You take pictures, filling up two whole rolls of film. You cook elaborate dinners and stay up late talking about everything and nothing.
And you make love constantly. In your bed, on the couch, in the shower. Sometimes slow and tender, sometimes urgent and desperate. Like you’re trying to fit a lifetime of intimacy into a handful of weeks.
Jungwon is quieter now. More withdrawn. You catch him staring at nothing sometimes, lost in thoughts he won’t share. “Talk to me,” you beg one night after he’s been silent through dinner.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Anything. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
He’s quiet for a long moment. “I keep thinking about all the things I’m going to miss. Stupid things, like… the way you hum when you’re cooking. Or how you always steal my coffee even though you have your own. Or the sound of rain on the window when we’re in bed.”
“You’ll come back.” You say it fiercely, like conviction can make it true. “You’ll come back and we’ll have all of that again.”
“What if I don’t?”
“Don’t say that—”
“We have to talk about it.” His voice is gentle but firm. “We have to acknowledge that I might not come home.”
“I can’t.” Tears are streaming down your face now. “I can’t think about that. If I think about that, I’ll fall apart.”
He pulls you into his arms, holding you while you sob. “Then don’t think about it. Just… remember that I love you. That I’ll always love you. No matter what happens.”
“I love you too. So much.” You make love that night with tears on both your faces, holding each other like you can physically stop time if you just hold tight enough.
July 28, 1969 Two weeks. That’s all we have left. Jungwon is trying to act normal. Going to classes, seeing friends, pretending like everything is fine. But I see the cracks. The way his hands shake sometimes. The nightmares that wake him up gasping. I asked him last night what he’s afraid of. He said dying but also coming back as someone else. If he comes back at all. I said you don’t die, you’ll come back and you’ll be exactly who you are now. But honestly, I don’t know if that’s true. How could anyone go through war and come back unchanged? We had sex three times today. I’m getting sore but I don’t care. Every time feels like it might be the last time, so we keep reaching for each other. This morning he went down on me for what felt like hours, making me come twice before he even took his cock out. Then he fucked me slow and deep, whispering how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, how he’s going to remember every second of this. I rode him after, taking my time, watching his face as he fell apart beneath me. He came inside me and I thought: let me get pregnant. Let there be some piece of him that stays even if he doesn’t come back. I didn’t say that out loud. It would terrify him. Fourteen days.
August 7, 1969 Five days. I can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Can’t think about anything except the calendar counting down. We went to Woodstock yesterday. Or tried to— the traffic was so bad we only made it halfway before turning back. But we could hear the music in the distance, see the crowds. It felt important somehow. All these people gathering to celebrate peace and love while the world burns down around us. Tonight we’re staying in. Just the two of us. I don’t want to share him with anyone else. Not now.
You spend the last five days in bed. Not the whole time, obviously— you have to eat, use the bathroom, occasionally answer the door when friends come by to say goodbye. But mostly, you stay in bed. Making love. Talking. Sleeping tangled together. Trying to memorize the feeling of his body against yours.
“Tell me about after,” Jungwon says on the third-to-last night. “When I come back. What are we going to do?”
“Everything.” You trace patterns on his bare chest. “We’re going to do everything we’ve always talked about. Move to California. Live in a commune. Grow our own food. Make art and music and love every single day.”
“Sounds perfect.”
“We’ll get married. Nothing fancy— just us and a few friends and maybe some wildflowers. I’ll wear a white dress and you’ll wear your denim jacket with all the pins.”
He laughs. “Very traditional.”
“We’ll have kids someday. Two or three. We’ll teach them to question everything and fight for what’s right and love fiercely.”
“I want that.” His voice cracks. “I want all of that with you.”
“Then come back to me. Promise me you’ll come back.”
“I promise I’ll try.” It’s not the same as promising to come back, but it’s all he can give.
You make love again, slow and reverent. He worships your body with his hands and mouth, making you come on his tongue before sliding inside you. You move together in perfect rhythm, years of practice making you instinctively know what the other needs. When you both finish, you lie there in the afterglow, holding each other. “I love you,” he whispers. “More than anything in this world.”
“I love you too. Come back to me.”
“I will. I swear I will.”
August 11, 1969 Tomorrow. He leaves tomorrow. I don’t know how to write this. Don’t know what to say that won’t sound trite or desperate or completely inadequate. We spent today doing normal things. Had breakfast at our favorite diner. Walked through the park. Went to the record store and bought the new Dylan album even though we can’t really afford it. Tonight we went up to the roof of our building. It’s illegal but no one cares. We brought a blanket and a bottle of wine and lay there looking at the stars. The moon was almost full. So bright I could see every detail of his face. Do you think the moon remembers us? Is what he’d asked me. I didn’t fully understand the question. He continued with how all the people who’ve looked at it, do you think the moons remember them and their stories? I said I didn’t know. He said how he wants it to remember us, remember this moment incase he doesn’t come back. I told him that it will, and I will, how could I forget him? We made love on that roof under the moonlight. It was cold and uncomfortable and the most beautiful thing we’ve ever done. Afterward, lying in his arms, he said it: if he doesn’t make it back that I should know that he’ll find me in the next life, no matter how long it take, no matter the cost. I told him he’s coming back to me in this one. He kissed me instead of arguing. And we made love again, desperate and clinging. We didn’t sleep. Stayed up all night holding each other, watching the moon travel across the sky. He leaves in six hours. I don’t know how to let him go.
The morning is gray and cold, unseasonably cool for August. You help him pack, though there’s not much to take. A small duffel bag with some clothes, toiletries, a few photos. He tucks the pictures carefully into the side pocket— one of the two of you at that first protest, one from a party last year where you’re both laughing at something, one from last week where you’re just looking at each other. “So I don’t forget,” he says quietly.
“You won’t forget.”
“No. But just in case.”
The bus station is crowded with other boys shipping out, their families crying and saying goodbye. You see mothers clutching sons, girlfriends sobbing into boyfriends’ shoulders. Everyone trying to be brave and failing. Jungwon holds you until the very last second. “I love you,” he says into your hair. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too. Come back to me.”
“I will. I promise.” He pulls back to look at you, memorizing your face. “Wait for me?”
“Always. Forever. I’ll wait forever if I have to.” One last kiss. Deep and desperate and tasting of salt from tears— yours, his, both. And then he’s boarding the bus with all the other boys in their too-new uniforms, and you’re standing on the platform watching it pull away.
He’s at the window. You can see him pressed against the glass, one hand flat against it like he’s reaching for you. You raise your hand in a wave. And then the bus turns the corner and he’s gone. You stand there for a long time after, staring at the empty street.
Someone touches your shoulder— another girl who just said goodbye to her boyfriend. She’s crying too. “They’ll come back,” she says, like she’s trying to convince herself as much as you. “They have to come back.” You nod because you can’t speak. But you’re not sure you believe it.
August 15, 1969 I’m at Woodstock. Finally made it. I came alone. Couldn’t stand being in the apartment without him. Everything there reminds me of Jungwon— his books still on the shelf, his jacket hanging by the door, the sheets that still smell like him. The festival is chaos. Mud everywhere, people as far as I can see, music blasting from the stage. It’s overwhelming and beautiful and exactly what I need. I’m not really here, though. Part of me is still on that bus station platform. Part of me is wherever Jungwon is right now— boot camp, probably. Learning how to kill people. I hate this. I hate all of it. But I’m here, in the mud and the music, because he would want me to be. Because this is what we believe in— peace, love, community. All the things we’re trying to build while the government tears them down. I’m going to survive this. I’m going to wait for him, and when he comes home, we’re going to build the life we talked about. I have to believe that.
September 3, 1969 First letter from Jungwon arrived today. I was so excited I almost ripped it opening the envelope. ‘My love, Boot camp is hell. They wake us up at 4 AM and work us until we drop. Everything is shouting and pushups and running until I want to puke. They’re trying to break us down, turn us into soldiers. Turn us into killers. I don’t know if I can do this. But I think about you every night. About your smile, your laugh, the way you look when you first wake up. About making love on our roof under the moon. Those memories are the only thing keeping me sane. I miss you so much it physically hurts. Miss your voice, your touch, the way you steal my coffee. Miss everything. I’ll write as often as I can. Tell me about your life. What you’re reading, where you’re going, who you’re seeing. I need to know that the world I’m fighting for (even though I don’t believe in this war) still exists. I love you. More than words can say. Forever yours, Jungwon’ I read it five times. Then I went into the bedroom and cried into his pillow.
September 20, 1969 I’m writing letters every day. Sometimes twice a day. I tell him about everything— the bookstore, protests I go to, albums I buy, books I read. Stupid mundane things that probably bore him, but he asked for them so I write. His letters come sporadically. Sometimes I get three in one week, sometimes nothing for two weeks. When they arrive, I devour them. He’s trying to stay positive, I can tell. But I read between the lines. The exhaustion. The fear. The slow erosion of the person he was. He finishes boot camp next month. Then he ships out. To Vietnam. I can’t think about it. If I think about it, I’ll lose my mind.
October 12, 1969 He called today. Five minutes on a pay phone before shipping out. His voice sounded different. Harder. Older. He told me he loves me, and that no matter what happens I need to remember that. I said I love him too and to be safe, to please be safe. And then the line went dead. That was eight hours ago and I can’t stop crying.
October 30, 1969 Letter from Vietnam. ‘My love, I’m here. In the jungle. In the war. I can’t tell you where exactly (they censor that) or what we’re doing (they censor that too). I can tell you it’s hot and wet and everything smells like rot and fear. I can tell you I think about you constantly. That your letters are the only good thing in this place. That I keep your photo in my pocket over my heart. I can tell you I’m terrified. Not of dying— though I am scared of that— but of becoming someone you won’t recognize when I come home. If I come home. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t write things like that. You need hope, not my fear. I love you. I love you. I love you. Stay safe. Live your life. Don’t put it on hold waiting for me. All my love, Jungwon’ I wrote back immediately: My love, I will always wait for you. I don’t care how long it takes. I don’t care what you’ve seen or done or become. You’re mine and I’m yours and nothing changes that. Come home to me. All my love, forever.
The letters continue. Back and forth across an ocean, across a war. Sometimes they’re full of mundane details— what he ate, what you did that day. Sometimes they’re deeper— fears, hopes, dreams for the future. You live for those letters. They’re proof he’s still alive, still him, still yours.
November 15, 1969 Haven’t heard from him in three weeks. I tell myself it’s fine. Mail is slow. He’s busy. He’s in the jungle where there’s no way to send letters. But the silence is deafening.
December 1, 1969 Five weeks now. I called his parents. They haven’t heard anything either. I’m trying not to panic.
December 10, 1969 Letter arrived today. Thank god. Thank god. ‘My love, I’m sorry for the silence. We were in the field— weeks in the jungle, no communication with the outside world. I wrote you letters every night but couldn’t send them. I’ll mail them all now so you’ll get a flood at once. I saw combat. Real combat. I can’t describe it. Won’t describe it. Just know that I’m okay. Physically okay, at least. The guys in my unit are good men. We take care of each other. That helps. I miss you so much I dream about you every night. Dream about being home, about holding you, about a life where there’s no war. Soon. I’ll be home soon. I love you endlessly, Jungwon’ Six more letters arrived over the next week. All written in the jungle, some barely legible, all filled with love and longing. I’m holding onto them like lifelines.
January 1, 1970 New year. New decade. I spent it alone in our apartment, drinking cheap wine and reading his letters. This year, he comes home. He has to.
The months blur together. Winter turns to spring. Letters arrive sporadically, sometimes cheerful, sometimes dark. You write back religiously, filling page after page with your life, your love, your hope.
You go to protests but your heart’s not in it anymore. You work at the bookstore. You see friends. You exist in a state of suspended animation, waiting.
The nightmares start in March. You dream of jungles and gunfire and blood. You dream of Jungwon dying in a thousand different ways. You wake up screaming, reaching for him, finding only empty sheets. You stop sleeping well.
April 20, 1970 Eight months since he left. I saw a news report today about casualties. The numbers are staggering. Thousands dead. Thousands more wounded. I couldn’t watch. His last letter said his unit was moving to a new position. He couldn’t say where. Couldn’t say what they’d be doing. I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been two weeks.
May 5, 1970 Three weeks. I’m trying not to think about what that might mean.
May 12, 1970 Four weeks. I called his parents again. Still nothing. I’m losing my mind.
May 20, 1970 Letter arrived today. But it’s not from him. It’s from his commanding officer. ‘Dear Miss, It is my duty to inform you that Private Yang Jungwon was killed in action on April 28, 1970, during combat operations in [REDACTED]. Private Yang died bravely, serving his country with honor. He was well-liked by his unit and will be deeply missed. Please accept my sincerest condolences for your loss. Respectfully, Captain Haruma, United States Army’ I don’t remember the rest of that day. I don’t remember screaming. Don’t remember collapsing. Don’t remember the neighbors breaking down the door because they heard me and thought someone was being murdered. I remember waking up in a hospital. Sedated. Numb. I remember his mother crying on the phone saying that he’s coming home. But he’s not coming home. Not really. Just a body in a box.
May 25, 1970 They buried him today. Military funeral. Flag-draped coffin. Gun salute. The whole terrible ceremony. I couldn’t look at the coffin. Couldn’t accept that he was in there. That the man I loved, love— vibrant and alive and so full of passion— was reduced to a body in a box in the ground. They gave me the flag. Folded into a perfect triangle. I wanted to scream at them. Wanted to throw the flag back in their faces and demand they give me Jungwon instead. But I just stood there, numb, while they lowered him into the ground. After, I went home and found a letter. Tucked into my mailbox. From him. Dated April 27. The day before he died. ‘My love, If you’re reading this, I’m gone. I wrote this just in case. Just in case the worst happens and I don’t get to say goodbye. First: I love you. I love you more than I knew it was possible to love another person. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. The brightest light in my life. Every moment with you was a gift. Second: This isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. Don’t torture yourself with what-ifs. We had no control over this. Third: Live. Please, live your life. Don’t spend it mourning me. Find love again if you can. Be happy. Make art. Change the world. Do all the things we talked about doing together. And finally: I’ll find you in the next life. I don’t know if there is a next life, but if there is, I’ll find you. I’ll find you in every lifetime. This isn’t the end. It can’t be. I love you forever, Jungwon P.S. - Remember the moon? How I asked if it remembers us? I hope it does. I hope something in this universe remembers that we existed, that we loved each other. That our love was real and true and worth something, even if it was brief.’
I can’t write anymore. Can’t see through the tears. He’s gone. The love of my life is gone. And I don’t know how to survive this.
The journal entries stop after that. The pages remain blank for months, then years. You keep the journal, but you can’t bring yourself to write in it. Can’t put into words the emptiness, the grief that never quite fades.
You do what he asked. You live. You finish school, get a job, move to San Francisco like you always planned. You go to protests, make art, try to change the world in small ways. You even date again, eventually. Nice men who try to understand why you sometimes go quiet and distant, why you can’t quite let them all the way in. None of them are him.
On the anniversary of his death, you go to the cemetery. Place flowers on his grave. Tell him about your year. “I’m trying,” you whisper to the headstone. “I’m trying to live like you asked. But god, I miss you. Every single day, I miss you.”
The wind rustles the leaves overhead. The sun shines. The world keeps turning. And you keep living. Because that’s what he wanted.
But part of you— the best part— died in a jungle halfway around the world on April 28, 1970. And you’ll never get it back.
2001 — Your POV
September 11, 8:32 AM
Jungwon kisses you goodbye at the elevator, quick and chaste because you’re at work and even though everyone knows you’re married, PDA in the office is frowned upon. “See you at lunch?” you ask, adjusting his tie even though it’s perfectly straight. It’s just an excuse to touch him.
“Can’t. Meeting with the Lehman team goes until two.”
“Dinner then. I’ll cook.”
He grins. “You mean you’ll order takeout and pretend you cooked.”
“I resent that. I’m an excellent chef.”
“You burned water last week.”
“That was one time!” You swat his arm, laughing. “Okay, fine. I’ll order from that Thai place you like.”
“Perfect.” He kisses you again, properly this time, not caring who sees. “I love you.”
“Love you too. Don’t work too hard.” The elevator dings and you step inside, waving as the doors close. Jungwon watches you disappear, then heads back to his desk on the 101st floor of the North Tower.
You and Jungwon have been married for three years, together for five. You met at Cantor Fitzgerald— both of you ambitious young traders trying to make a name for yourselves in the cutthroat world of finance.
The attraction was immediate. The love took a bit longer, but not much. He proposed after a year and a half, on the roof of your apartment building under a full moon. You were married three months later in a small ceremony in Central Park, just family and close friends.
Working together has its challenges— you’re competitive by nature, and sometimes that bleeds into your relationship. But mostly it’s good. You understand the demands of each other’s jobs. You can decompress together about difficult clients. You commute together, have lunch together when schedules allow, go home together. Your entire lives are intertwined. You love it.
You step out of the elevator on the 96th floor— your department is a few floors below his— and head to your desk. The morning is already chaotic, phones ringing, traders shouting, the energy that makes you love this job. You’re reviewing overnight reports when your phone rings. “Trading desk.”
“Mrs. Yang, it’s David from IT. We’re having some issues with your workstation remotely. Would you mind coming down to the 78th floor so we can take a look?”
You glance at your computer. It seems fine, but IT knows better than you. “Sure. Give me five minutes?”
“Perfect. Thanks.” You grab your phone and ID badge, tell your supervisor you’ll be back in fifteen, and head for the elevators.
The elevator ride down takes less than a minute. You step out onto the 78th floor— it’s quieter here, mostly administrative offices and IT. David meets you in the lobby. “Thanks for coming down. This should only take a minute. Just need to check something in the server room.”
You follow him down the hall, chatting about weekend plans, completely unaware that you have eight minutes left in the world as you know it.
8:46 AM
Jungwon is on a conference call when the building shakes. No— not shakes. Lurches. Like the entire structure has been hit by something massive. The lights flicker. Someone screams. The windows on the north side explode inward in a spray of glass and fire.
The conference call drops. Alarms start blaring. People are shouting, running, diving under desks. Jungwon’s brain struggles to catch up. What the hell just happened?
“Everyone stay calm!” His manager is shouting to be heard over the chaos. “Proceed to the stairwells! Don’t use the elevators!”
Jungwon grabs his phone and jacket on autopilot, joining the stream of people heading for the stairs. The office is in chaos— papers everywhere, computers sparked and smoking, the smell of jet fuel and burning. Jet fuel. Oh god.
He dials your number as he’s moving, pressed against a hundred other bodies trying to evacuate. It rings once. Twice. Three times. “Jungwon?” You sound confused. “What’s happening? We felt something down here—”
“Where are you?” His voice is urgent. “What floor?”
“78th. I’m with IT, they needed to—”
“Get out. Right now. Don’t go back to your desk, don’t grab anything, just get to the stairs and get out of the building.”
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. Something hit the building. High up. There’s fire and—” He’s being pushed into the stairwell now, the crowd surging around him. “Just get out. Please.”
“I will. Where are you?”
“101st floor. I’m in the stairwell. I’m coming down.”
“Okay. Okay. I’ll meet you outside.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. Be careful.” The line cuts out as he enters the stairwell. No signal.
The descent is a nightmare. Hundreds of people packed into a narrow concrete shaft, everyone trying to move at once. It’s hot and dark and the smoke is getting thicker with every floor.
Jungwon tries to stay calm. Tries to breathe through his shirt. Tries not to think about what happened, about the fire above him, about the fact that he’s 101 floors up and the only way out is down. He tries your number again when he hits the 95th floor and gets signal for a moment. No answer. Again at the 90th floor. No answer.
The stairwell is moving so slowly. People are crying, praying, helping those who can’t move as fast. The woman in front of Jungwon is heavily pregnant and struggling. He helps support her weight as they descend. “My baby,” she keeps saying. “I can’t—my baby—”
“You’re going to be fine,” Jungwon tells her. “We’re all going to be fine. Just keep moving.” He doesn’t know if he believes it.
At the 85th floor, his phone rings.“Jungwon!” You’re crying. “Oh god, Jungwon—”
“I’m here. I’m okay. Where are you?”
“I’m outside. I got out. But Jungwon, they’re saying—” Your voice breaks. “They’re saying a plane hit the building. A passenger plane. It flew right into the tower.”
His blood runs cold. “What?”
“It’s on the news. It’s everywhere. And—” You’re sobbing now. “Another plane just hit the South Tower. Jungwon, this isn’t an accident. This is—”
“I know. I know. Listen to me—I need you to get away from here. As far away as you can. Go to Brooklyn. Go to your sister’s. Just get away from Manhattan.”
“I’m not leaving without you.”
“You have to—”
“NO.” Your voice is fierce through the tears. “I’m not leaving you. I’m staying right here until you come out.”
“Baby, please—”
“Don’t. Don’t ask me to leave you. I won’t do it.” He wants to argue but he knows it’s pointless. You’re the most stubborn person he’s ever met. It’s one of the things he loves about you.
“Okay. Okay. I’m at the 85th floor. I’m coming down as fast as I can.”
“How fast is that?”
“Slow. There’s a lot of people. But I’m moving. I’m going to make it out.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise.” He stays on the phone with you as he descends. 80th floor. 75th. 70th. You talk to him the whole time. Telling him about what you’re seeing outside— the smoke, the emergency responders, the crowds. Telling him you love him. Begging him to hurry.
“I’m trying,” he says. “I’m trying.”65th floor. The building shudders. Different from before. More structural. The stairwell sways and people scream.
“What was that?” You sound terrified. “Jungwon, what was that?”
“I don’t know. The building just— it felt wrong.”
“You need to move faster.”
“I am. We all are. It’s just— there’s so many people—” 60th floor. The smoke is getting worse. People are coughing, struggling to breathe. Some are collapsing. Other people are helping them, but it’s slowing everything down.
Jungwon’s legs are burning. His lungs hurt. But he keeps moving. “Talk to me,” he says to you. “Tell me about something good. Distract me.”
“Like what?”
“Anything. Our honeymoon. Our first date. Anything that isn’t this.”
You’re quiet for a moment, and when you speak, your voice is steadier. “Remember our honeymoon? In Italy, that night in Venice? We got lost trying to find the hotel and ended up at that little square with the fountain?” He does remember. The moon reflecting off the water. Your hand in his. The way the whole city felt like a dream.
“And you asked me if I thought the moon remembered us,” you continue. “All the lovers who’d stood in that square over the centuries.”
“Did I say that?”
“You did. You said you wanted the moon to remember us. To remember our love story.”
55th floor. Jungwon is crying now, though he’s not sure when that started. “I still want that.”
“It will. The moon will remember us. I know it will.”
“Promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“If I don’t make it—”
“Don’t say that—”
“Listen. Please. If I don’t make it, I need you to promise me you’ll keep living. You’ll find happiness again. You won’t spend the rest of your life mourning me.”
“Jungwon—”
“Promise me.”
“I can’t. I can’t promise that. You’re my whole life. You’re everything.”
“Then promise me you’ll try. That you’ll at least try.”
You’re sobbing. “Okay. Okay, I promise. But you ARE going to make it. You have to make it.”
50th floor. He’s halfway. He’s actually halfway. Maybe he will make it out. “I love you,” he says. “More than anything in this world. You know that, right?”
“I know. I love you too. So much. So much.”
45th floor. The woman in front of him collapses. Jungwon and another man help her up, support her weight between them. She’s gasping for air, barely conscious. “Keep going,” Jungwon tells her. “We’re almost there.” 40th floor.
“I’m at 40,” he tells you. “Less than halfway now.”
“You’re doing so good. You’re almost out.”
“How’s it look out there?”
“Bad. Both towers are burning. There’s debris everywhere. But the firefighters are here. They’re going in to help people.”
“Good. That’s good.” 35th floor.
His phone is dying. Battery at 15%. “My phone’s almost dead,” he tells you.
“No. No, you have to keep talking to me.”
“I will. As long as I can. But if we get cut off—”
“We won’t.”
“But if we do, I need you to know—”
“I already know. I know you love me. I know we’re going to grow old together. I know we’re going to have babies and a house in the suburbs and a dog. I know all of it because you promised me.”
“I did promise you that.”
“So you have to keep that promise. You have to get out of there and come home to me.”
30th floor. Battery at 10%. “Do you remember our wedding vows?” he asks. “I meant every word. Every promise. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.”
“Me too.”
25th floor. “I can see the end,” he says. “I can actually see the bottom of the stairwell. Maybe ten more floors.”
“Oh thank god. Thank god.”
20th floor. Battery at 5%. The building shudders again. Violently this time. The stairwell groans.
“Jungwon? JUNGWON?”
“I’m here. I’m still here. Something’s wrong. The building—it doesn’t feel stable.”
“You need to run. Right now. Run as fast as you can.”
“I am. We all are.”
15th floor. The lights go out. Emergency lighting kicks in, bathing everything in red. People are screaming, pushing, panicking.
“Stay calm!” Someone is shouting. “Everyone stay calm!” But no one is calm. Everyone can feel it— the building is dying. 10th floor.
“I’m at ten,” Jungwon gasps into the phone. “Almost there. Almost—” The building lurches. Metal screaming. Concrete cracking.
“JUNGWON!”
“I’m okay. I’m still moving. Five more floors.”
5th floor. “I can see the lobby. I can see the exit. I’m going to make it. I’m actually going to make it.”
“Run. Don’t stop. Just run.” He does. The last few floors are a blur— feet pounding stairs, people streaming into the lobby, firefighters directing everyone outside.
Jungwon bursts out onto the street and the sight is apocalyptic. Both towers burning. Debris everywhere. Ash falling like snow. But he’s out. He’s alive. “I’m outside,” he gasps into the phone. “I made it. I’m out.”
“Where? Where are you?”
“West side, I think. Near—” The sound drowns out everything else. A roar like the end of the world. Jungwon turns and looks up. The South Tower is collapsing. “Oh my god,” he breathes.
“What? What’s happening?”
“The South Tower. It’s— it’s coming down.”
And then the cloud hits. Debris and dust and smoke racing down the street like a tsunami. People screaming, running, diving into buildings. Jungwon runs.
He doesn’t know where he’s going, just away from the cloud, away from the collapse. His phone is still clutched in his hand, your voice tinny and distant.“Jungwon! JUNGWON!”
“I’m here! I’m still here!” He ducks into a building— a store, doors standing open. The cloud follows him in, filling the space with choking dust.
He can’t see. Can’t breathe. Can’t do anything except hold the phone and hope. And then, gradually, the worst passes. He’s alive. Covered in dust, coughing up gray ash, but alive. “I’m okay,” he says into the phone. “I’m okay. The South Tower collapsed but I’m okay.”
“Oh thank god. Thank god. Where are you?”
“I don’t know. Some store. I can’t see anything. There’s dust everywhere.”
“Stay there. Stay inside until the dust clears. I’m coming to find you.”
“No. Don’t. It’s not safe.”
“I don’t care. Tell me where you are.”
“I don’t KNOW where I am—” His phone dies. “No. No no no—” He tries to turn it back on but it’s dead. Completely dead. He has no way to reach you. No way to tell you he’s alive. All he can do is wait for the dust to clear and try to find you.
You’re running. Your phone went dead ten seconds after his did, and now you’re sprinting through the chaos toward where you last heard him— west side of the North Tower. The South Tower is gone. Just gone. A pile of rubble and smoke where a building used to be.
And the North Tower is still burning. Jungwon’s tower. He made it out. He told you he made it out. He’s alive somewhere in this nightmare and you’re going to find him.
You’re pushing through crowds, screaming his name, looking for his face in a sea of ash-covered people who all look the same. “JUNGWON!” No answer. “JUNGWON!” The dust is thick. You can barely see ten feet ahead. But you keep moving, keep searching.
You’re maybe three blocks from the tower when you hear it. That sound again. Metal and concrete and the world ending. You look up. The North Tower is collapsing. “No,” you whisper. And then you’re screaming. “JUNGWON! JUNGWON!”
The tower comes down in a cascade of destruction, floor after floor pancaking, the cloud of debris exploding outward. You’re too far away. The cloud won’t reach you here. You’re safe. But Jungwon. He said he was on the west side. Near the tower. He was right there.
“No. No no no no no—” You’re calling his phone but it’s going straight to voicemail. Again and again and again. “JUNGWON! PLEASE! JUNGWON!”
People are grabbing you, trying to pull you back, away from the disaster. You fight them. “My husband! My husband was there! I need to— I have to—”
But there’s nowhere to go. The entire area where the towers stood is gone. Just smoke and rubble and death. You collapse on the pavement, screaming into your dead phone. He was right there. He made it out and he was right there and now— now the building is gone. And so is he.
They find Jungwon’s body three days later. He’d made it out of the building. Made it almost two blocks away. But when the tower collapsed, the debris cloud caught him. A piece of falling concrete, the medical examiner says. He died instantly. You identify him at the morgue. His face is peaceful, covered in dust. Like he’s sleeping. You don’t cry. You can’t. You’re too empty.
At the funeral, they play the voicemail you left him after the towers fell. The one where you’re screaming into the phone, begging him to answer, telling him you love him. You don’t remember leaving it.
You don’t remember much of anything from those first few days. The city buries thousands. You bury your husband. And then you have to figure out how to keep living.
Ten years pass. You never remarry. Never even date. How could you? Jungwon was your whole life. Your whole heart. You move out of New York. Can’t stand to be in the city where you lost him. You end up in a small town in Vermont, working at a library, living a quiet life.
Every year on September 11th, you visit the memorial. Stand at the reflecting pool where the North Tower used to be, looking at his name etched in bronze. YANG JUNGWON. You trace the letters with your fingers and remember.
Remember his laugh. His smile. The way he kissed you goodbye that last morning. Remember the phone call. His voice getting weaker as he descended. The way he said “I love you” one last time before his phone died. Remember standing in the street, watching the tower collapse, knowing he was gone.
At night, you look at the moon and think about what he said. About the moon remembering love stories. “Do you remember us?” you whisper to the sky.
The moon doesn’t answer. But you hope it does. Hope that somewhere in the universe, someone remembers that you loved him. That he loved you. That what you had was real and beautiful and worth something, even though it ended too soon.
You survive twenty more years. Never stop missing him. Never stop loving him. When you die at 65— heart attack, quick and painless— your last thought is of him. I’m coming, you think. Finally, I’m coming to find you. And maybe, somewhere, the moon remembers.
2026 — split POV
Jungwons POV
Jungwon is running late. He overslept— stayed up too late studying for his anatomy exam, his alarm didn’t go off, and now he’s sprinting across campus with his backpack half-open and his shirt probably on inside out.
Pre-med is killing him. Everyone said it would be hard, but no one mentioned it would be “survive on three hours of sleep and questionable dining hall coffee” hard. He rounds the corner by the library at a full run, checking his phone to see just how late he is to his 9 AM lecture—
And crashes directly into someone. The impact is total. Books go flying. Papers scatter. And Jungwon’s coffee— his precious, desperately-needed coffee— explodes all over the person he just barreled into. “Oh my god,” he gasps, stumbling back. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry—” He looks up and his brain short-circuits.
It’s a girl. A beautiful girl in a white shirt that is now completely drenched in his coffee. Dark hair falling around her face, wide eyes, an expression of pure shock. And the second their eyes meet, something in Jungwon’s chest cracks open. He knows her.
He doesn’t know her— he’s never seen her before in his life— but he knows her. Knows her the way he knows his own heartbeat. Knows her in a way that makes no logical sense but feels more real than anything he’s ever experienced. “I—” His voice doesn’t work. He tries again. “I’m so sorry. Your shirt—”
She’s just staring at him. Not angry, not upset. Just staring like she’s seeing a ghost. “It’s okay,” she says finally, but her voice is shaky. “It’s fine. I just—”
They’re both still frozen, standing in the middle of the path while other students flow around them. Jungwon forces himself to move. He shrugs out of his hoodie— thankfully he’s wearing a t-shirt underneath— and holds it out to her. “Here. Please. I’m so sorry. Take this.”
She looks at the hoodie, then back at him. “I can’t—”
“Please. I ruined your shirt. It’s the least I can do.” Slowly, she takes it. Their fingers brush and Jungwon feels electricity shoot up his arm. What the hell is happening?
She pulls on the hoodie— it’s too big on her, sleeves hanging past her hands— and something about seeing her in his clothes makes his heart do a weird flip. “Thank you,” she says softly. “I’m— uh. I have a class. I should—”
“Right. Yeah. Of course.” He’s already pulling out his phone. “Can I get your number? So I can pay for dry cleaning. Or replace the shirt. Or—”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. Please. I feel terrible.”She hesitates, then rattles off her number. He types it in with shaking hands. “I’m Jungwon, by the way.”
“I know.” Then her eyes widen. “I mean— I don’t know. You just— you look like a Jungwon.”
That doesn’t make any sense, but he smiles anyway. “And you are?”She tells him her name, and Jungwon commits it to memory like a prayer.
“I really am sorry,” he says again. “About the coffee.”
“It’s okay. Really.” She’s backing away now, but she keeps looking at him. Like she can’t quite make herself leave. “I should go. I’m late.”
“Me too. But—” He doesn’t want her to go. Can’t explain why, but the thought of her walking away makes him feel panicky. “Can I text you? About the shirt?”
“Sure. Yeah. That’s fine.”
“Okay. Good. I’ll— I’ll text you.”
“Okay.” She finally turns and walks away, and Jungwon stands there watching her go, his heart pounding for reasons he can’t explain. He’s never believed in love at first sight. Thought it was bullshit, something made up for movies and romance novels. But something just happened. Something big and important and completely inexplicable.
He doesn’t know what. But he knows, with absolute certainty, that he just met someone who’s going to change his life.
Your POV
You make it to class five minutes late, wearing a stranger’s hoodie, your heart racing. What the hell was that? You’ve never believed in fate or destiny or any of that romantic nonsense. You’re a history major, you deal in facts and evidence and things that can be proven.
But when you locked eyes with that boy— Jungwon— something shifted in the universe. You knew him. Know him. Even though you’ve never seen him before in your life. And the way he looked at you— like he knew you too. Like he’d been waiting for you.
You slide into your seat in the lecture hall and your best friend Mina immediately notices the hoodie. “Whose is that?” she whispers.
“Some guy’s. He spilled coffee on me.”
“And gave you his hoodie? That’s very chivalrous. Is he cute?”
You think about dark eyes and messy hair and the way his hands shook when he typed your number into his phone. “Yeah,” you admit. “Really cute.”
“Are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
Your phone buzzes. Unknown number: Hi, this is Jungwon. The coffee disaster guy. Just wanted to make sure I got your number right. And to apologize again. I really am sorry about your shirt.
You smile despite yourself and type back: It’s fine. Really. The hoodie is very comfortable.
Keep it. It looks better on you anyway.
Your heart does a stupid flutter: I should probably return it at some point.
How about tomorrow? I could buy you coffee. To replace the shirt.
You shouldn’t. You don’t know this guy. He could be anyone. But you’re already typing back: Tomorrow sounds good.
Perfect. I’ll text you details. And again— really sorry.
Stop apologizing. It was an accident.
Still feel bad.
Don’t. I’m fine. Great, even. I got a free hoodie out of it.
Ha. Fair point. See you tomorrow?
See you tomorrow.
You put your phone away and try to focus on the lecture. But all you can think about is tomorrow. About seeing him again. About why the thought of it makes you feel like you’re coming home.
Jungwon’s POV
Jungwon changes his outfit three times before leaving his dorm. “You’re being ridiculous,” his roommate Jake says, sprawled on his bed playing video games. “It’s just coffee.”
“It’s not just coffee.”
“It’s literally just coffee. You’re meeting a girl you spilled coffee on to buy her coffee to apologize for the coffee. It’s coffee inception.”
“Shut up.”
Jake grins. “You like her.”
“I don’t know her.”
“But you like her.”
Jungwon doesn’t answer because the truth is yes, he does like her. Has been thinking about her non-stop since yesterday. Can’t explain it, can’t rationalize it, but it’s true. He settles on jeans and a simple black shirt, checks his hair one more time, and heads out.
They agreed to meet at the campus coffee shop— ironic, given the circumstances— at 2 PM. Jungwon arrives ten minutes early and immediately regrets it because now he has to stand around looking awkward.
He’s checking his phone for the third time when he sees her walking up. She’s wearing casual clothes— jeans and a sweater— and she’s carrying his hoodie, neatly folded. Her hair is down today, falling past her shoulders, and Jungwon’s brain goes momentarily offline. “Hi,” she says, smiling.
“Hi.” He sounds like an idiot. “You came.”
“I said I would.”
“Right. Yeah. Of course.” Get it together, Yang. “Should we go in?”
They order coffee— she gets a vanilla latte, he gets an americano— and find a table by the window. For a moment, they just sit there, both suddenly shy. “So,” you say finally. “Pre-med, right? I saw your anatomy textbook when you dropped everything.”
“Yeah. First year. It’s brutal.”
“I can imagine. I’m history. Much less brutal.”
“History’s cool. What kind of history?”
“All kinds. But I’m focusing on American history right now. Specifically the 20th century.”
Something flickers in Jungwon’s chest at that. He doesn’t know why. “That’s really interesting,” he says. “Any particular reason?”
You shrug. “I like understanding how we got here. How the past shapes the present. Plus the 20th century was just… a lot. Wars, social movements, technological revolution. It’s fascinating.”
“Do you think the past matters? Like, do you think we’re shaped by history or do we shape ourselves?” The question comes out more philosophical than he intended, but you don’t seem to mind.
“Both, probably. We’re products of our time, but we also have agency. We can make choices that change the trajectory.” You pause. “Why? Do you think the past matters?”
“I think…” He’s not sure how to articulate this. “I think sometimes the past isn’t really past. I think sometimes it echoes forward. Into the present.”
You’re looking at him with this intense focus, like he’s said something profound instead of just vaguely poetic nonsense. “Yeah,” you say softly. “I think that too.”
The conversation flows easily after that. You talk about classes, about campus life, about your respective hometowns. Jungwon tells you about wanting to be a doctor since he was a kid, about the pressure from his parents but also his genuine love for medicine. You tell him about your love of research, about wanting to be a professor someday, maybe write books.
Two hours pass without either of you noticing. “I should probably go,” you say reluctantly, checking your phone. “I have a study group at five.”
“Right. Yeah. Of course.” Jungwon stands when you do, not ready for this to end. “Can I walk you?”
“Sure.” You walk across campus together, the conversation never stopping. It’s easy with you. Comfortable. Like you’ve done this a thousand times before.
When you reach your building, you turn to face him. “Thanks for the coffee. And for not being a serial killer.”
He laughs. “Thanks for giving a clumsy pre-med student a chance to apologize.”
“It was a good apology.” There’s a moment where you’re just looking at each other, and Jungwon feels that pull again. That inexplicable sense of knowing you.
“Can I see you again?” he asks. “Not as an apology. Just… because I want to.”
You smile. “I’d like that.”
“Friday? There’s a film festival on campus. Foreign films. Probably boring to most people but—”
“I love foreign films.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
His heart is going to beat out of his chest. “It’s a date then?”
“It’s a date.”
He walks away grinning like an idiot, and when he checks his phone later, there’s a text from you: Had fun today. See you Friday :)
He stares at the smiley face for an embarrassingly long time before responding: Me too. Can’t wait. And he means it. He genuinely can’t wait to see you again. Which is crazy. He barely knows you. But it doesn’t feel like barely knowing you. It feels like coming home.
Your POV
You and Jungwon are dating. It’s not official-official— you haven’t had the “what are we” conversation— but you’re together constantly. Study dates that turn into actual dates. Late-night conversations that stretch until 3 AM. Stolen kisses between classes. It’s fast. You know it’s fast. Mina keeps asking if you’re sure about this, if you’re not rushing into things. But it doesn’t feel fast. It feels exactly right.
You learn things about him: that he’s terrible at cooking but makes excellent coffee. That he stress-cleans before exams. That he has nightmares sometimes and won’t talk about them. That he looks at the moon when he’s thinking.
He learns things about you: that you hum when you’re concentrating. That you steal his coffee even though you have your own. That you’re afraid of thunderstorms. That you’ve always felt like you’re searching for something you can’t name.
Tonight, you’re in his dorm room— Jake is conveniently gone for the weekend— sprawled on his bed while he attempts to study for biochemistry. “This is impossible,” he groans, throwing his highlighter at the textbook. “Why do I need to know the Krebs cycle? When will I ever use this as a doctor?”
“When you’re explaining cellular respiration to a patient, obviously.”
“That will definitely happen. Constantly.” You laugh and roll onto your stomach, watching him.
He’s wearing glasses tonight— he usually wears contacts but he ran out— and they make him look unfairly adorable. “You’re staring,” he says without looking up from his notes.
“You’re pretty.”
“I’m not pretty. I’m ruggedly handsome.”
“You’re pretty.”
He looks up, grinning, and tackles you onto the bed. You shriek with laughter as he pins you down, his weight warm and solid above you. “Take it back,” he demands.
“Never. You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.”
“Terrible. The worst.” But he’s smiling as he says it, and then he’s kissing you, and your brain shuts off. You’ve kissed before— many times over the past six weeks— but it still feels new every time. Still makes your heart race and your stomach flip.
His hand slides under your shirt, fingers skimming your ribs, and you arch into the touch. “Is this okay?” he murmurs against your lips.
“Yeah. Yes. More than okay.”
Things heat up quickly after that. Clothes coming off, hands exploring, breathless whispers in the dark. You’ve fooled around before— heavy petting, getting each other off— but you haven’t gone all the way yet. Tonight feels different. “Do you want to?” Jungwon asks, pulling back to look at you. “We don’t have to. There’s no pressure. I just—”
“I want to.” You cup his face. “I want you.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He kisses you deeply and reaches for his nightstand, pulling out a condom. “I’ve, uh. I’ve never actually done this before.”
“Me neither.”
“So we’ll figure it out together?”
“Together,” you agree. What follows is awkward and sweet and perfect. He’s gentle, careful, constantly checking if you’re okay. There’s fumbling and nervous laughter and moments where you have to adjust and try again.
But when he finally slides inside you, when you’re joined completely, it feels right. It feels like coming home. “God,” he breathes, forehead pressed against yours. “You feel amazing.”
He moves slowly at first, finding a rhythm, and the pleasure builds gradually. It’s not earth-shattering— first times rarely are— but it’s intimate and meaningful and when you both finish (you first, then him shortly after), you feel closer to him than you’ve ever felt to anyone.
After, you lie tangled together, sweaty and satisfied and happy. “That was…” Jungwon trails off.
“Yeah.”
“We should probably do that again sometime.”
“Definitely.” He laughs and pulls you closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You settle against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, feeling utterly content.
“Hey,” he says after a while. “Can I ask you something weird?”
“Always.”
“Do you ever feel like… like we’ve done this before? Not the sex,” he clarifies quickly. “Just… this. Us. Being together. Like we’ve been here before.”
Your heart skips. “Yeah. All the time.”
“Really?”
“Really. I can’t explain it. But from the moment we met, I felt like I knew you. Like we were supposed to find each other.”
“Me too.” He’s quiet for a moment. “My roommate thinks I’m crazy.”
“My roommate thinks I’m rushing into things.”
“Are we? Rushing?”
You think about it. Six weeks is fast. But it doesn’t feel fast. It feels inevitable. “I don’t think so,” you say. “I think… I think sometimes you just know. When something’s right.”
“Yeah.” He tightens his arms around you. “I think you’re right.”
You fall asleep like that, wrapped around each other, and you dream of things you can’t quite remember when you wake. Battles and hospitals and sinking ships. A jungle. A burning building. And through it all, his face. Always his face.
You’re officially together by December. Boyfriend and girlfriend. You changed your relationship status on social media and everything.
Mina has stopped asking if you’re sure and started asking when you’re getting married, which is ridiculous because you’re only twenty-one, but sometimes you look at Jungwon and think yes, that one, forever. Which is insane. You’ve only known him for three months. But it doesn’t feel like three months. It feels like always.
It’s winter break now. Most students have gone home, but you and Jungwon both stayed on campus— you have a research project, he has lab work. Which means you basically have the whole university to yourselves.
Tonight, you’re at his apartment (he moved off-campus this semester) cooking dinner together. Or rather, you’re cooking while he sits on the counter and provides commentary. “You’re going to burn the chicken,” he observes.
“I’m not going to burn the chicken.”
“The pan is smoking.”
“That’s just—” You check the pan. It’s definitely smoking. “Okay, fine. You do it.” He laughs and hops down, gently moving you aside to take over. Within minutes, he’s rescued the chicken and gotten everything under control.
“I thought you said you couldn’t cook,” you accuse.
“I said I’m terrible at cooking. Doesn’t mean I can’t do basic stuff. I just prefer not to.”
“So you’ve been letting me struggle this whole time?”
“I like watching you try.”
You swat him with a dish towel and he catches your wrist, pulling you against him. “Hi,” he says.
“Hi yourself.” He kisses you, slow and sweet, and you melt into him. Three months in and he still makes your knees weak.
Dinner is actually good— turns out Jungwon can cook when properly motivated. You eat on his tiny balcony despite the cold, wrapped in blankets, watching the city lights. “I have something for you,” Jungwon says when you’re both finished eating.
“It’s not Christmas yet.”
“I know. But I saw this and thought of you and I couldn’t wait.” He pulls out a small wrapped box from his pocket.
“Jungwon—”
“Just open it.”
You unwrap it carefully. Inside is a delicate silver necklace with a tiny moon pendant. “Oh,” you breathe. “It’s beautiful.”
“I know you love looking at the moon. You always point it out when we’re walking at night. And I just… I wanted you to have something that reminded you of…” He trails off, looking embarrassed. “This is cheesy, isn’t it?”
“It’s perfect.” You kiss him. “Help me put it on?” He fastens the necklace around your neck, his fingers gentle on your skin. The pendant rests just below your collarbone, catching the light.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs, but he’s looking at you, not the necklace.
That night, you make love in his bed, slow and tender. You’ve gotten better at it over the past few months— learned what each other likes, how to move together, how to make it good for both of you. When you’re both satisfied and drowsy, you curl up against his chest.
“I love you,” you say. It’s the first time either of you have said it. You’ve been thinking it for weeks, but you weren’t sure if it was too soon, if it would scare him off.
Jungwon goes very still. Then he tips your chin up so he can see your face. “You do?”
“Yeah. I do. I love you.”
“I love you too.” He says it like a revelation, like he’s just discovered something amazing. “I’ve been wanting to say it for weeks.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Scared. Didn’t want to freak you out.”
“You could never freak me out.”
“Good to know.” He kisses you again. “I love you. So much. More than I knew was possible.” You fall asleep in his arms, the moon pendant warm against your skin, and everything feels perfect.
Your POV
Spring semester is brutal. You’re both drowning in work— your senior thesis is due in two months, Jungwon is applying to medical schools and studying for the MCAT. You still see each other every day, but it’s different now. Stressed. Tired. Neither of you sleeping enough.
One evening in late March, you’re both in the library, sitting at the same table but working on separate things. You’ve been here for six hours. Your eyes are burning, your back hurts, and you’re pretty sure you’ve read the same paragraph seventeen times without retaining any information.
You glance at Jungwon. He’s hunched over his biochemistry textbook, highlighter in hand, looking exhausted. “Break?” you suggest.
“Can’t. This exam is in two days and I’m nowhere near ready.”
“You’ve been studying for weeks. You’re ready.”
“I’m not. There’s still three chapters I haven’t reviewed and—”
“Jungwon.” You reach across the table to take his hand. “Take a break. Ten minutes. Please.”
He looks like he wants to argue, but then he sees your face and sighs. “Okay. Ten minutes.”
You both step outside into the cool spring air. The campus is quiet— it’s almost midnight, most people are asleep or partying. You find a bench and sit, and Jungwon immediately slumps against you. “I’m so tired,” he mumbles.
“I know. Me too.”
“When does it get easier?”
“I don’t think it does. I think we just get better at handling hard.”
He laughs weakly. “Philosophical.”
“I’m a history major. We’re all secretly philosophers.” You sit in comfortable silence for a while. The moon is visible through the trees, nearly full.
“Look,” you say, pointing. “The moon.”
Jungwon looks up, and something crosses his face. Something you can’t quite read. “It’s beautiful,” he says quietly.
“Makes me think of the necklace you gave me.” You touch the pendant, which you wear every day. “Do you ever wonder if the moon gets lonely? Just hanging up there, watching everyone?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe it’s comforting. Being able to witness everything. All the love stories, all the lives, all the history.” There’s something strange in his voice. Something distant.
“You okay?” you ask.
“Yeah. Just… sometimes I get this feeling. Like I’m supposed to remember something important but I can’t quite grasp it.” He shakes his head. “Ignore me. I’m sleep-deprived and saying weird things.”
“I get that feeling too sometimes.”
He turns to look at you. “You do?”
“Yeah. Especially when I’m with you. Like there’s something just out of reach. Something I should know.” You’re both quiet, staring at each other, and the moment feels heavy with meaning you can’t articulate.
“Weird,” Jungwon says finally.
“Yeah. Weird.” You go back to studying, but the feeling lingers.
—
It happens on a Tuesday.
You’re driving back from the library— late night, you stayed to finish a research paper. You’re tired, ready to collapse into bed. The light is green. You’re sure it’s green. You start through the intersection and— impact.
The car hits yours from the side, metal crunching, glass shattering. The world spins. Your head slams against something. And then everything goes dark.
Jungwon’s POV
Jungwon is in his apartment, half-asleep on the couch with a textbook on his chest, when his phone rings. Unknown number. He almost doesn’t answer. “Hello?”
“Is this Yang Jungwon?” A woman’s voice, professional and careful.
“Yes?”
“This is Mercy General Hospital. You’re listed as the emergency contact for—”
His blood turns to ice. “What happened? Is she okay? What happened?”
“There’s been an accident. A car accident. She’s alive, but she’s unconscious. You should come to the hospital as soon as possible.”
Jungwon doesn’t remember the drive. One minute he’s in his apartment, the next he’s running through the hospital corridors, demanding to know where you are. They lead him to a room in the ICU. You’re there, lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines. Your face is pale, bruised. There’s a bandage around your head.
“Oh god,” he breathes.
A doctor intercepts him before he can reach you. “Mr. Yang?”
“How is she? What happened?”
“She was hit by another vehicle. Traumatic brain injury, some internal bleeding. We’ve stabilized her, but she’s in a coma.”
“A coma.”
“Her brain is swelling. We’re monitoring closely. The next 24-48 hours are critical.”
Jungwon sinks into a chair, his legs giving out. “Can I—can I sit with her?”
“Of course.”
He pulls a chair to your bedside and takes your hand. It’s cold. “I’m here,” he whispers. “I’m right here. You’re going to be okay. You have to be okay.”
The machines beep steadily. Your chest rises and falls. But you don’t respond. Jungwon sits there for hours. Days. He leaves only when forced, only for bathroom breaks and when the nurses make him eat something.
He talks to you. Tells you about his day, about stupid things happening in his classes, about how much he misses you. Begs you to wake up. On the third day, your eyes open.
Your POV
You wake up slowly, consciousness returning in pieces. White ceiling. Fluorescent lights. Beeping sounds. The smell of antiseptic. Hospital. You try to sit up and pain lances through your head.
“Hey, hey, don’t move.” A familiar voice. Warm hands gently pushing you back down. “You’re okay. You’re in the hospital. You were in an accident.”
You turn your head— slowly, because it hurts— and see Jungwon. And suddenly, you remember everything. Not just this life. Not just Jungwon the pre-med student you’ve been dating for nine months. You remember everything.
1770. A field hospital, a dying soldier, promises whispered under candlelight. 1850s. An arranged marriage that became real love, tuberculosis stealing him away. 1912. The Titanic, stolen moments, his face disappearing into chaos. 1969. Vietnam, journal entries, a letter written the day before he died. 2001. September 11th, a phone call, watching towers fall.
Five lifetimes. Five times you’ve found each other. Five times you’ve lost each other. And now this. Now here. You gasp, tears streaming down your face. “You,” you sob. “It’s you. It’s always been you.”
He looks confused and worried. “What? Hey, it’s okay, you’re probably disoriented—”
“I remember,” you say desperately. “I remember all of it. The hospital in 1770. Our wedding in 1850. The ship. The war. The towers. I remember, Jungwon. I remember everything.”
He goes very still. “What did you just say?”
“I remember. All the lifetimes. All the times we found each other and lost each other. The moon— you always asked if the moon remembers us. And you always said you’d find me in the next life. And you did. You always did.”
Jungwon is staring at you, his face white. “How do you—” His voice breaks. “How do you know about that?”
“Because I was there. I was there every time. And so were you.”
“I thought I was crazy,” he whispers. “I’ve been having these dreams since I was a kid. Different times, different lives, but always you. Always the same person. I thought they were just dreams. Just my brain making up stories.”
“They weren’t dreams. They were memories.” You’re both crying now, holding onto each other like you’re drowning.
“I’ve been looking for you,” Jungwon says. “My whole life, I’ve been looking for you. And when I saw you that day on campus, I knew. I knew it was you.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because it sounded insane! How do you tell someone you just met that you’ve loved them for centuries? That you remember dying in their arms in a field hospital in 1770?”
“You remember that?”
“I remember all of it. Every lifetime. Every death. Every promise I made to find you again.” He cups your face. “And here you are. You’re finally here and you remember me.”
“I almost died,” you realize. “That’s why I remember now. Being so close to death triggered the memories.”
“I don’t care why. I’m just glad you do.” He kisses you desperately. “I love you. I’ve loved you for lifetimes. Literal lifetimes.”
“I love you too. In every life, I’ve loved you.” You hold each other, crying and laughing and trying to process the impossible truth: you’ve lived before. Multiple times. And every single time, you’ve found each other. And every single time, you’ve lost each other.
“Not this time,” Jungwon says fiercely, like he can read your thoughts. “This time we’re not losing each other. This time we get our happy ending.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because I’m not letting you go. Not for anything. We’ve waited too long. Suffered too much. This time, we’re keeping each other.” You want to believe him. God, you want to believe him. But you’ve believed before. And it’s never been enough.
Six Months Later - Your POV
You recover from the accident slowly but completely. The doctors call it a miracle— the brain injury should have had lasting effects, but somehow you’re fine. You know it’s not a miracle. It’s something else. Something to do with the lifetimes, with the universe giving you another chance.
You and Jungwon are inseparable now. Not in the cute couple way— in the “we’ve literally died and been reborn six times to find each other” way. You talk about the past lives constantly. Comparing memories, filling in gaps. He remembers things you don’t. You remember things he doesn’t. Together, you piece together the full story.
“In 1770, you promised me a dance,” you tell him one night.
“Did I?”
“You said when you were healed, you’d take me dancing. But you died before you could.”
“Then I owe you a dance.” He stands, offering his hand. “May I have this dance?”
There’s no music, but he pulls you into his arms anyway, swaying with you in the middle of his living room. You rest your head on his chest and close your eyes. “This is nice,” you murmur.
“Better late than never.”
“Only about 250 years late.”
He laughs. “I’m nothing if not punctual.”
You dance until you’re both tired, then collapse on the couch together. “Do you think it will happen again?” you ask quietly. “Do you think we’ll lose each other?”
“I don’t know.” His arm tightens around you. “But even if we do, I’ll find you again. I always do.”
“That’s not comforting. I don’t want to lose you again. I don’t want to go through that pain.”
“Me neither. But if I had to choose between loving you and losing you, or never loving you at all? I’d choose loving you every time.”
You know he means it. Across five lifetimes, through wars and sickness and disasters, he’s chosen to love you every single time. “Marry me,” you say suddenly. “We’ve wasted enough time across enough lifetimes. Let’s not waste any more.”
“Are you serious?”
“Completely serious. I love you. You love me. We’ve loved each other for centuries. Why wait?”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “Okay. Yes. Let’s get married. Let’s do it right this time. Let’s build the life we’ve never gotten to have.”
You kiss him, laughing and crying at the same time. “When?”
“Now. Tomorrow. Next week. I don’t care. Whenever you want.”
“Next month,” you decide. “Small ceremony. Just us and a few friends. Nothing fancy.”
“Perfect.”
You get married in October, in a small ceremony in Central Park. You wear a simple white dress. He wears a suit. Mina and Jake are there, along with a handful of other friends. The officiant asks if you have your own vows.
“I do,” Jungwon says, taking your hands. “I’ve loved you in more lifetimes than most people get to experience. I’ve died loving you. I’ve been reborn to find you. And every single time, choosing you has been the easiest decision I’ve ever made. This time, I’m choosing you for the rest of this life. However long that is. I’m choosing you every day, in every way. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I will always love you.”
You’re crying. “I promise to love you for the rest of this life and whatever comes after. I promise to remember. I promise to choose you, just like you’ve chosen me, across time and space and whatever separates us. You’re my home. You always have been.”
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” He kisses you, and it tastes like forever.
Fifteen Years Later
You’re both in your fifties now. Jungwon is a successful cardiologist. You’re a tenured professor with three published books. You never have kids. It’s a choice you make together— you’ve lost each other too many times, you can’t imagine bringing children into that uncertainty.
Instead, you pour your love into each other, into your careers, into making the world a little bit better. Jungwon volunteers at free clinics. You mentor graduate students. You both donate to causes you believe in. Your lives are full and meaningful and happy.
One evening, you’re both at a gala for Jungwon’s hospital. Fancy clothes, fancy food, schmoozing with donors. It’s not your favorite thing, but you do it for him. During the dancing portion of the evening, he pulls you onto the floor. “Remember when I promised you a dance in 1770?” he says, one hand on your waist, the other holding yours.
“You mean the dance we had in your apartment about twenty years ago?”
“That was a down payment. This is the real thing.”
You laugh and let him lead you around the floor. He’s a good dancer— you both are, after years of these events. “Do you ever regret it?” you ask quietly. “Choosing me? Building a life with someone who carries all this history?”
“Never. Not for a single second.” He pulls you closer. “Do you?”
“No. But sometimes I wonder what it would have been like. If we’d been normal people. If we’d met in just this lifetime and didn’t carry all that weight.”
“We wouldn’t be us. All those lifetimes, all that loss— it made us who we are. It taught us to appreciate what we have. To not take a single moment for granted.”
“That’s true.” You rest your head on his shoulder. “I love you.”
“I love you too. In this life and every other.”
You’re not sure what the future holds. You’re not sure if the two of you broke the cycle. But right here, in 2026, is all that matters. You found eachother after seven lifetimes.
And no matter what, the moon will be watching. The moon always watches. And the moon always remembers.
hey y’all it’s me again. (i kinda cursed in here soooo warning)
so we basically have another confirmation that heeseung won’t return to enhypen, and honestly? i want to focus on another part this article mentioned.
belift basically admitted that they won’t give any freedom for the members to do solo projects while being in a member of enhypen. this includes the remaining 6 as well. and that’s very shitty. seriously? solo, or leave?
“enhypen’s schedule remains extremely demanding…” and who sets that system up? cmon now. we been knew how overworked the members are, and see? belift rather make them put up with their 100th “oppa do aegyo” fancalls rather than give them rest or even focus on making solo music. that made me ask, is a hiatus not possible in that company or…?
honestly, i don’t think i have been in a peace of mind ever since last tuesday and i kept refreshing my twt for news and updates. but everytime, it keeps on dissapointing me.
a member can leave a group, that’s fine. a member can get kicked out, that happens too. however, it’s not fair and it’s very devastating to make him leave with just one letter and now gone (as i type this there are still NO news of heeseung’s wellbeing) after 6 years of watching him. especially as a predebut engene.
and to be honest to everyone, at one point i started thinking “i don’t care about his future plans rn, i don’t care about if he’s gonna return or not, i just wanna know if heeseung’s okay. is he eating well? is he spending time with his family rn?” i just stopped with the formalities and started missing heeseung :(
and to the other fandoms, i’m sorry on the behalf of the other engenes who are spreading the word and asking other fandoms to spread tags and is becoming “very annoying”, i feel like, everyone has just lost it because heeseung is such a significant member of enhypen, just like how jay, jake, sunghoon, sunoo, jungwon and ni-ki are. it’s just…really hard you know? one day you’re watching then laughing together and then one random tuesday one member left the group. but it’s nice to have some empathy, yk? you can hate us but never, never ever defend that label. because? i kid you not your faves might be next with the way that asscrack was moving. #hybehater
i’m very hee-centric, so my posts are mainly about hee, and am i gonna continue writing about him? oh absolutely, i’ve only done a few works after all. i’m an english major, loves writing and i’m going to use that fixation for someone i very admire: evan lee <3
that does not mean i won’t support the 6 members, j will. and for a fact, if they do come to my country, i will try and buy tickets!
as for hee? i’ll support him wholeheartedly. he has been working on this solo for a while now and i just wish the best for him because he truly deserves it. pushing aside success, heeseung just wants to make his own music. that’s his passion. and i respect that so so much.
genre; church au, opposites attract, forbidden crush, slow burn, smut with fluff
warnings; religious themes, purity culture pressure, smoking, alcohol consumption, power imbalance, explicit sexual content, loss of virginity, heavy sexual tension, guilt + yearning, softness, and maximum fluff
authors note: ahhhh my luvly enha stans!!! i am so happy to see so many enjoying this series but i am sad to say this may be the last.... <3
read pt1 here , pt2 here pt 3 here , playlist link is here ♡
The city did not wake up with the ringing of bells.
In Hillcrest, time was measured by the tolling of the clock tower at the center of town—a heavy, metallic reminder of duties, chores, and the constant, ticking countdown to the next service. But in the city, time was a fluid, living thing. It was the rhythmic thrum-thud of the subway beneath the street, the distant hiss of a bus’s air brakes, and the muffled shouting of vendors three stories below your window.
You lay in the center of the oversized bed, your eyes tracing the patterns of light on the ceiling. It had been exactly three hundred and sixty-five days since you climbed onto the back of a black motorcycle and let the wind whip the past right out of your lungs.
A year.
A lifetime.
Beside you, the mattress shifted.
Heeseung didn’t wake up all at once. He surfaced from sleep like a diver coming up for air—slow, deliberate, and focused. Long before his eyes opened, his hand was moving across the sheets, searching for you. It was a reflex now, a muscle memory born of a year spent making sure you hadn't disappeared into the night. When his fingers finally brushed against your hip, his entire body seemed to exhale.
"Still here," he rasped, his voice thick and heavy with sleep.
He pulled you backward, tucking your body into the curve of his. Heeseung was and still is like a furnace, his skin radiating a heat that made the morning chill of the apartment vanish. This was your favorite version of him—the version the world never saw. The man at work was sharp, professional, and intimidatingly talented with a wrench and a welding torch. But the man in this bed was soft edges and quiet sighs.
He buried his face in the crook of your neck, his nose cold against your skin, making you shiver. "You're thinking too loud again, my saint. I can feel it."
"I was just thinking about the bells," you whispered, turning in his arms so you could look at him.
Heeseung’s eyes fluttered open. A year of city life had changed the map of his face. The dark circles of exhaustion that had haunted him in Hillcrest were gone, replaced by the faint crinkles at the corners of his eyes from laughing at your terrible jokes.
But that look—the one that made you feel like the most precious thing in existence—remained unchanged.
"No bells here," he murmured, his thumb tracing the line of your lower lip. "Just me. Just us."
He leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a slow, exploratory kiss that tasted like mint and lingering dreams. It wasn't the frantic, desperate kiss of a runaway; it was the settled, confident kiss of a man who knew he had forever.
Heeseung pulled back just an inch, his forehead resting against yours. "I have to get to the shop early today. That vintage Ducati is giving me hell, and the client is coming in at noon."
"Go then," you teased, running your hands down his toned forearms. "The Ducati needs you."
"The Ducati can wait five minutes," he growled playfully, pinning your wrists to the pillow and hovering over you. "I haven't performed my morning devotions yet."
This was his favorite way to tease you—using the language of your old life to describe the worship of your new one. He began to trail kisses down your throat, his stubble grazing your collarbone in a way that made your breath hitch. He spent ten minutes just adoring you, his hands knowing your body better than you can ever, slow and steady with a reverence that felt more sacred than any prayer.
Eventually, the reality of the day pulled him away. You watched him move through the apartment, a domestic ballet you never grew tired of. He moved with a grace that shouldn't belong to a man of his size, pulling on a pair of oil-stained jeans and a simple black t-shirt. He didn't look like a delinquent your town shunned anymore, but he didn't look like a perfect one either. He looked like a man who had found his purpose.
He stopped by the door, his leather jacket slung over his shoulder, looking back at you as you sat up in bed, the sheets pooled around your waist.
"Studio today?" he asked.
"Yeah. I’m finishing the mix, I think it’s the one, Heeseung. I think it’s the song that changes everything."
He smiled—a wide, genuine grin that made your heart skip. "It already changed everything for me the first time I heard you hum it. The rest of the world is just catching up."
He blew you a kiss and disappeared out the door, the sound of his boots echoing down the hallway.
You sat in the silence of the apartment, the smell of his cologne—sandalwood and expensive motor oil—lingering in the air. You walked over to the window and looked out at the city. It was a sprawling, chaotic mess of glass and steel, and you loved every inch of it.
But as you reached for your coffee mug, your eyes landed on the small, wooden calendar on the counter. You froze.
The date was circled in red.
You were eight days late...
The silence of the apartment suddenly felt heavy, suffocating. I can't be pregnant can I? We did everything right, I was on the pill...The thoughts wasn't just a possibility; it was a ghost that had been haunting the edges of your happiness for a week. Your hand went instinctively to your stomach, and for a moment, the skyscrapers outside seemed to tilt.
You thought of your mother’s face—the way she would look if she knew. You thought of the churches in Hillcrest and the shame that was supposed to follow a girl like you. But then, you thought of Heeseung’s hands—how they looked when they were building something from nothing—and the fear began to settle into something else.
Something that felt like the beginning of a whole new chapter.
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The studio was a sanctuary of soundproof foam and expensive glass, a vacuum where the rest of the world ceased to exist. You sat behind the massive mixing console, the glowing LEDs of the levels dancing in the reflection of your eyes like tiny, digital stars.
This was your altar now—a place of knobs, faders, and frequencies. You were no longer the girl who sang hymns in a practiced, breathy soprano; you were a producer, a creator, a woman who knew exactly how to manipulate sound to make people feel the things they were too afraid to say.
But today, the music wouldn't settle. All you could think about was what lies in you. Could it be?
You pulled up the vocal track for your song and as your own voice filled the monitors—low, smoky, and heavy with longing—the sterile air of the studio seemed to thicken. You closed your eyes, and suddenly, the cool plastic of the faders beneath your fingers turned into the heat of Heeseung’s skin.
The memory hit you with the force of a physical blow.
It had happened only a week ago. Yet the memories linger.
It was the week you couldn't forget—the looming deadline of your EP, the unspoken tension of memories, the weight of your parents' silent phone numbers. You had come home to find Heeseung in the kitchen, still covered in a fine layer of metal dust, his hair damp from a quick rinse in the sink. He had looked at you, really looked at you, and seen the fraying edges of your composure.
"You're vibrating, little saint," he’d murmured, stepping into your space.
"It's nothing Hee-," you had snapped, the words coming out more jagged than you intended. "I'm sorry, I think I'm just tired. I keep thinking of what happened, how i was being handled like I'm a porcelain doll. I’m tired of everyone—even you—thinking I need to be protected."
The look he gave you then wasn't one of softness. It was a dark, challenging glint that made your pulse erratic. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Protecting you?"
He had moved then, fast and certain, backing you against the kitchen counter. He didn't kiss you with the usual slow devotion. He had gripped your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh, and hoisted you up onto the marble. The cold stone against your thighs was a shock, but the heat of him between your legs was the only thing that mattered.
“Show me then,” he had challenged against your mouth. “Show me you aren’t fragile.”
His response was a low, animalistic growl that vibrated against your chest. He didn't waste time with tenderness. He pulled you towards the counter and stepped between your spread knees, his heavy denim rubbing against your sensitive skin. He pulled the hem of your dress up to your waist as he hoisted you up. "I love that you always wear a dress for me...always ready for me little saint."
He didn't waste any time and pulled his jeans down along with his boxes. All you could do was looked at him with hungry eyes as he guided his length to your entrance. He was thick, hot, and twitching with a year’s worth of restrained hunger. When he pushed inside, he did it in one sudden, violent surge that forced a sharp, breathless cry from your lungs. "Ahh! Hee-"
He didn't stop to let you adjust. He began to drive into you with a relentless, mechanical rhythm, his hips snapping forward with a force that made the kitchenware rattle behind you. You were slick, desperate, and loud—so loud the neighbors probably heard the moans and knew you were breaking.
"Is this what you wanted?" he rasped, his eyes dark with a terrifyingly beautiful lust. He reached down, grabbing your thighs and hiking them higher over the counter, opening you up completely to his intrusion. "To feel how much of a sinner I really am?"
"Yes," you sobbed, your head thudding back against the cabinet doors, grabbing onto the counter to hold yourself steady. "Mmmph, more Hee."
Heeseung groaned, a sound of pure, unadulterated surrender to his own darkness. He withdrew almost completely before slamming back home, bottoming out so hard you felt the impact in your very marrow.
"Mine," he had growled, his voice a guttural command as he’d driven into you, his body a heavy, relentless engine of muscle. "Say it. Tell me who you belong to."
"Yours," you had gasped, as your legs slowly moved to lock him tight around his waist to pull him closer. "Only yours."
Then, with a sudden, dizzying strength, he gripped your waist to pull you off the counter and spun you around.
One moment you were facing him; the next, your chest was pressed against the cold marble, your back arched like a bow. Heeseung didn't give you a second to breathe. He draped his heavy body over yours, his chest a furnace against your spine. He reached forward, his large hand tangling in your hair and pulling your head back at a sharp angle.
"Look at yourself," he commanded, his voice a guttural rasp in your ear. He forced you to look at the reflection in the darkened window over the sink—at your flushed skin, your blown-out pupils, and the way his toned arm looked wrapped around your throat.
He entered you again from behind, the angle deeper, more invasive. He moved with a heartbreaking violence, his cock sliding against your walls with a friction that felt like liquid fire. Every thrust was a claim. Every time he hit your center, your vision blurred with white-hot sparks.
"You aren't a saint," he whispered, his breath hot and damp against your ear as he picked up the pace, his thrusts becoming short, punishing stabs of pleasure. "You're my heartbeat. You're the blood in my veins. And I want you to moan for me."
He reached around, his fingers finding your clitoris and working in tandem with the frantic rhythm of his hips. You were a wreck of sensation, your body vibrating with a climax so intense it felt like your heart might actually stop.
"Ahh...Hee-Heeseung!" you screamed, your fingers clawing at the marble. "I'm cuh-close." "Me too saint, I need to cum in you. With your neck still in his grip, all you could do was let a moan and close your eyes.
He didn't need words to know your answer. He let out a broken, jagged cry, his grip on your hair tightening as he delivered three final, devastating thrusts. You felt the searing, frantic heat of his release—the heavy, pulsing flood of him filling you until you felt like you were overflowing, but that didn't stop him. He kept going, pumping you full until you catches your release. You felt the world spinning, the sweat forming on you, the cold marble, and him. All of him.
With your release he let go of your hair and rubbed his palms down your back, as if soothing the sins he had just created in you. He stayed there, buried deep, his body shaking with the force of his orgasm, his face hidden in the curve of your neck.
A sharp, distorted feedback loop shrieked through the studio monitors, snapping you back to reality.
You stared at the glowing screen, your breath hitching. Your hand went instinctively to your stomach. That night... that desperate, unbridled night... he hadn't used a condom. In the heat of your demand to be "broken," you had both forgotten.
Was that the moment? Was there a tiny life growing inside you right now, built out of a rebellion against a town that would have condemned the very act that created it?
The thought should have terrified you. It should have sent you spiraling back into the shame of Hillcrest. But as you sat there, the echo of your own song vibrating in the room, you felt a strange, fierce sense of pride. If you were carrying his child, it wasn't a "stain" or a "sin." It was the ultimate "fuck you" to every person who told you that you were only valuable as long as you remained untouched.
You reached for your phone, your thumb hovering over Heeseung’s name. You wanted to tell him. You wanted to run to the shop and collapse in his arms. But you also wanted to keep it, just for an hour longer, as a secret between you and the city.
You looked down at the pregnancy test you’d hidden in your bag earlier that morning. It was still in its box, unopened, a tiny plastic oracle that held the power to change the trajectory of your lives forever. If that night—that raw, uninhibited night of marble and shadows—had created a life, what would it mean? Would you be the woman your mother warned you about, or would you be the woman you finally felt like you were?
You stood up, grabbing your coat. You couldn't stay in the studio. You needed the smell of grease and the sound of an engine. You needed the only man who had ever truly seen the galaxy in your eyes.
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The walk to the industrial district was a blur of gray concrete and neon signs, but your mind was a riot of color and heat. Your legs felt heavy, a phantom weight still lingering from the memory of being pinned to that counter, of the way Heeseung had looked at you like you were the only holy thing in a world of scrap metal.
Heeseung's work sat at the end of a cobblestone alley, a converted warehouse with massive glass doors and the smell of burnt coffee and high-octane fuel. It was a cathedral of a different sort. There were no stained-glass windows, only the jagged blue spark of a welding torch in the back; no choir, only the rhythmic clink-clink of a wrench against a chrome engine.
As you pushed open the heavy door, the bell chimed—a low, brassy sound that felt grounded and real.
Heeseung was in the center of the floor, hunched over the vintage Ducati. He was stripped down to a black ribbed tank top that clung to the sweat on his back, his muscles rippling with every turn of the socket wrench. His arms were smeared with grease, the dark ink weaving through his arm with the grime like hidden maps.
He didn't hear you at first. He was focused, his jaw set in that hard line of concentration that always made your stomach flip. This was the man who had traded his reputation for your freedom—a man who worked with his hands to build a life where you never had to be afraid.
"Heeseung," you breathed.
He stiffened instantly. He knew your voice better than his own heartbeat. He stood up, wiping his hands on a rag, and turned toward you. The second his eyes landed on your face, the strong persona evaporated. He dropped the rag, his expression shifting into that intense, protective gaze that only belonged to you.
"Little saint?" he asked, his voice rough. He crossed the floor in three long strides, his boots heavy on the concrete. He stopped just inches from you, smelling of heat, metal, and the sandalwood cologne you’d bought him. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a late session."
He reached out, his hand hesitating for a fraction of a second—the grease on his fingers a sharp contrast to your clean, studio-fresh clothes—before he gave in and cupped your cheek.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," he whispered, his thumb tracing your lower lip.
You looked up at him, at the boy who had become your sanctuary. You thought of the apartment, the mixing board, and the box in your bag. You thought of the way he had held your wrists on the counter, the raw violence of his love, and the possibility of a life that was half him and half you.
"I think..." your voice caught, and you took a shaky breath. "I think we might have made something more than music the other night, Heeseung."
The silence that followed was heavy, filled only with the ticking of the cooling Ducati engine. Heeseung’s eyes searched yours, moving from your trembling lips to the galaxy in your eyes.
He didn't pull away. He didn't look scared.
Slowly, a look of profound, terrifyingly beautiful realization washed over his face. He leaned down, his forehead thudding against yours, his hands moving to your waist, pulling you so close you could feel the frantic thud of his heart through his tank top.
"Is that right?" he rasped, his voice sounding like it was breaking. "A little saint or a little rebel?"
"I don't know yet," you whispered.
Heeseung let out a low, shaky laugh, burying his face in your hair. He didn't care about the grease or the metal dust; he just held you, his grip so tight it felt like he was trying to fuse your souls together.
"Okay," he murmured into your skin. "Okay. Then we build a bigger life, y/n. I told you—I'm never letting you go back to that quiet room. If there's a third chair at the table, then it's the luckiest chair in the world."
He pulled back, his eyes wet but his smile fierce. He looked at you, not as a fragile doll, but as his partner, his wife-to-be, the woman who had walked through fire to find him.
"Let's go home and find out," he said, reaching for his keys. "Let's go see what our future looks like."
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The ride home was different from that first frantic escape from Hillcrest. It felt normal. It felt like you were made to be here. Then, the motorcycle had been a weapon of war, a machine designed to tear a hole through the fabric of your reality. Now, as you sat behind Heeseung, your arms looped around his waist and your hands tucked into the pockets of his leather jacket, the bike felt like a heartbeat. The city blurred into a streak of neon and amber, a thousand lives unfolding in the windows you passed, but yours was the only one that felt real.
When you entered the apartment, the air felt charged, as if the very walls were holding their breath. Heeseung didn't even take off his jacket. He just followed you into the bathroom, the small space suddenly feeling crowded by his presence, his height, and the sheer gravity of his devotion.
You pulled the box from your bag. The cardboard was crumpled, the clinical blue-and-white packaging looking stark against the black marble of the vanity—the same marble that had felt so cold against your skin only two nights ago.
"I'll wait outside," Heeseung whispered, his voice uncharacteristically small. He reached out, his grease-stained fingers trembling as he brushed a stray lock of hair behind your ear.
"Stay," you said, the word coming out breathless and nervous. "I don't want to do anything without you anymore."
The minutes that followed were the longest of your life. You sat on the edge of the tub, the test resting on the counter like a tiny, plastic judge. Heeseung sat on the floor by your feet, his hand resting against your knees. He didn't say a word, but he kept his hand firmly on you, his thumb rubbing small, soothing circles into your skin.
You looked down at the top of his head—at the dark, messy hair that you had pulled so desperately during the heat of his release. The angst of the unknown was a physical pressure in your chest, a humming wire that threatened to snap. You thought of what you used to be, the one who would have seen this as the ultimate tragedy. Then you looked at the man on the floor, the one who had made you feel like a queen in a motel room, and you realized that there was no version of this story where you weren't okay.
"Time's up," you whispered.
Heeseung sat up, his jaw tight, his eyes searching yours for permission. You reached out together, four hands hovering over the small window of the test.
Two lines.
Pink, bold, and unapologetic.
The silence in the room was absolute. You felt the air leave your lungs in a long, shaky exhale. A life. A tiny, miraculous intersection of a rebel and a saint.
Heeseung didn't move for a long time. He just stared at the two lines as if he were trying to memorize their exact shade. Then, slowly, he looked up at you. His eyes were swimming, the tough-guy facade finally, completely shattered. He didn't say anything; he just leaned forward and buried his face in your hair holding you into a tight embrace, his shoulders shaking with silent, heaving sobs.
You ran your hands through his hair, your own tears falling hot and fast onto his neck. "Heeseung..."
"I'm going to be a father," he choked out, the words muffled by your hair. He pulled back, his face a mess of tears and grease, but his smile was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. "I’m going to be a father to a child who will never, ever have to wonder if they’re loved. I’m going to give them the world, y/n. I'm going to give you the world."
"I know..."
He stood up, lifting you off your feet and spinning you in the small bathroom, his laughter echoing off the tiles. It was a sound of pure, unbridled victory.
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Heeseung's POV:
In Heeseung’s world, beauty had always been something jagged. It was the blue spit of a welding torch in a dark garage; it was the way rain looked on black asphalt under a flickering streetlamp; it was the roar of an engine that drowned out the thoughts he didn't want to have. He had lived his life in the shadows of Hillcrest, a wolf prowling the edges of a sheepfold, convinced that he was made of nothing but soot and bad intentions.
Then he saw her.
Standing on the rooftop, Heeseung felt the wind pull at his tie, but he didn't move. He couldn't. The city skyline behind him was a billion-dollar backdrop of glass and steel, but his vision was a tunnel, narrowed down to the woman walking toward him.
To the world, she was a rising producer, a voice that captured the soul of the city. To the people in Hillcrest, she was a fallen daughter, a name whispered in hushed, judgmental tones over Sunday potlucks. But to him?
She was his gravity.
As she moved across the gravel roof, the ivory silk of her dress rippling like water against her skin, Heeseung felt a familiar ache in his chest—a crushing, beautiful weight. Her silhouette was changing, the slight, precious curve of her stomach a secret they carried between them, a living testament to that night on the kitchen counter when they had stopped being two people and started being a destiny.
He watched the way the setting sun caught the galaxy in her eyes, and he felt a surge of protectiveness so fierce it nearly brought him to his knees. He had spent his youth breaking things—rules, hearts, his own knuckles. Now, all he wanted to do was build. He wanted to build walls high enough to keep the world out and a roof strong enough to hold her up.
When she finally reached him, taking his calloused, grease-stained hands in her soft ones, the air seemed to leave the roof.
"You look..." Heeseung started, his voice cracking. He swallowed hard, the tough-guy exterior he’d spent a decade perfecting dissolving into nothing. "You look like the only thing that’s ever been true in my life."
He didn't need a priest to tell him this was sacred. He didn't need a choir to tell him this was a hymn. Every time he looked at her, he was at prayer.
"I spent nineteen years thinking I was a ghost," he whispered, stepping closer until their foreheads pressed together. The scent of her—vanilla and expensive studio ink—filled his senses. "I thought I was just passing through, leaving a trail of wreckage behind me. But you looked at me and you saw a man. You saw a husband. You saw a father."
He slid the gold band onto her finger. He had forged it himself, melting down a piece of scrap gold and hammering it until it was perfect, just like he had tried to hammer his own life into a shape worthy of her.
"I’m never going to be the 'good boy' your father wanted for you," Heeseung murmured, his thumb brushing a stray tear from her cheek. "I’m always going to have oil under my fingernails and a temper that runs too hot. But I will spend every breath I have making sure you never feel that weight on your shoulders again. I will carry the world so you can just...just be you."
He leaned down, his lips brushing hers with a reverence that made his heart stutter.
"You're my saint, y/n. Not because you’re perfect, but because you’re mine. And that’s the only heaven I’m ever going to believe in."
As he pulled her into his arms, the city lights flickering on like a thousand candles lit just for them, Heeseung finally let go of the boy from Hillcrest.
He wasn't running anymore.
He was home...
:・゚✧:・.☽˚。・゚✧:・.: okay luvlies, this is it! :・゚✧:・.☽˚。・゚✧:・.:
bestie, belift just officially announced heeseung won’t be part of enhypen any more but will still be with the company as a solo artist. i genuinely don’t think anyone saw that coming…. can you please do a reading on how each member is feeling about it? and possibly the future outcome of the group?
bestie…
you’re not gonna believe me when i say this. and honestly i wouldn’t believe me either if somebody else said it after the fact. so i already know how this sounds. but if you’re one of the few people who follow me and know i really try not to lie to y’all or make stuff up for attention, i’m being dead serious.
i saw this last summer when i did a reading on heeseung.
and i didn’t post it.
not because nothing came out, but because what came out was going to put him in a certain light and i already knew people would drag me for saying it. y’all would’ve said i was lying, being negative, hating on the group, all of that. so i kept it to myself.
but now that we’re here… let’s talk about it.
the reason i even did the reading was because of that video a lot of engene have seen. when enhypen first debuted, there was that korean psychic woman who made predictions about the group, and one of the things she said was that enhypen would not stay seven forever.
so last summer i randomly got curious and decided to investigate it with tarot just for fun.
i asked: is it true that a member will leave enhypen?
the answer i got was yes.
now i’ll be honest, i don’t remember every single card because it was a long time ago. but what i do remember very clearly is what i channeled from the energy.
and when i read tarot, it’s not like i touch the cards and immediately see a vision. what happens is the cards start describing a personality and a mindset, and as more cards come out the picture becomes clearer. sometimes the person becomes obvious because the personality matches them so perfectly that their face keeps popping into my head.
that’s happened to me before.
for example, someone once asked me about haknyeon from the boyz when he was in some drama. when i did that reading, i said he was definitely thinking about leaving. i didn’t say it as bluntly as i could’ve because i was scared of being wrong. but literally the next day he ended up leaving. that’s one of the moments where i realized sometimes i see things and i get scared to say them out loud.
the same thing happened when someone asked me about a member leaving cortis.
i pulled cards that clearly said yes, someone would leave. and the personality the cards described was someone extremely talented, very popular, very creative, and someone who wanted to do a million different things creatively. when the seven of cups came out i literally said this is someone who wants to explore everything — fashion, producing, music, streaming, all kinds of creative outlets. and in a k-pop group you can’t just wake up and do whatever you want. everything has to be approved first, and the answer is usually no.
the person that fit that energy perfectly was martin.
and i said that.
so keep that pattern in mind when i tell you what happened with heeseung.
the cards kept describing someone extremely inmusically creative, someone who wants full control over their art, someone who doesn’t like feeling controlled creatively.
and the stronger the reading got, the clearer it became.
it was heeseung.
and here’s the part i didn’t want to post at the time.
the energy didn’t feel like someone who was being pushed out.
it didn’t feel like drama with the members.
it felt like someone who genuinely believes they are bigger than the group structure they’re in.
i’m just gonna say it plainly because that’s what the energy felt like.
heeseung thinks he’s above the group.
not above the members as human beings, not “they’re untalented compared to me,” nothing like that. but his energy felt very much like: i’m too talented to stay in a system like this forever.
like somebody who knows exactly what they’re capable of and feels like being in a k-pop group limits that.
that’s the truth of the energy i picked up.
and that’s exactly why i didn’t post the reading last year.
because if i had said “heeseung is eventually going to leave because he feels like he’s bigger than the program,” y’all would’ve said i was bullshitting.
but that’s what it felt like.
the energy was very “i want my name on my work, not the group name.”
very “i want to do things my way.”
very “i don’t want to have to think about six other people every time i make a creative decision.”
and if you really sit with that mindset, it makes sense why someone like that would eventually go solo.
that doesn’t mean he hates the members.
but their relationship was not enough to make him stay if staying meant putting his own ambitions second.
and another thing i’ve said before that people ignore — heeseung is very good at getting what he wants.
i’ve literally said that.
love him, but it’s true.
his energy is very determined, very self-driven. the kind of person who will move mountains if it means his life ends up looking the way he wants it to look.
and when i asked when he was gonna leave, the energy basically gave: when i’m ready. that’s what made the reading so eerie to me. it felt like he already knew what his dilemma was, already knew he was starting to feel boxed in, already knew a part of him wanted more freedom, wanted to do his own music, wanted to be fully himself. but at the time, he wasn’t ready to move yet because being in the group was still benefiting him. so the energy wasn’t ‘i’m never leaving this no matter what.’ it was more like ‘it’s fine for now. i can still do this for now. but the second it stops feeling worth it to me, i’m gone.’ and that’s why it felt sneaky lowkeyyyyy because mentally he was already holding the possibility of leaving long before anyone else probably realized it.
so when i did that reading, the energy felt like someone who already knew what they wanted long-term.
and what they wanted was to be solo.
the closest analogy i could think of when i was reading it was artists who start in groups but eventually realize they want their own lane. like justin timberlake leaving *nsync, or artists who feel like the group is a stepping stone but not the final destination.
that’s what the energy felt like.
and yeah… that’s why i didn’t post it.
because saying “someone might get pushed out” is one thing.
saying “this person thinks they’re too big for the structure they’re in” is something fans usually don’t want to hear.
but that was the energy.
so when i saw the news today the first thing i thought was literally: i saw this.
and i’m honestly more annoyed at myself than anything for not trusting my gut and posting the reading when i first did it.
now…I will be doing an updated reading today because to be honest … I didn’t believe what I was seeing myself. so I didn’t try to dive deeper than this. so let’s see what it says
Something's going really wrong behind the camera inside the Belift lab. Heeseung clearly said that him leaving enhypen was totally the company's "suggestion". Also he's been seen crying in the company hallways. How can a person who loves his fans so much. Loves his members so much. Who promised us forever can end everything just in a day. I highly suspect the company's planning something. If heeseung really leaves, enhypen will definitely face a huge downfall in the industry. And nothing will be the same ever. Enhypen will always be ot7 for me. It's really simple to let heeseung be in the group and continue his solo career. Leaving the group does not add up at all.
this situation genuinely doesn't add up because all the other boy groups under hybe and belift have pursued solo careers while being in the group, so why did it have to be so otherwise for heeseung that they had to make him leave the group? yeah sure he stated that he wanted to do something solo or whatever along those lines, but as I just stated above, no company ever kicked a whole member out for wanting to have something of their own, a solo project, have they? so kicking out heeseung based just on that sounds so fake im sorry.
in no universe do i believe that heeseung left the group on his terms. for a man to be present at fansigns just the day before, talking about future plans and trips, this sudden out-of-nowhere ass departure seems so fucking off guys. like yes maybe he really wanted something solo, but leave his so adored group for all of it? yeah no
idk about the rest of you but i believe / have the feeling that there might be something bigger under the covers, something that hybe is trying to cover up by kicking out members from your groups to divert attention of the audience. like first danielle then probably manon and now heeseung, what the actual fuck is going on.
like imagine sabotaging enhypen at their peak, imagine just ruining your best bg the best 4th gen bg for absolutely fucking nothing. this is just cruel.
i dont even know what will happen next but all i can do is hope, all we can do is hope
bring back heeseung bring back my seven bruh, im ugly crying rn
hi everyone! there’s a petition that is working towards hopefully!!!! retracting the statement and situation and pleading for heeseung to continue in the group while pursuing solo activities. please sign if you have the same sentiments as a lot of engenes right now! it will only take two seconds!
BTS members making their solo career while being in the group. TXT members making their solo career while being in the group. And when it came to enhypen Heeseung has to leave?! The hell you mean Belift?!
please do not scroll, this is a very important message that ALL ENGENES must do if we want heeseung back.
as most of you might know, heeseung has "decided" to leave the group to focus on his solo career. BUT, this is not true.
heeseung DID NOT decide to leave the group, he was forced to. he was seen crying and "crashing out" in a hybe hallway which CLEARLY shows it was not his decision. to add on, just a few days ago he was speaking about the world tour coming up, and participating in activities and events LIKE NORMAL. it was be so weird just for him to leave like that.
ENGENE, we are a team. we can bring heeseung back. for example, MARK FROM NCT. he left the group exactly like this but came back due to the FANS PROTESTS. WE CAN DO THIS FOR HEESEUNG ASWELL! PLEASE DO THIS SO OUR HEE CAN COME BACK.
THIS IS NOT FAIR! OTHER ARTISTS LIKE: YEJI FROM ITZY, TWICE MEMBERS, TXT MEMBERS, BTS MEMBERS AND MANY MORE ARTISTS ARE ALLOWED TO PURSUE THEIR SOLO CAREER WHILE BEING IN A GROUP. BUT NOT HEESEUNG??
we all call for heeseung's return while ALLOWING HIM THE FREEDOM TO PURSUE HIS SOLO CAREER.