@noirrose96

Writing out a heartbreak... for the moment.

[noirrose96]

Brown-Eyed Muse...

Today I missed

10:45 p.m.

55 on Lake Shore Drive,

2 cocktails in,

And I’m singing Ari Lennox,

like a promise that I’m yours.

Returning half-lidded lusty gazes over the dashboard.

Where the lights muddled in the cityscape,

And warmth that bloomed from your hand on my thigh.

Opportunistic red lights–

Where kisses tasted like preludes–

That turned to a begrudging green

Dragging us back to a ruler’s width of 

restraint,

breath,

unfinished.

I keep replaying the red. 

The last place

I was allowed to want you.

[noirrose96]

I hate that I am a Fate.

Give me scissors and a single thread, and I can already see the ending. I can name the hour, the cause of death for every love I’ve ever held, long before they sense the magic fading.

Sometimes I envy the mortals. The ones who mistake sparks for forever. They get to love blindly, to hold belief in each whisper, each kiss.

But I? I measure every heartbeat, anticipating its last. Even when I close my eyes, the scissors hum their prophecy.

[noirrose96]

I wish that I could hate you.

You've earned it. Truly.

But my calluses are still pliable enough

To ooze grace undeserved.

So instead, I stamp out

Every pained whisper of longing.

Until apathy chills my blood.

The clean relief of ash instead of ache.

[noirrose96]

How do you conjure a heart from vapor?

Do you leave an open door?

Feed it pieces of you,

Until it comes back for more?

How do you conjure a heart from vapor?

That needs an endless pour?

That siphons off affection, 

Until your heart is sore?

How do you conjure a heart from vapor?

With love it can’t restore…

How do you conjure a heart from vapor? 

Not at the expense of yours.

[noirrose96]

I remember

The last time we said "I love you" at the same time.

Sated and drunk off of intimacy.

If I had known it was the last time,

I would've whispered it over and over

Until the sun rose.

[noirrose96]

To be loved is to be known.

You placed my heart on the table 

Bare for inspection. 

Traced each artery with exploring, lulling lips, 

Memorized the why behind every beat

I study everyone. 

It’s my nature, I think, to be 

overbearingly inquisitive 

about anything I love.

I placed your heart on the table 

Bare for inspection. 

And kissed every bruise with affirmation. 

I’ve never had my inquisition returned that way. 

Ventricle for ventricle, atrium for atrium 

Until two detailed maps of love were illustrated 

Superimposed….

Then shelved.

Then torn.

Then burned. 

If my heart ever again feels

the exposed chill of vulnerable inspection,

This next time, it’ll take a scalpel and skill. 

Love sharp enough to pierce. 

[noirrose96]

Before you a love song never took shape 

never blinked at me with blue-green eyes,

never stabbed me. 

Before you a breakup song never 

laid on my shoulder

and cried with me.

Your love made it all make sense. 

This is why teardrops were on guitars. 

This was why la vie was en rose. 

I only wish I had left love

safely buried

on pages and stanzas.

[thoughtkick]

“I saw something that reminded me of you. I wanted to show you, but then I remembered that we don’t talk anymore.”

— Unknown

[noirrose96]

Now, when I think of you,

I feel…void—

A little more than apathy,

A little more than numb.

Pinpricks remain

Where nerves once sang

At the mention of your name,

Abuzz— hazy

With love’s intoxication,

So indulgent.

Now they choke

On the thick, layered balm

Of a disappointed heart.

[iambrillyant]

“january, magnetize my intentions so i can attract what is meant for me, cleanse my discernment so i can repel what isn’t. open pathways that direct me back to myself and close any doors that lead towards doubt. may the temptation to return to chapters i’ve outgrown never find me.”

— billy chapata

[noirrose96]

Trying to blossom after pruning

Feels like the hardest thing to do.

He gently brushes blooming buds,

With a delightful delicacy,

I thought I had forgotten how to feel.

But sometimes 

I still shudder in the aching void 

Where my flower had grown for you.

[noirrose96]

When the heart has been set alight- 

It’s a consuming flame. 

Enchanted flame. 

But what remains when it’s extinguished? 

Charred remnants of aorta and arteries, 

Nerves, raw and exposed

Ache like ghostly echoes of warmth. 

I had to cast a spell myself—

to self soothe, to self salve. 

Then the numbness creeps in like a flood,

Dousing the embered ruins within.

[ptimepoet]

[noirrose96]

Your absence makes existence feel like a chore. My every breath a reminder, Of why it’s not commingled with yours Or illustrating my desire, painting with the hues of want. Of why it shudders beneath the weight of grieving us. And when I dare to imagine you severing the frail, insufficient veins still binding my heart to yours— I forget how to breathe entirely.

[pixiesoul-deactivated20250417]

a note to all the could've beens💕

love, s

[noirrose96]

Unsent

I miss you so much. But I think you want someone else now. And that’s okay. I really will never forget you. And will always love you. I wish we weren't so complicated. I wish you would intentionally heal. I wish I could be yours and you could be mine. I wish I didn’t feel how much less you love me. I wish your silence illustrated it less. I miss you. I miss our intimacy. I miss your voice. I miss you reading to me. I miss everything. I hope you find love. I hope you miss me too.

[noirrose96]

He kisses me like he wants to swallow me whole.

As if to taste the heart on my tongue.

Kisses my arms and shoulders often,

As if to kiss the heart on my sleeve.

His lips are a honeyed balm,

Soothing and sweet,

Warming from the inside out.