idk what’s funnier to me, pizza delivery wizards, or three owls trying to carry a stack of pizzas into gryffindor tower at 3am
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@nokaywhatever
idk what’s funnier to me, pizza delivery wizards, or three owls trying to carry a stack of pizzas into gryffindor tower at 3am
a concept: a bus, but horizontal
i have to do all the work around here
I don’t know why but I was picturing this:
He had to fight his way to the top
hey yeah uh why on fucking EARTH does the hand sanitizer machine in this bathroom make the law and order sound
me, in 4th grade: gifted classes! 12th grade reading level! smart child!
parents: omg lets raise our expectations forever
me, now: average intelligence compared to my classmates! incredibly anxious and emotional! in need of help!
parents: tsk tsk, ur better than this.
by Henn Kim
walkin through burlington vermont in a near blizzard with a belly full of whiskey looks a lil bit like this
*quietly, from under 6 blankets* what the fuck
ok so the other day i was at sears. I was in the baby section. Im standing there looking at clothes and a lady who works there comes up and is like “oh are you expecting?” And i was like “uhhhh” and because im a dumbass i was like “no i already delivered.” And she was like “How long ago?” And i was just like “two weeks.” And she said “wow! You look great! When i had my first son, i looked like a mess for six months. Is it a boy or a girl?” And i was just awkwardly like “a girl….” And she asked her name and i said Chernobyl and she was like “oh what a cute name! It sounds really familiar.” And i honestly just stood there going through all that and pretending i had a human baby two weeks ago named Chernobyl because i didnt wanna tell this poor lady i was buying baby clothes for my fucking baby opossum
every time i see this text post i forget the ending and every single time it decimates me
this will never not be funny
*gently headbutts u in the shoulder to show affection*
*absentmindedly pats your entire face to acknowledge affection received*
I didn’t know cheetahs meow I’ve always thought they roar my whole life has been a lie
Ok but the other one is purring so hard
If I ever don’t reblog this assume I’m dead
Fun fact: technically, because of its inability to roar and its ability to purr, the cheetah is not a ‘big cat’ (or Great Cat) - they are still classified as Lesser Cats.
Also you haven’t heard anything until you hear them cheep.
YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THAT AND NOT PROVIDE A VIDEO
I HAVE REALISED MY MISTAKE AND SHALL RECTIFY IT:
Cheeps.
Oh my god
Can yall…stop antagonizing people for not being hyperaware of literally everything bad that’s happening in the world.
today I fell asleep at the wheel and crashed my car and when my father came to pick me up he asked if I had a death wish. I didn't answer him. I just started crying. I should feel lucky to be alive but I almost feel burdened that I have to stay here and continue living.
food will never break my heart
when someone says, “Oh, shut up, you know you love me!”:
Me: I’m having such a good time
Brain: sure would suck if you get hit with a low mood, and go nonverbal, and come off as rude and uninterested in your friends
Me: