A Girl With No Name...

A selective semi active Anya Romanov blog from the Broadway Musical, Anastasia.

[rpmemesource]

Send a 💍 for my muses reaction to yours asking them to marry them.

Alternatively, send 💍+ for my muse to ask yours to marry them.

[soulmemesarc]

send " i guess it's now or never. " to kiss my muse during a battle or situation where their joint survival seems increasingly unlikely.

[gcneralvaganov-deactivated20200]

nomemoriesbuthese‌:

The gentle touch on her hip gave Anya pause, if only for a moment. She smiled a little, and refocused on her efforts as she continued to comb through and trim the length into something far more manageable. Gleb’s words were soft, his voice…Once more, she was reminded of how much she had simply missed listening to him speak, his voice warm and inviting without being disquieting. The simple joy of being able to hear it again -! And to hear such words, repeated, of love, confirmation, never backing down from how he felt… “You’re right. It wasn’t safe. I could have gotten you in trouble if you’d been further associated with me - I got you in trouble anyway. When I went to obtain papers, I never dreamed that they’d want me to do some sort of scheme. I was expecting to just save up the money for them….and go. I never dreamed that I could possibly be her until…I began to remember more, too much. Sorry, I’ve completely ran over what you were saying.” She rested a gentle hand on his uninjured shoulder, and continued to trim his hair. “It wasn’t you that I wanted to leave…or even Russia - I will always love Russia, always miss her…but I needed to know who I was. I didn’t want to be another lost daughter of the Revolution…but you’re here with me now. Finally. I’ll keep you safe, just like you kept me safe.” She ran her fingers through the shorter hair as it dried, and began to shape up the cut. Not as trimmed as the military style he’d been sporting, but it was looking to be close to something in fashion at least. Short, swept back, handsome.  “…I know there will be talk. I know that it’s social suicide for me to openly be in a relationship with you - but there would be talk anyway, and I’m so tired of living my life based on what other people think of me. I have no titles that matter, no power outside of my inheritance - what could the White Russians do to me that the rest of the Revolution hasn’t? What can they do to us? I’m not afraid of them…I would be proud to have a brave man like you at my side, someone who stood up for his own ideals, and not those handed to him.” She ran the comb through his hair one more time, and finally set the scissors aside. She gently dusted off the bits of hair on his neck, then moved to begin the shave.  “I’d like to have you forever, if that’s something that…might interest you,” she mused, glancing over her shoulder at him fondly.

Surprise melted into a coy smile. Reunited only for an hour or two, Anya now spoke of a “forever” with Gleb, It would have surprised him, except it didn’t. In Leningrad, they would have had this conversation with the same speed, same love. There wasn’t time to waste. They were young, but would not be for much longer. The threat of war was over, but did children of war ever lose the fear that everything they loved could vanish in an instant? Gleb’s surprise became coyness because, for all that didn’t surprise him, he never expected to talk of forever while she trimmed his hair. Or after he’d become a fugitive. Or after she’d accepted her royal birthright.

Anya had always caught him off-guard in the best of ways. Since meeting along the Nevsky Prospekt, she’d continually surprised him. First with her goodness, then with her fire, then with her vulnerability and her laugh and her warmth and her passion. Each conversation peeled back a layer of her that taught Gleb something new. Today? That she’d entertained the notion of a future with him, perhaps as often and as seriously as he contemplated it. Neither of them had been given reason to believe that such a thing was even possible, and yet… Gleb’s smile widened. He’d face a thousand disapproving royals if it meant he could be with Anya. Finally.

“Is this wishful thinking, or did you just propose to me?” he asked. “Because regardless, you’ve always had me forever, whether you’ve known it or not. You always will. …. Unless I completely misread the room, in which case, please forget I said anything.”

[nomemoriesbuthese]

A laugh bubbled up from her lips, suddenly a bit shy, a bit flustered, but warm and loving. Anya felt herself blush; and bit her lower lip as she went to lather his jaw gently. Desire still sat tense within her, a real thing between her thighs that she kept silent but also quietly reveled in. It was good to feel this again. “It wasn’t a proposal…but play your cards right, and it will be, one day. Consider it the first step on a journey to the altar, together.” Her eyes spoke of nothing but fondness and hope as she tilted Gleb’s head back gently and began to run the sharpened razor along his cheek and jaw. Her touch was ever so gentle, careful as she moved. Her heart fluttered, pleased at his daring, relieved at his presence. She’d always had him forever. That turned the future into something tangible, something inevitable - something to loo forward to that she could grasp. No longer anything unknown, but firm. Real. “You aren’t misreading the room. Not in the least. You have no idea, Gleb…how long I have wanted to be able to look at the future and know some of what lies ahead for me. For so long, the past and the future were looming unknowns…who I was, and where I was going. What would become of me. I fought for these things for so long, resisted much of it once I was here…and here you are, and suddenly, the world…it doesn’t seem so daunting any longer…” As before, her touch was gentle, careful not to cut or nick him. Gleb had been through enough without her clumsy attempts at being a barber adding to it. She vowed to take him to a proper one once he had eaten and regained some strength; he deserved everything, even if he staunchly disagreed. If he tried to resist her help of food, money, clothing, she would simply remind him that it was redistribution of wealth to the proletariat - if on a singular scale. She too, had read the doctrine over the years, and perhaps he would appreciate the cheek. “I have you. I wanted to convince you before, to stay with me…but I suppose that doesn’t matter now. You’re here now, and…I’ll have to talk to my grandmother. She’ll want to meet you. And I know you’re going to hate living among the White Russians, but we can weather their nonsense together. I’m not here to play their games, I’m here to spend the last years of my grandmother’s life with her, as her granddaughter. And I want you to be here beside me.” She leaned down and kissed his forehead, her hands working with some ease. She’d done some of this for coin during her long walks across Russia - it was passable as an effort, at least. She carefully wiped away the excess lather with a warm towel, and rested it about his face for a moment to soothe the skin. If her fingers might have gently passed along the curve of his neck here and there, subconsciously enticing, well…perhaps she hadn’t noticed. “…There you are, Glebka. Almost as good as new. You can get up whenever you’re ready…” she murmured as she turned away to step up to the sink and wash the razor clean. She glanced over her shoulder at him, pleased, before turning her eyes back to her efforts.

[walkingshcdow-a]

nomemoriesbuthese‌:

*It isn’t fair that I can only offer you myself. You’re a good man who deserves so much more.*

Tears threatened at the corners of her eyes. Anya felt breathless; she felt warm and safe in those arms, cradled and comforted by his honest and earnest words. If he had simply wanted to have her, he could have done so ages ago, exercising his rank and power. But he had been steady and kind, and so warm to her. She did want to focus on the present; she wanted to touch him, taste him, give herself to him and understand what he gave of himself in return. But she knew that there would be a tomorrow. Many tomorrows, and all of them to be shared…this was a road she could travel now and not be alone. A journey to be shared.

“Yes…Yes, forever, Gleb,” Anya said breathlessly, still carding her fingers through his dark hair. Her lips were curved into a smile, her eyes bright and somewhat in awe of everything he said. “You may have all of my tomorrows…” Tomorrow. Tomorrow they could talk of the future, of her desire to learn of her past and to share it with him, to uncover her truth so it could become his as well. Of makinga home out of this house, of what the future could have in store, and all that she wanted to share with him. “I’m so sorry for having put you through this…the lying, and the fear, the suspicion…you didn’t deserve any of that. You have been so…*wonderful*…” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, pressing against him. “I love you. I have for a while, I’ve just been…afraid.” Perhaps a part of her still was - but not of him. Merely of the unknown. Trust had been such a rare commodity for so long for her, that it had been inordinately difficult to let down any semblance of her guard. Gleb had earned it…

“I’m yours…”

The idea of possessing anything - especially another person, or even their heart - had always sat uneasily in Gleb’s gut. He thought how such grasping covetousness led to the excesses of the wealthy, the ascension of the angry poor, the state of things now. And yet, there was nothing he wanted more in the whole world than Anya at his side, in his life, in his heart. If she could “only” offer him herself, she would already be giving him more treasure than anyone in all of Russia could claim.Anya’s eyes glistened and instinctively, Gleb reached to wipe away her tears with his thumb. She reached for him, stroking his hair, and his soldier’s posture relaxed at her touch. All of her tomorrows. His smile matched hers, bright, awed, humbled. He couldn’t tell her immediately that there was nothing to forgive, for her lips pressed against his and she told him something he always longed to hear and would carry in his heart on those bitterly cold patrols and those sun-soaked afternoons trapped in an office and the rainy mornings when the sky opened up without warning. Anya loved him.

“I love you,” he breathed, voice faint as if offering a prayer he didn’t want his atheist government to hear but wished he could sing out to the whole world. “I love you and there is nothing to apologize for, nothing to forgive. I just want you to know you have a place to belong.”

Why else had she gone with those conmen, except desperation for belonging? She had that now. She always would, as long as there was breath in Gleb’s body. 

[nomemoriesbuthese]

For eleven years, Anya had only known a brutal truth - you were only worth as much as you could work, and no one else would be there to look out for you. The world was harsh, and cold, and you had to make your own way, because no one else would do it for you. You were alone in the world - kindness was a rare commodity. She’d known nothing of warmth, or generosity, or direct honesty; affection was right out. Surely, she had been loved once before, she knew this in her heart, but it was ever elusive, intermittent chords of a song that she no longer remembered. She’d come to Leningrad for one purpose. Find a way to Paris. Perhaps she would stay there, perhaps she would have come home, if there was a home in Russia to come back to. She had intended to do it on her own, and had not wanted to rely on conmen to get her out - that was, after all, their entire ploy. A con.  And here was this soldier, this young man who had no reason to be so kind to her, could have easily punished her for indiscretions against the state, for pretending to be…for hoping she might be…It hadn’t been about wealth or titles or status. She cared little for these trivialities But if she were Anastasia, then she knew she had family in Paris. And now… Now, she had family of her own making, in a place she had never expected. While it was true that being the significant other of a man of importance as a Deputy Commissioner was enviable, again - it wasn’t that Gleb could protect her with his position, or even that he could provide.  It was the gentleness in those dark, intense eyes, the softness in strong hands. The way he breathed his love for her, rather than declare it in the way he spoke strong speeches in the square. The way that there was such fragility under such a strong front, framed in strong shoulders and a warm, well humored voice that chased the chill of winter away.  “No, Gleb, you deserve an explanation…” she breathed against his skin, their cheeks touching as she pressed against him. “It’s not that I wanted to be her for…any of that lifestyle. I don’t need wealth or…power, or prestige. I have only ever wanted to know if I had a family, my identity, who I was before I woke up in that hospital, alone. I will always hunger for that…but…” She traced a hand up his jaw, her other arm raising to drape over his shoulders as she stood on her toes to embrace him as much as she could. “…I realized that…I wouldn’t want to go on that journey if I couldn’t have you with me. You’ve…been so good to me, looked out for me when you shouldn’t have. You should have put me away, and I worried about you constantly. You…you made me look past the uniform and the office to really see who you were, and I’m so grateful. I would have…missed out on you. I’m so sorry - for the misunderstanding, for hurting you the way I must have. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, we can discuss the future, hopes and dreams and…truth.” Anya hoped beyond hope that Gleb would want to walk beside her to find her past, wherever it led her - that he wouldn’t balk at the idea, or insist that it wasn’t important. It was - she could only hope she could explain it to him and that he would understand.  But tonight… The hand that had cupped his jaw and held his cheek to hers after that brief kiss trailed gently down along the strong curve of his neck, towards the collar of his pajamas. She had come to him late in the night; another thing to apologize for. And while she was new to intimacy of this nature, she wasn’t shy, or unaware of the things that men and women got into behind closed doors. This was nothing as callous and carnal as what some ladies offered in the dark streets outside, however. This was loving, and gentle, and intense - a long time coming, as her fingers found the first of several buttons down his front, and began to unbutton the very first one.

[nomemoriesbuthese]

@walkingshcdow

[ohnoarno]

🎭 Masquerade Ball Starters 🎭

“Did you really think hiding your cheek bones was going to fool anyone?” “Do I…know you?” “Have we met before?” “Are you sure I don’t know you?” “Your eyes are absolutely captivating.” “I don’t think we’ve met yet.” “May I have this dance?” “You look positively enchanting this evening.” “I’d know those dazzling eyes anywhere.” “These skirts make it so hard to move.” “Some of these costumes are so extravagant. They must have cost a fortune.” “You look quite ravishing in that dress.” “You look quite handsome in that suit.” “Can I see your face?” “I don’t think you want to see my face.” “My God, you could fit an entire circus under her pannier. How’d she even fit through the door?” “Champagne?” “My feet are killing me.” “I never thought I’d see you in something so fancy.” “I feel like I’m rubbing elbows with the queen right now.” “Care to sneak away with me? I doubt we will be missed.” “Can you guess who I am under here?” “I’d compliment your beauty, but I can’t see it under there. You’ll have to accept my compliments to your mask instead, it’s quite lovely.” “I can’t hear you through that mask. Did you really have to choose one that covers your mouth?” “Do you know who I am?” “Do you know who she is?” “Do you know who he is?” “You’re very light on your feet.” “Ow! It’s like you have two left feet.” “I’m a terrible dancer.” “Who cares if you’re a good dancer? Have fun! No one will know it’s you anyway!” “No one’s asked me to dance all night…” “I feel like I’m in a dream!” “Can we please go home? This is torture.” “How did I ever let you talk me into coming here?” “I prefer watching from the sidelines to participating.” “You’ve spent the entire evening at the snack table.” “Can I cut in?” “I have to go.” “I’m not supposed to be here. If they catch me I’m in trouble!” “Please. What is your name? I want to see you again.”

[roleplaymemeworld]

“I’ve seen dark before, but not like this.”

“The life I knew is over, the lights are out.”

“Hello darkness, I am ready to succumb.”

“This grief has a gravity, it pulls me down.”

“You are lost, hope is gone, but you must go on.”

“But can you brave what you most fear?”

“When all is lost, then all is found.”

“Everything will never be the same again.”

“Some things stay the same.”

“Are you telling me that tonight you’re gonna get down on one knee?

“Yeah bud, I’m really bad at planning these things out.”

“Maybe you should leave all the romantic stuff to me.”

“I’m not sure I want things to change at all.”

“Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls.”

“I’ve had my adventure. I don’t need something new.”

“I’m afraid of what I’m risking if I follow you.”

“Are you here to distract me, so I make a big mistake?”

“Don’t you know there’s part of me that longs to go.”

“But is this what it feels like to be growing apart?”

“I’m lost in the woods.”

“When you’re lost, I’m the one who sees you home.”

“I can sense you there.”

“I’ve always been a fortress, cold secrets deep inside.”

“You have secrets, too, but you don’t have to hide.”

“Are you the one I’ve been looking for?”

“All my life I’ve been torn, but I’m here for a reason.”

“I have always been so different.”

“I’ve come so far.”

“This will all make sense when I’m older.”

“Someday I will see that this makes sense.”

“Growing up means adapting.”

[letyourdreamymemesbememes]

Encouragement Starters

“You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you think.”

“I know you can handle it, but please be careful.”

“It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“You can cry. I won’t look.”

“Come here. It’s okay to cry. Just let it out.”

“Come on, sit down. Tell me what’s wrong. We’ll figure it out.”

“Don’t worry. It’s gonna be over soon, and we’ll go home.”

“You’re gonna do awesome. You’ve got this.”

“You’re doing great. Keep going.”

“Relax. You’re doing really well. You’re almost done.”

“I know you get this a lot, but you really are beautiful.”

“That— looks really amazing on you.”

“Wait, you made this? These are great.”

“Go on. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Lead the way. I’ve got your back, no matter what.”

“Are you kidding? You’re doing way better than you were!”

“I’m impressed. And that’s not easy to do.”

“I know you can be really hard on yourself— but I believe in you.”

“Stop fretting. You’ve been working your ass off. You’re gonna knock this outta the park.”

“How about this? When you succeed— which I know you will, I’ll take you out for dinner to celebrate.”

“Don’t worry. They’re gonna love you. You’ll see.”

“Just be patient. It’s all gonna work out. I promise.”

“You did the right thing. If anyone says otherwise, they’re gonna have to deal with me.”

[justanotherrpmeme]

Scared

“I’m scared” “You’re not scared, are you?” “Are you frightened?” “You can’t frighten me” “There’s nothing to be afraid of” “Are you scared of me?” “I don’t want you to be afraid of me” “You don’t need to be afraid of this” “Why are you so scared?” “I’m scared to death” “Doesn’t anything scare you?” “I’m not afraid” “I’m not trying to scare you” “Do I frighten you?” “Why aren’t you afraid of me?” “What’s your biggest fear?” “You gotta be afraid of something” “It’s designed to scare you” “There’s no need to be afraid” “I don’t want to scare you away” “Are you scared?” “I don’t scare easily” “There’s nothing wrong with being afraid” “You terrify me” “Don’t be scared”

[nomemoriesbuthese]

OOC: Had a big muse mood. If anyone wants to write with Anya, or plot, please message me! I am here!

[rppanda]

Soulmate AU’s!

Red string - A red string brings our muses together.

First words - The first words our muses say to each other appear on their wrists.

Writing - Our muses can communicate through writing on their bodies.

Color - The world is in black and white until our muses lay eyes on each other.

Dreams - Our muses can meet in their dreams.

Injury - Each injury our muses obtain, the other gets it, too.

Thoughts - Our muses can hear each other in their minds.

Wings - Once our muses meet, they sprout wings.

Ghosts - One of our muses is dead, but refuses to truly die without meeting their soulmate.

Completely wrong! - Our muses have hated each other for as long as they can remember. Through an online test, they realize they’re soulmates, and now must make it work.

[executivemusings]

starters from MARINA’s album, THE FAMILY JEWELS.

❝ was i meant to feel happy that my life was just about to change? ❞ ❝ do i need to lie to make my way in life? ❞ ❝ they say i’m a control freak, driven by a greed to succeed. ❞ ❝ it’s my problem if i have no friends & feel i want to die. ❞ ❝ once you cross the line, will you be satisfied? ❞ ❝ i wonder when the night will reach its end. ❞ ❝ sleep is not my friend. ❞ ❝ you’ve been acting awful tough lately, smoking a lot of cigarettes lately. ❞ ❝ you don’t always have to be on top. ❞ ❝ better to be hated than loved for what you’re not. ❞ ❝ you’re lovable, but you’re just troubled. ❞ ❝ can you teach me how to feel real? ❞   ❝ girls are not meant to fight dirty. ❞ ❝ not gonna bend over & curtsy for you. ❞ ❝ is there any possibility you’ll quite gossiping about me to hide your insecurities? ❞ ❝ i’ll do as i am told. ❞ ❝ you say yes to everything, will that guarantee you a win? ❞ ❝ i don’t know who i want to be. ❞ ❝ do you think that you’ll be good enough? ❞ ❝ won’t you quit your crying? i can’t sleep. ❞ ❝ one minute i’m a little sweetheart & next minute you are an absolute creep. ❞ ❝ all you ever think about is sick ideas involving me, involving you. ❞ ❝ i wanna erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week. ❞ ❝ you never told me what it was that made you strong & what it was that made you weak. ❞   ❝ your mind is just like mine, all filled up with things benign. ❞ ❝ don’t get on my bad side, i can work a gun. ❞ ❝ i’m in the wrong place. ❞ ❝ they say you used to be so kind. ❞ ❝ i never knew you had such a dirty mind. ❞ ❝ i was the wrong damn girl in the wrong damn room. ❞ ❝ you’re abominable socially, you’re just a little bit too much like me. ❞ ❝ i wanna tell you a secret. ❞ ❝ you can keep your double standard, love, and keep it. ❞ ❝ don’t do love, don’t do friends, i’m only after success. ❞ ❝ don’t need money, don’t need fame, i just wanna make a change. ❞ ❝ i know exactly what i want & who i want to be. ❞ ❝ if i fail i’ll apart. ❞   ❝ maybe it is all a test. ❞ ❝ i feel like i’m the worst so i always act like i’m the best. ❞ ❝ i’ve got nowhere to go. ❞ ❝ this had better be worth my while. ❞ ❝ i feel numb most of the time. ❞ ❝ it’s a reasonable sacrifice. ❞ ❝ i can’t open up & cry, because i’ve been silent all my life. ❞ ❝ i’m no good to anyone. ❞ ❝ all i care about is being number one. ❞ ❝ i’m a guilty one & i know what i have done. ❞ ❝ i won’t be forgiven. ❞ ❝ i was just a kid that you could not forgive. ❞ ❝ i was just a kid and all i really wanted was my father. ❞ ❝ i’ve been sorry all these years. ❞

[vaememes]

°• ☆ ———— LAST WORD SENTENCE STARTERS.

’ Please, just go, save yourself. ’ ’ I.. I just.. wanted… to tell you.. ’ ’ Go! Go now! Leave me! ’ ’ I just.. wanted you to know.. I love you. ’ ’ I’ve always.. loved you. ’ ’ Help… h-help me.. ’ ’ Am I going to die? Please.. please don’t leave me. ’ ’ I’m not going to make it… just go.. ’ ’ You know.. I’ll always find.. you. ’ ’ Go! Go now! Go! Before it’s too late! ’ ’ Oh, oh.. God! Am I dying? ’ ’ I’m bleeding! Oh, oh my god. ’ ’ Please, please… whatever you do… don’t forget about me. ’ ’ Hey, I’ll see you on the other side someday, don’t cry. ’ ’ Shhh… sh.. don’t cry. ’ ’ No! No! Please! Don’t you die on me now! ’ ’ Please, please.. just stay with me a little longer. ’ ’ No.. please… come back to me! Come back to me! ’ ’ Please, don’t die on me, I love you! ’ ’ I’m going home now, let me go. ’ ’ I’m going, I’m-I’m… ’ ’ I.. can’t… hold on.. anymore. ’ ’ I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please wake up! ’ ’ I’m so sorry… for everything.. ’ ’ When I’m gone, don’t forget about me. ’ ’ Please.. just don’t leave me here to die! ’ ’ Just take me with you, even if I don’t make it. ’ ’ I’m not going to make you, leave me to be. ’ ’ Don’t worry, I’ll hold them off for you as long as I can. Go now! ’ ’ No! I’m not leaving you here to die alone! ’ ’ No! Please! Please don’t die! Please stay with me! ’ ’ Don’t you die on me you son of a bitch! Come on! ’ ’ Remember me always… ’ ’ I’m glad.. we get to spend these last moments together. ’ ’ You’ve made my life worth while. ’ ’ You’ve made every second count from the moment we met. ’ ’ Please.. don’t cry, I’m not leaving you by choice. ’ ’ Please.. please, just stay with me some more. Please.. ’ ’ I’m sorry, I’m sorry… you have to do this. ’ ’ I’ll always remember you! Because you will be with me, alive! Please! ’ ’ Please don’t say that! You’re going to make it! ’ ’ Just don’t let go of me… ’ ’ Hold me.. hold me.. I’m scared. ’ ’ I’m scared.. please, please.. don’t leave me like this. ’ ’ I’ll always be with you, in your heart. ’ ’ Please, please.. I don’t want to die. I’m scared. ’ ’ I’m scared, hold me.. I’m so cold.. I want my mother. ’ ’ Please don’t make me laugh, not right now.. It’s not funny. ’ ’ I can’t.. I can’t go on without you. Don’t leave me. ’ ’ Please, just go.. I don’t want you to see me like this. ’ ’ I can go any further.. I’m not going to make it. ’ ’ I can’t believe this is happening.. please wake up! ’ ’ Wh-what? What did you say? Tell me. ’ ’ Shh.. shhh.. It’s okay, now. I’m here, I’m here. ’ ’ No, no, no, no – it’s okay now. Shhh… don’t talk like that. ’ ’ It’s okay.. everything’s okay, don’t say anything, shhh. ’ ’ Shhh… shh, I’ve got you, I’m here. ’ ’ I’m here now, don’t.. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m right here. ’

[heartswap-moved]

[walkingshcdow-a]

nomemoriesbuthese‌:

*It isn’t fair that I can only offer you myself. You’re a good man who deserves so much more.*

Tears threatened at the corners of her eyes. Anya felt breathless; she felt warm and safe in those arms, cradled and comforted by his honest and earnest words. If he had simply wanted to have her, he could have done so ages ago, exercising his rank and power. But he had been steady and kind, and so warm to her. She did want to focus on the present; she wanted to touch him, taste him, give herself to him and understand what he gave of himself in return. But she knew that there would be a tomorrow. Many tomorrows, and all of them to be shared…this was a road she could travel now and not be alone. A journey to be shared.

“Yes…Yes, forever, Gleb,” Anya said breathlessly, still carding her fingers through his dark hair. Her lips were curved into a smile, her eyes bright and somewhat in awe of everything he said. “You may have all of my tomorrows…” Tomorrow. Tomorrow they could talk of the future, of her desire to learn of her past and to share it with him, to uncover her truth so it could become his as well. Of makinga home out of this house, of what the future could have in store, and all that she wanted to share with him. “I’m so sorry for having put you through this…the lying, and the fear, the suspicion…you didn’t deserve any of that. You have been so…*wonderful*…” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, pressing against him. “I love you. I have for a while, I’ve just been…afraid.” Perhaps a part of her still was - but not of him. Merely of the unknown. Trust had been such a rare commodity for so long for her, that it had been inordinately difficult to let down any semblance of her guard. Gleb had earned it…

“I’m yours…”

The idea of possessing anything - especially another person, or even their heart - had always sat uneasily in Gleb’s gut. He thought how such grasping covetousness led to the excesses of the wealthy, the ascension of the angry poor, the state of things now. And yet, there was nothing he wanted more in the whole world than Anya at his side, in his life, in his heart. If she could “only” offer him herself, she would already be giving him more treasure than anyone in all of Russia could claim.Anya’s eyes glistened and instinctively, Gleb reached to wipe away her tears with his thumb. She reached for him, stroking his hair, and his soldier’s posture relaxed at her touch. All of her tomorrows. His smile matched hers, bright, awed, humbled. He couldn’t tell her immediately that there was nothing to forgive, for her lips pressed against his and she told him something he always longed to hear and would carry in his heart on those bitterly cold patrols and those sun-soaked afternoons trapped in an office and the rainy mornings when the sky opened up without warning. Anya loved him.

“I love you,” he breathed, voice faint as if offering a prayer he didn’t want his atheist government to hear but wished he could sing out to the whole world. “I love you and there is nothing to apologize for, nothing to forgive. I just want you to know you have a place to belong.”

Why else had she gone with those conmen, except desperation for belonging? She had that now. She always would, as long as there was breath in Gleb’s body. 

[nomemoriesbuthese]

For eleven years, Anya had only known a brutal truth - you were only worth as much as you could work, and no one else would be there to look out for you. The world was harsh, and cold, and you had to make your own way, because no one else would do it for you. You were alone in the world - kindness was a rare commodity. She’d known nothing of warmth, or generosity, or direct honesty; affection was right out. Surely, she had been loved once before, she knew this in her heart, but it was ever elusive, intermittent chords of a song that she no longer remembered. She’d come to Leningrad for one purpose. Find a way to Paris. Perhaps she would stay there, perhaps she would have come home, if there was a home in Russia to come back to. She had intended to do it on her own, and had not wanted to rely on conmen to get her out - that was, after all, their entire ploy. A con.  And here was this soldier, this young man who had no reason to be so kind to her, could have easily punished her for indiscretions against the state, for pretending to be...for hoping she might be...It hadn’t been about wealth or titles or status. She cared little for these trivialities But if she were Anastasia, then she knew she had family in Paris. And now... Now, she had family of her own making, in a place she had never expected. While it was true that being the significant other of a man of importance as a Deputy Commissioner was enviable, again - it wasn’t that Gleb could protect her with his position, or even that he could provide.  It was the gentleness in those dark, intense eyes, the softness in strong hands. The way he breathed his love for her, rather than declare it in the way he spoke strong speeches in the square. The way that there was such fragility under such a strong front, framed in strong shoulders and a warm, well humored voice that chased the chill of winter away.  “No, Gleb, you deserve an explanation...” she breathed against his skin, their cheeks touching as she pressed against him. “It’s not that I wanted to be her for...any of that lifestyle. I don’t need wealth or...power, or prestige. I have only ever wanted to know if I had a family, my identity, who I was before I woke up in that hospital, alone. I will always hunger for that...but...” She traced a hand up his jaw, her other arm raising to drape over his shoulders as she stood on her toes to embrace him as much as she could. “...I realized that...I wouldn’t want to go on that journey if I couldn’t have you with me. You’ve...been so good to me, looked out for me when you shouldn’t have. You should have put me away, and I worried about you constantly. You...you made me look past the uniform and the office to really see who you were, and I’m so grateful. I would have...missed out on you. I’m so sorry - for the misunderstanding, for hurting you the way I must have. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, we can discuss the future, hopes and dreams and...truth.” Anya hoped beyond hope that Gleb would want to walk beside her to find her past, wherever it led her - that he wouldn’t balk at the idea, or insist that it wasn’t important. It was - she could only hope she could explain it to him and that he would understand.  But tonight... The hand that had cupped his jaw and held his cheek to hers after that brief kiss trailed gently down along the strong curve of his neck, towards the collar of his pajamas. She had come to him late in the night; another thing to apologize for. And while she was new to intimacy of this nature, she wasn’t shy, or unaware of the things that men and women got into behind closed doors. This was nothing as callous and carnal as what some ladies offered in the dark streets outside, however. This was loving, and gentle, and intense - a long time coming, as her fingers found the first of several buttons down his front, and began to unbutton the very first one.

[ohnoarno]

Sentence Starters

“I can’t dance, I’ll just make a fool of myself.”

“I have to say, that certainly isn’t their color.”

“They are like a swan on the dance floor. Graceful when still, but a waddling mess when on land.”

“You can hardly call this a royal ball. More like the nobility desperate to act like things are the same.”

“The champagne has gold leaf in it.”

“I don’t know whether to be impressed by the fineries, or appalled by the waste.”

“Looks as though the Duke is already three sheets to the wind.”

“I should have eaten before I came. Hors d'oeuvres are not going to be enough.”

“I really only came for the feast.”

“How early is too early to leave?”

“There is a game of cards going on in the other room, care to join?”

“These shoes are the worst.”

“Everyone is so extravagant, I feel underdressed.”

“The king has yet to arrive to his own party.”

“Do you think the king’s mistress is making him late?”

“Care to dance?”

“Can I cut in?”

“Ow! That’s my foot.”

“They are a terrible dancer, but they are also awfully sweet.”

“You’ve danced with everyone here but me!”

“Well. Aren’t you popular with the ladies/men tonight…”

“Plenty of good matches tonight, don’t you think?” 

“Anyone catch your eye tonight?”

“You could meet the love of your life tonight and not even realize it.”

“What have they done to gain your affections that I couldn’t?”

“Those ladies have been eyeing you like you are a knight in shining armor.”

“Their position is determined by marriage, and to them you are a secure future.”

“I’d like you to meet ______, They have been dying to get to know you.”

“Don’t look now, but I think ____ has plans of winning you over.”

“You look amazing.”

“You are the most ravishing lady in the room.”

“You clean up well.”

“Can we go home?”

“I only came to be polite, and now I’m going home.”

“I’m your ‘plus one’. You brought me here, I can’t leave without you.”

“Oh please, can we stay just a bit longer?”

“The king is black out drunk, and that is my cue to leave.”

“Wine, women, and dancing. What else could a party need?”

“I’m sorry, I’m waiting for someone.”

“This is a party? Looks more like a gambling den.”

“You’ve been alone all night, come join us.”

“Wallflowers rarely have any fun, are you sure you don’t want some company?”

[secondhand-trash]

30 Angsty Confessions

“You can’t tell that I am in love with you because you were too busy loving someone else to notice me.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m done waiting.”

“They warned me about you, I should have listened.”

“All I want is for you to look at me the way you look at them.”

“It was a blatant lie when you said that you love me, but I don’t care.”

“Have you ever loved me? You know what, don’t say anything , we all know the answer.”

“It’s time to stop lying to ourselves.”

“Loving you was a torture and I enjoyed it all too much.”

“If only you could give me half the love you have for yourself.”

“Can I convince you to stay?”

“Thank you for the offer, but I’m over you.”

“You were no good for me and I was too naive to see that.”

“You did a wonderful job convincing people that you love me, I almost fell for it.”

“I’ve finally come to accept the fact that you will never think I’m good enough for you.”

“Thank you for everything, now leave.”

“Hello? I miss you.”

“I’m sorry, I think you got the wrong number.”

“You got me fucked up.”

“Whoever you want to be with right now, that person is not me.”

I’m sorry that I’m not who you expected me to be.”

“I thought there’s something wrong with me. Turns out, it’s all you.”

“You used to look at me like that.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have ran away.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if things could have worked out.”

“You know what’s funny? No matter what you’ve done, I’ll still fall for you all over again.”

“Don’t ever come back if you go out that door.”

“Say it, say you don’t love me.”

“I had been in love with you for my entire life and you decided to love me back when I finally gave up.”

“Your ego stopped you from loving me, how sad is that.”

“We aren’t meant to be, can’t you tell?”

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Vladimir Solovyov, from “Force,” featured in “A Treasury of Russian Verse,”