Nocturnal Chrysalis

[nocturnalchrysalis]

Part 3 -Lily Einar: The Departed

It happened quickly, so fast in fact she didn't feel much at all. Her day started out fine, as several days had already passed since she had killed the digusting patron that tormented her and the girls at the theatre. She stopped on her way to the shops, to looked on at his crumpled up body as he laid against the cold pebbles of the road. In the year of Belle Epoque (1871-1914) no one would dare question if a girl had done it. No, for she was only 110 lbs at 22 years old. There was no way.

She watched on as the light of day showed all who came to see what she had done in the cover of night. The patrons face was covered in maggots thanks to the stab wound in his neck. The pool or blood that had started was now thick like jam, it too had disgusting creatures in it. People were asking who had done such an evil thing, why would anyone do anything to such a nice elderly man. Little did they knew he was a monster at the theatre. Taking what he wanted from the young women and girls who danced there. It was thanks to her that everyone now lived in a safer part of town. Quitely she moved on, she needed to get to the shops for her old dress had been tarnished in crimson, and therefore burned. There was no saving it, besides, it was a gift from her mother, the same mother who told her all would be fine at the theatre. But she knew, she knew because she was also a ballerina at that same theatre. Taking but a few minutes of her time she found a dress that fitted her. Black and white, with sheer glittering fabric. She would have a dress for dancing made in the same style. She spent all day at the shops, no longer sending money to her family. For they stopped sending her letters of gratitude. It was time for her to move on and live for herself now. And that she did. At night fall she walked quickly, holding her new dress to her chest as she made her way home. The street lamps lighting her way home. She ignored the men who coo'ed at her, whistled at her, and gave her unwanted comments. She looked on, her home was within sight now. Walking quickly she made her way up the stone steps, the door opening quickly. She slammed it shut, leaning against it she turned the lock without looking. The familiar click washed a feeling of calmness over her. Safe and home at last, or so she though. Tossing her new dress on the table she slipped her shoes off. Then black, two hands clamped over her face. One covering her eyes, the other her mouth. She tried to scream, to fight against the intruder. But there were more, as she tried to bite and scratch they men held onto her tightly. Taking her away from her warm home and out into the rainy cold night.

Her screams were muffled as the men carried her. There were at least two other men with him. Coldness over took her, they had pushed her down into the water, the river near her home. She couldn't make out much, only that they were young men, in their 20's perhaps. Had they come to get revenge for the old patron she had killed. Did they knew him? Why her? They must have known. Blackness was starting to over take her. She was fading.

Waking up, her face was lying against the cold pebbled street. No longer was it night, but an overcast gray, slightly raining. There was no one here. Was she dead? She was infact in limbo, a place of reflection. There was a large cathedral in front of her, somewhere to seek comfort and warmth in a world so gray and cold. It was with time she found her own happieness once more. She returned to dancing, but this time to no one. For the local theatre she had returned to was now empty. All the shops were empty. It was a mere copy of her beloved town, but all was empty. She was the only soul in sigh it seemed.

But that was alright with her for you see empty and alone meant safe and happy. No one was around to take advantage of her. Her life continued like this for a long time. That is until a strange man appeared in her streets one day. She turned to him, making eye contact before giving out a fearful gasp. Running, she ran back to her old home, the one she had found once more in this limbo.

The man didn't have time to explain himself before she had made her way down the street and out of sight. But who could blame her? After all the pain she had suffered, she deserved some peace for once.

[nocturnalchrysalis]

Part 2- Lily Einar: The Killer

Her world was full of pain. But there was one patron that made her life a living hell. Having taken an eye to her during her dances, and then seeking her out during the after parties she too had noticed him, but not in the same manner as he. He was older, a grandpa it seemed, but he was often surrounded by younger patrons that attended the after parties as well.

For you see this is how many dancers actually made their money. Even though her father hated the reality that would befall his daughter, him and her, along with her mother and two little brothers still needed food. And her fathers coal mining job was just not paying the bills anymore. So at the young age of 15 she was sent to the theatre to learn how to dance. Her family had lied to her, telling her it would be safe, but they were wrong in every way.

For every night after the theatre closed down, there would be an after party where men of all ages, mostly in their 40's, 50's and even up into their 70's would attend. These men were rich, they would often flash stacks of bills at the young girls in exchange for sexual favors. Lily was mortified and never gave in, she found other ways to make money, sure it wasn't as lucrative as the nightly patrons that pawed at her dress. But it allowed her to keep her dignity. Until one night she was taken, forced upon by the elder men who had wanted her. And then to make up for her pain and suffering, they threw money at her. Thinking this would be enough to suffice.

Night after night this happened. The same torment, the same outcome, the money was thrown and the tears flowed down her cheeks. Limping home one night she simply couldn't take the pain. She was having a hard time smiling during her dances now, and she was certain others had taken notice.

Sitting down at her small writing table she came up with a plan that started with silver and ended in crimson. By candle light she wrote out what she had planned to do with the most disgusting patron that not only had tortured her, but many of the other girls she had grown to love over time. All the ballerna's knew of him, they knew the wealth he had, and they dared not speak out against him for fear of being cast out of the theatre. Not anymore, she had a plan.

Tucking a slip of silver into the ruffled of her dress, it was securely hidden. Night after night she waited for the elderly patron, the man who was no more than that of 65 or 70. His pruned up fingers grabbed at her face as his wet tongue reached out in search of her lips. Turning away she forced a smile. Coaxing him to follow her into a side alley. A place where light couldn't reach them.

For years he had done this to her, taken several of her first, she would take his life for he owed that to her. Leaning against her, he pushed his weight into her, shoving her up against the wet cold bricks behind them. Before he could make another move she was covered in crimson, speckled across her porcelian face. He gagged as she plunged the knife deep into his throat. His hands gripped for the handle, but she was too fast, sliding the knife out she jabbed it into his stomach this time.

Surely this would be the end of his torment at the theatre. Several more stabs, several more splashes of crimson covered her face and dress. She took a step back as crimson pooled at her feet. She stepped over him, making her way home, sticking to the shadows for the light would show a horror no one would understand. The knife once more tucked into the ruffles of her dress as her heels quickly clacked down the street.

No one would understand, no one would know, and no one would care for her reasons as to why she took the life of the patron. What mattered is that he could do no harm to any of the other dancers when night fell. It wouldn't be until several hours at an after party she had slipped, all of the girls spoke of a killer that roamed the streets. Taking out one of the most digusting but richest patrons they had. The girls were happy, but unsure of how to feel. Did they too need to be afraid? Lily tried to hide her smile. But another patron, a much younger one with two others with him, most likely his brothers, took notice of Lily's odd behavior at the news.

Not to mention the scuff of crimson on her shoe.

[nocturnalchrysalis]

Part 1: Lily Einar, The Ballerina

This is the closest I could find to what she looked like in my dream. This is an ai generated image I found on pinterest. As for the usage of AI, I do not approve of it, but as I am no longer creating art, I am mainly writing, I am out of that circle of using ai vs human made. If you ask me, human made will always win, but I may just be out of touch with the internet as well. Anyways, I am happy I found images that looked somewhat like her. She didn't wear a cross, but a pentacle, her eyes were not gray, but a light gray blue. She did have this unsettling, almost dead inside look to her in my dream. Granted its been hours since I woke up, so I am sure my brain is trying to piece together whatever information I can think of now.

This is what I have on this character so far.

Lily Einar (I might change her last name) is trapped in a place of limbo, seeking salvation, rest, eternal sleep from the world around her. In life she was once a beautiful dancer, but being a dancer came the dark sides of entertainment no one wanted to speak of. Even the fathers that sent their daughters out to perform knew of the evils the industry held for their children. But the need for food and clean water out weighed the pain. For her family she danced, she appeared on stage with a smiling face, but behind the smile, behind the her blue eyes, there was torment and sadness brought on by the sick patrons of the after parties. But this is where her money was made. She attended, doing unspeakable things, the pain she carried afterwards was unspeakable. She dared not even to write of it. In the evil industry she grew up, the prodding of elder hands never gave in, never letting her go. Until on her 22nd birthday she couldn't hold back the anguish of what the patrons had done to her over the years. With all of her pain she wrote out a plan by candle light that night.

Tear drops hitting the paper, her plan was almost done. All she had to do was act on it now. There was a single patron over the years that had tormented her so. She would have his life, for it was him who took hers. An eye for eye she figured. When night fell and the stars appeared as diamonds above her, the elderly patron came to her once more. In the darkness against the brick building, under the light of porch lights. He began his infliction of pain on her skin, his touch burned, his hands were hot like fire against her snow white skin. She smiled at him, luring him deeper into the back alley of the building. Grabbing at his crotch he licked his lips, her heels clacking as the elderly man followed her deeper into the shadows. With one final hot touch of his finger tips to her cheeks, she smiled. Crimson covered her pretty white and silver dress. Now accented with crimson as she shoved the blade in again. Watching as he fell to his knees, her knife stuck deep into the mans through, the tip of silver peaked out from the back of his neck as she slowly pulled the blade from him.

The man struggled to breath, the gurgling sounds as he tried to inhale were met with nothing but pain. Once more in his stomach for good measure. As the man slumped over, she took steps back as to not let his pool of blood touch her shoes. Stepping over him as he struggled to breathe still, she tucked the bloodied knife back into her purse and stuck to the shadows on the way home. For she too was covered in crimson, a situation that no one would understand but her.

[nocturnalchrysalis]

A Strange Dream...

I woke up in the middle of the night again from another night terror. The demons that haunt me in the darkness sometimes creep into my dreams. Listening to their growls and scratches at my bedroom door mean't they were closer to getting me than I was comfortable with. But what can one do when ones own mind wants you dead?

I did what I could do, I ignored the tormented sounds at my door and fell asleep. This time I fell into a rainy gray world from a different time. A time where pebbled roads and brick paved ways were the norm. A young girl looked at me, holding a Lily Stargazer in her shaking hands. Taking a step back I wanted to know her, or rather I felt I needed to protect her from something.

I can still hear the clacking of her shoes as she ran off, petals falling in her wake. She looked very much like a gothic lolita girl if I remember correctly. A tall cathederal stood tall in the background, perhaps her destination to find peace and quiet, comfort from the outside world. I wanted to follow, but something told me to stay put.

Before waking up I remember looking at one of the old street lamps, a small group of butterflies flocked to it. Their wings painted crimson. A splash of color in a black and white world tends to always catch everyone's attention it seems. For now I'll name this character Lily Einar. au revoir ♥ 🦋

[nocturnalchrysalis]

Thoughts on Life

I have learned to enjoy the people I have in my life and to not take them for granted. My boyfriend for example, we have known and been together for along time, but there have been times when my own mental health has gotten in the way of our relationship. This in turn has harmed him, and I carry this pain with me. But I never plan on leaving his side, he completes me, and he protects me in ways no other man has before.

I wanted to write this out because I felt others could also relate to it, that mental health problems can and do hurt the ones you love even when you don't mean for them to. Everyone is going to deal with mental health in their own way of course. I wanted to list a few things I do to help with my own.

I keep a hand written journal. You can also keep a digital one if you like to type things out.

I keep an open dialogue with my partner on how I am feeling emotionally and mentally day to day. Its better if everyone is on the same page.

I practice thinking and figuring out what I want to say before I speak.

I seek therapy if things start to get bad, such as my life is being affected, my job is being affected, or my loved ones are being affected. Thats my responsibility as an adult.

I do breathing exercises when I start to feel others are not understanding me, if they do not want to understand me then that is their choice. I do not have to be around anyone I feel is being negative towards me. I remove myself from them entirely.

These 5 rules have really helped me out with being around people again. They have helped me keep myself healthier and happier as of lately too. I hope my tips will help you out too.

au revoir ♥ 🦋

[nocturnalchrysalis]

Silent in a Crowd

I am someone who has gone through so much guilt and pain from abuse over the years that somewhere along the way I have decided to stop being as outgoing as i once was. This is more than likely due to me having ptsd. To speak of it is so hard though, but I often dream of the events that have scarred me so.

And to be around others who do not understand your way of life, to not understand why you act the way you do. It often makes me feel invisible. I wanted to try and be more outgoing, I wanted to have friends once more in my life. But it seems everyone is concerned with what disorder they have, or how they can be more sick than their friends. Having a mental disorder or a mental condition use to be barely spoken of within society.

Now it is a fashion contest, a way of seeing who is worse off than those around them as if its some kind of contest. They have also done this with being trans as well. But that is for an entire different post at a different time.

Just so you know, if you have stumbled onto my corner of Tumblr, you are not alone in your struggles, but hopefully you are doing well.

au revoir ♥ 🦋