#brain dumping

[gigi-b]

So much rain lately. It’s been almost each day of the last week here. Makes laundry almost impossible. I’ve done so much crafting lately to occupy my time too. I’ve read/listened to another three books aswell, though I’m still behind on my own schedule. Therapy again this week and back to Physio also.

[nocturnalchrysalis]

Silent in a Crowd

I am someone who has gone through so much guilt and pain from abuse over the years that somewhere along the way I have decided to stop being as outgoing as i once was. This is more than likely due to me having ptsd. To speak of it is so hard though, but I often dream of the events that have scarred me so.

And to be around others who do not understand your way of life, to not understand why you act the way you do. It often makes me feel invisible. I wanted to try and be more outgoing, I wanted to have friends once more in my life. But it seems everyone is concerned with what disorder they have, or how they can be more sick than their friends. Having a mental disorder or a mental condition use to be barely spoken of within society.

Now it is a fashion contest, a way of seeing who is worse off than those around them as if its some kind of contest. They have also done this with being trans as well. But that is for an entire different post at a different time.

Just so you know, if you have stumbled onto my corner of Tumblr, you are not alone in your struggles, but hopefully you are doing well.

au revoir ♥ 🦋

[kiritella]

I often wonder about what he would think. The grim reaper who sat at my bed each night, and who held my hand when I nearly gave in. Who watched me scream, and claw, and tear myself apart. He’d accompanied my side for so long.

I think he would smile. A gentle nod of respect and appreciation, to have spared his heart of taking me too soon. One day, when we meet again, I’d like to sit somewhere with him and tell him of the things I’ve done.

The things I have done, and the ones I have loved. How at long last, I finally won.

[nya-nya-nya-nyan]

Hai.... I'm gonna brain dump here ok....? Oki.....

Uh I'll probably post anything to notes I've had or things I've come up with on the fly or something..... I'll brain dump on whatever my interests are and if they change...

[minus20arts]

so, what are we doing?

rather than asking the common question: "what are we?" -- which so post-structuralism for due to its essential interest of knowing one's identity.

of course, clarity is nice. and yet, i might be not wanting more. i might be thinking about boundaries on this casualities; the comfortable facts that i'm okay having someone i can wait, support, and hangout around - simply put as closest significant person.

honestly, i feel like i didn't pour out what i really want right now. easily explained like this:

"if you don't text, i'm okay with it. if you text me, it makes me happy."

"if we don't meet, i'm fine still. if we meet, i'd cherish the moment."

yes, i enjoy the connection, somehow i think i act it cool - we both acting like a busiest person on earth. we met once every month i suppossed, and with classes incoming the moment might be increased frequently; with the fact he keep trying to get into the optional class he took, while i'm still not really sure if it's the best class for me since i used to took the class although in different subject (but, same exact lecturer, class outcomes).

i guess i like the genuine moments that happened within our interactions - they keep growing slowly, occasionally intense, but mostly stable. the pattern is become clearer, i stopped even thinking to become the player 2, since "i don't care, i just want to communicate my concerns at this particular time."

he start first fine, i start first if necessary also fine. i see him as a person that i don't what to put labels, just like some people i know that whether me or them reaching for each other, just simply talk some niches or any interests we had in common.

that way really fullfiling for me, and i can feel the fact that if i got fullfilled... turns out the world can get what i can give, and i can take what's belong to me.

i suppossed the answer to this question is: we're connecting, we're growing, and i'm glad - i'm becoming less afraid, i'm learning to ask help, i'm in the process of enjoying both connection and solitude.

i love this statement, thank God. this is beautiful :)

[gaypplonmyscreen]

the mental illnesssssssss

save me pit babe season 2 airing on friday may 2nd save me

[plentscorner]

maybe its cuz im desensitized to a lot of things, im aroace, or some secret third thing, but its really insane to me how some people care about others kinks. Like whoa, ur into feet or piss? I literally don't care.